Chapter 20
Font:
Text Size:
Theme:
[MEMBERSONLY]
love_iqbal_khan 2014-04-13 07:23:30
*Scroll Up to the Previous Post for Part I*
Chapter 17: Bitter Memories (Part II)
Within minutes, he'd found himself stark naked under the forceful stream of the shower in his washroom. The water that cascaded down his body did absolutely nothing to help ease the guilt or the pain. Especially now that he was in the same penthouse as Khushi, the feeling of wrongdoing crushed him more than before. He scratched and scrubbed at his arms and chest frantically, suddenly feeling disgusted with the memory of Shanaya's touch.
Once he had stepped out, his skin felt raw as he dried himself before putting on his boxers and jeans.
When he opened the door and stepped out of washroom, it took him merely a second to see Khushi's head turning in his direction. He kept his eyes averted as he walked to his wardrobe and pretended to be searching for something.
"Did you need something, Khush?" He spoke with his back to her, trying his best to sound casual.
There was a second's pause before she replied. "No...I just wanted to talk to you..."
His hands stilled. He recalled that he had expressed his worry about her hiding something from him and her admitting that she wanted to tell him something. He would have been ecstatic at the thought of this conversation 24 hours ago but so much had changed since then.
Making a decision, he resumed pretend-searching again. "Let's talk later, Khush...I'm drained...I think I'll take a nap."
"Are you feeling okay? We got worried...we didn't know where you went..."
All the pent up frustration managed to seep through a crack in his control. "I'm fine. And I'm not a child; I can take of myself, Khush. I just had to see a buddy...he's...going through a bad break up."
It technically wasn't a lie. Shanaya was going through a bad break up. So bad that she had tried to kill herself because of it. Before the thoughts of last night could cloud his mind again, Khushi's sharp voice grabbed his attention.
"If you don't want to tell me where you were, you don't have to. Just don't lie to me." She snapped.
Arnav felt his body stiffen under the impact of her words. He knew she would figure him out but he tried to make her second-guess anyway. "Why do you think I'm lying, Khush? I was with my friend." He tried to sound casual.
"Oh shut up. You think I don't know when you're lying? I've known you for a long time Arnav...and if your tone didn't give away your lies, then the fact that you haven't looked at me for a second during this entire conversation is ample proof that you're lying."
He heard her angry retreating footsteps and guessed that she was about to leave his room. He inhaled a deep breath, composed himself, and turned to look at her. He had to do this before the guilt claimed his sanity. She wouldn't know where this was coming from but he needed to get the words out anyway, as little impact as they would have on anything.
"Khushi?" He called out to her gently.
She froze with her hand on the doorknob. She stood stiffly, her back facing him. He waited for her to turn around but she didn't. As much as he would have liked her to face him, he was actually glad that she hadn't. He knew that he won't be able to bring himself to look her in the eye for a few days now.
"I'm sorry." He rasped out.
He saw her muscles relaxing a little bit and she turned her head sideways, still not quite looking at him.
She didn't ask anything further nor did he clarify. With a curt nod, she stepped out of his room and slammed the door shut behind her. Even after she was gone, he stood in his spot for a long couple of minutes, simply staring where she had been. He felt bereft...as if he'd lost something precious. His mind conjured up a lot of "what if" scenarios for him.
How would this conversation have been gone if Shanaya was never in the picture? What would he have said to her? How would she have reacted to his confession?
He locked his door, turned off the lights of his room and let misery take over once again, for succumbing to the guilty inferno was easier than fighting it.
He hadn't realized when he had fallen asleep but the shrill ringing of his phone had brought him back to consciousness. Sheetal's frantic voice had greeted him, saying that Shanaya was starting to panic again. Within minutes, Arnav had left the penthouse and was on his way to Shanaya's.
That night, he had felt compelled to keep physical distance between him and Shanaya. He'd refused the drinks and actually paid attention to the crappy reality show on TV. He had, as politely as he could, refused to stay over that night and had reassured her that he would be back the next day. After leaving her house, he had driven around aimlessly, trying to buy time before he had to return home.
