Chapter 34

[MEMBERSONLY]

Hello Arakshians. back with a new long part. thoda boring bhi hoga but its needed!

pls read and reply.errors ho toh maaf kardena.

Thanks for liking and commenting on it! ur comments is my driving force.thanks a ton!

agar comment nahi kiya toh main iss story bhi ZMD/KNK ke tarah post karna bandh kardoongi...and will PM only those who are my ardent readers! SYS?

So please do reply...

Disclaimer: all characters, situations and names used in the story are fictional.any similarity is purely by coincidence!

****************************

Part 20B:

Would he ever be able to cross that barrier and break the lakshman rekha which his first love, his Roshni had drawn between him and his wrong number?

He questioned himself that a thousand times as he drove back home...yes, he was going back to his home...He wanted to be there...he perhaps felt that his answer lay buried there...may be he would get his answers from Roshni herself!

*************************************

It was almost an hour since he had reached his home...no it was just a shelter built of bricks now...He still couldn't take it in or believe that his Roshni whom he had loved with all his heart felt insecure about his love for her...

Her insecurity...her possessive streak...How did he miss that? How could she hide it so effectively from him? no it wasn't her fault...perhaps, his love wasn't enough or there was a hole in him due to which she had to seek a 3^rd person's help... she had to sought to a promise from another girl to stay away from him...why because, his wife thought that he was so weak and vulnerable that a beautiful girl's friendship or her mere presence would distance him from her! Was he so weak? Wasn't his love for Roshni enough to show that he wasn't? How could Roshni even think that he would leave her for another girl? He felt insulted...his love felt insulted but then he could never hate his Roshni! She would have had her reasons which he might never know now!

His mind was restlessly and mercilessly hurling questions to his heart? His heart bled as the questions cut across him...

He was getting nowhere with all these questions clogging up his heart, brain and soul!

It was only making everything in him weak...even his determination to move on in life seemed to slowly drain away...Why was this happening to him? What was his mistake? Was it that he had loved a girl with all his heart and also married her against all odds? He had stood by her and his love for her was the most pure and honest...He could vouch on that any day! Never once had a betraying thought about another girl creeped into his mind...Never!

But now after all these years of loneliness and pain, was he wrong when his heart slowly inclined to Sakshi?? Had he committed a sin by falling in love the 2^nd time? Did he betray his dead wife when he wished to move on and lead a happy life with Sakshi? Was that thought in any way a grave sin?

Well he didn't know the reply now! He was literally confused with his own battling thought processes?

As the day turned to night, nothing changed in him...the passing of time didn't seem to impact him in any way!

He sat there in darkness not even bothering to switch on the lights...perhaps the darkness is what he needed now...the lights may throw up the reality right on his face which he didn't want...yes he was trying to run away...he was being an escapist from the harsh and bitter reality of his life...and the reality was that he could never come back to leading a happy life with Sakshi...not with that promise hovering on them as a sword which cut across their aching hearts and separated them once and for all...He wouldn't even be able to face Sakshi now...

He had to take back his words of confession of his love that he had poured out to her... he had to forget her...He had to pull on with his empty life till death took over him...And this reality was more painful than death by itself!

The darkness engulfing him symbolized the vacuum dark life he was leading and also gonna plunge into with Sakshi's permanent exit from his life!

At that instant when he felt that he was totally losing it out and being pulled into the black hole, his heart perhaps unaware of himself called God for help...

He was an atheist from the time he knew...He never believed in God or that's what he liked to think...

But even then, somewhere deep down the heart, there surely lay a small hidden belief that there was a supreme power who manipulated things in his life...perhaps saved him from death each time a criminal shot a bullet or dagger at him...even when Roshni left him, he had blamed God...So unaware of himself, may be he did believe that God existed!

He shook up his head trying to do away with his unwanted thoughts and immediately switched on the lights...that's when he found that there was a power cut and he frantically searched the place for a candle and matchstick...he didn't find anything, not even the torch...

He instantly remembered that Roshini usually kept the matchbox in her pooja room...Mindlessly, he hurried to the pooja room in search of it...

For the first time ever, he opened that room after her death...It was one room that he never once went on his own...He had several times stood there pretending to pray for Roshni's sake...but she always caught his act!

Memories, memories...could anything stop them? He wondered as he searched the room...

