Chapter 49

CHAPTER 49

ATTRACTION

Karan pushed open the door of the terrace. It was dark. Quiet too. He walked closer to the ledge, settling down on the parapet. He leaned his head back on the pillar, watching the forest and the city in a distance.

'Jab use ek mahine baad hosh aaya, she was... she was terrified, Karan.'

'Ma-Main s-sabke s-saamne n-nervous hoti hoon.'

'I- I don't th-think this is t-torture. T-Torture isse k-kahin z-zyaada b-bura hota hai.'

'I could hear it over the phone. I could hear her get quieter and quieter. In every call, it was... it was like, hum use... hum use tootte hue sun rahe hain. We were hearing her break.'

"Sir?" A voice said quietly. His head snapped up in surprise, his gun flying to his gun. Monami? She blinked, tilting her head. "Aa-Aap th-theek hain?"

"Main?" He shook his head a little. "Haan, I'm... I'm fine." She eyed him. He glanced down at the parapet. "Baitho." He held out a hand, helping her up. She smiled at him, settling down. She swung her legs over. He cleared his throat a little. "Tum... tum excited ho? Kal baaki sab cadets aa rahe hain? Siddharth bhi."

She smiled, nodding. "S-Sid se m-main k-kam hi i-itna d-door r-rehti hoon. Woh th-thoda o-overprotective hai."

"He really loves you", Karan said.

"M-Mujhe s-samajh nahi aa-aata k-kyun par... h-haan. He does. He is t-too g-good for me. I d-don't d-deserve him."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Yeh koi competition thodi naa hai. Kaun zyaada achha hai, kaun kam. Tumhe Siddharth ke saath rehkar achha lagta hai, you care about him. And woh tumhaari care karta hai. He loves you. Is mein deserving, non-deserving kahan se aa gaya? It's just a simple fact."

She stared at him. She looked away from him, the puzzled look still marring her face. He tilted his head a little, watching her face. "I... I s-suppose so?" She said quizzically. She shook her head once. "Aa-Aapka... Aa-Aapka d-din k-kaisa tha?"

He eyed her. He sighed, letting it go. "Theek tha." He looked at her quietly, tilting his head.

'You're my l-life b-boat. If I h-have to s-swim in an o-ocean, I know you w-would n-never l-let me d-drown. You're... you're s-safe.'

'Aapko pata hai? Mujhe logon ko hug karna, unke paas rehna, kitna zyaada pasand tha? I... I miss that. Bina dare kisi ko zor se hug karna. I miss that.'

'Jab use ek mahine baad hosh aaya, she was... she was terrified, Karan.'

"K-Kya hua?" Her voice broke through.

He blinked. He looked away. He shook his head. "Kuchh nahi", he said quietly. "Bas... kuchh soch raha tha." He sneaked a glance at her.

Her eyes had slid close, a small, almost serene smile on her face. Wind blew her open hair back slightly, her fair cheeks slightly rosy from the coolness. He let out a slight sigh, a small appearing on his face.

Monami Mahajan was a lot of things. Beautiful was one of them.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Sid", a voice said. He paused, turning around. Dr. Mahajan? What was he doing here? Shouldn't he be at his hospital? He gestured to his help to go, and the man nodded, taking his bag and disappearing through the front door.

"Uncle?" He said in surprise. "Aap..." There was a beat of silence before he wordlessly extended a packet. Sid frowned, accepting it. He peeked inside. "Mithai?" He said, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

"Monami ke liye", he said quietly. "Uski favorite shop se hai."

His head snapped up. He stared at him. "Yeh Monu ke liye hai?"

Deepak nodded. "Use achha lagega", he said. He glanced away. "Aur... keh dena Avi ne bheji hai uske liye."

"Daddy ji ne? Kyun? Main jhooth kyun boloon?"

He glared at him. "Kyunki main keh raha hoon." He took a step closer, staring at him coldly. "Main nahi chahta Monami ko ek second ke liye bhi lage ki main uske decision ko accept karunga. Zindagi bhar nahi karunga."

