6. Fallen Angel Matured

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide

About this scene: Arnav finds a suicide note written by khushi and realizes she has gone to jump off the terrace. He manages to stop her in time, but she tells him her bizarre reason behind her decision. She thinks he married her because there was a problem in his kundli (astrology chart) that his first wife will pass away early. And since he loved Lavanya and didn't want her to die, he married khushi so she will be sacrificed. It is later that arnav is forced to tell her the real reason why he married her. That he knows she and shyam are in an affair. (S7 episode 15 on Hulu/Hotstar, Epi 246 otherwise)

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--~--

He was a sworn atheist. That meant angels and demons didn't exist in his world.

Yet, sometimes, he was challenged by his own brain. On the existence of demons, when he peeped into his own conscience. When he remembered the lengths and depths he had gone to destroy people.

And the existence of angels, when... when he looked at her. Albeit a fallen angel! An unblemished, pure, innocent being who fell from grace not-so-gloriously when she involved herself in an immoral affair!

The girl who was no longer pure, who was tainted, who had gone behind his back, his family's back, his Di's back and lured his Di's husband into an affair!

The girl who played with his feelings, who showed him dreams, who changed his beliefs in love, only to have it mercilessly reverted to his former self!

The girl who was currently standing on a dangerously narrow edge of her maternal house's terrace.

The girl who was declaring calmly about her intention to jump to her de- damn it! damn her! How could she say something so atrocious as that as if she were telling the weather report?

Actually, she could. The crazy, lunatic woman he was married to.

For six months- his brain reminded him.

But she was hell bent on ending that marriage short by jumping to her de-. Screw it! Screw her! He would NOT let her do it!

--~--

He was telling her he didn't marry her because of Lavanya. He was saying he thinks he never even loved Lavanya.

Why was he lying? Hadn't he played with her heart enough already to once again say something so wrong, a white lie on her face that he didn't marry her to remove the obstacle in his kundli about his first wife's death before he married the 'true love' of his life? That was Lavanya ji?

Why was he trying to stop her from jumping off the terrace? Why was he trying to stop her from dying?

She was making it easy for him, wasn't she? Once she was gone, he could move on in his life and marry Lavanya ji? She would bless them from heaven, becoming the brightest star, third star from the left, as she said in her letter to him.

She would watch him marry Lavanya ji, have kids with Lavanya- 'no, stop khushi, you don't have to watch them for so long. Once they are married, you'd look the other way. Right. That's what she- the new star- would do', she decided.

Alright then. This was it.

Taking a deep breath, she got ready to jump-

Any moment now, her soul will leave her bod-

--~--

He had made it just in time. Could feel his heart in his mouth!

He had never run so fast, not even in his nightmares!

He held her tightly and pulled her off from committing a horrible crime. No, not of giving her own life. But taking his!

He had stopped her from killing him.

Because one thing he was sure of, if something had happened to her at that moment, he would not have survived either.

The reasons behind that - his brain was not ready to analyze them at the moment.

Perhaps, won't be until there was a long separation, a kidnap and an almost murder involved. Not forgetting almost losing her on another fall off a cliff.

But that was way in the future.

Right now, he was livid. Beyond angry. Even by ASR standards!

Just what was she thinking?

And she had dared to write her will (estate) and name the damn stars on his name!

If he didn't show her real "stars", that too while living, his name won't be Arnav Singh Raizada!

--~--

"Maine tumse shaadi iss liye ki, kyunki main tumhare aur Shyam ke baare mein sab kuch jaanta hoon (I married you because I know about you and Shyam)."

When Arnav said that to her, Khushi felt as if a huge weight was lifted off her shoulder.

Thank you, devi maiyya! Arnavji knows. He knows about shyam! He knows Shyam was the dark, evil shadow in her life since a long time.

And that's why he married her.

To save her from Shyam.

He was her savior!

Her Arnavji. Her Rajkumar. Her prince. She knew it!

Right?

Wrong!

