Chapter 19
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[MEMBERSONLY]
hi guys😃...sorry for late updates...i think this long update will compensate my late update😃...thanks for all the readers who waited patiently...
this is new thread so make sure that you comment to get to know about updates...
this is my personal favourite chapter because ...three months back while reading for my exam two dialogues flashed in my head..and wit that two dialogues i developed this story...
before reading remember my note on last chapter...some dialogues are little bold in this chapter...
CHAPTER 17
We never hate the people we love the most; we only try to make them know how it feels when we are neglected.
Kushi wiped her lonely tear angrily the moment it started to descend down her right cheek. She gasped furiously trying to control her tears. Her legs have become sore as she was sitting in same position for hours without doing any slight movements. The only movement she did was to wipe the tear when it flowed down her cheeks rarely. Even all her tears have evaporated.
She sat there in same position staring at ground, occasionally rising her eyes to check the wall clock. It showed 4.30 am. "ba***rd" she growled getting up from the bed feeling more angry than she had ever felt. Arnav left the room as soon as he answered lavanya's call. He didn't even bother to tell Kushi where he was going. He left as if Kushi doesn't exist.
"He stayed whole night there." She mumbled angrily while pacing around the room. She felt betrayed and cheated. She was angry on herself for giving him another chance and for hoping that one day her love will get responded. She felt like she had made fool of herself. The more she started to think, more she grew angry on her.
"That's it. I am leaving this place. I don't even want to see his face." she decided firmly and walked towards their closet. She grabbed her clothes from wardrobe and dumped it on the suitcase frantically all while wiping her endless tears. She rubbed her face with her palms and ordered "stop it kushi. You had shed enough tears for him. But truth is he doesn't even deserve a single tear. He is selfish ba***rd who used you and still using you."
After sometime, she checked their half empty wardrobe and then her suitcase. She sat on the bed looking at the closed door. Yes, she is going to leave him today but not before making him taste his own medicine.
**************
Arnav opened the main door of his house cautiously without making any noise. He sighed as he was greeted by darkly lighten house. He ran his finger through hair thinking about the past day. He still couldn't believe it all happened in single day. He started to climb the stairs, two in a step, as his thoughts went back. He was actually excited for the day; his first birthday with Kushi.
How can he stop himself from getting excited when he noticed his wife setting alarm secretly to wish him at 12? When he woke up hearing the buzz he thought it was alarm but it was lavanya's call. He couldn't do anything except feeling guilty while watching Kushi cry. And that second he knew that this birthday is going to be worst of all. After all how can a day still be good after it started with witnessing dear ones tears?
His grandmother action on morning proved his theory right. But everything got changed in evening. His grandmother forgave him and then kushi's gift. He smiled thinking about sonograph report. Undoubtedly it is the best birthday gift he had ever received. Kushi too forgave him even though he still couldn't forgive himself for what he did to her.
Everything happened so fast that he couldn't convince himself that he was blessed with so much happiness where as in past seven years all he got was pain and nothing else. He couldn't accept that the fate, which had been always cruel to him, has suddenly turned kind. Not aware of what destiny as planned for him, he slowly started to accept things and wanted to start fresh.
Arnav halted holding the wall near him for support, his eyes closed and his breathing shallow. Life is strange puzzle. It brings new twist and turns shocking everyone in every aspect of their life just like it did to him. Finally when he started to accept things, when he was immersed in happiness, when he found new ray of hope for his future, destiny hit him with his past. Lavanya.
He felt like he was living worst phase of his life again; his dark past is repeating itself again. What else he can think while standing outside the glass door watching Lavanya to fight for her life for second time? He clenched his fist tightly. Lavanya has attempted suicide by taking excessive sleeping pills just like aarti did. He didn't know why Lavanya came to Delhi or why she committed suicide. All he know is he was not even blessed to be happy for an hour.
Last night, He was about to apologize to Kushi and wanted to tell what he is feeling when he received a call from Lavanya. Her flat-mate told him that she found Lavanya in unconscious state. He rushed to hospital where doctor's confirmed his worst suspicion. They told him that she might have taken the pills nearly an hour before. After five hours of treatment, just half an hour before they confirmed that she is out of danger.
But even after hearing it, he didn't feel relieved. The reason was simple; kushi. Not that he was not thinking about her before, Kushi was always in his concern and she will be, till the end. But lavanya's state eclipsed his concern for Kushi. The minute he learned Lavanya is fine, his concentration fully shifted to Kushi.
