Chapter 11

11

"Why?" Kripa stared at him coldly as he stood in front of her trying to understand her arrogance. "Come on Kripa. Just give me a few minutes!" She stood strong for a minute but then just walked into her house leaving the door open for him. Angad quickly came in and closed the door.

Kripa sat on the couch and when he did too, she quickly looked at him. "So what do you need?"

"Kripa..I know I've been a jerk in the past few days but I think you would agree that to a certain degree, I have the right to."

"The right? Oh please..if thats what youre here to talk about..your girlfriend's death, then I dont wanna listen to another bit of that."

"No! Thats not what im here to talk about!" There was this hint of anger in his voice. Maybe frustration. "So what do you wanna say Angad? Are you here to apologize?"

"Yes I am!" She didnt know what to think. She had just said that out of anger but she hadnt really expected him to apologize. "What do you mean?"

"Kripa, I'm sorry I was a jerk in the past few days because I never asked you what you have been through in these 10 years. All I thought about was myself. My pain, my feelings, my emotions. My hurt. But you? I never bothered to find out your side of the story. And I felt like such a jerk. So today, I wanna give your this opportunity, to explain why I shouldnt be angry with you. Why I should not blame you for killing Chandni. Why I should give your another chance?"

Kripa smiled at his words. Another chance? She couldnt believe she had let him say all this to her. "Youre just impossible Angad. I thought that maybe..just maybe you would realize your mistakes and come to terms with reality that YOU are the reason Chandni died. But instead all you can resort to is blaming it on me. And for what? For standing up for myself and telling Chandni off? Yes, I told her the truth! What else did you want me to do? Stand there quietly as she called me a slut, a whore, and God knows what else! Thats what you wanted her to do, didnt you Angad. Call me names that perhaps you wanted to call me for the past 10 years. For what? Why? Why did I deserve to get my heart broken when I was 16 just coz you had your own damn dreams. Thats what I deserved? No, Angad. I didnt deserve that! Yet, I forgot what happened. And you know why? Because I didnt want you to leave my life in ruins. I moved on Angad because I didnt have any guilt. And you obviously didnt!!! Just go away Angad. I never thought I would say this to YOU but just looking at you makes me sick now!"

He felt that dagger right into his heart. Those words were so sharp!! Kripa quickly got up to leave when he caught her arm. "Wait!!!" She tried to leave but he caught her fast and pushed her on the couch, accidentally losing balance and falling on her. At first Kripa tried to push him away but suddenly gave up when she looked into his eyes again. She saw it. The same thing she saw 10 years back, the same thing she saw weeks back when she had spent those moments with Angad at that party.

She wanted him to get up right now! Leave. Because she didnt want to lose herself yet again like she had the last time. It had caused too many problems already. Enough was enough. She tried to push him back again but for some reason, she didnt want to. She gave up and closed her eyes, almost giving up herself to him. But he did nothing.

She opened her eyes again and looked into his eyes. When his lips moved to say something, she closed her eyes again, scared of facing his words. "Do you really think I wanted you to get hurt? Did you think I never loved you enough? Kripa, I know that time hasnt been kind to us but I've tried really hard to have no hard feelings. And you know you have too. And today? You ask me if I wanted to hurt you? How can you hurt someone you love, Kripa?" Love? What did he mean? Did he mean someone you loved. Past tense? She didnt ask him. This wasnt the time to interrupt him. He clearly wanted to continue.

Slowly he moved his hand and brushed the hair off her face. "Kripa. I'm really sorry for what I've done in the past weeks. For what I didnt do 10 years ago. But I'm not sorry for what I wanna do right now." What did he want to do right now? She tried to fight her emotions and ask him. "What is that you want to do right now Angad?" He stared into her eyes looking for that same emotion he had seen years ago. But he was disappointed. He didnt move for a few seconds. "I wanna stare into your eyes like this for the rest of my life." What? She didnt want that. Or did she? Kripa didnt know. She knew she was over him now. But why did he keep coming back, bringing back those feelings all over again.

She found it again. That look in his eyes like he wanted her. This time again, she didnt want to see it. She closed her eyes and rested her body under him. She knew she couldnt push him away. Maybe she did want it somewhere deep inside her heart. But for right now, this wasnt feeling good. She felt his hands caress her face and brush her hair back again. She felt him now, touching her so sensitively. When he kissed her forehead, a smile crept up on her face. Yet, she wasnt happy. A tear rolled down her cheek and she felt his lips kiss her eyes, drinking her tears. Her lips tremmered when she felt his lips approaching her. Yet, she didnt stop him. Why? She didnt understand.

When his lips brushed against hers, her heart melted. As if it had been frozen for years now. She felt this current go through her body, as if completely renewing her senses. She felt her blood flow into her heart like someone had just poured life into her. The last time she had kissed him, she remembered, his lips had almost sucked all the life out of her. But this time it was different. His lips were doing the opposite. They were filling her up with love and warmth. With life.

Suddenly her passion took over her and she grabbed his collar as she opened her eyes. "Angad Khanna!! I wont let you just ruin me again!"

"I promise I wont ruin you Kripa...I never wanted to. I never will.." She wanted to believe him. But at the same time, she didnt. "Why are you doing this Angad? Why are you back in my life? Why did you take me by a storm again? Why Angad? Kyon?" She spoke a little bit of hindi again. Like she did only when she was frustrated or sad. He knew he had hurt her deeply. He wanted to mend it now. "Why Angad?"

"Because...I love you, Kripa Sharma." She felt her breathing stop. Why? She asked herself. "Why?" She asked him.

"What do you mean, why?"

"Why do you love me, Angad? Or do you even love me?" The look in his eyes changed all of a sudden. It went from caring to angry. Why? Why was he angry now? Before she could ask him, he got up and stood up, leaving her shocked and surprised. She got up suddenly, fixing herself. "And you promised.."

He turned around and held her by the shoulders. "I did. And I still do. But I cant take you questioning how I feel about you. I love you Kripa and thats it!!" She looked straight into his eyes. '' I thought you loved Chandni. What happened to that Angad?" He stood still but still looked straight. He didnt have an answer. Yes, he had clearly stated that he was in love with Chandni and had gladly blamed Kripa for the whole incident. So what now? Kripa didnt want to know. Suddenly she took his arm off her but didnt let go. She took it and dragged him towards her door. "Goodbye, Angad. And please, dont come back. I think I'm quite happy with the life I have right now. I dont want you to complicate any part of it. Especially not my relationship with Simon because somewhere deep inside, I care for him a lot. I like him a lot Angad. I dont want to lose him for something you cant even promise! Or atleast..keep. Goodbye Angad...and good luck in life." She stood there, as cold as she had always been. She shut the door and left Angad standing there in the dark.

Shocked, Angad stood there for a while and then disappointed, he turned around to walk away when he suddenly stopped. "Simon?". They just stared at each other.

 

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