Chapter 112

Back with a tiny chapter that I could manage in the constricted time...

Dedicated to all my patient readers...thank you so much for bearing with my urgent silences and desperate absences...thank you for your comments that always give me the strength to move forth, and mostly, thank you for your prayers...

Chapter 186: Longing for the Other

Once again Lord Arnav and Lord Akash had to overstay at the Industry and Kushi and Payal were obliged to dine with the rest of the family. After dinner was cleared away and everyone had returned to their respective rooms, Kushi went to her husband's room upstairs and changed into her nightgown. Then, she stood at the balcony watching the moon while hugging herself against the cold winds that blew into the room.

She wondered what she was to do. Lady Anjali had not asked her why she had left for Lord Arnav's bed chamber last night nor had the kind lady insisted that Kushi spend the present night in her room. The choice was Kushi's at liberty, which consequently made the decision-making difficult.

She was his wife but it was he who had insisted that she stay with Lady Anjali. She had initially obeyed him but she had come to his room, instigated by her own curiosity. He had laid her on his bed from the rug, indicating he accepted her presence in his room despite his demand that she sleep with his Di.

So what was she to do tonight? Sleep in this room like nothing had happened or conform to his verbal yet-to-be-withdrawn command that she spend the night with Di? What if he needs her again? Shouldn't she be with her husband? A long ten minutes was spent on further thinking at the end of which she decided he would prefer her obedience to his word.

Sighing, she left the room.

On entering Lady Anjali's room downstairs, the moonlight revealed the carrying mother sitting up in her bed, amazed to find Kushi there.

"I thought you would sleep with him and didn't urge into where you intended to sleep tonight," confessed Lady Anjali as she made space for Kushi in the bed.

"I don't see why I need to stay with a man who cares not for what happens to me," Kushi grumbled, as she got into the massive bed and slipped under the spare blanket.

Lady Anjali lay beside Kushi, "Ah, do not think thus, Kushiji. My Chotey is often harsh but he has ways to keeping matters secure."

Kushi didn't say anything and they lay in the silent dark for a while, watching the moonlight dance on the ceiling and the walls as the curtains fluttered from the breeze slipping through the slightly open window.

Finally, Lady Anjali sighed, "It's ironical, is it not?"

"What is?" Kushi turned her head to look at Lady Anjali's moonlit face.

"That while you can't sleep alone at night, Chotey has always had trouble sleeping at night."

"Is that so?" Kushi was amazed, "But I've found him to sleep quite deeply..."

"He sleeps well only because of you," said Lady Anjali, looking warmly at Kushi, "I realized this on one of the nights when you had been here as handmaid to Lady La, how he lay on your lap and found the calmness he was far from reaching."

Kushi blushed, her eyes widening as she sat up suddenly, "You were there? Oh, why didn't you tell me? I didn't know what had happened to him. Besides, he looked so tired that he would have calmed down on any lap he found to lay his head on."

"That is not true," Lady Anjali objected gently, gazing up at Kushi's face from where she lay, "Chotey is restless even in his sleep especially because of..." Lady Anjali stopped her train of thought and sat up worriedly, her hand caringly on her inflated middle, "I've been meaning to ask you. Though it doesn't seem as though you were harmed, I would prefer to hear from you if you were hurt in anyway during the nights you spent with him-"

"No," Kushi interjected hastily, "He- he was quite harmless. I mean, he-" She blushed remembering the way his burning mouth had kissed her shoulders and neck. How was she to tell all that to Lady Anjali, especially if she were to ask about the questionably overheated tongue? "He was just restless and hungry..." Why am I always defending that heartless monster?

Just then, they heard the sound of footsteps climbing up the stairs, discernibly two pairs. Lady Anjali and Kushi remained silent until the sounds had faded away and the echoes of doors opening and closing were heard.

"Jiji must be relieved to have finally seen Lord Akash," mused Kushi.

Lady Anjali looked at Kushi, "And don't you want to see yours?"

"No," Kushi scowled at the foot of the bed, "Mine doesn't seek me and I won't seek him either."