Because in the next moment he became the shaitan, the dreaded beast and declared the most horrible thing she could ever hear about herself.

"Jaanta hoon ki tumhara aur Shyam ka affair chal raha hai (I know that you and he are having an affair)." he cold-bloodedly said.

That he 'knew' she and shyam were involved in an illicit affair!

It would have been better if she had died before hearing that.

On second thought, it was good she didn't die before hearing that. Because now she clearly knows what he actually thought of her.

And it made her feel angry.

At herself.

That she even thought of giving her life for someone like him.

She was wrong. He was neither rajkumar nor rakshas.

He was just a stone.

A heartless stone!

A heartless, brainless stone!

How dare he think of something so horribly vile about her?

And if he did, why did he not confront her about it right away?

Why kill her slowly and bring her to this moment of despair?

No! She will now not give any clarifications. If he was capable of thinking so low, so pathetic of her then there was no use cleaning her name.

--~--

'Oh. So now she keeps quiet. Of course.' Arnav mused.

'What will she say? That he was right, and she was indeed tempted to- to- be involved with Shya-

Damn it!

Tell me, khushi that you are not having an affair with him. Now that I have told you what I know, tell me, I am wrong!' he silently begged.

He had deliberately never confronted her until now. Until she threatened her with her own life- nah-his life, to tell her the reason.

Because then it will be final. Then there would be no scope of what he had assumed turning wrong. At least until he hadn't confronted her, there was a little hope somewhere inside him that maybe- just maybe- he could be wrong? The tiny glimpses he saw of her affection for him- during that Heer-Ranjha play, during her taking care of him entire night, during her praising him in front of her family...

But now, he had ripped off the band-aid and told her the truth. And in reply she will confirm it.

Then why wasn't she saying a word?

Why did it feel as if he had unleashed an apocalyptic event? For himself...and for her?

--~--

Garima, Buaji and others in the neighborhood had heard the noises coming from the terrace and had rushed there.

And then what they witnessed, what they saw, what they heard shocked them to say the least.

The 'daamadji' they were keeping on pedestal, worshipping him had turned out to be a fallen angel, and what a glorious fall he had had!

He had married their Khussi, their titaliya because he thought she and that manhoos (unlucky) Shyam had an affair?

And that's why their khussi was living with him?

Not because of love?

They will clear his misunderstanding. With all saboot (proofs).

But two things were sure, from this moment onwards, they will beg their Khussi bitiya for forgiveness and second, Arnav Singh Raizada won't be considered their daamad ji.

--~--

Arnav stood numb as the truth, the entire truth behind Shyam's deceit was slapped on his face. And then the proof of her innocence.

His angel, his khushi- he perhaps lost the right to call her his anyway- but she was innocent. Unblemished.

She hadn't fallen from grace.

He had!

And right now, even when he struggled to look up and meet her eyes, he knew she would be looking at him. Her gaze challenging him, asking him difficult questions on why he did this to her, and many such questions to which he had no answers...

--~--

The path from here was clear for khushi.

The reason behind her marriage now revealed to her and it having nothing to do with her life or death, she felt a different sense of freedom.

For the first time in many years, she realized she was to take control of her life, she could decide whether to keep giving unending forgiveness to others- like she did until now- or choose herself.

Give herself time to heal, to gather the scattered pieces of her heart, to come to terms with the horrible accusations put on her by the man she loved.

And thus, even though his eyes, his tears, begged her to forgive him, to let him plead, she turned her face away.

She had proven she wasn't a fallen angel.

It was his turn to lift himself now.

fin.

--~--

A/N - I felt compelled to write this one, a much-needed 'it should have been you' moment in their story. And for a change, tried to end with a different spin of 'what-if' instead of 'CSD snippet' like previous ones. In my mind, he does redeem himself after this and they eventually do get together. In any case, I believe they would have their CSD, this way or that... there will be potentially one more chapter/one more 'it should have been-' moment in here so please keep the book added in your libraries.