Chapter 1
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[NOCOPY]
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LOVING KHUSHI
Part 1
"Yes, yeh sab tumhari wajah se hua he. Jab se tum aayi ho, tab se. Tum meri zindagi mein aayi kyon?" Arnav bit out, images of Di trying to stab herself running through his mind. He turned away from Khushi's pale face.
"Main tumse mila hi kyon? Life was better when you were not in it. And most importantly, Di was so happy. Yes, it is all your fault, Khushi. Because if you were not here, Shyam would never have done something like this." He said, helplessness making him bitter, truthful, & cutting.
Khushi stared at him with wounded eyes.
"Di would have been happy, like she was before."
Tears slid down her cheeks.
"You are the biggest mistake of my life, Khushi Kumari Gupta. Kash main tumse mila hi na hota." Arnav said as he walked away, the need for air and some time alone driving him.
Khushi sat by the pool, crying.
Arnavji had hurt her with his words. But what hurt her more was the fact that every word he had spoken was true. She had promised Naniji that she wouldn't go in to Di's room. She had broken that promise. And seeing her had driven Di into trying to kill herself and her baby.
Khushi shut her eyes in pain. Tears dripped down from her cheeks to the floor. Why was she destined to hurt those she loved the most? The image of Arnavji's tortured face rose in her mind.
She shook her head at her own fate. Where ever she went, whatever she did, however good her intentions were, it all turned out bad. Sometimes, she didn't even have to do anything. All she had to do was breathe, and other people's lives came tumbling down like a house of sand. Her very existence was a peril to others.
She looked around. It was time to leave. She had done enough damage in Shantivan, through her efforts to help them. It was time to force herself on her Amma, Babuji, & Buaji. Where else could she go?
Arnav drove through the dark, his headlights piercing the black shroud of the night. Driving alone at night had always cleared his mind.
The picture of his Di trying to kill herself and her baby flashed through his mind, followed by the recurring nightmare of his sister's wedding day and his mother's suicide. Arnav felt as though someone was choking him. He began to sweat profusely in the cool night air.
He saw his Nani, tears in her eyes, begging Khushi not to go to Di's room as it would hurt her more. He saw his Mami asking him why Khushi had gone into Di's room even when Nani had asked her not to. His fingers tightened on the steering wheel.
The cut on his cheek throbbed.
"Khushi, rona bandh karo. Khushi, I love you." He saw himself saying it over the phone from the cellar the kidnappers had imprisoned him in. He felt her run and hug him in the dark dungeon, almost rocking him off his feet in her enthusiasm and eagerness. He saw them falling together, hiding from the kidnappers, Khushi's breath against his neck, her heart thudding against his like the fluttering wings of a bird trapped in a cage.
Arnav swallowed the lump in his throat.
They had been through so much together. She had stood by him in all trouble. And he had almost lost her. The image of her falling off the cliff and lying dead in his arms almost drove him mad. How hard he had tried to revive her! And he had almost failed. If he had lost her!
Arnav winced at the memory of the words he had hurled at her in anger and hurt. She had broken her promise to Nani. It had resulted in a disaster that he had averted with great difficulty, but he knew that she had not gone to Di's room to hurt her. The goodness of her heart had led her there. Her intention had been good, even though the consequences were terrible! He should not have spoken to her like that! Especially as he hadn't meant anything he had said.
The hurtful words he had hurled at her rushed through his mind. Yeh sab tumhari galti he! Tum meri zindagi main aayi kyon? He winced.
His sharp tongue! His anger! It would destroy his life one day, as his Mama had always warned him. Arnav started his car, & drove home, hoping desperately that Khushi was still there to hear his apology.
Khushi walked in to the bedroom, her mind still full of images of the love between Arnavji & Di. The way in which he had apologised to her at the temple, the way in which she had forgiven him, the love that she showered on him... Di was his mother and his sister all rolled in to one. And yesterday, she had called him Arnav, not Chotey! And she had refused to listen to him. She had led him out of her room, refusing to believe a word he spoke against her husband...
She had successfully destroyed a family that had been reasonably happy. Not intentionally, not deliberately. By just breathing. By being alive. By catching Shyamji's eye even though she had never considered him as anything other than Buaji's PG...
Khushi walked to the wardrobe, slid the door open, and began gathering a few clothes & essentials she would need at Buaji's house. She carried them to the bed, sat down, & began stuffing them into her black bag. She needed to leave before Arnavji got back.
Arnav ran up the stairs and pushed the door of his bedroom open, his heart beat sounding loud in his ears. He stared at Khushi for a moment, unable to breathe. He was just in time. She was packing to leave. He swallowed with a dry throat.
He walked to her. "Khushi, what are you doing?" he asked, his voice weak & unsteady.
Khushi pushed the last dupatta in to the bag, and lifted her head to look at him. "I am going to Buaji's house, Arnavji." she said softly.
Arnav's heart stopped.
Khushi fastened the zip of the bag, lifted it, & stood up to leave.
