Chapter 35

1 years ago

BrhannadaArmour

@BrhannadaArmour

Chapter Thirty-Five

When Pallavi arrived at Farhad's flat, she found Rehana and Gulshan sitting in the living room, hand-in-hand.

"Ammī, Abbū, you came home early today! Has something happened?"

"Is that something to ask, beṭī?" Ammī exclaimed, springing to her feet. "That killer, that Vedant Pillai, shot his gun at my Farhad! Of course, I cancelled my music lessons and called Farhad's Abbū to leave work early. We need to see that our boy comes home safely! Until you become a mother yourself, you will not understand."

Gulshan got up and put his hand on her shoulder, but Rehana's voice was not much steadier as she continued. "Beṭī, while you and Farhad went on with your meetings for the day, everyone in Hyderabad was watching the news. Strangers in that restaurant recorded videos of your Mandar fighting to save Farhad's life, and neither of you kids thought we should know? When Sharada jī found out, even though she was busy at the shop, she called me, right after she spoke to you and Mandar. Whatever you were doing, Pallavi, were you too busy to call me?"

My old habit of hiding trauma from my elders is hard to break, Pallavi reflected. I'm not on my own anymore. Mandar is here to shoulder my burdens and listen to my worries. We face danger together. When I feel hunted, Mandar's arms keep me safe. His smile reassures me. Why not allow Dādā-Vahinī, Āī-Bābā and Kākā, or Ammī-Abbū to comfort me? They wouldn't interfere in my decisions - mine and Mandar's. Anyway, amidst so many life-altering surprises these past few days, I need to make time to run my business! Tonight, I have to look through the designs in my tablet and select a few to show Mrs. Mehra, but first ...

"Beṭī, you have been crying!" Abbū remarked, stepping forward, quickly followed by Ammī, who hugged Pallavi. "Were you hurt?"

"No, Abbū. The gun had fake bullets. No one was hurt. The police took Vedant away, and I stayed at the restaurant to talk to a new customer. I went back to the shop, where Āī was helping Nikhil and Krishna, but before I could tell them what had happened, Anuradha Aunty called to say that she saw the fight on ZOR News. Then Mandar brought me some money that I owed Raghav's Amma, so I went to give it back to her - right after a meeting with Subhadra jī. Ammī, you tried to reach me while I was speaking to Subhadra jī, but I didn't remember your missed call until I was almost here. Raghav ..." Pallavi paused, trying to keep her voice steady and not let on that her tears were for Raghav's hypocritical lies about Mandar and herself. "Raghav found me at his house. He told me ... that he got into a fight with Mandar."

"My poor child. Of course you cried," Ammī murmured, hugging Pallavi the whole time. "I didn't mean to scold you. You really had no time to remember me. But Farhad ... First, because Sharada jī had told me that he was driving when she spoke to Mandar, I only texted him: 'Come straight home.' My son kept me waiting for an hour, and then he texted me back: 'I'm fine. Can't come home yet. I'm onto something exciting.' I left him a voice message: 'Don't take risks.' And he texted me back: 'Don't worry, I'm just at the police station!' Tell me, Pallavi, after handing over that killer to the police, why does Farhad need more of that excitement?"

At that, Pallavi's phone alerted her to a text message. Farhad had listened to her voice message and accepted her apology. Pallavi sighed with relief.

"Ammī-Abbū, when I was speaking to Raghav, I told him that Farhad is gay. Farhad wanted Raghav to know, but he never found the right words or the right time. I may have chosen the worst time and the worst words, but Raghav was saying some very unfair things about gay men, and I thought, if anything can open his mind, it will be knowing that his attitude could hurt Farhad."

"You spoke up for Farhad's good, we know that," Abbū averred. "If Raghav Rao doesn't want our son working for him after this, Allāh Miyā will provide something better for Farhad."

"Yā Allāh, please protect Farhad," Ammī prayed. "Farhad loves that man like a brother, so let him not disappoint Farhad. However, if Raghav Rao is unable to appreciate the only friend he has, give Farhad the strength to walk away without regrets."

"I told Farhad that I outed him to Raghav, and he said I shouldn't worry about it." Pallavi tried to reassure Ammī and Abbū. "Raghav knows that Farhad handles every responsibility capably, and he is loyal to Raghav."

Mandar and Nikhil appeared at the door. Pallavi, Ammī, and Abbū all immediately noticed that Mandar looked nervous.

"Ammī-Abbū, this is Mandar's brother Nikhil. I need to speak with Mandar privately. Please excuse us," Pallavi said in a hurry.

"Of course, you can talk in Farhad's room," Abbū replied. "Nikhil, come, sit with us. Tell us, is your video about the trip to Vikarabad ready yet?"

As soon as Pallavi and Mandar had shut the door to Farhad's room, Ammī's phone rang. It was Farhad.

"Ammī, I'm going to meet Raghav Anna now. I don't know how late I will get home, but please don't worry. I know how to take care of myself."

"Farhad, Pallavi has already come home, and Mandar is here with Nikhil. Your Raghav Rao got into a fight with Mandar. Come home right away," Ammī insisted.

"A fight, Ammī! Tell me, Mandar isn't hurt?"

"He looks upset, that's all. So does Pallavi. Your Abbū and I need to see you, Farhad. Tell that man to wait until tomorrow."

"I want to see Mandar, Ammī," Farhad said agitatedly, thinking, I have to explain to Raghav Anna why I let him believe an illusion for all these years, but Mandar Raja is hurting ...