Luck was clearly not on his side because his attempts to come home late enough to avoid meeting anyone had been thrown out the window when he walked in and found everyone seated in the decorated living room.
Cheers and choruses of Happy Birthday' rang out in the penthouse and he plastered a forced smile on his face. He let himself get pulled into multiple hugs as they wished him wholeheartedly. In the stress of everything that had transpired in the last two days, he had completely forgotten about his birthday but that didn't mean that he was going to deprive the others their fun.
Everyone's happiness with this celebration rubbed off on him after a while and he felt a genuine small smile appear on his face when he cut the cake. For these few minutes, he decided, he would allow his grief to stay locked away. He fed the first bite of the cake to his Di, followed by Khushi and then the others.
Despite his resolve, he couldn't bring himself to look at Khushi, knowing that he had wronged her. Sure, they weren't in an official relationship but that didn't mean that he hadn't belittled his feelings for her by sleeping with another woman.
So as they sat around in the living room, with him holding his birthday gifts, he avoided a direct conversation with Khushi or looking at her as much as he could manage. He opened the birthday gifts one by one, trying to look excited and cheerful for the sake of others until he picked up the small box which was a gift from Khushi.
His heart thudded loudly in his ears as he opened it to find a black and grey striped tie by Armani. Her addition of the note said just to make you look a bit more sophisticated.'
In that moment he decided, on an impulse, that this tie would be reserved strictly for very important days. It would be his way of having Khushi with him through important deals and occasions.
He was aware that she was watching him closely and that he could no longer avoid her presence. So he smiled at her and gave her a quick hug, trying to touch her as little as possible.
It felt wrong to touch her with the same hands that had probably touched Shanaya intimately. He felt as if he was touching something spotless with dirtied hands. He had never regretted his drinking habits before this moment.
Once he pulled away from her, he went back into his shell while the others around him remained oblivious to his inner thoughts and struggles. All others except Khushi. He could feel her watching him and he knew that she sensed something amiss. He was afraid that she would question him and he would have to lie to her...again.
It was that fear that had kept him away from the penthouse for the next three weeks. He had masterfully avoided running into the others, especially Khushi. He left before there were signs that the other occupants of the house were awake and he usually returned late at night. Sometimes, he even spent the night driving around the city, coming home only to shower and change in the wee hours of the morning. The three weeks had become a blur where he no longer remembered what day of the week it was. He was functioning mechanically, his mind usually closed off from the world and lost in its own unpleasant thoughts.
The only silver lining during these weeks had been the fact that Shanaya was being herself. She hadn't been sad or upset for a few days and that's when Arnav found the perfect opportunity to tell her what was going on.
"Look Shanaya...don't get me wrong but...I can't offer you anything more than friendship...I'm just not looking for a relationship right now..." He'd approached the topic cautiously lest she react badly.
Shanaya looked at him for a long moment. "But Arnav...after...after that night..."
Arnav winced at the unwelcome reminder. "I know Shanaya but...we...we were both drunk...I don't want to turn that into anything...and trust me...I'm saying this for your sake as much as mine." He held her gaze confidently, watching keenly for any odd reactions. "I saw what our last break up did to you and I don't want a repeat of that...you don't deserve that...you deserve someone better than me...we can be good friends but just...just don't expect anything more from me at this point..."
Shanaya nodded vigorously. "Okay...Okay. I get it. You just need more time...that's okay, baby...you can take as much time as you want...until then, we'll just be friends..."
He was surprised that she had accepted all of that so gracefully, without a tantrum. She hadn't exactly agreed to what he was saying but it was close enough and close enough' was good enough for Arnav at that point. She had given him a friendly hug and that was the end of the conversation.
Having gotten that off his chest, the next three days were relatively peaceful for Arnav. In his solitude, the regret and pain still overpowered him but when he had company, usually Shanaya and Sheetal these days, he'd found it easier to distract himself. He was on friendly terms with Shanaya and she hadn't made any unwanted advances. He was even getting along with Sheetal.
