“Where am I?”
Advay wondered suddenly as he realised he had lost his way; although GPS was on his car screen…. He had started the drive to clear his mind; but all his mind could see was memories of Chandni… opening out in front of his eyes like a box of sweets… one after the other …he tried but he couldn’t resist them…... Her love, her playful frolicking, her anger, her tears…… Moments engraved on his mind for life…but currently feeling alien like from another era; another birth…...
Chandni!! Chaandni!!!! Chaaandni!!!!!……..
His heart screamed out but there was no Chandni in next seat to meet him eye to eye! .....He had urged, he had tried; but she had chosen to ignore all his pleas…. Sudden forlorn settled deep in his being…..emptiness in every space… a bereft heart struggling to scream!
Ajnabi se hue hain kyun pal saare
Ke nazar se nazar yeh milaate hi nahi..
(why all the moments are strangers, not meeting the eyes)
Ik ghani tanhayi chha rahi hai
Manzilein raaston mein hi ghum hone lagi
(a dense loneliness is settling, destinationsgetting lost in the journey)
Ho gayi ansuni har dua ab meri
Reh gayi ankahi bin tere..
(now every prayer of mine is unheard andwithout you, stays unsaid)
Bin tere, bin tere, bin tere
Koi khalish hai hawaon mein bin tere
WHY?........ Why had she chosen to go on silent mode? ….. She knew very well he hated that kind of silence from his guts……He would rather that she came out and fought with him…. Hadn’t he made it clear earlier? .... Those memories were so vivid in his mind…the first Diwali days of their married life…. She choosing to leave him after his angry outbursts…. He had surrendered himself completely then….. He would do the same again….. and again, if needed…. If she would allow it, only if….. his heart beseeched…… a seething need aflame within him……. creating a turmoil that refused to calm….. a void that refused to fill!
The night had once again been cruel to Chandni as she lied awake in her bed, a searing unscalable pain in her heart….plaguing her entire being… making the air around her desolate…..
It was morning already, Pooja di must havedone the morning prayer; now was the time for family chores…somehow Chandnipushed herself out of bed and went to stand next to the window…. Her solitaryconfinement…trapped in her own nightmare…her scream unuttered!
It was morning outside, but in her being itwas a cruel night….. all her light, her Chandni leaving her being….in search ofher love. Dev!..... The music of love turned a despair tune!
Raah mein roshni ni hai kyun haath choda
Iss taraf shaam ne kyun hai apna muh moda
Yun ke har subah ik bereham si baat ban gayi
Hai kya yeh jo tere mere darmiyaan hai
Andekhi ansuni koi dastaan hai
Lagne lagi, ab zindagi khaali khaali
Lagne lagi har saans bhi khaali (lost andlonely)
Bin tere, bin tere, bin tere (lost and lonely)
Koi khalish hai hawayon mein bin tere (lostand lonely)
His memories plagued her…. His face, his eyes, his pain! ..... She was the cause of that pain and somehow she was doing all this to save him from pain….. How both loved each other beyond themselves andhow they still landed in such separation. Truly, theirs was an unseen, unheard of saga.
I miss you! While he waited for Darsh to dress up, Baba’s eyes were fixed on his wife’s portrait hung on the main walls of Darsh’s studio. Without even trying to resist the urge, he made a beeline for her.
His heart ached. A very familiar pain now ……it rose in his heart and then sped across his entire being. A muscle in his throat worked as he tried to cope with it. His heart sang to her.
Phir le aaya dil majboor kya keeje
Raas na aaya rehnadoor kya keeje
Death hadn’t been able to separate them. She had left this world but not his world. Her love had pointed him beyond her physical self, beyond their earthly love, to something transcendent, perfect, and eternal.
Her eyes spoke to him appeasing his pain sweetly,‘There’s freedom in acceptance.’
He justified, “I know, Jaan. I realize everything has changed and I’ve tried to adjust my outlook accordingly. But I still grieve you.”