"Ammī jī, excuse me, could I talk to Farhad, please?" Nikhil ventured. Rehana saw the resolute look in the teenager's eyes, and handed over her phone.

"Farhad ... this is Nikhil. ... Mandar Dādā told me ... what Raghav found out about him. ... Please don't let Raghav throw Dādā in jail or kidnap him. We can't lose Dādā again. ... Pallavi Dī wants to be free of Raghav. If you care about her, don't let him hurt Dādā."

"Nikhil, I care about Mandar too!" Farhad forgot himself as the news sank in. Raghav Anna knows that Mandar is gay! Yā Allāh, inspire me to protect Mandar from Anna's fury! Has Mandar told Bhābhī his truth? What will Anna do to Mandar if I don't meet Anna right away?

"Thanks, Farhad. Could you come home and talk to Dādā? I tried to tell him that his life will be all right, but you're his friend, and you can convince him."

"Tell Mandar not to worry, Nikhil. Life will get better from now on, believe me. I will come home soon, but for Mandar's sake, I have to see Raghav Anna right away. Meanwhile, Mandar and Pallavi jī can tell my Ammī-Abbū anything. They will understand."

"Thank you, Farhad." Nikhil returned Ammī's phone.

"Ammī, please do this for me," Farhad began. "Mandar is gay, and he needs to tell Pallavi jī. Raghav Anna found out, and about me too. That's why I have to meet Anna right away, but you and Abbū look after Pallavi jī and Mandar for me."

"Of course we will comfort both of them, Farhad. And no matter what that man says to you, remember that you are a good man." Rehana ended the call, and took Gulshan's hand in hers as she told him what they had to do.

Meanwhile, in Farhad's room, Pallavi had pulled Mandar into her embrace. "Tumhālā Raghav-ne phāra māralaṃ nāhī nā?" Raghav didn't hit you too badly? she asked.

"Nāhī." No. Mandar, surprised to feel the warmth of Pallavi's body against his, wondered how she could cling to him like this if Raghav had exposed his secret. How exactly would Raghav retaliate for the thrashing Mandar had given him? Mandar imagined Pallavi's touch turning cold as his words would drain away her belief in him. He thought of Farhad smiling at him, encouraging him, and plunged into his confession.

"Pallavi, aika, malā kadhīça tulā phasavāyaçaṃ navhataṃ, paṇa mī samaliṅgī āhe." Pallavi, listen, I never wanted to cheat you, but I am homosexual.

Pallavi tried not to hear Mandar telling her what she had assured herself was a lie by Raghav. If she didn't speak or move, if she held on to Mandar, she might not lose him again!

"Agadī lahāna vayāpāsūna malā zāṇavata hote kī malā puruṣāṃsāṭhī kāhī adhikaça vāṭate." From a very young age, I was aware that I felt something extra for men. "Tujhyāsāṭhī taseça vāṭāve aśī āpale lagna ṭharata asatānā mājhī manāpāsūna icchā hotī." When our marriage was being fixed, I sincerely wished that I would feel just that way for you. "Ved Pillai-ne māzhe gupita oḷakhale hote, āṇi lagnācyā rātrī tyāne gharī phone karūna malā dhamakī dilī kī mī tyālā pannāsa hazāracī rakkama āṇūna dilī nāhī tara to māzhā doṣa tulā sāṅgūna ṭākaṇāra." Ved Pillai had guessed my secret, and on the wedding night, he called me at home with the threat that if I didn't bring him Rs. 50,000, he would tell you my defect. "Ved-lā police-āñcyā tābyāta deūna maga mī saṃsārālā samartha asalyāçe tulā paṭavāyaçe, ase ṭharavūna mī tulā kāhī na sāṅgatā gharātūna bāhera paḍalo, āṇi apaghāta ghaḍalā." I decided to get Ved into police custody and then convince you that I was capable for married life, so, without telling you anything, I set out from the house, and the accident happened. "Mājhī smṛti naṣṭa zhālyāvarahī Pallavi he nāṃva mājhyā āṭhavaṇīta urale hyāçe kāraṇa asela tujhyāsāṭhī viṣamaliṅgī banaṇyāçā māzhā niścaya." Even after losing my memories, the reason that the name Pallavi remained in my memory may have been my determination to become heterosexual for you.

As Mandar's words swirled through her ears, Pallavi had a realization. "Tyā rātrī phone tumhī nāhī, Bābāṃnī ghetalā hotā!" That night, Bābā had received the phone call, not you! "Tumhī samaliṅgī asalyāçe tyāṃnā māhīta asūna te malā kāhīça bolale nāhī?" Although he knew that you were gay, he said nothing at all to me? "Malā dukānātale kāma śikavatānā Bābāṃnī malā tumacyā asaṃkhya goṣṭī sāṅgitalyā, paṇa he nāhī." When he was training me to work at the shop, Bābā told me countless stories about you, but not this. "Pallavi mājhī mulagī nāhī, mulagāça āhe, māzhā Mandar-aça āhe, ase kitīdā tyāñcyā toṇḍūna aikale!" Pallavi isn't my daughter, she's my son only, she's my Mandar only - how many times I heard this from him!

