Chapter 5

                            CHAPTER 4: ENGULFED IN DARKNESS

 

Khushi kept tossing on the bed from side to side; the same nightmare had been haunting her dreams for 2 years. She woke up suddenly feeling agitated and scared with sweat beads on her forehead. She sat up on the bed and checked the time on the bedside alarm clock. It was 3 in the morning. Khushi laid down and tried to fall asleep but she couldn't stop shivering even though it was a warm night. She decided to get some warm milk from the kitchen. She threw the covers back, got out of bed and slowly made her way to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and got out the milk jar. She suddenly felt very weak, her hands shaking violently. The milk jar slipped from her hand and smashed on the floor. The loud noise startled her. She put a hand on her heart to calm herself and then bend down to pick up the broken pieces of glass. Arnav came running from the bedroom hearing the sudden loud noise and saw the mess in the kitchen.

He rushed to Khushi's side and held her hand in concern," Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

Khushi looked at him and shook her head. Arnav sighed in relief. He put an arm around her waist to support her. Khushi didn't want him to help her but she felt too weak to protest. He could feel Khushi shivering in his arms. He tightened the hold around her waist and walked her to her room. He lay her down on the bed and pulled the quilt up. He reached out to touch her face but Khushi turned her head away. He slowly retracted his hand and spoke," Do you want anything? I can bring you that cup of warm milk"

Khushi shook her head and didn't meet his eyes while answering the question. Arnav tried to read Khushi's expression but her face seemed blank now. He looked closely at her for the first time in such a long time. Her face seemed very pale and weak. There wasn't the old spark in her eyes and nor the liveliness that was once there in her face.

Arnav thought to himself, "What have I done to you Khushi? I have never seen you like this before. You seem so lifeless and detached. It's tearing me seeing you like this. Please come back Khushi. I need you with me"

Arnav got up from the bed and switched off the light in the room. He looked back to glance at her once and then left the room.

It was 8:30 AM when Khushi woke up again. Her head felt heavy as she got out of bed. She quickly freshened up and walked to the kitchen to make breakfast but there, she was met with a surprise. Arnav had already made breakfast for them both. He was setting the table properly. He looked up and saw Khushi standing at the door. He smiled sweetly at her and brought her to the table holding her hand and made her sit. He put some pancakes on Khushi's table and held out the bottle of maple syrup to her.

"Now I am not a good cook like you Khushi so if the pancakes don't taste good then there is enough maple syrup in the bottle to mask the bad taste'"

Khushi didn't smile at his joke and kept staring at the plate. Arnav's smile wavered. He sat down and started with his breakfast but Khushi didn't touch her food. He was beginning to feel worried now. "Khushi, are you feeling fine? You don't seem to be okay. If you are not feeling well then I can stay home with you today"

Khushi spoke without looking up at him," don't bother. I am fine"

Arnav wasn't convinced, "Khushi, You don't look well. I will stay home today and take care of you. Please don't protest. I am your husband after all"

This time Khushi looked up at him," Its not a switch Arnav. You suddenly realized that you are my husband and you have a right over me. It doesn't work like that. Just face it Arnav, you were not there for me when you were supposed to be there and now I don't need you anymore"

Arnav started to speak again but Khushi held up her hand, "I need some time alone please. For once just respect my wishes" Arnav didn't press it further. He left his breakfast unfinished and left for office.

Khushi walked around the house reminiscing all the memories she had of her marriage. The walls reminded her of when she and Arnav had spent the day painting the house over but the paint ended up on their clothes more than the wall. She looked at the centre table in the living room on which she had placed her cherished vase from her grandmother which Arnav had broken and she didn't talk to him for 2 days. Then the time Arnav forgot their anniversary and Khushi made him sleep on the couch. She smiled as she remembered how happy they were together. How much they loved each other and how their love brought Sneha into their lives.

