Chapter 3

2 years ago

HereAsMyself

@HereAsMyself

‘Camerado, I give you my hand!

I give you my love more precious than money,

I give you myself before preaching or law;

Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?

Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?’

-Walt Whitman, Song of the Open Road

Abhijeet wakes up the next morning feeling better and more refreshed than he has felt in ages.

He hums to himself as he gets ready for the bureau. There’s a spring in his step that had been missing for some time now, though he doesn’t eat much breakfast—only some cake and a cup of coffee (his appetite’s always the first to go and the last to return when he’s having a bad time).There isn’t really anything he can do about it, though—therapy didn’t work for him as far as food was concerned—and he’d simply have to wait before his body assured itself all was well and decided to return to previous habits.

It’s a comparatively light day in the bureau. No new cases have been reported and they’re waiting for a DNA report for one of their current cases (they can’t really proceed with the case until the report arrives). Rajat, Sachin and Purvi stand up as he enters the bureau and he smiles at them. He sees Daya talking to Shreya in the corner. Shreya sees him and nods a greeting, and Daya follows her gaze and gives him a smile and a little wave.

Then they go back to whatever they’re talking about.

Abhijeet smiles at them, but he cannot deny he’s been incredibly hurt by their behaviour, to say the least. Shreya bringing their DCP with her to arrest him just because Daya had spoken up for her during a case and she’d thought he’d be angry with him about him—angry enough to try to kill Daya, his best friend of well over a decade—still seemed like a bad dream. He understood her feelings—she loved Daya and had been worried about him—but hadn’t they all? And how in the world did she even think he’d hurt Daya, he who would die, would kill for his friend?

None of them had told Daya about that particular part of the case. It was Abhijeet who’d instructed the others not to, not only because Daya had been badly hurt and didn’t need the added stress, but also because the person involved was the girl he was in love with and he didn’t want what must surely have been an honest, impulsive mistake on Shreya’s part to stand in the way of a budding romance. The little voice had wondered aloud in his head—why do people only make mistakes when it comes to you, Abhijeet, especially since you aren’t allowed to make any?—but he’d shut it up, at least for the time being. No, what hurt Abhijeet was the fact that Daya hadn’t bothered to ask him about what happened during the case or how he’d been doing. Abhijeet couldn’t imagine doing the same—his first thoughts after he awoke from being drugged and injured were always for Daya.

He’s spoken more to Shreya than to you since he’s comeback, the little voice whispers snidely. Abhijeet ignores it.

He isn’t resentful of Daya’s attention to Shreya: they’d probably be spending their life together, they were in love and just discovering their feelings for each other and, in any case, Daya has a habit of clinging with all his strength to prospective relationships—romantic or otherwise. He’d been a rock for a broken Abhijeet and his distressed mother all those years ago—family members couldn’t have taken better care of them if they’d tried. What bothers Abhijeet is that he doesn’t see Daya feeling for him that way anymore—he’s careful and attentive to everyone, Shreya included, but Abhijeet has apparently lost him somewhere down the line.

Come on, don’t be ridiculous, he chides himself. Daya’s your best friend. He’s like your brother. He shouldn’t have to fawn over you all the time. You know he loves you, right?

It’s lunchtime when Daya walks over to his desk and places an envelope on it. ‘It’s from Dr. Salunkhe’, he says, smiling.

‘’What is it?’ Abhijeet asks, saving the file he was working on in his laptop and standing up. ‘Did you open it?’

‘I did’, says Daya, ‘but I won’t tell it is. Let it be a surprise’. He looks at his watch and raises his eyebrows. ‘I’ve got to run. I’m taking Shreya out for lunch’.

He looks like a blushing schoolboy as he speaks, and Abhijeet’s heart fills with tenderness. He pats Daya’s shoulder. ‘Good luck’.

Daya walks out, and Abhijeet looks at the bureau. Normally he and Daya would go out together for lunch, but Daya’s gone today (and you’re left alone, he hears in his head). He feels rather lost all of a sudden—pathetic how I can’t let Daya live his life for one single minute—when he sees Sachin still typing away. He walks over to him and Sachin stands up.

‘No lunch for you, Sachin?’ he says.

‘’Oh yes, Sir, I just didn’t feel like going out,’ replies Sachin. ‘’I asked Purvi to bring me something’.

Purvi comes in as they’re speaking, a bag in her hands. ‘I got donuts, Sir’, she says to Sachin. She sees Abhijeet and stands up a little straighter. ‘Hello, Sir’.

Abhijeet feels like he should just leave at this point and leave his colleagues to their lunch. He almost wants to run away, but he remembers Tarika’s words and the previous evening with KD, and he says, ‘Can I…do you mind if, well, if I join you for lunch?’

He’s terrified he sounds needy and pathetic while saying it—he’s always been the strong silent senior, always collected, always in control—and he’s worried he’ll appear selfish, coming to fraternize with them only because Daya isn’t there. But they evidently don’t think anything of the kind—Purvi’s face splits into a wide grin, as does Sachin’s.

‘You couldn’t have picked a better day, Sir’, she says, opening the box in the bag and taking out a chocolate donut. ‘You’re about to taste the best donut of your life’.

Abhijeet bites into it. It’s warm and sweet, and his eyes widen as chocolate filling suddenly and unexpectedly rushes into his mouth. ‘My God!’

Purvi beams. ‘Aren’t they nice?’

‘They’re wonderful’, says Abhijeet. ‘Thank you.’

The gratitude isn’t only for the donuts. He wonders whether Purvi and Sachin understand.

Purvi looks at Sachin, then at him, and says hesitantly, ‘Are you people free tomorrow evening? The bakery’s holding a food festival of sorts, and tomorrow’s the last day but one. I’d love to take you there.’

Sachin says yes almost immediately because he doesn’t have the evening shift. Abhijeet hesitates—he doesn’t have the evening shift either or any other engagements—but finally says yes, too. I’ve almost forgotten what these normal little joys feel like.

Lunch had dragged for him, lonely and awkward, for the past two weeks. Today he doesn’t even feel the time flying. It’s not until Daya places a hand on his shoulder that he realizes his friend’s back. He looks at him inquiringly and Daya gives him a thumbs up sign, indicating his lunch with Shreya went well. Abhijeet smiles.

It’s been a good day, he thinks. Now I can’t wait to find out what Salunkhe Sir’s surprise is.

To be continued…