He was still unsure whether he could face Khushi again and so he had continued to avoid the penthouse.
Anjali and Akash had started questioning him lately, of course, but he had brushed aside their queries quickly, usually using his anger as a shield to prevent further questions. That shield of his was rendered useless on the fateful day that Khushi came up to him unexpectedly.
"Arnav...I need to talk to you." Khushi said loud and clear in a no-nonsense tone.
Arnav looked at her briefly and registered the urgency in her posture. The need to make sure that she was okay surpassed his own demons for a moment.
"What's the matter?? Tum theek ho?" For the first time in weeks, he sounded like himself, even to himself.
Khushi frowned at him. "I'm fine...there's something I wanted to tell you."
Arnav swallowed at the look of determination on her face. If this conversation was about what he'd been waiting to hear, he didn't know if he was ready for that. The conversation he had once looked forward to, been excited about even, had turned into a conversation he was dreading all because of a drunken night.
Thankfully, before she could utter another word, his phone rang. He looked at the screen for a quick second and answered the call. Never before had he been glad for a call from Shanaya. She was waiting downstairs in the lobby and he wanted to go and meet her before she came face-to-face with Khushi or anyone else.
"Hey...I'm just leaving. I'll be there soon." And he hung up. "Let's talk later, Khush..."
"There is never a later' Arnav!!" Khushi threw her hands in the air, exasperated.
Arnav looked away and ran his hand through his hair. He knew how true those words were and what hurt more was the fact that he'd put in the effort to ensure that there isn't a later'.
With authority, Khushi walked up to him and held him by the shoulders.
"Tell me what's bothering you, Arnav. What is it??" She let go of his shoulders to cup his face and make him look at her. "Look at me when I'm talking to you. I've had enough of your behaviour. Just tell me what's going on!! I hate seeing you like this."
In that moment, there was nothing he wanted to do more than to tell her what was going on. He wanted to tell her that Shanaya had suddenly become suicidal and that he was spending most of his time with her to make sure that the woman didn't kill herself! But this was his battle. Shanaya and her issues had come forth because of him and it wasn't fair to Khushi for her to have to deal with this crap.
If he hadn't been an idiot and tried to play a stupid jealousy game, he would have never ended up dating Shanaya. That would have changed the course of his life entirely and he wouldn't be in this sh** right now. His moronic decisions had landed him here and he wasn't about to drag Khushi into it.
"There's nothing, Khush." His voice held no emotion. "I told you...a friend of mine is going through a bad break up."
Khushi scoffed and let go of him. "Please. Enough with the lying. It's been three weeks and a half! I've been trying to tell you something important all these days and you're busy avoiding everyone, especially me. You've missed three Thursdays, Arnav...four if you include today! You missed my birthday for the first time in all these years...don't tell me that it's just some friend who needs you because of a bad break up..."
"Your birthday?" Arnav blinked. Surely, he would have remembered Khushi's birthday. Wouldn't he? Yes, he was stressed but he couldn't have been to that extent. Could he?
"It was four days ago, Arnav." Khushi crossed her arms across her chest. Instinctively, Arnav opened his mouth to apologize but she shook her head. "No. Save it. I don't want another lie for an explanation."
An odd chill swept over him as another point drove home. In all his stress and guilt, he'd become selfish. It had been about getting away from her because he couldn't look her in the eye. It was about his guilt, his regret, his misery. Not once did he stop to think that all of this would lead to her getting hurt. He looked at Khushi painfully and attempted once again. "I'm so so Sorry Khush..."
"It's not a big deal. I don't care that you missed my birthday...not all that much, anyway but the fact that you've been lying is a big deal for me. We're supposed to be best friends...we're supposed to tell each other what's bugging us..." Khushi's voice was hoarse.
The truth of her words pierced through him like ice shards. He couldn't deny a single word of what she'd just said but surely she'd understand if he told her something rather than keeping mum.