Mandar felt Pallavi trembling against his chest. Just like yesterday, his lips found the top of her head and pressed, trying to comfort her. "MBA-sāṭhī śikata asatānā ekadā ekā aśyā saṃsthetalī māhitī ghetalyāçe mī Bābāṃsamora kabūla kele." When I was studying for my MBA, once I admitted to Bābā that I got information from one such organization. "Paṇa samaliṅgī sahavāsāsāṭhī mī pāūla uçalale nāhī āṇi mī lagnālā hokāra dilā mhaṇaje maga Bābāṃçā gairasamaza zhālā kī ātā kuṇīhī malā samaliṅgī mhaṇū śakaṇāra nāhī." But since I didn't take a step to find homosexual companionship and I assented to marriage, Bābā then got the wrong idea that now no one could call me homosexual. "Amma samaliṅgī lokāṃçe parivartana ghaḍavate he kaḷalyāvara mī ticī madata māgitalī āṇi kharaṃça manāpāsūna prayatna kelā, Pallavi." When I found out that Amma converts homosexual people, I asked for her help and I truly made a sincere effort, Pallavi. "Tulā punhā bheṭalyāvara malā vāṭale kī Bāppāneça prasanna hoūna malā māzhā mārga dākhavalā." When I met you again, I thought that Bāppā Himself was pleased and showing me my way.

Pallavi's own hurt and loneliness poured out in response to Mandar's words. "Mandar, gelyā cāra divasāṃta āpalyāta jī zavaḷīka nirmāṇa zhālī, tī mājhyāsāṭhī sādhyā maitrīcī navhatī." Mandar, the closeness that developed between us in these past four days wasn't like ordinary friendship for me. "Tumhī gelyānantara mī raḍāyaçe te āpalyā kholīta ekaṭī asatānāça, āṇi gharābāhera kuṭhalīhī aḍaçaṇa ālī tarī mī gharī tī kaḷū deta nase." While you were gone, I used to cry only in our room when I was alone, and whatever difficulty came my way outside the house, I wouldn't let our family know about it. "Tumhālā gharī āṇalyāpāsūna tumacyā samora mī raḍū śakale, āṇi mājhyā manālā vāṭaṇārā sagaḷāça saṃtāpa tumhālā sāṅgū śakale." Since bringing you home, I was able to cry in front of you, and I was able to tell you all of the indignation that I felt. "Kāla āṇi āza tyā dvivivāhācyā bātamyā ālyāmuḷe āṇi Raghav ..." Yesterday and today, when that bigamy made the news and Raghav ... Pallavi halted, unwilling to put Raghav's shame into ugly words. Raghav had guessed that Mandar had told her about it, so Mandar must have discovered it somehow, but he had kept quiet. "Raghav-çe gupita kaḷalyāmuḷe malā narakayātanā hota hotyā, paṇa tyātahī tumacyākaḍe pāhūna mī mājhyā punarjanmācī vāṭa pāhata rāhile." When I learned Raghav's secret, I felt agony like hell, but even in the midst of that I gazed at you and kept waiting for my rebirth.

Mandar knew that every word that Pallavi spoke was true. Pallavi had opened up to him, assuming a wife's privilege to seek comfort from her husband, and he had allowed her to believe in him. Mandar still wanted to stand with Pallavi against Sulochana Kākū's and Raghav's cruelty, and he felt relief that Pallavi wasn't talking about throwing him out of their family.

Sensing Mandar's inertness, Pallavi pulled away and stood at arm's length from him. Willing her voice to be steady, she said, "Raghav sāṅgata hotā āṇi malā te khoṭe vāṭale, paṇa tumhī sāṅgatāya tara mī mānya karate kī tumhī samaliṅgī āhāta āṇi tumacyā manāta mājhyāsāṭhī kāhīça ākarṣaṇa nāhī." Raghav was telling me and I thought it was a lie, but you're telling me, so I accept that you're gay and you feel no attraction to me. "Tumaçe parivartana śakya nāhī, āṇi muḷāta samaliṅgī asaṇe hā kāhī doṣa nāhī." Your conversion isn't possible, and anyway, being gay isn't any defect. "Paṇa mājhyā bhāvanā kharyā asatānā tyā mī kaśī visarū?" But when my feelings are sincere, how can I forget them?

Mandar looked miserably into Pallavi's eyes. He could not be halfway honest now. "Malā Farhad āvaḍato." I like Farhad. "Amma māzhe parivartana karata asalyāçā Farhad-lā pattā lāgalā, āṇi tyāne svataḥçā svābhimāna dākhavūna malā ughaḍapaṇe zagāyalā uttejana dile." Farhad found out that Amma is converting me, and he showed me his pride in himself to encourage me to live openly.

Pallavi stared at Mandar, tears in her eyes, feeling suddenly jealous of Farhad. Mandar being gay she had to accept as a fact of his nature, but he was hers! Not Farhad's! She had trusted Farhad's friendship with Mandar to help her husband settle into their life together, and even if Farhad was right to encourage Mandar to come out instead, it hurt to think that Mandar's feelings for anyone could compare to her own feelings for Mandar.