Lady Anjali grinned in the dark, "There is one thing that is common in you two after all."

Kushi looked at Lady Anjali.

"Stubbornness!" pointed out Lady Anjali and, smiling to herself for her discovery, she lay back in bed.

Kushi lay down as well, but she couldn't stop staring at the door through the dark. She was hoping and wishing he would come down and see if she was well or at least if she as there and had not run away. Maybe I should run away to the South Village just to irk him and get his attention, Kushi decided in a rage after nearly half an hour of waiting.

Beside her, as always, Lady Anjali was quick to sleep, considering how tired she got with the child in her.

Kushi counted away the dragging minutes, staring at the ceiling and battling with her acclaimed stubbornness and her restless longings.

I am NOT going to him! She decided determinedly.

He might have trouble in the night...reasoned her subconscious.

Let him! He deserves it!

Tch-tch, her subconscious shook its head, that is no way to be a good wife.

Kushi was ready to retort, I was forced to be a wife so was not prepared in the skills of good wifeliness!

Her subconscious raised its eyebrows, You are quite in a temper today, Kushi.

I have a husband who fuels it even in his absence!

Quite true. How do you think he manages it?

How am I supposed to know? Kushi fumed.

You should, especially after all the clouds today reminded you of him.

Now you are the one making me angry. I'd happily forgotten that memory!

I'm just concerned.

For me or for that arrogant Lordy?

I am your subconscious and he is your husband. So technically, my concern extends to both of you.

You can't serve both angel and the devil, Kushi stated pompously.

Now, now, are you calling yourself an angel? Let me enlighten you in recalling that you are the Goddess of Mischief incarnate!

My mischievousness pales in comparison to the horrendous deeds of the devilish Lordy!

Fascinating point...her subconious was silent for a while and then prodded her again, so do you want to see if he is fine?

Why should I?

There are a number of reasons.

I don't want to hear them.

Very well. Don't go either.

Kushi was silent. Another half hour passed and she couldn't bring herself to sleep. Lady Anjali slept on, oblivious to the battle waging inside the other occupant of the bed.

Sighing in frustration, Kushi got out of bed and walked about the room the moonlight glistening on her satin nightgown as she paced to and fro in tune with her swaying thoughts.

And then, suddenly, as though someone had pricked her, Kushi stepped towards the door, slipped out of Lady Anjali's room and headed for her husband's room upstairs. On reaching the door to his room, she paused and wondered if she should have got some food along.

But he didn't mind the food I brought last night.

She pressed on the handle, pushed the door open and peered in.

Her eyes would have failed to pick out the details in the darkness of the room but, fortunately, the balcony was open, its curtains fluttering in the slight breeze and the moonlight fell over his bed where he lay with his back turned to her.

She stepped in and noiselessly shut the door behind her. She didn't know why but, instantly, a sense of reassurance washed over her as she stood in in his room, surrounded by the familiar scent of his clothes and his possible nearness.

She tiptoed to the bed and stood beside it, her eyes trained on his as she waited to see if he awoke or moved but he made no discernible movement.

Her heart sank. He didn't want her to be here and was slumbering away with no thought or care for her, even failing to regard her very existence in the Castle. She stepped away desolately, deciding to return to Lady Anjali.

Lord Arnav stared into the dark, sleep far away from him.

He had fought with himself, several times even getting out of bed, but incessantly and easily succumbed to his humongous pride to not seek Kushi.

Undeniably, he had been surprised that day, early at dawn, to wake up and find Kushi sleeping on the rug beside him. The surge of emotions he experienced at the sight was inexplicable.

He had transferred her to his bed and slept with her for an hour more before waking to leave for the Industry. He had seen the handful assorted items from the pantry lying scattered on his bedroom floor and wondered why he hadn't eaten them. He usually ate the food he brought from the pantry.

And then he had noticed the apple and he had frowned confusedly for he never took fruits when he had his nightly torments and he was sane enough to discriminate between fruit and fleshier foods. That was when the bewildering realization struck him that it must have been Kushi who had brought the food. Mixed emotions welled inside of him and he had looked at her endearingly, where she lay on his bed, covered in his blanket, sleeping like an angel with her long hair sprawled beautifully across the pillows.

