Chapter 17

San
@slippedaffairs
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I can feel your heart hanging in the air
I'm counting every step as you climb the stairs
It's buried in your bones, I see it in your closed eyes
Turning in, this is harder than we know
We hold it in the most when we're wearing thin

Armaan counted backward on his fingers for the fifth time seeping in whatever he felt. He felt rage, he felt disappointment, he was agitated and for the first time in a long time he didn't blame his messed up mind but someone else for not understanding him, for misjudging him, for not knowing him better, for thinking low of him unknowingly. 
He almost laughed because it wasn't anyone but her, with her everything feels like falling into place and for once it didn't and somehow still it didn't feel foreign but the most real thing in all this time. To feel something where he didn't feel depressed but felt better of himself. She has always been the one to make him feel better for himself, that he deserves better but this time it hurt him more than it ever did, probably more than the time she broke their engagement and he didn't know what to do.
"Armaan I don't know what to tell you? Will you understand that I was handling a case and it required a quick treatment?" Ridhima looked at him with helplessness in her eyes. It was like she was walking on a glass that could break at any moment.
Comin' like a hurricane, I take it in real slow
The world is spinning like a weather vane
Fragile and composed
Though I am breaking down again
I am aching now to let you in
Silence crept in the room as soon as those words left her mouth. He scoffed at her, he chuckled bitterly and looked at her with bewilderment. 
"You actually thought this Ridhima that I don't understand! Why? Do you think I would feel bad or insecure that I am not allowed to do my practice at this moment? Well Ridhima Gupta that is the last thing I would feel bad about, believe me. I have saved more people in my career of 2 and a half years that you ever saved in 3 and continuing years. Ridhima you are the last person I wanted this pity, this unwanted care, the over-caring of my feelings." A tear dropped from his eyes as his clenched his hands in a fist.
"Armaan I didn't mean it tha--", Ridhima stopped as he cut in her midway and started in a tone that she felt goosebumps.
"Ridhima don't you get it? Why I didn't want to meet you? For the exact same reason, I never wanted to be a different person in your eyes, I wanted to be the same old Armaan you fell in love, flawed yet normal, human... and that image, that person is tainted in your mind right now considering how you are overthinking about my feelings. I don't want you to f**king walk on fire baby--", He sat on his bed suddenly being emotionally drained, throat dried as the last word wasn't audible, a mere whisper and pointed her towards the door.
She came closer to where he was sitting and sat on the floor on her knees in front of him as both of their eyes were glazed with tears and looked at him.
" I am sorry Armaan. Call me when you are ready to talk to me, I won't force myself on you." She moved her hands close to his upper jaw but soon backed off and got up and ran out of his room.


"Atul...she is here." Muskaan walks slowly to Atul who was sitting on the swing in the backyard of Gupta House. Padma had them called for a lunch only to bombard them with the news of Anjali returning and unlike before no one was enthusiastic of her being there. She left when they needed each other and whatever the reason may have had been, it did hurt them a lot. Though of course, everyone had their reasons to be not excited, whatever happened during the last days she was here before going miles away didn't help. So in all, they were already not on talking terms. Muskaan obviously heard about her when she talked to Padma aunty as she didn't know about the fall-out.
Seven times it came when you were not awake
Seven times the flame, too much to take
The sky burns red against your skin
The world we know turns in the wind

