Chapter 22

"What do you think you are doing, Arnav? I was signalling you to not to come but you were telling her that you will drop me and come back? What she must be thinking or how she must be feeling about it? You..." she was shouting when he held her shoulders gently asking her to calm down.

"Relax kushi." But she pushed his hands from her shoulders and continued "can't you understand that what you are doing is hurting her? She is already under stress! And that too because of the mistake you committed! Do you even realise that, by acting like you care for me in front of her, you are actually throbbing her more?"

He retorted "stop it Kushi. i know what i am doing! i care for her more than you do. She will be fine. She had recovered from the most dreadful part that i am married and now i don't think others things like this will matter to her. i am very sure she will come out of this pretty soon. She is a real fighter, you know!" Arnav convincingly said to Kushi.

She spoke back in disbelief. "It is so easy for you know, Arnav? To hurt someone deeply first and then convince yourself that they are strong and they will come out it very soon even if they don't." Arnav felt like someone had slapped him because that is what he had been doing. The three months, after he came from Mumbai, surfaced his memory. Those three months he convinced himself that 'kushi is strong and she will come out of it' just to free him from heart wrenching guilt.

"I really don't think you care for her. If you had, then you would have not left her alone now, that too when she needed you the most?" she muttered shaking her head in disapproval looking at the ground. "And you didn't need me?" his offended voice made her to look at him immediately.

"How can i leave you alone when you fainted in front of my eyes just before five minutes? What if something happens to..." he didn't complete his sentence as he got interrupted by his wife's voice. Kushi retorted "nothing would have happened to me, Arnav. At least my blood pressure would have been normal. i would have been perfectly fine if you would have left me alone. For 23 years my life had been perfect. You came and everything went upside down. The only problem in my life is you, Arnav!"

Kushi flinched closing her eyes in anguish as soon as all other emotions on her husband's face got replaced by distress. She cursed herself for uttering so many things which she really didn't mean. But what can she do? She was angry on him for doing what he did to her; to Lavanya and more importantly to himself. She knew that he is also undergoing so much torture, may be more than her. But, not to forget, he is the one who is responsible for all the pain which they are enduring now.

She opened her eyes thinking she will apologize for what she spoke but before that doctor interrupted them. She stepped back realising they were creating unwanted scene on hospital corridor. "How is she doing? When can i take her home?" Arnav enquired the doctor.

"She is perfectly fine. Let her take some rest. I will sign discharge papers in the evening. But i think she is under some kind of mental stress. It would be better if you consult a psychiatrist." Doctor replied to arnav's query. Arnav replied back "she is already under treatment. Dr. Shriya is her consultant."

"Then it is well and good, Mr. Raizada. Take care of her and see to that she doesn't get stressed too much. And also don't leave her alone for few days." Arnav nodded agreeing to doctor's advice and shook his hand before he left. "You better stay with her, Arnav. i will go by myself." Kushi said with genuine concern overflowing in her voice.

"It's okay Kushi. i have called lavanya's friend. She will be here in no time. Let's go home." He said and was little taken aback when Kushi agreed without arguing. 'She must be feeling bad for what she said to me.' He thought as they walked towards the entrance. He knew that he deserved each and every word she spoke and he didn't want her to feel sorry for the mistake she had never committed. He wanted to make her feel better. That's when some other thing struck his mind.

"Why did you lie to Lavanya?" he asked turning his face towards her. She looked at his face for a second and then continued her pace not bothering to answer him. He stopped her holding her hand and explained "do you fear that Lavanya will hate you if she knows about your family? If so then forget it. She is such a sensible girl. She won't hate you for what your father and brother did to her. There is no need for you to feel guilty."

Only his words were late because his wife was already ready to pound on him. "Why should i feel guilty of some mistake which i never committed? You very well knew that in no way, i was part of it. Then why do you think i will feel guilty? And also i know that Lavanya is sensible girl. Like you, she won't blame or punish someone for some else mistake's. I am very sure of it."

Having said so, she started to walk and Arnav stood there little astonished with her attitude before following her. When he was walking beside her, he started to speak in causal tone. "i don't get one thing. If you were so sure of lavanya's action then why did you lie to her! i mean i already suffered a lot because of hiding things. I don't want to..."

His voice trailed off as he noticed that Kushi was not walking beside him. He turned his heels to locate her two steps back, staring at the floor. "What happened?" he asked in confusion. She raised her head, her eyes burning red with pure anger and her voice sounded venomous. "What do you think of girls, Arnav?"

Arnav's eye got widened in perplexity. She continued "Do you really think that if i go inside and tell Lavanya about our past, she will come running towards you before showering you with kisses in process of thanking you for doing what you did for her? Do you really think she will do it? If you think like that, then come out of your fantasy world, Mr. Raizada."

Not giving much attention to his completely bewildered state, she continued "if Lavanya comes to know about what you did to me, then she will never be able to forgive yourself or even herself for that matter. i may be her enemy. But still she will feel guilty thinking that somehow she was responsible for my state; because she knows the pain, Arnav."

Her voice was much calm now but her words were still sharp creating such an impact on Arnav. "Believe me, no girl in the world would want her enemy to suffer like the way she had suffered. And girl like Lavanya will never do that. I know that you did this all because you were not able to see her in pain. But before doing it, not even for a second you thought about the pain that you will be causing me. On the contrary Lavanya will think about it. That's the difference, Arnav; Difference between thinking with brain and heart; difference between you and Lavanya."