Khushi's short happiness was replaced with pain once again. Khushi walked to Sneha's room. She hadnt entered in that room even once for the last 2 years. But today she broke that ritual. She opened the door. Sneha's room was the same as she left it. The purple walls, the bed covers with Sneha's favourite cartoon characters, her teddy bears on the shelf. Nothing had changed. Khushi picked up the photo frame on the nightstand. She looked at the picture and a baby girl smiled back at her. It was her 3 year old daughter. She'll always stay that age for Khushi.

Khushi stroked the picture of her daughter with yearning, "I wish I had more time with you"

Khushi no longer cried over her loss. The tears had dried out long ago. All that was left was pain and guilt. Suddenly there was tightness in Khushi's chest. It was becoming difficult to breathe. The frame slipped from her fingers and fell on the floor. She walked out of the room and tried to reach for the phone in the hall but Khushi was starting to get dizzy now and then everything went black.

...

Arnav was very restless whole day. He felt something was wrong but couldn't figure it out. He was thinking about Khushi again and again. He wasn't able to concentrate on work. Arnav called Khushi but she wasn't answering her phone. He called on landline but that kept ringing. He was now very worried. He rushed home. That has never happened before.

Arnav rang the doorbell again and again but there was no answer. He waited around 5 minutes and finally using spare key he entered the house but what he saw shook him to the core.

Khushi was lying on the floor. she was covered with sweat and breathing abnormal. He rushed towards her," KHUSHI! Khushi get up! Khushi" but no answer. He scooped her in his arms and rushed to the hospital.

...

Khushi was in emergency room. Doctor was treating her. Arnav was waiting outside worried. He was broken. He had already lost everything in his life. all he had was Khushi and he couldn't afford to lose her. he knew he had hurt her. may be God was punishing him but not this way, not by losing her. If something happened, he would also die at that very moment.

Doctor came outside and saw Arnav. She felt bad for him. Arnav immediately got up," doctor! How is she? Is she fine? what happened to her? can I meet her?"

Doctor smiled," she is fine now but I don't know for how long. The medication is working but she is unconscious right now. You can meet her. We are just shifting her from here to the other room. Mr. Raizada can I talk to you for a minute? Please come to my cabin"

Arnav followed the doctor into her cabin. She gestured him to sit. Arnav asked," what happened doctor? Is Khushi fine? What happened to her?"

Doctor looked at Arnav," Khushi had panic attack. Mr. Raizada, your wife is having a nervous breakdown."

Arnav was shocked. Doctor continued," may I ask you something? (Arnav nodded) is there any problem with your life? I mean marital life. Any major incident? Look Mr. Raizada, she was at the edge of an emotional trauma. Every person suffers from stress, be it emotionally, mentally or physically but till a certain limit the body can bear it. Once the stress levels cross that limit, there is damage. Khushi was having some kind of stress, and it has gone over the edge. Her body couldn't take it anymore and hence the panic attack."

Arnav stayed quiet. He would have answered her question but he didn't know where to start.

The Doctor understood that it's a touchy subject so she didn't press it further and continued," Khushi needs complete love, care and support right now. She has to be happy and I advise you to take her to a counsellor. She needs to talk, let out all her stress, emotions and problems. I suggest you to see Mr. Mehra. He is one of the best counsellors in the city. You can find him in the hospital also but he has his private place too. I suggest you take Khushi there with you. And Mr Raizada, please take care of her. She is in a very delicate situation. If Khushi continues to suffer this emotional trauma any further, she might even have a heart attack"

Arnav's heart pained hearing the truth of Khushi's condition and what she has been going through all alone. He interrupted," no doctor. I will take her to him. I will take care of her. Can I see her now?"

Doctor smiled and nodded.  

...

Arnav saw Khushi sleeping peacefully. He sat near Khushi caressing her forehead. He held her hand and kissed it," why did you do that to me Khushi? why? I love you, always have and always will. I know I was being a jerk since long time but that doesn't mean I didn't love you. you have no idea what I went through when I saw you lying on the floor. Never do that to me again Khushi, never. I promise we will be happy again Khushi, I promise"

Arnav kept staring at Khushi with all love he had. She would be happy. She would be old Khushi again. He would make sure of it.

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