He had bent down, taken one of her hands and pressed his lips to her palm. Then he had hastily dressed and left the room, intending to evade the sensations that rose to weaken him.

But when he returned to his room in the night, and scrambled into bed after his dinner and bath, he wished every moment that passed would witness her entry, peeping in to see if he was there.

By the freshness of her scent lingering in his room, he knew she had been there an hour or two ago but that realization only made him long for her even more.

Determinedly resolving to not expose his vulnerable cover, he held himself to his bed with his back to the door, willing him to not move, not even to drape a blanket over himself.

And that was when he heard her footsteps on the stairs.

He wondered if his wish to want her approach his room had materialized the sounds of her coming in reality. He refused to believe it was anything but a dream until she stepped into the room, shut the door and walked up to his bed. The growing intensity of her bewitching village-flower scent almost made him leap out of the bed in ecstasy and grab at her. It took all the willpower in his manly arrogance to hold himself rigidly immobile on his bed, providing her the impression that he was asleep.

He was secretly hoping to feel the weight of the bed differ at the end of his bed that would manifest if she got into it but, for a long minute, there was only silence and no movement on the part of the nightly visitor of his room.

And then, to his devastation, he heard her walk away. The door opened, her gown shuffled as it slid through the doorway and then the door was shut to a punishing silence.

Lord Arnav sat up, his yearning gaze on the shadowed door. His hand stretched out towards the darkness where she had stood seconds ago as though his will to want her could beckon her to walk back to him again.

But he knew she had left.

His shoulders slunk and he lay down dejectedly, his back to the door as he stared into the hopeless darkness.

There was no sleep. There would be no sleep. He was somehow certain of it.

All of a sudden, he stiffened.

Had he imagined the sound or had the door really been-?

He felt the mattress weigh behind him, at the other end of the bed. He closed his eyes, his imagination seeing Kushi lift the skirt of her night gown as she climbed into the bed. Strangely, his imagination expressed itself extremely existent because he could feel the weight moving towards the center of the bed where he was and then there was stillness again. And in this stillness he smiled, because he was enveloped in her scent once more and he knew she was there. Lying right behind him, on his bed.

He remained still, waiting impatiently for the sound of her slumber. And quite incidentally, after a few minutes, he discerned her steady breathing and knew she was well into sleep.

Slowly, rolling to his other side to face her, he lay on his side and gazed at her fair face. She was dressed in a little blue satin nightgown, her curves prominent in the attire, and the moonlight glistened on the gown, making it appear almost white. But he was not interested in her gown.

He only looked at her, an unfathomable feeling of relief coursing through him.

A breeze blew into the room from the balcony and a strand of her hair fell over her face. He lifted his hand and his fingers tenderly moved the obstructing strand away.

Glorying in the vision before him, he stared at her unblinkingly until his eyelids weighed and the weariness in his bones returned from the memory of an entire day's toil. And then he too fell asleep, the little distance between them not a dearth to how drawn they were to each other, even when they were asleep.

The inspiration for Kushi's imagery as an angel (as represented in the chapter of their first night in the cage, and now in this chapter) is a direct reference to my analysis of the Teri-Meri dream sequence of our show, written during the time the show was on-air. Those who wish to brush your memories on the episode's key minutes can refer to the post, which I fear cannot be commented upon any longer being an old post in an archived forum that was once treasured.

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/iss-pyaar-ko-kya-naam-doon/3047252/arnavs-angel-with-pics

I cannot say for certain when the next update is. I told you, it is hard to give you a date during this month. Dad's appointment is on 12^th but the follow-up of the appointment may also keep me preoccupied. But know this: I will not abandon this story. Even though I am not around and seem to be too busy, I will always come back to narrate this cherished tale for I write it as though with my own blood...I will not betray myself. Nor will I betray the hearts that trust the storyteller in me. You are all too dear to me...