"She will begin to hate you and then what you did for her will become meaningless which i really don't want to happen." To say that Arnav was shocked would have been an understatement. He was beyond that level. He had never thought on this perspective. She lied because she didn't want him to get hurt and here he was thinking that she was defending herself while she actually defended him. He felt ashamed.

"I am not justifying your act. You, yourself, knew that you were wrong. But at the end of the day you did everything just for your love. i mean..." she bit her lower lips with her eyes down casted in deep thought. She knew that he loves Lavanya and lavanya was in his life much before she came. She is okay with it. But still somewhere inside her, it hurts.

How can be someone so self-less, so loving and so nice? All of sudden he wanted to believe in his grandmothers words that one's deeds in previous birth will decide their life in this birth. He thought it was ridiculous but today it seemed so correct. If not his deeds in previous birth then how come a brutal man like him can be blessed with such a girl?

A chill ran down his spine as he looked at his wife in awe when realization hit him. His eyes got widened and lips went little apart from each other showing that he was stunned beyond the limit. He could feel is raising heart beats; a feeling that only Kushi aroused in him! He felt vulnerable before her. He didn't remember when was the last time he got goose-bumps!

He couldn't believe that this is happening to him once again. How could it be possible? How could it be possible for him to fall in love once again? That too with same girl; that too when he was already in love with her? Yes, Arnav Singh Raizada was madly in love with his wife but how can he fall more for her when he thought he already loved her to the core.

As if Kushi understood what Arnav was thinking, she told "i had no intention to save you from lavanya's wrath. In fact i feel that you deserve everybody's wrath on this world." She firmly said rolling her eyes gaining a smile from him. "I did it for lavanya." she bluntly lied and he smiled more. She questioned him "why are you smiling? I told you that i didn't do it for you."

"i know." He accepted still unable to wipe the smile which was garnishing his face as result of pride. He was proud that a selfless girl like Kushi was his wife. Kushi sulked. "Stop smiling. i did it only for lavanya." she once again said it confirming him that she did it only for him.

"You know, Arnav, when the person you love breaks your trust, you will start losing faith on everything; especially on men. But i am sure Lavanya would have never felt it. Because you were with her, constantly supporting her and loving her and in that process unknowingly telling her that all men are not cruel. You made her believe that there are still some good people left on earth. But when she comes to know that you were nothing less than my brother, she will completely loose her faith."

She said completely lost in thoughts about those three months when she faced the world all alone. Her sleepless nights, her endless sobs and her solitude. She closed her eyes accepting the warmth as she felt his hands on her cheeks. "Sorry Kushi. Sorry for breaking your trust. Sorry for leaving you that day. Sorry for not being there with you when you needed me the most."

His voice clogged. "i don't know how come i was able to hurt a girl like you. You are so pure and chaste at heart. I really don't know how can a girl be so selfless like you? You were born like this, right?" he asked tugging the lock of hair behind her ears. She smiled opening her eyes.

"No one is born with particular character Arnav. We develop it while we grow. And this is the way my mom brought me up." She answered honestly. Arnav's smile widened. "You know what; your mother would have been really happy if she had seen you today. I am sure she is watching you from somewhere and i can guarantee you that she must be feeling really proud of you; her daughter."

"She would have been proud with the way you carry yourself, with the way you see things and not to mention the way you handle it. Your unadulterated love and pure heart. Even i feel proud to say that you are my wife. Think about your mom!" Kushi bit her lower lip controlling the tears which threatened to flow out. Arnav wiped her lone tear and said "i really feel jealous of you."

"i wish i had a mother like you. At least i wish that my mother had lived for some more years. As far as i heard from my dad, my mom was really nice women. If my mom was there, who knows? i could have been a better person now. Then these things would have never happened. i am sure she would have never allowed me to hurt someone like this." His voice became disoriented.

Kushi squeezed his hands gently and he nodded gathering himself together. Taking a deep breath, he said "but i am really glad that at least my child got a good mother like you." He noticed that her face turned pale in a minute and she pulled her hand from his and adjusted her hair turning to other side. He could see that she is still fighting a battle with herself whether to accept him or not.

He felt bad seeing her condition. But he couldn't do anything more. Decision must be from her side and only thing he can do is to accept it whole heartedly. He nodded when she asked whether they can leave. She added "we still have lot issue to talk about. I will be waiting for you tonight."

Silence filled the car as both of them were lost in their own world. His skilful hands automatically drove the car in correct direction not disturbing his wavering mind too much. Car came to halt in front of their home. He looked at kushi who was looking down. "kushi." He called only to get no response from her. He was sure that she heard him but don't know why she was not responding.

"You told that my mom would have been proud of me." She said after few minutes of silence and when he looked at her in confusion, she asked "but how could it be possible? Because I am more like my dad and arjun, right?!?" Arnav shut his eye lid in guilt. The words that he used in anger yesterday came back to him. He opened his eyes with determination to pacify her but was rewarded with car door slamming sound.

He looked at her retreating back feeling miserable. He know she must be tired of his stupid apologizes. He also knew that his explanation would hold no value because the damage has been already done. He had injured her, yet again.