Trying to mitigate his humiliation of Pallavi, Mandar continued. "Mī mātra dona varṣāṃpāsūna tujhyā śodhāta hoto, Pallavi, mhaṇūna tulā mī māgaṇī ghātalī āṇi tujhyā zavaḷa yeṇyāsāṭhī mana lāvale." I had been seeking you for two years, though, Pallavi, so I proposed to you and focussed on getting close to you. "Tū jyā ekaniṣṭhatene mājhī zāgā bharalīsa, Āī-Bābāṃnā ādhāra dilāsa, āpale dukāna çālavalesa, āṇi Raghav-śī laḍhalīsa, tyā ekaniṣṭhatevara malā prema vāṭate." The steadfastness with which you filled my place, supported Āī-Bābā, managed our shop, and fought with Raghav ... I love that steadfastness. "Paṇa Vikarabad-madhalī mājhī zāgā āvaraṇyāta, māzhā mṛtyudākhalā radda karaṇyāta, āṇi Sulochana Kākūcyā kaṭāçā śodha lāvaṇyāta zasā Farhad mājhyā madatīlā yeta rāhilā, tasā to mājhyā manāta bharalā." However, as Farhad kept stepping up to help me - to clear my place in Vikarabad, to get my death certificate invalidated, and to discover Sulochana Kākū's plot, he occupied my heart. "Tujhyā sahavāsāta malā prema vāṭū lāgale, āṇi Farhad samora ālyāvara utkaṭa ākarṣaṇa." In your company, I began to feel love, and when Farhad appeared in front of me, intense attraction. "Farhad āṇi mī ekaṭe ekatra asatānā māzhā svataḥvara tābā rahāta nāhī." When Farhad and I are alone together, I don't keep myself in control. "He mī Vishnu-lā sāṅgata hoto, kāraṇa parivartanāsāṭhī to māzhā mārgadarśaka āhe, āṇi teça aikūna Raghav-ne malā māra deūna sāṅgitale kī Farhad māzhe satya tujhyāsamora āṇaṇyāsāṭhī svataḥ samaliṅgī asalyāçe phakta nāṭaka karata hotā." I was telling this to Vishnu, because he's my conversion sponsor, and that's what Raghav heard, so he hit me and told me that Farhad was only pretending to be gay himself to expose my truth before you.

Pallavi tried to take comfort in Mandar's admission that he did find her lovable, and she tried not to hear his passion for Farhad. What Raghav had told Mandar about Farhad, however, made Pallavi inhale sharply, startled.

"Farhad nāṭaka karata navhatā." Farhad wasn't pretending, Pallavi said. "Raghav-lāça māhita navhate." Raghav himself didn't know. "Tumhī samaliṅgī asalyāçe kaḷalyā kṣaṇī Farhad Raghav-lā āṇi malā sāṅgū śakalā asatā, kāraṇa tyāne tase karaṇyāta Raghav-çā phāyadā hotā." The moment that Farhad found out that you're gay, he could have told Raghav and me, because Raghav's benefit lay in his doing so. "Farhad-ne tase na karatā tumacyā bhāvanā zapalyā, kāraṇa Farhad-lā tumacī sahānubhūti vāṭalī." Farhad didn't do that, and he protected your feelings, because Farhad felt sympathy for you. "Malā suddhā tumaçe svāsthya āṇi tumacī nātī zapāyacī āheta." I also want to protect your well-being and your relationships. "Tumaçe samazūna tyā pretāçe antyasaṃskāra kelyāvara mī saṃsāra karaṇyācī āśā soḍalī hotī; Raghav-lā tumacyā nāṃvāne saṃdhī dilyāvara tī āśā jāgṛta zhālī, āṇi tumhī parata ālyāvara mī tumacyā mulāñcī āī hoṇyāçe svapna baghū lāgale." After performing last rites for that corpse, believing it to be yours, I had given up hope of doing married life; that hope awoke after I gave Raghav a chance in your name, and when you came back, I began to dream of becoming the mother of your children. "Paṇa zara tumacyā bāzūne āpalyā lagnālā kāhī arthaça nasela tara mī kaśībaśī punhā mājhī ekaṭīcī vāṭa dharāyalā śikate." But if on your side our marriage doesn't even make sense, then somehow again I will learn to make my way alone.

"Mī lagnāçā artha samazūna tujhyāśī lagna kele, Pallavi!" I understood what marriage means before I married you, Pallavi! Mandar protested. Yes, he had ruined Pallavi's life, but not frivolously! "Itara zoḍapī hasata-kheḷata premāta paḍatāta, ekatra kuṭumbāta saṃsāra karatāta, āṇi mulāṃnā vāḍhavatāta, taseça malā lagna kelyāvara akkhe āyuṣya kāḍhāyaçe hote." Other couples laugh and play as they fall in love; they do married life in a joint family; and they raise children - just like them, after getting married, I wanted to spend my entire life. "Gharī parata ālyāpāsūna tujhyā miṭhīta āṇi tujhyā hasaṇyāta malā āpalyā nātyācī haravalelī suruvāta punhā ekadā sāṃpaḍalī." Since returning home, in your embrace and your laughter, I found our relationship's lost beginning once again. "Paṇa malā Farhad-sāṭhī śārīrika ākarṣaṇa vāṭate he nākāratā yeta nāhī." But there's no denying that I feel physical attraction to Farhad.

"Tase tara malāhī Raghav-lā pāhūna śārīrika ākarṣaṇa vāṭate!" Well, on that level, I too feel physical attraction when I see Raghav! Pallavi retorted. "Tyālā sahaza abrū vikaṇārī aśī cāraçaughāta mājhī oḷakha karūna tyāne malā saktīçā punarvivāha karāyalā lāvalā, āṇi tyāādhī suddhā malā balātkārācī kiṃvā maraṇācī bhīti vhāvī asā to anekadā vāgalā, paṇa to zavaḷa asatānā to dekhaṇā āṇi taruṇa asalyāçe malā zāṇavate." Publicly proclaiming me a woman who easily sold my honour to him, he forced me to remarry, and even before that, he often behaved so as to make me afraid of rape or murder, but when he's near me, I'm aware that he's handsome and youthful. "Ākarṣaka śarīra kāhī janmabhara ṭikata nāhī." An attractive body doesn't last for a lifetime. "Svabhāva zuḷalyāśivāya prema mhaṇaje phakta vāsanā asate, jī āpalyā dukānāta yeṇāryā tyā Raghav-cyā vicārāne khidaḷaṇāryā mulīṃnā zaśī vāṭalī, taśīça Raghav-çā deha vikata gheṇāryāṃnā vāṭalī." Unless personalities match, love means only lust, which was felt alike by those girls who came into our shop, giggling at the thought of Raghav, and by those who bought Raghav's body. "Jevhāṃ mī tumhālā pasanta kele tevhāṃ āpalyāta zavaḷīka, prema, āṇi śārīrika nāte nirmāṇa hotīla aśī mājhī apekṣā hotī, kāraṇa āpalī tattva zuḷatāta, paṇa āyuṣyāta kaśācīça khātrī nasate." When I accepted you, my expectation was that closeness, love, and a physical relationship would develop between us, because our values match, but nothing in life is certain. "Pratyeka nātyāta taḍazoḍa karāvīça lāgate, nāhī kā?" Compromise is a must in every relationship, isn't it?