Sid shook his head slightly. "Aapko Monu ki khushi nahi dikhti, na?" He asked.

"Don't kid yourself, Sid. Tujhe lagta hai woh khush hai?" He asked. "9 saal se meri bacchi hasi nahi hai. Tere saamne toh bilkul nervous nahi hoti, na, woh? Tu bata mujhe. Pichhle 9 saal mein tune use kitni baar haste hue suna hai?"

He glanced away. He looked back at him. "Aap sahi keh rahe hain. Nahi hasti hai woh. Par... maine inn 2 mahinon mein bahut progress dekhi hai. She has friends. Woh logon se baat karti hai. Woh actually logon ke paas jaati hai, unke saath khush hain. And you know what? Maine sabse zyaada naakhush use tab dekha hai jab aap use kehte ho ki woh yeh sab nahi kar sakti hai, jab aap use ignore karte ho, use put down karte ho."

"Main use put down nahi karta", he snapped.

"Toh kya karte ho?" Sid snapped back. "Aap kya kahoge use jo aap karte ho uske saath? Telling her she's weak, she can't be a solider. Kya kehte ho aap use?"

"Sach. Sach bolna", he said. "Sid... use logon se bhi darr lagta hai. She's scared of people. She's so scared ki use har insaan woh kamine dikhte hain. Agar kal ko, aisi situation aayegi jahan par use woh sab face karna padega jo 9 saal pehle kara tha, toh woh kya deal kar paayegi?"

"You don't know that", he said. "You don't know ki woh nahi kar paayegi." He sighed. "Uncle... you should look at her. She is happy. Yeh training, yeh life... that's what she's made for. Uska sapna hai, uska ambition hai yeh!"

There was a beat of silence. "Iss zindagi ne usse sab kuchh liya hai", he said softly. "Mujhse sab kuchh liya hai."

Sid closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. "Uncle... have you ever thought ki jo kuchh bhi iss zindagi ne usse liya, shayad... ab 9 saal baad, use woh sab kuchh waapas mil sakta hai? It's not the army jisne Monu ko torture kara tha, jisne Aunty ko maara tha. It's those damn terrorists. Yeh training... it'll give her the confidence she needs. Woh apne aap se yeh keh paayegi ki agar woh situation mein dobara kabhi hai, she won't be helpless jaise woh 9 saal pehli thi." He opened his teary eyes. "Aapko apne ego aur apne bias mein rehna hai, toh rahiye. But let me tell you. Monu is the best damn cadet in our batch and she'll be an amazing commando. Woh confident banegi, woh apne aap ke liye stand le paayegi and iss sab ke baad, you know what she'll remember about you? Ki aise log uske saath the jo use tabhi tabhi mile the, jise woh dhang se jaanti bhi nahi thi, par uske khud ke Papa nahi the. She'll remember the fact that you weren't there for her. Chaahe woh fail ho yaa pass ho, she'll always remember that." He took a couple of steps back. "Mujhe jaana hai. Main late ho raha hoon. See you."

Deepak stared after him. A hand clutched his shoulder. He looked down at it, and then up at Avinash. "Tune suna?" He asked.

Avinash nodded. "Haan."

"Tujhe..." He trailed off uncertainly, staring at the door Sid had disappeared from. "Tujhe yeh sahi lagta hai? Main... Main Monami ke saath... galat kar raha hoon?"

"Deepak-"

"I need to go", he cut him off. He walked out before he could utter a word. Avinash sighed. Wasn't that the entire problem? He didn't listen. He was too stubborn.

Deepak entered his own house, running up the stairs. He paused outside a door. He pulled the lock open slowly, pushing the door open. The room was dark. The curtains were drawn, the lights shut and a suffocating smell that indicated how long it had been closed for. It only opened to be cleaned. It used to be his. His and Juhi's.

This was it. The room he had seen her corpse in.

He walked deeper into it. It has been years. Years since he had come in. He looked at the bed. There she was. Right in the middle. That's where her corpse was laid. With marks and bruises and blood and dirt. That's where she rested as he stared in horror. He looked down at the floor. It was once covered with his vomit- the bile that had rose up when he caught a glimpse of her.