"Hey, guys.." Anjali stepped outside in the backyard along with Padma, Nikki, and Abhi carrying the food containers to the dining table out. 
Nikki sighed at the lack of response Atul had while Muskaan nodded her head just for the sake of Padma aunty. She wasn't surprised how everyone had a fall out because of two people who held them strong was hurt and away. 
"Now you guys should start eating aur kuch chahiye toh kitchen sai le lena. Mai maa kai saath bazaar jaa rahi hoon." Padma smiled at them and left.
"We should start eating phir ghar chalenge." Abhi broke the silence and moved to the table along with Atul and Nikki while Muskaan stood on the same spot.
"So how is everything going on ?" Anji looked at them pulling out a chair.
"Tujhe wahi rehna chahiye tha Anji, why did you come back ?" Muskaan asked suddenly and Atul sighed. He knew it, Muskaan might try to act normal in front of Padma aunty but she was the one itching out to leave the sight of Anjali Gupta.
"Muskaan--" Nikki called Muskaan who looked at her and moved towards the table. Pulling out the chair, she was about to sit when Anjali answered, "What do you mean by that Muskaan? Armaan is okay, my sister is back, of course, I am supposed to back home, it's not like I went there for forever."
Muskaan scoffed with a laugh and sighed and sat on her chair not bothering to reply to her. A lot of happened obviously but whatever the reasons might have been for others to not talk to Anjali, she had it all different, in fact, none of them even knew about it. Anjali was her best friend, she was the person who she went crazy with and having Anji saying things she never imagined, she was mortified, she didn't like that person.

Rahul stared out of the window sipping his coffee and smiled. Both the idiots are back again, of course not in the sense they so dearly want them because that would take time, both of them had their worlds turn upside down, faced death and led some of the most miserable months of their life, actually in a sense still leading. His luggage was parceled along with Armaan on his doorstep, unshaved look and pale with eyes swollen. 
Comin' like a hurricane, I take it in real slow
The world is spinning like a weather vane
Fragile and composed
Though I am breaking down again
I am aching now to let you in
The guy he cared about so deeply looked distorted. Of course, he cared about Armaan, no matter what happened in college, the teasing Armaan might have done, he did save him from countless heartbreaks and bullies. He was drunk out of wits after Armaan wooed Sonia and so as a payback deleted his part of a co-joined assignment they got, needed to submit the day later, which was much more than Armaan had to write up only to find it completed and submitted the next day while he slept in till evening. 
Armaan was the guy who was genuine, he acted like a brat but whenever they hung out together with a common friend, he saw how deeply he cared for Nikki and Rakesh. In fact despite how much he teased him but he never let other people tease him. Armaan had other issues about he got to know when Nikki disappeared, Armaan used to get annoyed at everything, he became reserved, he became more of a brat, he started going away from people he knew for the last 3 years. The Armaan he saw was very different from the guy he took him to be.
 Rahul had a sign of relief after he heard Ridhima's voice, the cheerful kind. The person who wasn't angry at the world for every wrong happening to her. The one whose life didn't just revolve around her patients after her treatment but cared for herself as well, who held the courage to question why she was the one deserving the wrath when all she had been great and not accepting that there must be something wrong in her.
Armaan was giving her hard time, he heard from Billy uncle, that ass. He chuckled thinking. He understood Armaan's every decision and that wasn't a doubt. Wasn't he the one who took that decision even before anyone did? It wasn't easy, it wasn't an ailment, it was something grave and he didn't know how to tell Muskaan then and now she knew about it without him saying anything to her, he didn't have the guts to listen to her reaction and what she thought of it. 

Ridhima counted the stars in the sky as she was laid on the bonnet of her car. She was kinda happy with Armaan's reaction but not happy about whatever happened before and the reason for his reaction.
He spoke for himself, he spoke his mind and she was glad he did. Armaan Mallik was hurting and no ready to go back with her and she wouldn't force it, two days later she had to return back and she didn't know how to manage everything but she knew she had to make everything a little right for them, she has to make a way for both of them to open up to each other despite being away. 
Making Armaan feel better, in fact having him stand back as a better man would take a lot of time and hard work but she was willing to take the hard way for them but he had to be a part of it. He needed her but he also needed to work on himself before they jump into a relationship and she was going to help him. Armaan can be a hard ass but she was as stubborn as he is and she wouldn't force anything on him but she definitely has the authority to change everything with a minute decision of hers for both of them.


A/N: Well I didn't like what I wrote before and also got busy due to tests so basically that is my reason of much late late late update. I definitely have plans for AR to get back together but it would be a super slow way. May babies are hurting so much damn. :p
Also Praggs I took Rakesh straight from your College Reunion track of ILYLTF!
Love Ya Guys!





sunsetnvine2018-10-22 19:25:13
 
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