Chapter 11

 

Part 11

The next day of the trip was blurry...we were gonna head back tonight

The feeling of heartache ...the feeling of being rejected...persisted in my heart throughout the day

And the only relief i got were those stolen glances where for few seconds i could lock her image in my heart...

Whenever our eyes met ...my hell would turn into heaven and then again hell when she looked away

she looked as if a war had been waged in her mind...

She looked as if she had lost at a battle she had begun...

As every moment past i lost hope and regained it when i looked at her...

The day passed and we were back on the bus

She chose to sit far behind...

I wanted to to talk to her

 i made my way back...

She was already asleep or maybe pretending to..

Atleast that let me steal a long long glance at her

Until someone pushed me..and i was brought back to reality...

The noise woke her up

And again we were trapped in each others eyes...

All my eyes asked where "why?? Why are u scared of me"

And her eyes spoke thousands of words but i was sure none spoke hatred then why scared?'

...

The next day was almost hell for me...

I was so scared to admit that again i had committed one of the biggest mistake of my love

Though both were opposite actions...they were equally destructive

One was declaration of love and one was rejection?!!!

Love???

Everytime i thought armaan loved me...i shivered

Yes i was scared...

I decided not to talk to ever him again...

He'll forget me just like many of his g-f's...

Gf's?...i didn't even qualify that category...

And yet it felt as if i had dumped him...

I hoped somewhere he wouldn't

And somewhere i prayed that he dus forget me

Every time our eyes met i saw slight hope in his eyes and every time i looked away i know he shattered a bit...

So it was better that i stayed away from him...and got my head sorted...

We were back on the bus

I went far back hoping he wouldn't try to talk to me as now i couldn't run...

I sat and pretended to sleep

After few mins i felt his presence

Suddenly there was a noise and i opened my eyes

And yes my heartbeats were ryt he was there...

And again i got lost in his blue eyes  unable to blink away as if he had  captured me for few seconds...

I broke away somehow turned my head to the other side..

Soon it would be over when he talks to diya... he will know the truth...

And then he wouldn't have to endure the pain...i had just seen in his eyes...

And his questions will be answered...

He will hate me...just like samrat...

I closed my eyes again...

And almost fell asleep

...

"i love you samrat...i thought u were my best friend...but i feel more for you"

I finished writing those words when

...

suddenly my phone rang...

I broke away from my sleep

 It was my mum checking up on me...

I said i would reach in  2-3 hrs

Everyone was asleep in the bus...

They all were tired after all the fun

I realized i had been sweating..my bad memories were coming back

Everything i had shut away in my heart...far away...so that i needn't witness them again...

it felt like all my wounds were opening up

I got up to check on nupur

And there just in front of my seat armaan lay asleep...

I looked at him a few more tears passed by...

I had lost him? A question wandered...and my heartbeat ran at a faster speed!

...

I got down from the bus..

I still didn't feel sleepy

All nite i had been lost in thoughts ..lost in past...

I was hell confused ...

I turned around he was standing at far end of the bus...

Staring...his eyes still questioning...will he ever talk to me again?

A small voice in my head said "no" and that small whisper almost tore my heart apart if even that was possible...

With a heavy feeling i searched for auto rikshaw..

Nupur was too sleepy...

Mayank had to leave urgently for hospital...

I looked around...

"ridhima!"

I turned

Armaan was sitting in his car...

Before he cud ask i opened my mouth to say no..

But nupur went and sat inside...muttering she was really sleepy

I was forced to go..

He gave a weak smile..

The journey was quiet except my directions for nupurs home

Finally those 15 mins which felt like a lifetime got over and we reached nupurs home

All i felt was guilt for treating him that way...

Pain for loosing him...

And sadness about what had come off my life

Nupur got down..almost awake now

I started getting out of the car

...

"stop ridhima i will drop u..."

She turned

She was almost pale now..

Guilt sadness pain ...i could read in her eyes ..everything...

Maybe i shud treat her normally forget what all happened

Maybe she wont feel guilty about whatever she was ...

I calmed my tone...

Straightened my face..

Put on a smile with a lot of effort..

"your house isn't that far...i can drop you its not a trouble"

...

His smile almost melted my heart...

I knew he had put lot of effort in it...

But it worked i sat back

The silence persisted until my home came...

He dropped me.. i requested him to not get off the car...

And i got down...

I turned and with lot of effort..i gave him a weak smile

And in return he gave me a weak smile...

Maybe...

Even before i could feel my thoughts in words my heartbeats raced!

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love u all

PART12

griffy.fz2013-04-14 22:33:37