It was a shock for Mandar that Pallavi felt lust for a Rākṣasa like Raghav - she shouldn't, but maybe Raghav knew how to entice women because he had been a prostitute! Yet Pallavi's words gave Mandar hope that his failure to be a good man wasn't beyond redemption. "Mī samaliṅgī asalyāçe zāṇūna suddhā tulā mājhyāśī nāte ṭikavāvese vāṭate?" Being aware that I'm gay, you still want to maintain a relationship with me? he asked.

"Ho." Yes. "Jevhāṃ tumhīça navhatā tevhāṃ Deshmukh-āñcyā gharāśī māzhe nukateça zoḍalele nāte hātāṃvaracyā mendīsakaṭa agadī sahaza pusatā āle asate, paṇa Āī-Bābāṃnī tase hoū dile nāhī." When you yourself weren't there, my recently attached relationship to the Deshmukh family would have been quite readily wiped away along with the mendī on my hands, but Āī-Bābā didn't let that happen. "Nātyālā nave nāṃva deūna tyāṃnī gharāta mājhī hakkācī zāgā ṭikavalī." They gave the relationship a new name to maintain my rightful place in the family. "Bābāṃnī malā gharābāhera kāḍhalyāvara te nāte tuṭale, āṇi tumhī jīvanta sāṃpaḍalyāvaraça te punhā zoḍale gele." That relationship snapped when Bābā threw me out of the house, and it was reattached only when you were found alive. "Mī koṇa āhe he suddhā tumhālā āṭhavata nasūna, āṇi mī punarvivāha kelā asūna tumhī āpalyā nātyāvara viśvāsa ṭhevalāta āṇi Vikarabad soḍūna gharī ālāta, tyāmuḷe māzhā vanavāsa saṃpalā." Although you didn't even remember who I am, and although I had remarried, you believed in our relationship and left Vikarabad to come home, and that's why my exile ended. "Āza tumhālā tyā Vedant Pillai-śī laḍhatānā pāhūna malā śaṅkā vāṭalī kī mājhyā āyuṣyāta punhā yeūna itakyātaça kā tumhī malā soḍūna zāṇāra?" Today, watching you fighting with that Vedant Pillai, I felt anxious that just when you came back into my life, would you slip away from me? "Āpalyā nātyāta zarī taḍazoḍa karāvī lāgalī tarīhī āyuṣyabhara malā tumhī have āhāta." Even if we have to compromise in our relationship, I still want you for a lifetime.

Mandar understood that Pallavi needed him to renounce his treacherous lust for Farhad, but how could he promise her a lifetime when he hadn't controlled his urges so far? "Pallavi, tujhyāvara mī anyāya kelā āhe, tyāmuḷe tujhī hakkācī zāgā ṭikavāyalā lāgale tara mī ghara soḍūna zāīna, paṇa tujhyā vāṭyālā punhā vanavāsa yeū deṇāra nāhī!" Pallavi, I've been unfair to you, and so, to preserve your rightful place, I'll leave home if I need to, but I won't let exile be your lot again! Mandar declared.

"Tumhī kiṃvā mī kuṇīhī ghara soḍaṇyācī kuṭhe garaza āhe?" What need is there for either you or me to leave home? Pallavi argued. "Sulochana Kākūñcyā pāpāṃnā ātā māphī nāhī; tyāṃnā vanavāsa kiṃvā turuṅgavāsa bhogāvā lāgela, paṇa tumhī kiṃvā mī ase kāya pāpa kele āhe?" Sulochana Kākū's sins can't be forgiven anymore; she'll have to suffer exile or prison, but what sin have you or I committed? "Āpaṇa āpalyā doghāñcyā hakkācyā māṇasāṃta rāhū, āṇi āpaṇa doghehī sukhī hoū aśī kāhītarī vāṭa kāḍhū." We'll live among our people who belong to both of us, and work out some way by which both of us will become happy.

"Pallavi, Amma āpalyālā sallā deū śakate!" Pallavi, Amma can give us advice! Mandar began excitedly, but Pallavi cut him off.