He walked over to the bedside table. He picked up the picture. It was of his and Juhi's wedding day. She had looked divine. With the red lehenga and the golden jewelry, no one could have convinced him that he wasn't marrying a goddess. He had always believed that. 27 years since that day and there was always a glimpse of that aura that made him think she was divinity incarnated.

'Agar aaj Juhi Aunty zinda hote, na, Uncle, toh woh aapse nafrat karte.'

'Congratulations, Dr. Deepak Mahajan, aaj jis cheez se apni beti ko protect karna chahte hain, aap woh khud hi kar rahe hain.'

Deepak ran his fingers over the glass. "Is it true, Juhi?" He whispered. "Kya... Kya tum mujhse nafrat karti? Am I... Am I wrong? Main... Main bas Monami ko protect karna chahta hoon. I don't want to come home to another corpse. Uski nafrat, uski naraazgi, uska gussa, main sab seh lunga. I'll accept it all. But... itna toota hua nahi dekh sakta main use. I couldn't see her broken. Main... Main nahi hoon itna strong." He closed his eyes. "You were the strong one, Juhi. Agar kisi ko marna tha, toh main kyun nahi ho sakta tha? Maybe... Maybe Monami bhi zyaada khush rehti."

He kept the photo back down. His vision blurred, and he wiped the tears away, standing up. He moved out of the room.

'Uncle, can't you see?' Sid screamed. 'She doesn't want to go to a therapist. Aap use ek stranger ke paas bhej rahe ho. She is more anxious than before. Aap use help nahi, use hurt kar rahe ho! She can't handle strangers.'

'She is a doctor', he roared back. 'Woh Monami ki help karna chahti hai.'

'Chahti hai! Kar nahi paa rahi hai. We all want to help her. Par use kya chahiye, woh dekhna hai. It's not about what we want, it's about what she needs.'

A noise made them pause. Deepak's chest heaved as he stared at his daughter. She was crying silently, staring at the two of them. 'Monami...'

She ran up, snaking her arms around Sid. Deepak stumbled back slightly. Why didn't she come to him? 'Bacche', Sid whispered, rubbing her back in comfort. He pulled away a little. 'Sun... tujhe lagta hai ki therapist ke paas jaane se tujhe koi help mil rahi hai?' Monami shook her head adamantly. 'Do you want to try another one?' She let out a sob, shaking her head.

Deepak stared at them. He closed his eyes. He nodded a little. He opened them, staring at her sobbing form. It had been 10 months. She wasn't getting any better. She didn't even want to try! He shook his head to himself. She was too broken. She was shattered. Shattered things can't be pieced back together.

Deepak entered his current room. He sat down on his bed, clutching the mattress underneath him tightly.

'Par... maine inn 2 mahinon mein bahut progress dekhi hai. She has friends. Woh logon se baat karti hai. Woh actually logon ke paas jaati hai, unke saath khush hain.'

'She is happy. Yeh training, yeh life... that's what she's made for.'

Was it? What this really the life she was made of? Was there a happy ending to it? Or was he going to come home to another corpse? Would there be another trauma she would need to deal with? And... could shattered things really be pieced together? Could she be the way she was before- happy and smiling and glowing like his little angel?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Sid!" Monami squealed happily. She threw her arms around him. He smiled, snaking his arms around her back and hugging her tightly.

"I missed you too", Sid said. He pulled away. "Teri Diwali kaisi thi?" He eyed her, a smile tugging on his face. "Karan Sir ke saath spend kari?"

She narrowed her eyes back. "Aise kyun puchh raha hai?" He chuckled. She shrugged slightly. "And nahi, maine room mein kari mostly. Bas pooja mein gayi thi."

He frowned. "Kyun?"

She shrugged, looking away. "Aise hi. Mann nahi tha."

He eyed her. Why was she lying to him? "Yeh le", he said. He extended the packet. "Mithai."