"Khushi!" Arnav said frustratedly. "I told you...I'm helping a friend with a bad break up."
Arnav's phone rang again. It was Shanaya. This time, he was not glad for the interruption.
"F***!" He clenched his jaw once before answering the call. "I'll be there! I'm leaving."
He slammed the phone down on the table and turned to face Khushi. He reached up with exaggerated slowness and held her by the shoulders in a way as if he would get burned. The very contact with her skin doubled his remorse.
"We'll talk later, Khush..." He pleaded.
"I need to talk to you now, Arnav...it's really important!" She sounded extremely annoyed and hurt.
Arnav clenched and unclenched his jaw. "I'm sorry...I really have to be somewhere..."
And with that, he turned on his heels and walked out of the penthouse. When he saw the elevator waiting, he ran to it before he missed it and slammed the button for the lobby floor. He leaned back against the cool wall of the small elevator and closed his eyes as he tried to gather himself before facing Shanaya.
He found her sitting on one of the couches in the lobby, waiting for him. Her face lit up when she saw him and she rushed forward to greet him.
"Arnav...I'm sorry I've been bugging you with my phone calls but I have to talk to you about something..." She smiled at him.
Arnav nodded. "Sure...do you want to go to your favourite ice cream parlour again?"
Shanaya grinned and nodded. "You're the best, you know."
Arnav gave her a tight smile and reluctantly hugged her back when she snaked her arms around him. She hugged him for longer than he liked but he was still walking on eggshells around her and so he let her be. Until he felt someone poke his shoulder.
He pulled out of the hug and looked over his shoulder only to get startled. Khushi. She looked absolutely enraged at this point and he knew his lie was out in the open. Without a word, Khushi held up his phone for him. His hand reached up, robotically, to fetch it. As soon as the instrument was out of her hand, Khushi turned on her heels to walk away.
"Khushi, wait." Arnav requested, hoping she would stop but Khushi kept walking towards the elevator. "Khushi! Wait! I can explain."
Leaving Shanaya standing there, he tried to follow Khushi but she ran into the elevator. He picked up his pace but by the time he reached the door, it had shut in his face.
It was too late.
The ping sound that he heard behind him was a relief to him. His mind reeled and his body fidgeted as he pressed the button to the penthouse multiple times, hoping that the damned elevator would move faster. He had to talk to Khushi and it had to be now. He would tell her the entire story from the beginning. He knew she would understand. She had to! He would ask her not to worry herself about it...that he would deal with this on his own. She would understand...wouldn't she?
The elevator doors opened and he stepped out to see her standing in front of the door to the penthouse.
"Khushi!" His voice boomed in the hallway followed by the sound of his footsteps as he ran towards her.
Khushi didn't even as much as look at him before she opened the door and walked into the penthouse.
"Khushi, I can explain." He said walking into the penthouse, making Khushi stop in her tracks.
"YOU LIED!" She rounded on him, angrier than he had ever seen her. "YOU LIED TO ME! OVER AND OVER AGAIN!"
"I know...and I'm sorry..." Arnav started but Khushi cut him off.
"No you're not. You wouldn't have lied to me repeatedly if you were sorry. You know very well that I hate being lied to. And you've been lying to me about this for almost a month. It all started the day of my last exam, didn't it?"
Arnav took a breath and began answering her question. "Khush..."
"No. Save your lies for someone else. How am I supposed to believe anything you say anymore?? It hurts the most when the person you're closest to lies to you, Arnav. I asked you to tell me what was going on...I've seen you date a lot of women Arnav...I'm sure I would have survived the news of you getting back together with Shanaya." Tears rolled down her cheeks
As her words clicked in his brain, Arnav blinked as if he'd been slapped awake. Well, hell. There it was. He'd done the most stupid things, made the most idiotic decisions to see this. The tone, the expression...the jealousy.