"Te mātra malā çālaṇāra nāhī." I won't tolerate that, though, Pallavi spoke firmly, looking earnestly into Mandar's eyes. "Dr. Ramya tumhālā āīsārakhyā āheta, āṇi tyāṃçe upakāra mī mānate, mhaṇūna tumhī tyāṃnā bheṭū nakā ase mī sāṅgaṇāra nāhī." Dr. Ramya is like a mother to you, and I'm grateful to her, so I won't tell you not to meet her. "Paṇa mānasopacārācyā nāṃvāne tumacyā vyaktimattvātūna eka bhāga ghālavaṇyācyā nādāta tyā tumaçā ātmasaṃmānaça ghālavatīla." However, in her haste to get rid of a part of your personality with so-called psychiatry, she'll actually get rid of your self-esteem. "Kāhīhī kelyāne tumaçe parivartana ghaḍaṇāra nāhī, he ātāparyanta tumhālā kaḷāyalā have hote." Whatever you do, your conversion won't happen, you should have realized by now. "Samaliṅgī mhaṇūna tumhālā ughaḍapaṇe jagāsamora yāyaçe nasela tara te mī samazū śakate." If you don't want to come out before the world and be openly gay, I can understand that. "Māzhe Raghav-śī laiṅgika saṃbandha asalyāçe khoṭe āropa aikalyāvara malāhī lapūna rahāvese vāṭale." When I heard false accusations that I had a sexual relationship with Raghav, I wanted to hide too. "Mājhyā aṅgālā sparśa karāyaçā nasela tara karū nakā; Farhad-vara tumaçe prema asela tara tase malā sāṅgā; paṇa mānasika dabāvākhālī yeūna mājhyāśī premāçe nāṭaka muḷīça karū nakā." If you don't want to touch me, don't; if you love Farhad, tell me; but don't ever succumb to psychological pressure and pretend to love me.

While Mandar and Pallavi finished saying what they had to say to each other, and joined Nikhil, Gulshan, and Rehana in the living room to talk some more, Raghav sat fuming in his den, remembering his conversation with Amma.

"Raghav, calm down and don't give up. Remember, Pallavi is always kind to you. You blamed Pallavi when Sulochana Deshmukh took photos of Kirti, but Pallavi believed that you were sorry. You covered up Mandar's accident, but Pallavi saved you from jail. Now that Pallavi knows your truth, she can actually give you a chance."

"I had a chance, and you ruined it, Amma. Pallavi should have heard from me, not from you!"

"Don't shout at me, Raghav. I thought you had already told Pallavi. Pallavi said that she knew why I had disowned you, and you only did it to support your family. How could you stay in one bedroom with Pallavi while hiding this? How could you allow Pallavi to fast for Vaṭa-Sāvitrī for your seven lifetimes together? Just like forcing Pallavi to marry you, you have to admit what you did so that you can move ahead."

"Amma, you've made sure I can never move ahead. For ten years, you told me I was unworthy to look after you and Celli, and that wasn't enough, so you convinced Pallavi that I'm wrong for her. Even if she leaves Mandar -"

"Anna, may I come in?" Farhad's voice interrupted Raghav's brooding. Damayanti had already got up from her corner and gone to greet Farhad.

Raghav only signalled with his eyes to come in and shut the door. "Just tell me, Farhad, while I thought you were my friend all these years, were you aisā-vaisā?" With a sneer on his face, Raghav made a limp wrist, wanting Farhad to feel rejection just for a moment. He had made this gesture and used this slur often before, and felt like a boss, but now, trying to hurt Farhad, he just felt worse.

Only a few hours ago, Raghav had pushed back at the thought of anyone mocking Farhad as he was doing now. But now Raghav knew that his faith in Farhad's straightness was a joke to Farhad. Raghav Rao had been shut out, and he couldn't just tell Farhad he was forgiven.

"I've always been proudly gay and your friend, Anna." Farhad ignored Raghav's attempt to provoke his anger. He could see bruises on Raghav Anna's face and through his open shirt. Mandar had punched Anna like this! Then how had the fight bruised Mandar Raja? Farhad worried.

"Dhananjay knows you're a homo. Does Savitri jī know?" Raghav demanded, as if the good rapport between Farhad and the administrator of Pooswami Old Age Home was a friendship. Farhad nodded.

"Does Ramakrishna know?" Raghav wanted to be ahead of the eldest of his pious servants at least, but Farhad nodded again, and Raghav felt a pit in his stomach.

"Does Gorilla know?" Raghav persisted, mentally preparing to punch Harish if the answer was yes.

"Anna, I wasn't keeping anything hidden from you, but as your secretary, my duty was to listen to you first and look after your needs. It was never the right time to speak of myself."

Damayanti snorted. Raghav glanced at her and felt vindicated. Even his new dog knew that Farhad could have been himself around Raghav!

"Farhad, we were friends before I started Jayati Jewels! Why didn't you tell me back then?" Raghav wanted to know.

"I knew it was a sensitive subject for you, Anna. Do you remember how we met?"

"Of course I remember! You were a student intern at Pooswami Imports ..." Raghav broke off, unable to say aloud: where a college dropout like Raghav Rao was only hired because I was Pooswami Sir's favourite.

"Pooswami Sir asked me to be your friend," Farhad reminisced. "I was at your side while you learned his business, and I didn't say anything about myself that would make you feel awkward about yourself. Sir told me how he found you, Anna."

Raghav began to perspire and feel short of breath, thinking, Pooswami Sir told Farhad how he came out of a meeting with the police superintendent and heard the constables laughing at me! Does Farhad know why I was arrested? That client started a fight with me because I wouldn't give back his money, and when the police came, they decided to fix my attitude. I had already let the client pollute me, but I couldn't do what he had paid to watch; his wife said she wanted me, but I could tell she didn't from the way she was trembling. I was running out of time to earn enough money to go into business with Ved, and suddenly, I was going to jail. The Inspector was roughing me up, and I was thinking, I can't tell my real name and address, or Amma and Celli will have to leave Hyderabad. That was when Pooswami Sir called me Ramaswami, pretending to recognize me, and he assured the Inspector that he would keep me out of trouble.