He became restless thinking what she must be doing or thinking? Will she be angry on him? Hell, she won't sleep without him. He had never left her alone in night till now. He called her but immediately cut it thinking it will disturb her if she was sleeping. He grew more restless with every passing second. All he wanted to do was to check her once.
He left the hospital not even waiting for Lavanya to gain consciousness.
Arnav was about to open his room's door when a hand caught hold of his hand and dragged him to next room. "Di, what are you doing?" he asked in astonishment as Anjali faced him. "Where were you, chotey?" Arnav was little shocked to hear his sister speak in such a tone. Her voice was always filled with love. But it seemed different today. Even before he could answer, she asked him "you were with Lavanya, right?"
"Yes di, lavany..." he started to answer but stopped by his furious sister. "How can you go so low, chotey? I never thought you will behave like this. You are married chotey. And for god's sake don't forget, she is carrying your child." Arnav closed his eyes in anger as his sister's words hit his ears. He controlled his temper which was reaching its peak after realizing what his sister thinks about him.
He turned to leave as he didn't want to fight with his sister after what all happened today. He is too tired to do anything right now. If his sister thinks about him like that, then let her think. He thought there is need to justify his actions. "Do you know how it feels to know that your husband has another girl in his life? Do you know how upset Kushi was?" he stopped hearing his sister's question.
"How upset she must have been so that she called and asked Lavanya to stay away from your lives?" Arnav's eyes widened hearing anjali's words. He enquired his sister in shock "what? When did kushi talked with Lavanya?" Anjali blinked in confusion before answering "yesterday i came to your room to call you both for dinner. But you were not there. Kushi was talking to..."
Arnav interrupted her hastily "what did she say to lavanya?" Anjali replied "what she said or heard is not going to matter. What's going to matter is your action. You are spoiling your own life along with other two innocent girl's life. Why are you making it difficult for everyone, chotey?" but her words never reach their destination as her brother already stormed out of the room.
*****************
Kushi flinched as their room's door got opened with loud thud. From the corner of her eyes, she noticed some movements near the door and made a wild guess that her husband must be closing the door. The sound which once again disturbed the silence in the room proved that her suspicion was right. 'One, two, three...' she counted within herself as she heard footsteps nearing her.
She got up from the bed the moment Arnav's shoe appeared in her lowered line of vision. She was about to turn to other side when she heard his cold voice. "What did you say to Lavanya?" She sighed mildly closing her eyes, preparing herself for what has to come. She opened her eyes and then challenging him with a fearless glare, she turned her heels to other side.
"kushi, i am asking you something! What does it mean if you turn to other side without answering me?" Arnav fumed holding her wrist. She slowly removed his hand from her wrist before turning swiftly to face him. "It means that I am neither interested in your question nor in talking with you." She fumed back equalling his level of voice.
"shh..." Kushi winced as he got hold of her shoulders with brutal force. "Let me go, Arnav." She hissed angrily. "First answer my question! What did you say to her?" he asked again, his face dangerously close to her. "Why are you asking me? Didn't Lavanya tell you that?" She raised her brow with victorious smirk adorning her face and pure loathing garnishing her eyes.
He stared back into her eyes angrily. She let out dry small laugh before exaggerating "oh, please don't tell me that you didn't had enough time to ask her that question. You had stayed with her whole nigh..." She stopped feeling more pressure on her shoulders. "That's not the answer to my question." He flared squeezing her shoulders more.
"And absolutely this is not what i asked you to do? I asked you to leave me." She screamed at the top of her voice which didn't do anything except to increase his temper. His grip on her tightened which made her to shout. "Don't you feel disgusted to do this, Arnav? Few hours back you almost made love to me and then you went to her. Now coming back here and to hold me like this, don't you feel ashamed. I feel disgusted even to stand in same room with you."
The minute the words came out of her mouth, she was freed from with grip. Instantly her hands went to her upper arm which had almost turned pale due to the pressure exerted on it. As she was busy soothing her wound, she didn't notice the hurt which had replaced the anger on her husband's face. 'This is what my wife thinks of me.' He realized.
His realization raised his anger. Lavanya doesn't trust him completely. If she had trusted him then she would have never committed suicide on just hearing about his marital status and without talking to him. His sister thinks that he is two-timer. It is fine with him if they both think about him like that. But how can Kushi think about him like that? After all the passion and intimacy they both shared, how can she even think about him like that?