It was crystal clear on her face right now. Her anger made more sense now. It wasn't there simply because he'd lied to her but it was there because he'd lied to her about Shanaya. She was more hurt because he'd put another woman before her. Khushi Kumari Gupta was, at last albeit too late, jealous of a woman that Arnav dated.
"Shanaya and I haven't gotten back together." He said calmly.
Khushi raised an eyebrow and titled her head to the side, challengingly. "Even more of a reason to not lie to me...why would you have to lie to me if she was a friend? Maybe you lied to me because it's the first time you've gotten back with an ex-girlfriend."
"Me and her are not together..." Arnav began.
"Actually..." Shanaya's voice made them realize that she was an audience to their argument. "Arnav...I wanted to talk to you about that..."
"Not now Shanaya." He cut her off abruptly.
"It has to be now Arnav...I don't want you to say something that might become false later..." She looked between Khushi and Arnav.
"Get to the damn point, Shanaya. My friend and I are trying to settle something here and your nonsense isn't helping." Khushi bit out.
Arnav flinched at the word Friend'. She'd removed the best' from the tag, obviously, but why did it sound sarcastic?
"Arnav...this is why I wanted to see you today...I think we should consider getting back together." Shanaya held his arm.
"Shanaya!" Arnav rubbed his face with his hands frustratedly. "I thought I'd made myself clear..."
"You did...and I understood...but...I...I'm pregnant." She announced.
Arnav stilled, stunned to the core as he looked at Shanaya steadily. This couldn't be happening. Was this nature's way of punishing him for sleeping with someone else while he was clearly in love with Khushi? Sure they were drunk and hadn't used protection but could that one-off really result in a pregnancy? Why? Why now?
Why now when he'd finally seen the one emotion he'd longed to see on Khushi's face??
"A-Arnav?" Khushi stuttered.
He turned to look at her robotically. Khushi took one step closer.
"Is there any possibility that what she's saying is true?" Khushi's voice was almost pleading with him to deny the announcement.
He took a few seconds to register what she was asking. He had slept with Shanaya. He hadn't used protection nor had she. There was a very good possibility that what she's saying is true.
He looked away from Khushi, knowing well that she would get her answer in that gesture. He knew when she registered it because from the corner of his eyes, he saw her stagger a step back. Then another. Then another.
"It seems that there are more important things you have to deal with at the moment. This argument is useless." Her voice was stone cold.
Arnav looked at her and felt his heart break within his chest. Because he had broken hers. It was written all over her face. The tears in her eyes were testament to her pain. The shattered expression was a projection of the state of her heart.
Arnav Singh Raizada had managed to figure out that Khushi harbored some kind of feelings for him and break her heart...all within a matter of minutes.
He felt his eyes fill up with tears. All he could do was stand there and watch as Khushi turned on her heels and rushed into her room.
Next Chapter:
_____
Part 18: Early Precap: Continuation of Arnav's flashback + return to present
***Reminder: Teasers for AY get posted on the CC thread**
The Bittersweets: https://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3926720
_____
Next FF Update: Koi Aap Sa
Next 'Always You' Update: No Later Than April 6, 2014.
New Readers: To be Added to the PM-List, please add me to your Buddy List.
_____Author's Note:
So Chapter 17 is my longest update ever! I havent written a fifteen-page chapter for any of my FFs! The original plan was to have the entire flashback in one chapter but as I wrote on, I realized that there was way too much to cover so I'll be dividing it over two chapters. We had two chapters (9 and 10) from Khushi's POV, covering her side of these events so I guess its fair that Arnav's side of things gets two chapters too.😉 As you guys have probably guessed, next up after this is Arnav-Khushi talk...but of course I'm not going to tell you when exactly it will happen.😈
Asli Duniya continues to be Brutal hence the 2 week gap again but just like the last few months, I promise to update by the given date. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this update and feel free to join discussions or start discussions about this FF over at The Bittersweets CC (the link is given above)
See you guys soon!
Love,
Katie <3
Your reaction
Nice
Awesome
Loved
LOL
OMG
Cry
96 Comments