Roshni was very organized in her ways...so it wasn't difficult to get the match box...it was kept right on the small table which also had a small diya...But still, he being new to the room, he scanned the entire place with his hands in the darkness before finally getting them in his hand...in the process, he bumped down few neatly arranged things as well!

As an alternative to the candle, he lighted the diya with some difficulty of course...it had been ages since the matches and diya were used but he managed to light it after some futile attempts...

The small light slowly illuminated the space...the pictures and small idols of all the Gods came into sight! Perhaps a divine intervention that had made an atheist light up the diya in front of the idols...

He looked around...and once again, he remembered Roshni's words when he used to taunt her beliefs around God...she used to smack him for his insensitive talk and reply to him..."Arjun, mujhe jab bhi koyi pareshani hoti hai ya mann mein koyi confusion hoti hai toh main yahaan bhagwan ke saamne aathi hoom...chaahe aap mazaag banaa lo but trust me, instantly I get replies to my problems!"

Arjun had laughed at that and mocked her yet again, "matlab tumaare brain yahaan iss room mein hi kaam kartha hai!"

Roshni had pouted and walked away hearing his laugh...She used to keep praying to God to forgive her brainless husband for such loose talks about God!

"Shaayad bhagwaan ne tumaare baat nahi suni Roshni...dekho tumhe bhi mujhse cheen liya aur ab...aise akele..."

He didn't complete his words...he lowered his eyes from the idols...and that's when his eyes fell on a diary on the floor...

He had never seen that diary before...Roshni ke diary, he muttered in confusion when he read her name in the first page...he never knew she used to write a diary...No, he was damn sure that she never wrote...phir yeh kahaan se aaya?

He quickly flipped through the pages...it was blank...a blank diary? Isse yahaan kyun rakha hoga?

It was again like a riddle to him...he again flipped it once more...he just stopped at a date...the day when Roshni died...

The power came on and the whole place lighted up...as if someone was telling him something...he looked around and then back to the page...thats when he saw that something was written on the previous page! He thought for a moment if he should read it and then decided yes...perhaps all this coincidence was telling him to read it and pointing to something...

Perhaps it had his answers or that's what his 6^th sense told him!

He walked back to his chair and opened that page...it was just a day before Roshni's death...

He began to read it taking in a deep breath...his hands and heart ached as he began to feel Roshni's presence in and around him at those moments!

"aapko ajeeb lag raha hoga...yeh achaanak diary kyun likhi hai...mujhe bhi nahi patha Arjun...kuch hai jo mere mann ko andhar hi khaa rahi hai...ek guilty feeling...aur uphar se ek ajeeb si behchaini bhi...aisa laga ke mujhe yeh baat aap se kehna chahiye...ab nahi kahi toh shaayad kabhi nahi keh paavungi...phir bhi aamne saamne kehne ki himmat nahi hui...

Isiliye diary ke pannon ka sahaara le rahi hoom...kuch confession jaisa samajh lijiye...

Maine apne zindagi mein ek hi galathi kiya hai...

Aapko Sakshi yaad hai na?..haan aapne teek socha...wahi ladki jissne...khair woh sab puraane baatein...

Maine usska dil bohat dukaaya...usse bohat rulaaya... usski koyi galathi nahi thi phir bhi...usse hum dono se dur rehne ko kaha...Promise bhi liya!

Please aisa kabhi matth sochna ke mujhe aapke pyar pe shaq tha...Shaayad mujhe khud ke pyar pe shaq tha...ya phir maine uss ladki ke aankhon mein aap keliye saccha pyar dekh liya tha...woh koyi infatuation nahi thi, pyar hi tha...but trust me Arjun, ek patni keliye bohat mushkil hai yeh accept karna ke usske pati se koyi aur ladki pyar karthi hai...isiliye usse hum dono se dur bhejna chahthi thi...Aur woh chali bhi gayi...

Aap soch rahe honge ke aaj achaanak kyun yeh sab keh rahi hoom...humaare beech isske alaava koyi secret nahi hai...shaayad aapse yeh chupaane ka guilt hi mujhe majhboor kiya hai...ya shaayad ek darr ke main...

[She hadn't completed that sentence but wrote the next line...but he could read the unwritten words]

Patha nahi mujhe aisa kyun lag raha hai ke jab aap yeh padhenge tab main aapke saath nahi hongi...nahi don't get emotional Arjun...its just a crazy thought! Aise guriye matth! Shaayad hum dono saath saath bhi padhenge! Aur kya patha humaara baby bhi...