"Do you really think i would have done that?" he was not sure whether he asked it in hurt or in anger. She looked up at him in irritation before retorting "If you can date another girl and sleep with her while your so called love is out of town; if you can hide your own marriage from your girl friend, then you can do this also; Sleep with ex-girl friend while your pregnant wife is waiting for you!"
Kushi jerked little when Arnav got hold of her upper arm again. "Stop it Kushi." he warned her. He doesn't know why it didn't hurt him when Anjali told same words few minutes back and why it is hurting him like hell? Why he believed that Kushi won't misunderstand him even when his sister got wrong idea about him? He felt angry on Kushi for breaking his belief and for misunderstanding him.
He was not sure whether he had given enough reason for Kushi to believe that he will never cheat on her. But he couldn't take the fact that she doesn't trust him. He was beyond angry. Even Kushi was beyond level of getting angry. She yelled "does it hurts, Arnav? The truth! Does it hurts?" Arnav gave a weak smile and asked "so this is what you think of me? Then let it be, Kushi."
He freed her from his hold and was about to turn when he heard his wife voice again. "Stop acting innocent, Arnav. I had enough believing you for past seven months. I am not going to do it anymore. I have understood you very well. You are just cheap womanizer who lusts for women body and nothing else."
Kushi regretted her words immediately. She shut her eyelids tightly as new pain started to shoot her arms. His hot breath was falling on her face while her entire body was jammed to his. She tried to move her hands but her effort went in vain as her hands were pinned to the back of her body and was efficiently held by her husband's strong grip.
She felt his finger under chin which lifted her face to meet his but she didn't dare to open her eyes. "What did you say? Womanizer! Do you really know what womanizer do? No problem if you don't know it. I will show you." She opened her eyes hearing the last sentence which was uttered in most cold and bitter tone. However she closed her eyes again as her lips was caught in a brutal kiss.
The sensation which started to grow inside kushi was terrible. This kiss was different from all they had shared. There was no love; no passion; no desire; not even hate. All she could feel was his anger. She was becoming a victim of his anger. With all her might, she pushed him away breaking their kiss. Holding her tummy with her hand, she shouted "what the hell you think you are doing Arnav?"
As her legs became too weak to hold her weight, she lounged herself down. She sobbed, closing her mouth with palm, in disgust. "di was right. I should have left this hell that day itself. How stupid of me to stay here? No i can't do this anymore. I am going to leave this hell now." she murmured in between her non-stop sobs.
Arnav watched her cry in front of him. But he didn't move a bit. He was too shocked even to move. 'What have you done to her?' his mind screamed to him. Every time, every single time he promised he will not hurt her more, he is hurting her more. Today he crossed the limit. He had man-handled her. His anger over-powered his other senses. He, himself, felt cheap for doing what he did.
He wanted everyone around him to be happy. But his sister was not happy with him. Lavanya committed suicide because of what he did. And kushi is crying because of him. All three ladies who he loved more than his own life are in pain. And most terrible part is he was the sole reason for their pain. Watching kushi cry like this was more terrible than watching Lavanya fight for her life.
His eyes moved to opened closet which was half-empty and then to packed suit cases. May be some things in life are never meant to be together. May be it was time for him to accept the truth and stop trying to make it work. Because every time he tries something, it lands them in more pain. May be it was time for her to move on. May be it was time for him to let her go.
He sunk on the bed, his side facing kushi. He clenched the bed spread in his fist looking at the ground; gathering all his might, he managed to speak in low voice. "leave." He never thought saying a single word to her will be so painful. As soon as the word left his mouth, he felt like his soul left his body.
Kushi raised her head in stunned disbelief. Did he just ask her to leave? Did he? Her head started to spin. She never expected him to cry and plead her 'not-to-go'. She also never expected him to say like this; so bluntly. She believed he will not allow her to leave. He may man-handle her or even blackmail her but she thought he will never let her go.
She got up furiously wiping her tears. If he didn't want her, then she also doesn't want him. She moved to her cases when everything started to swirl. She clutched closet door with one hand as she sunk down holding her head with other hand. She could hear his voice calling her name out. But she was not in position to respond. Her blood pressure was going low again. She wanted something sweet when she felt a rim of glass near her dried lips.
"I have added glucose, Kushi. Drink it." She heard him say. She then took a sip of the glucose-water. "Are you okay?" he asked concernedly placing the empty glass down. Relaxing her head back on the closet door, she slowly opened her eyes. "Sorry for this Arnav. I will leave once i feel better. It hardly takes ten minutes for me to regain the composure." Silence filled the room.