Damayanti had come to Raghav's side and raised herself on her hind legs to put her head in his lap. Raghav tried to focus on her as Mandar had told him to do when he had a panic attack.

"I know you told Pooswami Sir that you were on your own because you came out as gay and Amma disowned you. You never had to confirm or deny that lie with me," Farhad said gently, and Raghav's breathing became easier. Raghav could tell that Farhad had always known how he had earned the capital to start Jayati Jewels, and that truth didn't diminish Farhad's respect for his Anna any more than the lie that Pooswami Sir had prompted Raghav to tell him.

"I know that after he took you into his home, you offered to be his boyfriend. And I know why he refused." Farhad quietly thanked Allāh Miyā that the desk was between him and Raghav Anna as he revealed this infuriating secret.

"Listen, Farhad, I was never a ... I was never gay! Pooswami Sir guessed why I didn't have a home, and it was easier to say yes than to tell him the truth about my village and ... that girl who ruined my life. Then Sir told me that he was gay too, and he took me home. I saw a chance to earn some money, and I offered. But he wasn't like the rest of them. He told me that he had never done anything with a man and he never would. He only wanted another chance to be a father to his two sons."

"Pooswami Sir had come out to his wife, and she had left him, taking their sons and refusing to let him have any contact with them," Farhad commented. "After that, his business was his entire focus and his employees were his only family. Once, when I knocked and he didn't hear me because he was staring at his computer screensaver with his sons' old photos, I asked him if a good lawyer could convince a judge to grant him visitation with them. Sir sighed and said that courts can't fix a broken family. Forget visitation or phone calls, his wife refused every time he asked her to accept child support, gifts, or messages for his sons. He thought he had to respect her decision because he had ruined her life. He told me that I was lucky; I was already living my authentic life and I wouldn't deceive anyone, so Veṅkaṭeśvara would send me love, not guilt."

Raghav gave a hollow laugh. "Pooswami Sir was too sentimental. Today, Sārī kā Dukāna told me I violated her and ruined her life with my lies and hypocrisy, and she never wanted to marry me, but so what? Raghav Rao doesn't play by the rules. You win, Pallavi, you're free of me and on your own. I won't provide for you and that Nirupa, that Sanakī, and that whole bunch. Saying it won't make it true. We have ways to look after your Amma, right, Damayanti? Nobody has to know how we do it. One lottery ticket for that Junior College, artham ainadā?"

In the back of his mind, Farhad adjusted his plans to shut down Pushkar Online Casino. Their systems could be repurposed to set up a fake lottery easily. Of course, Mandar Raja wouldn't approve of Nikhil gambling again ...

Aloud, Farhad said, "Anna, please don't give up hope. Bhābhī won't need a settlement. She will realize that she belongs with you. Mandar isn't a threat, you know. Please, Anna, don't fight with Mandar again."

Raghav looked at Farhad's face. Farhad had often pleaded with Raghav to be kind to Pallavi, but he hadn't blushed like this! Could Farhad really have the hots for Mandar?

"Farhad, you have to tell Pallavi that Sanakī Junior is cheating on her." Raghav spoke sharply, looking Farhad directly in the eyes.

"Anna, right now Mandar could be telling Bhābhī that he's gay. Bhābhī's plans for her life will crumble, and so will Mandar's. Right now, they both need to feel lovable. This isn't the time to tell Bhābhī that Dhananjay saw Mandar giving me a kiss. Please let me be Bhābhī's friend ... and Mandar's too."

"Do you remember, Farhad, that you called Sunil Kapoor to tell him that his fiancée Anjali was at RR Mansion, trying to get into my bed? Now you want to cover up Mandar's treachery to Pallavi and call him your friend. You already lied to me when I asked you what you found out about Mandar in Vikarabad. Don't you feel any shame?"

"Mandar isn't like that Anjali, Anna! He spent two years in conversion therapy, faithfully reciting Pallavi's name as if he could stop being gay. Mandar has felt guilty all his life, trying to make his family proud of him. Vedant guessed Mandar's secret, and tried to extort Rs. 50,000 from him on his wedding night. Mandar was on his way to hand Vedant over to the police when the car hit him and he lost his memory. That's what I found out in Vikarabad; Mandar himself told me. When he was with me, he tried to forget that guilt for a moment, and taste what he had given up. It was wrong, and I don't want to hide it from Bhābhī. Only, if Mandar is outed to her by me, or by Dhananjay, or by you, instead of telling her himself, he will always regret that he wasn't brave."

Raghav thought, he didn't need to feel this guilt about Mandar! Mandar deserved to suffer after ignoring Raghav's warning to do right by Pallavi ... but Mandar had kept Raghav's HIV a secret as promised ... maybe because Mandar didn't love Pallavi! Raghav should hate Mandar's seductive baritone voice that had soothed his panic attacks! Mandar himself didn't deserve the chance to make amends that Pallavi had given to Raghav in Mandar's name! So what if Mandar had relieved Celli of guilt for the hit-and-run, and spared Raghav the guilt that he would have felt if he had harmed Damayanti? Raghav had saved Mandar's life before Mandar ever saved Raghav's, and for what? So that his enemy Mandar could live to hurt Pallavi!

"I already outed Mandar to Pallavi!" Raghav spat out the words, and watched as Farhad's face registered shock and shame. "And I told Sanakī Junior that you were only pretending to be gay to expose him to Pallavi." Farhad's eyes filled with tears. "You made a joker of me, Farhad. Why are you crying? Mandar isn't worth it. If he can cheat on Pallavi, he will cheat on you too!"