"Khushi, don't do this right now. I..I didn't mean what I said... Khushi, I was angry... I..." Arnav could feel his heart sinking at the closed look on her face.
"Please don't think that I am leaving because I am angry with you, Arnavji. Every word you spoke was true. Every word. If we hadn't met that night at Sheesh Mahal..."
"Khushi..." Her reasonable tone and calm demeanour sent chills down his spine. He could feel his life slipping through his fingers like sand.
"If I hadn't fallen into your arms that night... if you hadn't insulted me... if Jiji's wedding had not been cancelled... if we had not met at the dargah... if you had not insulted me there..." she sighed. "I would not have shouted at you at the dargah... and you would not have been tempted to air the footage of my falling into your arms with a gandi commentary to insinuate that I was trying to lure a rich man to his doom. " Khushi shifted the bag to her left hand.
Arnav shut his eyes in pain.
"Goons would not have attacked me on the street and stripped me of my dupatta and hit my Babuji, and Shyamji would not have had to appear there like a saviour and thrash the goons."
Arnav stared at her with wide eyes.
"We would never have met that rascal. Never. And he would have never seen me. Had he never seen me, he wouldn't have taken the pains to stay at Buaji's house as a PG and propose marriage to me. Di would have been happy in her marriage. Her Shyamji would have been a good husband. She would have been eagerly looking forward to having her baby." Khushi sighed heavily.
Arnav stared at her, unable to make a sound.
"I never wanted to hurt you, Arnavji. Never. I never wanted to work in your office or home. I didn't even want to meet you after the dargah incident. But Devi Maiyya had different plans. Again and again she sent me to you. You tried to throw me out, but failed. I tried to go away, but..." Khushi shook her head. "It is time, Arnavji. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. Especially not you." Her clear eyes looked directly in to his.
Arnav could not say a word to save himself. Her eyes were pools of love and hurt.
Khushi walked past him towards the door. At the last moment, he managed to take hold of her arm.
"Khushi, main tumhe aise jaane nahi doonga!" he said through the constriction in his throat.
"Don't stop me, Arnavji. I don't want to stay here and hurt all of you more than I have done so far." Khushi said.
Arnav pulled Khushi into his arms, holding her close to him. The bag fell from her hand.
"Khushi, listen to me." He breathed in to her face, his eyes beseeching her not to leave him alone to face his devils. "I didn't mean all the stuff I said. Khushi, main tumhare bina..."
"I too can't bear it, Arnavji!" Khushi said impulsively, and then thought better of it. But her honest eyes revealed her love and her anguish to the watchful Raizada.
She continued, trying to make the best of a bad situatuion. "I can't bear it that Di is upset because of me..."
'Aur main?" Arnav asked softly, looking deep into her pool-like lovely eyes, holding her closer still.
"Can you be happy if Di is unhappy?" Khushi asked the million dollar question, not expecting an answer.
Arnav stared at her in shock. Not just because the question was unexpected, but because the answer that was ringing in his head was a shocker. Yes, he could be happy. Not deliriously happy, because Di's happiness and well-being were a serious concern & priority, but he could be contented. He could set everything right. As long as he had Khushi by his side. Nothing else mattered. If he had Khushi with him, he could face any dragon, any problem, he could fix Di's life for her, he could climb mountains, he could fly without wings... he could live.
And the worst point, the lowest point of that evening was the look on Khushi's face that said that she knew the answer to the question she had just asked. The passive acceptance of the reality that Di always came first in Arnavji's life and that her place was way down below, if it was even there. Arnav stared at her, full of disgust at his inability to show her how much he loved her, how much she meant to him...
The shock of old absolutes crumbling and new realisations taking their place made him loosen his hold on her arm. Khushi freed her arm, lifted her bag, and moved towards the door.
Watching her leave him, Arnav felt his breath stop. "Agar who tumse door jaane lagegi, toh tumhare saansein rukne lagenge." Di's voice resounded in his head. His face hardened. Khushi's place was with him. Only with him. She had no right to leave him. She was his wife. His wife. He would not let her go. Her presence was essential for his survival, like air, like water...
She opened the door to leave. Arnav slammed it shut, and held it shut with his arm. He had to stop her. She was in a self-sacrificing mode, and he could not cajole her out of it right now. He had done too much damage with his words that night as it was.
"Hamein jaane deejiye, Arnavji." Khushi said softly.
"Tum nahi jaa sakthi." He would die if she left him.
"How can you break your contract and leave?" He was glad for their contract marriage. Otherwise he would have been left with no hold over her!
Her tear-filled eyes widened to an impossible size.
"What did I tell you on our wedding night? We entered into a contract marriage. The contract is not over yet. So put the thought of leaving me out of your head!" he made it clear.
He grabbed the bag from her shocked and numb fingers. "Because you simply can't."
Khushi managed to find words. "After all that happened... all that was... you still consider it a contract marriage?"
Arnav turned away to hide his face from her hurt and accusing eyes.