She spun around, eyed lighting up. "Mithai?" She asked excitedly. She opened the packet. "Meri favorite bhi. I love you, bro." She shoved a couple in her mouth.

"Yeh main nahi laaya", he said.

She looked up, half a piece of one hanging from her mouth. "Toh phir?" She asked, her voice muffled from the sweets stuffed in her mouth.

'Aur... keh dena Avi ne bheji hai uske liye.'

He paused. "Uncle ne bheja hai", he said finally.

She froze. She looked up, bright eyes staring at him. She swallowed the mouthful in her mouth, scooting closer to him. "Sacchi?" She asked. "Papa ne diya hai? Mere liye?"

He nodded. "Par..." Her eyebrows furrowed. "Saath mein yeh kaha tha mujhe ki main jhooth boloon ki yeh unhone nahi, Daddy ji ne diya hai." Her frown deepened. "Woh keh rahe the woh yeh nahi chahte ki tujhe lage ki woh tere decision ko accept karte hain."

The crease between her eyebrows faded. She nodded a little. She looked down at the box, picking another piece up. "I know", she said quietly. "Papa kabhi nahi karenge." She looked up at him with shining eyes. "Par unhone mere liye mithaai bheji, Sid. Aur woh bhi mere favorite. And meri favorite shop se." She smiled. She popped a piece in her mouth, chewing it slowly.

He stared at her smiling face for a few silent seconds.

'Pichhle 9 saal mein tune use kitni baar haste hue suna hai?'

He stood up, walking closer to her. She made a surprised noise when he pulled her into a hug but wordlessly lifted her arms, wrapping it around his middle. "Kya hua?" She asked.

"Kuchh nahi", he muttered. "I just... missed you."

"I missed you too, bro."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Maine academy ko bahut miss kiya", Bala said, sighing happily.

"Suman ji ne bhi", Suman ji said excitedly.

"Maine bhi", Koel agreed.

"Tune academy ko miss kiya", Sid asked slyly. "Ya Faizi Sir ko?"

"Ohhh", the rest teased. Koel laughed, shaking her head. Monami smiled a little, running her spoon lightly through her soup.

"Karan Sir kahan hai?" Chitra asked. "Ek hafte se #hottie ko nahi dekha."

Monami's gaze lifted to her. "Ugh", the cadets groaned.

"Chitra", Sid said. "Karan Sir ke baare mein aisi baatein mat kara kar. Ajeeb lagta hai."

"Koel Faizi Sir ko #date kare, woh #ajeeb nahi. Tu hamesha Sanju ma'am ke saath rehta hai, woh bhi #ajeeb nahi", Chitra said. "Monami aur Karan Sir itne achhe #dost hain aur itna saara time spend karte hain saath mein, woh bhi #weird nahi. Par maine unhe #hottie bola, toh weird hai?" Her eyes lit up. "Woh dekho. Karan Sir."

Everyone turned their heads, finding him striding in. He seemed to be talking to someone, his jaw set tightly and a slight scowl on his face.

"Kitne #hot hain", she said, sighing happily.

"I don't see it", Koel said.

"You shouldn't", Sid said. "Tu unke best friend ko date kar rahi hai." Koel tilted her head in acknowledgment.

"Monami, tum batao", Chitra said.

Her eyes widened. "M-Main? Main k-kyun?"

"Hum dono single hain, aur hum dono ladkiyan hain. Baaki sab #biased hain", she said. "Do you think Karan Sir is #hot?"

"Uhh..." She blinked a couple of times. Bala looked down at his plate. He picked up a piece of tomato, holding it up to her face. Her eyes shifted to the piece. "Yeh k-kya hai?"

"Main yeh dekh raha hoon ki aap zyaada laal hain ya tamaatar", he said.

"Monami", Prem ji decided.

Monami stuck out her lower lip in a pout as everyone chuckled. "Batao, na?" Chitra prompted.

"Uh, I g-guess..." She looked at him again. "He's... he's n-not b-bad looking?" Sid's eyebrows shot up. He looked at Monami. She rarely called people good looking. It was always maybe a shrug at most.