Farhad wiped his tears and tried to keep his voice steady. "Anything more than friendship between Mandar and me won't happen for a while. But if you broke his trust in that friendship, Anna, you didn't do a good deed. For Bhābhī's sake, Anna, please let Mandar reunite with his family. Don't try to drive him out of Hyderabad, or shame him publicly."

Raghav scowled. He didn't want to hate anyone ever again the way he had hated Pallavi. Mandar didn't deserve Pallavi's love, nor Farhad's, but Raghav wouldn't be responsible for another person being thrown out of the Deshmukh family.

"Relax! I won't give that Rambo another heart attack, or make Nirupa cry." Raghav tried to smirk despite his swollen cheeks and lips. "You know why? Because I don't want those two to star in a cheap remake of the drama from a few months ago, when my so-called sex life was in the news, and Amma was ready to quit living. Once Sārī kā Dukāna accepts the truth about Sanakī Junior, she can convince them to be decent about him and let her go, right? I mean, Rambo actually gave Pallavi his blessing to choose me, and Nirupa tied Pallavi's kalāvā on my wrist. She said some open-minded things about me on yesterday's news too. I can go easy on them."

Farhad smiled at Raghav's effort to cheer up, although he was getting a vibe that Anna might still have an idea to do something to Mandar.

"Anna, when you outed Mandar to Bhābhī, how did she react?"

"She didn't believe me. She changed the subject to how I hid my sexual history from her. She said, after I falsely accused her of selling herself to build her business, I deserve to have my brand ruined with the truth about me. She called Junior College to find out how badly I hurt Sanakī Junior with one punch. Then she listed all the lies I already told her about Mandar. She said that I don't follow her dharma, she's moving ahead with the annulment, and she doesn't want anything more from me."

Farhad's eyes watered again. How awful for Bhābhī to be confronted with Anna's past work just when the news was reporting that Anna had forced her to marry him, and then to be told the truth about Mandar! ... Only one punch! Amidst Raghav's admissions of failure, Farhad's mind grasped at the one positive detail. Ammī also said that Mandar Raja isn't hurt, only upset. I'll go home and talk to him, as Nikhil wanted me to. Mandar Raja has to know that I wasn't pretending to like him!

"Farhad, when you see Pallavi tonight, you have to convince her to take my offer of a settlement and alimony." Raghav's words interrupted the plan in Farhad's mind.

Farhad hesitated, and then he said, "How can I do that, Anna? Do you remember the morning I told you that Bhābhī had made a cake for you?"

Raghav remembered that morning. Waking up with a hangover, he had felt stung by Pallavi's joke that he liked to be undressed by a man, she knew it! She hadn't known, of course, that she was reminding him of his hideous sexual history. Raghav had protested to Pallavi that his mind wasn't double-track, he wasn't aisā-vaisā. And he had made a limp wrist to emphasize his point. Looking at Farhad now, his aimless mockery seemed so ungrateful to the friend who had woken up in the middle of the night to help Pallavi look after him when he was drunk.

"When I arrived to undress you," Farhad continued, "I found money on the floor. You had thrown money on Bhābhī for the cake, and then you had ruined the cake. Anna, you couldn't have been more cruel. What you did that night reminded Bhābhī of how you threw money on her in front of her family and neighbours and said that she had spent nineteen or twenty nights with you. You said you were sorry for the hateful lie, but you only had to be drunk and it came to your tongue again: your money is Bhābhī's motive for liking you. With those memories, how will Bhābhī agree to become rich from having been married to you?"

Raghav looked down at Damayanti. "It disgusts her that I was for sale to anyone who could pay. She'll never agree. But listen, Farhad, I'm sorry I insulted you right now with the limp wrist and all the other times I said homo ... aisā-vaisā ... double-track. I know I was prejudiced - I mean, I still am, but I can change, because I'm your friend, Farhad, I really am, and you're the best friend I could have."

Farhad reached across the desk, and Raghav took his hand gratefully. "Don't worry about me, Anna. How long ago did you tell Bhābhī about those days before Pooswami Imports?"

"I didn't tell her, Farhad. Amma told her yesterday. I lost my chance," Raghav sighed. "Farhad, I still don't understand why you chose not to come out to me before you knew my prejudices. When Pooswami Sir asked you to be my friend, he told you that I said Amma threw me out for being gay, right?"

"Jī, Anna."

"Did Sir already know that you're gay?"

"Jī, Anna. I told Sir when I interviewed for the internship. It's rare to find a successful businessman who is openly gay, and that's why I wanted to do my internship at Pooswami Imports."

"So, Sir thought that I could use your support, and you didn't know that I was lying, but you never told me what you thought we had in common?"

"Anna, it didn't take me long to figure out that you're not gay. Even while Sir was introducing you to everyone, I observed that you tried to impress the most attractive women and you sized up all handsome men as competition."

"Then why did you never tell Pooswami Sir that I lied to him about being gay?"

"Sir already knew, Anna! He told me that you didn't trust him with your truth. You were determined to start your own jewelry business, and he thought you could start over as yourself with a friend of your own age."

Raghav stared at Farhad. Pooswami Sir, that sentimental gay man who couldn't do anything for his own sons, had allowed himself to be used as a benefactor. For nine years, Raghav had thought he had tricked Sir, telling a lie to win his sympathy and free use of the infrastructure, resources, and contacts of Pooswami Imports to start Jayati Jewels. Raghav had only tricked himself. Sir had been genuinely, unselfishly kind to him.