"What do you mean 'consider' it a contract marriage? It is a contract marriage." Arnav affirmed. There was no other way. He had to hang on tight to the contract part of their marriage. Otherwise she would be out of his life in a jiffy. And that was unacceptable to him. She could throw away their life together for Di, but he could not.
But Khushi was not done yet.
"What will you do? Inform the police that I have not fulfilled my side of the bargain?" Khushi fumed, disillusionment clouding her eyes.
"I will do what I promised to do then. I will get Akash to leave P..payal..." he stuttered as the sweet face of his obliging & sweet-tempered sister-in-law came to his mind. His lips curled in self-disgust. "And you know Akash will never disobey me."
Khushi felt the ground slide away from beneath her feet. After all they had gone through, after all the pain and the misunderstanding, the tears and the misery, the agony and the trauma, they were still where they had started out. Arnav Singh Raizada was still Arnav Singh Raizada. His inordinate fondness for contracts was still intact. And she was still Khushi Kumari Gupta, his favourite whipping girl, the fool who could not seek her happiness & freedom at the risk of her Jiji's marriage. Her heart wept blood.
Arnav drew in a deep breath, knowing that she must be feeling torn & betrayed. He turned around, wanting to put an end to the farce.
"Khushi, jitna tum jaane ki zid karogi, utna main tumhein rokne ki zid karoonga." He told her, holding her gaze. "Ab tak to tum mujhe achi tarah jaan chuki hogi!"
"Haan, jaan chuke hum." Khushi retorted. "That you will always remain what you were, a Shaitan, who does not care for anybody. I thought you had changed." She swallowed her tears. "But no, you haven't. I know. Just as I try and succeed in forgetting, you will remind me, you will hurt me, you will break my heart..."
Arnav couldn't bear to see her anguish. Images of Diwali night, their wedding when he had flung the mangalsutra around her neck and thrown sindoor in her maang as though to insult her, her tears... they crowded his head.
"Khushi..." he whispered.
"It is good that you reminded me that Arnav Singh Raizada can never change." Khushi wept through her harsh words.
"Khushi..." Arnav murmured, trying to soothe her.
But Khushi was in no mood to be soothed. "Theek he, as long as this contract is in place, I will not leave this house."
Relief as he had never felt before flooded his veins.
Khushi walked up to the calendar he had on his table. "We started our contract marriage on February 14th." she announced. "March, April, May, June, July, August..." she turned the pages. "Our contract ends on the night of August 14th. I will be free again on August 15th, like India." She smiled without humour.
Arnav gulped.
"Twelve more days once this night is over." Khushi declared. "Then I will be free of you for ever."
"Khushi..." Arnav could only gasp.
"May I ask you something?" Khushi asked, her direct eyes on his face. "You forced me into a contract marriage because you were foolish enough to believe Shyamji when he said that I loved him."
Arnav fumed. "I had evidence. The evidence of my eyes. I saw you both on the terrace, hugging each other, Shyam professing his love for you, and you asking him to leave my Di for you..." the lion roared, his mane flying courtesy of his fury.
Khushi's eyes looked like saucers. "You saw us?" she asked finally.
Arnav nodded.
"Shyamji wrote on the mirror with lipstick that he wanted to see me on the terrace. I... I thought you had written it..." her eyes skidded away from his. "I went to the terrace, and stood there, waiting for you. He...he came. I was shocked. He said that he loved me and that he did not love Rani Sahiba. He... he pulled me into his arms... Do you know how strong he is, Mr. Raizada? My arm felt asthough it would be pulled off. My ribs..."
Arnav swallowed.
"I wanted to prove him a liar. I knew he would never leave Anjaliji because he had married her for her money and as long as Anjaliji continued to believe blindly in him, he was safe... and rich. That is why I asked him to leave her. If you had stayed to listen some more you would have heard me assassinate his character. You would never have fallen for his lie."
Arnav & Khushi stared at each other in silence.
Then Khushi said, "You never wanted to get married. But you sacrificed your freedom and married me to keep your Di's wedding safe. But now there is no need for this marriage. You know that Shyamji was lying. That there was never anything between him and me. That I was never a threat to your Di's marriage. Then why do you want this marriage to continue till its bitter end?"
Arnav had no reply to offer.
"You married me to keep your Di happy. Now our contract marriage and my presence are a threat to her happiness. Then why do you want me to stay here?" Khushi asked.
Arnav looked at her in silence, his heart beating loudly and rapidly.
Khushi waited for a reply, and not getting one, walked out of the room. She sat at the feet of Devi Maiyya, praying for Anjaliji, thinking about her future, Arnavji... her marriage... no, her contract marriage...
She returned to their bedroom very late. Arnav was pacing the room, waiting for her to return. She freshened up and crawled in to her lonely bed. She shut her eyes and tried to sleep.
Arnav lay back in his recliner and looked at her lovely face. She was back in his room, his bed, his life. He had 12 days to persuade her to give their marriage a chance. "I will win you back, Khushi. I will win you over with my love." he promised her. His lashes slowly fell over his eyes, and he drifted off to sleep.
Part 2:Section 1: 87988211
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