After ten minutes, Arnav gave her fresh fruit juice which she refused to drink. But when he didn't let her, she shouted "stop acting like you care for me or for my child." He questioned her back "do you really think that i dont care for you or for our child?" After hearing his pained voice, Kushi did the mistake of looking into his eyes which was filled with hurt. She turned to other side.
"If you had asked this question few hours before my answer would have been different. But how can i believe that you still care for me or my child when you chose that bi**h over us?" she answered honestly. Arnav closed his eyes composing himself for some time, before speaking in soft tone. "kushi, first understand that I am the one who is responsible for what happened in your life. None of it was lavanya's fault. Try to understand that she is also innocent like you."
"Why should i try to understand her when no one tries to understand me? Not even the person whom i love is trying to understand me." She said sadly, her eyes fixed to ground. She lifted her eyes when she felt him touch her cheeks. "Listen Kushi, I am sorry..." she stopped him by pushing his hands away and got up angrily.
"To hell with your sorry, Arnav. I am leaving this place. You go and live happily with the wh**e of yours." She screamed at top of her voice. "What did you call her?" he asked in dangerous tone making Kushi to fume in anger. She said she is leaving but all that he could hear was that word. She retorted "yes, i asked her to stop acting like wh**e and leave us alone. After saying that i really felt guilty. But not anymore because she is acting just like wh**e. Any other girl would have never wanted to your face after what i said. But she?"
Arnav ran his fingers through his hair controlling his temper which had even crossed its peak. Last time when he was so angry was eight months back when he had face off with arjun. He spoke wrathfully "i can't believe you said that. How can you go so low, Kushi? Being a girl how can you talk like that to another girl? Do you know how much you had hurt her? She had attempted suicide!"
Kushi was silent for few seconds. Looking down in guilt, she said "i am sorry. It's entirely my mistake. It's my mistake to fall in love with my enemy. It's my mistake to love you even after knowing that you were in love with someone else. It's my mistake to consider myself as your wife. It's my mistake to think that you will love me one day. It's my mistake to think that you are mine."
Arnav sighed. "i am not saying it's your mistake. What i am trying to say is it's not Lavanya mistake either. She had gone through a lot more than you. Please..." but Kushi interrupted him angrily. "More than me? Really?" she didn't know why but she was really angry on Lavanya; First of all for not believing her; second for attempting suicide to gain sympathy; most importantly for getting arnav's undivided love and care.
"She had gone through a lot more than me?" she started to speak in challenging tone. "Okay tell me what she had gone through! Did the person she loved dump her after sleeping with her? Or did her mother died after fighting with her? Or did her brother kill her father in front of her eyes? Do you all even know how it feels to see your father die in front of your eyes slowly?" she stopped feeling too low to speak anything more. Her horrible past came to her mind making her feel vulnerable.
Arnav folded his arms and watched her angrily. He was silent for second before answering her question "yes." Kushi looked up at him hearing his firm tone. "Yes, the person she loved dumped her after sleeping with her. You brother did that!" he uttered last sentence venomously pointing finger at her, making kushi to jerk back to glue to closet.
Arnav continued with same tone. "Yes, her father was killed in front of her eyes. Her brother didn't do it. But your father did that." Kushi gulped the lump formed in her throat and looked at his accusing eyes. "Her father died in front of her eyes slowly but she couldn't do anything. Do you know why? Because three strangers were rap**g her in front of her father. Damn it!"
Kushi flinched closing her eyes when Arnav hit the closet door with his fist. She was too shocked that even her ever flowing tears stopped. "Six years. It took me six years to undo the damage your brother and father had caused. But it took you just a phone call to damage her again. Well done, kushi. You have proved that you are your brother's sister and your father's daughter."
Arnav regretted his words as soon as a pair of eyes looked at him in disbelief. He knew that kushi didn't do that anything wontedly. He was the one to be blamed more for what happened to Lavanya today. His phone rang diverting his concentration. "hello." He answered it and then sighed. "Good that she gained her conscious... no..No problem...i will be there in minutes."
He looked at her broken form and said "kushi i..." she nodded without looking at him. He studied her for moment and then left the room because she needed little space now. Truth is totally hard for her to digest. Kushi slowly sat down and started to cry. No, she is not crying as she had father like hers. She is not crying for her cruel fate. She is not crying because her husband thinks low of her. She is not crying for herself.
But she is crying for the soul who has undergone a lot just like her. If she can't understand her pain then who can?
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