"See!" Chitra said. "Monami bhi agree karti hai ki #Karan Sir hot hain."

"Kya baat chal rahi hai?" Faizi asked, keeping a hand on Koel's shoulder and standing behind her. She looked up, smiling at him softly.

"Hum bas yeh keh rahe the ki Karan Sir bahut #hot hain." Faizi's eyebrows shot up, a small grin forming on his face. "Monami bhi #agree karti hai."

His eyes widened, and he looked at the girl. She looked down, pushing around the pasta in her plate awkwardly. "Huh", he said. "Interesting."

"I j-just m-meant... ki... ki woh i-itne b-bure bhi n-nahi d-dikhte", she said.

Faizi chuckled a little. He titled his head in acknowledgement but refrained from commenting further. She was already redder than a tomato.

But this did bring up an interesting point. Was Monami as interested in Karan as Faizi thought Karan to be?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Hi", Sid said excitedly. Sanju looked up from her phone. She smiled at him, nodding slightly. "Aapki Diwali break kaisi rahi?" He wriggled his eyebrows. "Aapne mujhe miss kiya?"

She chuckled. "Nahi", she said. He pouted.

"But I did."

Sanju glanced away, her stomach fluttering at the words. He missed her? She bit back the smile that threatened to pull across her face. She looked up at him again when he plopped down next to her.

"I realized something", he said. She raised her eyebrows. "I don't know ki aap ko yeh kab realize hua ki aapko army mein jaana hai."

She blinked. She hadn't expected that question. She smiled a little. "Hum 10 saal ke the", she started. He tilted his head in interest, watching her as she narrated the experience.

It was nice to have him back. With him came the butterflies in her stomach and the slight smile that seemed to be reserved only for him and the peace she had come to associate with him.

She really, really liked him.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Teri Monami se baat hui?"

Karan leaned over the railing of the terrace. "Not about what you said", he said. "Baaki, general mein... haan. We drink coffee everyday together."

There was a slight pause. "Tu aur Monami roz coffee peete hain, Chhote?"

"Yeah. She's a friend", he said. "Isliye hi toh sab complicated hai. She's not just a cadet, Bhaiya. Woh meri dost hai. I... I care about her."

"Bas dost ya... kuchh aur bhi?" His brother teased.

Karan rolled his eyes. "Please. Aap bhi mat shuru ho jaao. Faizi is enough", he said. "Already poora din mera dimaag khaata rehta hai. Kisi bhi topic ko uss par land karwaa sakta hai."

Param laughed. "Woh toh doston ka kaam hota hai. Par tu bata. Tune deny nahi kara. Tu pasand karta hai kya use? Waise... pretty toh bahut hai."

He sighed. "Agar aapko yeh hi baat karni hai, toh main jaa raha hoon."

"Achha, sorry. Nahi karta. Ma'am aur Sir kaise hain?"

"They are fine. Khud aakar mil lo, na?"

"Aaunga." He sighed. "Waise... main soch raha tha ki main offer accept kar loon."

Karan stood up straighter. "Aap offer accept kar rahe ho?"

"Soch raha hoon", he said. He sighed again. "Kuchh cheezen hain jo mujhe abhi sort karni hai. Academy mein aana... it won't be easy."

He hummed a little. "Aap academy mein thoda time spend karo", he said. "Shayad decision lene ke liye easy hoga."

There was another pause. "Sid waapas aa gaya?"

"Haan", he said. "Par... that's not a reason to not come."

"Haan, mujhe pata hai", he said, sighing. "Bas... something on my mind. Tera mission kaisa chal raha hai?"

"Silent for now", he said. "I think they are taking the time to regroup."

"Likely", he said. There was a slight noise behind him. "Chhote, main kal baat karta hoon."

He hummed. "Bhabhi bula rahi hai?" He teased slightly. Param chuckled. "Good night."

Karan pocketed his phone, looking out at the dark city. It was late. The forest was shrouded in darkness, but the city ahead was lit up slightly. It looked serene.

He took a breath. Tomorrow, it was back to training.