Chapter 25
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OS 2: Finding Khushi
Part 12
Section 1
Arnav stared at Khushi as she entered data into her laptop, peeking into two files set open on her table. She was oblivious to the clouded sky, the breeze coming in to the room through the window and playing with the ends of her dupatta, or Arnav Singh Raizada's eager eyes drinking her in...
"Khushi...", he called, finally.
Khushi looked up, startled. After a moment of staring at him, she got up from her seat, and walked towards him.
They stood staring at each other for long.
Finally, he said, "You wanted to know if I knew what I wanted from life."
Khushi sighed soundlessly. "No, I don't. Dekhiye, Mr. Raizada, it is none of my business. Your life is your own. What you want from it is your problem. Your girlfriends are your headache. Not mine." She averted her face, shutting him out.
Arnav swallowed, and continued as though she had never spoken at all.
"I may not know what I want. But I know what I don't want.", he said softly.
Khushi looked up at him, intrigued inspite of her avowed lack of interest.
"I don't want my mother's life. To love someone, to believe in him, and then to discover that he was having an affair behind her back..." His voice died away.
Khushi stared at him with pain-filled and shocked eyes. Whatever she had expected was miles away from the reality and his confession.
"To find it out on her daughter's wedding day... and unable to bear the betrayal, shoot herself with her husband's pistol...
No, that is not a life or end I want, Khushi..." He looked into her wide eyes. "Yes, my mother committed suicide." He turned his head away from her to hide his face.
Arnav did not have to look at Khushi's face. Her shocked intake of breath was loud in the silent room.
"Di's wedding was called off."
A tear made its slow way down her cheek, to fall off her jaw line.
"Two hours later, my father shot himself with the same pistol." His voice was tired.
He was tired of fighting the demons of his past... The ones that never let him sleep... eat... or live in peace...
Another tear joined her first one. His eyes were moist too.
"We cremated them together." Arnav drew in a deep breath. "The next day, my father's brother threw us out of the house."
"What?", Khushi was driven to exclaiming.
"Nani & Mamaji came to take Di & me to their house. I was 14 & Di was 18. I changed my name to Raizada from Malik, not wanting any link with my father's family." He stood looking out through the window. It had started to drizzle.
Only the sound of the rain could be heard in the room.
"I... I am sorry... that you and Anjaliji had such a terrible childhood.", Khushi said, finally, through the lump in her throat. Her heart ached for the pair that had been orphaned in such a terrible & scandalous manner.
Arnav nodded, taking her condolences in the right sense, knowing that only a girl who had lost her world at the age of 8 would understand his pain. And his loneliness... and his nightmares... and his need to run away from her...
It started raining in earnest, wind lashing against the window flaps, making lithe trees bend to its will...
The pair stood silent in the darkening room.
Finally Khushi asked, "Why did your father commit suicide?"
Arnav turned to frown at her.
"I mean, if he did not love his wife, then why would he commit suicide two hours after she did?" Khushi was genuinely perplexed, not inquisitive for the sake of being inquisitive.
Her genuine confusion silenced his bitter tongue.
"Don't mind me saying this, Arnavji... But if I were your father...", Khushi paused, sending a worried look at him.
Arnav cocked his head to hear the rest, unconsciously giving her permission to probe into his past, his heart melting at her sweet call of his name...
"If I had a wife & 2 children, and still fell in love with another woman... if my wife found out & killed herself... I would continue to live as a widower for a while and then marry my lover... I mean...", Khushi's voice died out.
Arnav said softly, "I thought maybe he felt guilty..."
"If he had to feel guilt, he would have had to feel love... for his wife. A deep, abiding love that made him join her rather than live on for his children... or for his lover... if she existed at all...", her voice was softer than soft, but his ears were keen to hear her sound.
He stared at her, hope taking life in his eyes. After a long period of 14 years...
"I heard them quarrelling... Mama & Papa... She said that she had seen him & the girl together at Di's wedding... But would Papa invite a lover to his house on his daughter's wedding?", Arnav thought aloud.
"Maybe your Amma misunderstood. Maybe your Babuji was innocent...", she whispered.
Arnav looked at her with burning, hopeful eyes.
The rain poured down heavily on the parched soil, bringing relief with it, flooding the earth, quenching its thirst...
"I have no right to tell you this. But when a thought enters my head, I have to say it. I know you won't like it...", Khushi began.
"When has that stopped you, Khushi?", he asked. And waited.
"There were 3 characters in this story. Your Amma & Babuji are gone now. They can't answer your questions. But the lady may be alive...", Khushi said.
His eyes widened.
"You are Arnav Singh Raizada, the king of all you behold or so you have been telling me over the past few months. If you set your mind to it, there is nothing you can't do."
Arnav looked at her. The sound of the rain was like music being played in the background.
"Isn't the truth better than ignorance?", she asked.
Arnav nodded.
"If you have been thinking badly of your father for the past 14 years and blaming him for a crime he hadn't committed...?", Khushi swallowed.
Arnav shut his eyes in pain.
He turned to walk away. At the door, he halted, and looked back at her with red, moist eyes.
"Thank you, Khushi."
"What?", Khushi was shocked into asking.
A ghost of a smile flitted on his lips. "I said Thank you, Khushi."
"I thought I had imagined it.", she was moved into blurting it out.
The smile widened.
Khushi added, smiling, "Imagine the great Arnav Singh Raizada thanking me, Khushi Kumari Gupta, for scolding him! He Devi Maiyya, your maya is beyond my understanding!"
Arnav smiled as he walked out of her office.
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