[He could hear her shy giggles and see her blushing face while writing that...His eyes pricked with tears thinking about the dreams that they had weaved together for a happy family...a love filled happy life!...

He gathered up and continued slowly...in the very next line, she had become serious enough]

Agar aisa na ho aur main aapke paas nahi hoom toh mujhe maaf kar dena Arjun...maine apna vaadha poora nahi kiya...aapke pyar aur zindagi ko adhura chodne keliye maaf kardena...

Aur agar kabhi bhi aap Sakshi se miley toh usse mere taraf se sorry bol dena...usse hurt karne ka iraadha nahi tha...mere liye yeh karenge na? Warna mujhe kabhi cheyn nahi milega...bohat kuch kehna chahthi hoom par abi keliye sirf itna...

I love you Arjun!

-Roshni"

He lingered his fingers over her name and his tears dropped on it as well...He didn't feel any anger towards her...He could understand his wife's mental agony while she did all that to Sakshi...

He closed the diary and also his eyes muttering, "I love you too Roshni" and wondered what had triggered Roshni to confess this...did she by any chance forsee her death?

The next second, he heard her voice "padh liya? Ab saare confusions aur sawaal dur hogaye na?"

He opened his eyes and saw Roshni sitting right opposite to him and smiling sweetly at him...

She continued or was it his own thoughts causing this hallucination...he didn't know but he was all ears for her...

She smiled and added, "yeh saare baatein kab se kehne ki khoshish kar rahi hoom...aap aur uss Sakshi kuch sunnthe tab na? usse sorry kehne ko likha tha na maine? Sirf sorry hi nahi dho dhaant bhi dena mere taraf se...haan ek promise liya tha par tab ki baat alag thi na? aur woh madam toh ab bhi uss promise ko lekhe beiti hai...iss promise keliye aapko khud se dur kardiya...bilkul bevakoof hai! Usse acche se SYS dena...she needs it badly...bohat acchi banne ki khoshish mein lagi hai...nahi banne ki zarooorat kya hai...bohat acchi ladki hai...aap ko zindagi ke saare khushiyaan degi! Jo ab main kabhi nahi deh sakthi...jaldi se yeh sab misunderstandings solve karo aur dono life mein aage badho...dono milke bohat waqt barbaadh kar chuke...ab aur nahi!..."

Arjun smiled and she added, "muskuraa matth ACP...meri baat samjhe ya samjhaavum?"

He nodded and she added with a chuckle, "that's better!"

Arjun continued to gaze at her when she shrugged it and voiced, "ab mujhe chodo aur jaao jaldi se usse manao...jaao Arjun!"

As he smiled to himself and got up, she grabbed his hands gently and added, "Sakshi se kehna ke maine apna promise waapas le liya...aur usse kehna ke maine usske pyar lautaa diya hai! Usse sambaal ke rakhe...mere tarah kabhi kho na deh!"

He muttered and his voice cracked up, "Roshni..."

She smiled back and added, "Sorry happy time pe emotional kardiya..."

She pushed him away from her...he jerked a bit forward and then looked back to see none there...She had gone...gone forever from their lives...

The letter had voiced many things which wasn't written there...the inner meanings, the hidden lines were what came up as Roshni's words to him! She was asking him to forget all the strings that held them back and move ahead in their lives...she was asking them to forget that promise once and forever!

He did the right thing by coming here...he had got all his answers here in this place...

Roshni had come back to show him the right path...the right direction!

MY note: I know Roshni forseeing death appears little weird but trust me. It really happens to some people...may be she felt that she was going to die and her only secret could die with her...perhaps that would have never let her rest in peace...may be that's why she anticipated all the consequences and decided to write it down hoping that some day he would read it...

Perhaps her sixth sense told her that Sakshi would return to his life some day and she wished that Arjun moves on with his life with Sakshi! Roshni wasn't the selfish type who would think that even after her, Arjun should be mourning for her and living a half dead life! She had loved Arjun with all her heart and soul that she wished that Arjun's happiness and smiles stay intact even after her death!

So may be that prompted her to write that letter!

[To be continued]

Precap: udhar Sakshi ka haal...and the happy union...

So how was it? pls do reply...

emotional hogaye kya? zaroori tha...sorry!

vidya.anand2013-09-24 06:19:56