Chapter 119

Terribly sorry for the carelessness with which I wrote the previous chapter. I had planned for the letter a long time back but what the contents in the letter turned out to be was quite contrary to what I'd thought up initially. Apologies again with the promise that I will look into the chapter and rectify what needs rectification. Until then, take care.

Chapter 194: Where It Had Always Been

The afternoon sun lit the library and Kushi smiled as she leaned back in his massive armchair. She remained with her eyes closed, her arms reclining on the armrests, as she enveloped herself in the memory of his warmth.

Sighing, she sat up, her gaze falling on the desk before her. She leant forward, took a quill, dipped it into the ink bottle the way she had seen him do it in the Industry. Then bringing the quill to hover over the parchment she let the drop of ink at the waiting tip of the quill slide to the parchment, staining the clean surface. She pressed the quill tip in the fallen blotch of ink and traced a line, curving it slightly and then, for the next few minutes, the quill's scratching on the parchment was the only sound in the room.

When she had stopped her crafting on the parchment, she withdrew the quill, her gaze on what she'd drawn. She was not quite good in drawing but she knew what she had drawn, though she didn't know if it was a deliberate inspiration or an accidental occurrence of frequent thinking.

It was the image of a man standing before a window.

She had always seem him in the poise, his back turned to her, his face to the window, shoulders stiff, smart head held high and hands in his pockets. She smiled at the many memories of having seen this delineation of his, often witnessed in this very library too.

Kushi stole a look over the side of her armchair towards the window at the farthest corner of the library. In the sunlight pouring in, dust danced before the curtains and the shadow of leaves danced with them...leaves belonging to the bewitching tall rosebush outside the window.

Kushi returned her gaze to the painting and studied it wonderingly.

Did the poorly sketched man not look away from the window because he was too drawn to the sight outside it? Or was it because he was not brave enough to accept what stood behind him, watching him? She frowned scrutinizingly at the painting, her face moving closer to the parchment: was that man slightly turning his head, wanting to turn away from the window and gaze instead at the one behind him?

She snorted: Kushi, are you studying your own afflicted picture? The picture's messed up because your head's messed up!

Disappointed in her poor portrayal of a perfect inspiration, she crumpled the parchment, tossed it onto the floor and leaned back in frustration.

What was she to do? She could not keep herself from him anymore...but why did he not care? She was always trying to be there for him, seeing that his clothes were readied before he left for the Industry, that his food was brought in time, that his rooms and curtains were kept clean...yet, not once was he doing anything for her. He went about with his life as though she didn't matter to him, expecting her to do everything while he sat there in his lordly armchair in his lordly Industry, hugging his lordly pride! Didn't he even yearn to see her? She didn't want him to approach her directly but he could have at least asked Di how his wife was doing...

Sighing, she tried to put the gloomy thoughts out of her mind. Her fingers were absent-mindedly gliding over the work desk when suddenly her fingers discovered the edge of a drawer inside the table.

Sitting up earnestly with her eyes on the find, her curious hands applied forced and pulled the drawer open a little, exposing enough for her to peer in and quench her curiosity to what it held.

There was a parchment rolled within it and Kushi wondered if it would be wrong if she took a look. It's not like I am going to reveal its confidential contents to an enemy when I am the enemy myself!

Her insolent fingers were already reaching for the parchment.

Pulling it out of the security of its dark bed, Kushi placed the parchment on the table, wondering on its heaviness and realizing the compactness owed to its hugeness.

Her fingers worked on the bind that tied it together. When it was undone, she rolled open the parchment was rolled open, its massiveness exposed.

Her breath stilled.

Silent tears sprang up in her eyes as she stared at the painting, touched not by the familiarity of the face or by the perfection of the painting but by the mere truth that echoed in its presence in the drawer.

Master Hari's painting of Kushi dressed in the red silk robe.

The recognition of the painting created a ripple in her heart.

He had kept it with him all this time. He had ordered the sketch be made for the Chinese Princess but here it was...in his cabinet, hidden in secret.

She was overcome with a sudden wave of emotion and she shivered, struggling to find her breath with the tumult of emotions racking her insides.

When she regained control of her mind and her trembling fingers, she hastily rolled up the parchment, tied the bind around it and returned it back to the drawer.

Standing up, she rushed out of the library and moved towards the stair. But at the landing, she stopped, the door at the corner of her eyes beckoning her soul.

Without another thought, she walked into his room.

Closing the door gently, she leaned her back against it and looked around the room. She walked to his bed, removed her sandals and crawled into bed until she reached the warm center where he always lay. She laid her head on the pillow, ensuring that she didn't ruin her hair bun. She pressed her cheek to the pillow on which his cheeks had pressed many times before.

She closed her eyes and a tear drop fell onto the pillow.

"You kept it with you all this time...you hid me there in secret, unknown to all..."

Smiling, she fell asleep and her siesta was not without dreams. She saw dreams of him painting her in the red silk robe. Oh, how she struggled to not look at him and when she did look at him, how hard it was to look right into his eyes when his warm, wild ones could read so deeply into her desires...

She would have seen more into the lush dream if one of the maids had not come woken her up to announce her Nani and Lady Anjali were waiting to have tea with her.

When he returned from the Industry to his room, he stood against the door for a moment, casting an eager look towards his bed where lay the impressions that she had had slept in it. Feeling quite pleased, he stepped towards his bath chamber and after washing up and changing into his nights pants, he stepped out to the open balcony where the cool night breeze washed over his wet chest.

The moon cast its silent glow on his wet hair, as he looked over his shoulder, towards where the bed lay at the far distance.

Unable to keep himself away no longer, he stepped back into his room, the curtains of the balcony brushing against his cold chest as he passed by.

It was as though the impressions on the bed were calling to him...to see what was not there, for which he longed.

He could almost see her lying there, her hair let lose over the pillows, her youthful curves hugged by white satin gown.

Crawling into bed, he slid towards the center and lay his head on a pillow, beside the sleeping mirage of his wife. He leaned forward towards her face but his lips made contact with the pillow. He breathed in, the scent of her innocence still lingering to beckon his sleep.

"Kushi..." He smiled at the darkness, being surrounded by her comforting memories again.