Her eyes rebuked, “And our son? What about his life?”
He accepted the censure, sincerely apologetic.
karate hain hum kabool,
ho gayee thee humse bhool…… kya keeje
Deeply immersed in his own grief and loss of love, he had become oblivious to the lack of love in his son’s life. He had not given his own son any fatherly support in coping with his grief…… yes, the same grief was Darsh’s grief, too! .....
And when exactly Darsh had started loving Pooja? And what had stopped their love from materialising into family acceptance and marriage? He realised he had no idea about the past, but henceforth, he would support their son. He would not join her unless he finished the duty of making their son’s love life happy….. as happy as that of his parents had been!
Her eyes smiled and sang back to him,
Dil keh raha, use muqammal kar bhi aao
Wo jo adhoorisi baat baaki hai
Wo jo adhoori si yaad baaki hai
Wo jo adhoori si yaad baaki hai
Oh yes! Darsh's love life needed to reach its right culmination, only after that he could unify with his love, his wife!
Darsh had come and stood a little distance behind him, maintaining a safe space so as to not disturb his father. He had witnessed multiple such reveries of his father with Ammi. Baba spoke to Ammi always, as if she was right there in front of him, answering him, responding to him .. Darsh was tempted, sorely tempted, to share with Baba that he missed Ammi even today. But after so many years after her death, Baba still wore the marks of his sorrow, in the lines that had deepened on his face and the white hairs that had multiplied on his head. Darsh had to keep his grief to himself, as always.
Baba turned and Darsh smiled at him, “You miss her.”
Baba gave voice to his loss, perhaps the first time openly with his son. “Oh yes, I do!" I grieve the loss of my wife and what might have been. As time has gone by and the grief has faded but hasn’t quite disappeared, I’ve learned not to fight it. I lost the love of my life, and I will always feel her loss. But it will not affect me much further because I am hoping what is to come in your life.”
Darsh was about to respond when his cell rang. Darsh smiled as he accepted the call, “Saale, you called on time! Baba has come. Here, speak to him.” Darsh passed the phone to his father.
“Paay laago, Baba! How are you?” Advay’s tone was extremely polite. Baba was a hugely respected father figure in his life.
“Jeete raho, Advay beta! I am good. You tell me about yourself. Almost forgotten your baba, right?No call, no contact!” Baba jeered laughingly and continued, “Met your wife. Soni Kudi hai!”
Advay felt elated, “You liked her, Baba?”
Baba’s approval mattered. Though he was almost sure of it, he asked. Chandni was no doubt a special woman.
Baba laughed, “Of course! Perfect choice as your life partner. Tu Shiv ka Tandav hai toh voh Parvati ki Lasya!”
Advay smiled sadly at his end. Baba had gauged their relation correctly, but somehow his Parvati was away from him at this moment. Baba passed the cell back to Darsh.
“Aur bol, what’s going on there?”
“Just initial introduction, not much info yet. Had you visited home? How’s everybody?”
“Saaaaale!!” Darshswore his usual way with AD, “you want to ask about CD, right?” he laughed and moved away from his father, “Everything is fine, buddy! She may not have come with you, but she’s not angry at you. Something else is in her mind, not sure exactly what. But her love is not angry at you, that’s for sure!”
A great relief passed through Advay’s tense body and he smiled genuinely this time. “Thanks, yaar! You’re a Godsend. Now I can focus completely on work here. Did she give any messages for me? What did she say exactly?” Advay was desperate to know all Chandni’s updates. Any clue would help his current mindset.
Darsh was solemn. “She doesn’t need me to message you and what she said is between us. So don’t pry! As such, I’m going for a business meeting with Baba. He says it will help our mission. I’ll update you later. Chal, bye!”
Advay was smiling as he cut the call. His Chandu wasn’t angry at him. That was a great start for the day.
Baba was introducing Darsh to eminent people in the business world. Darsh spoke smoothly to them asking the right questions. Baba had started involving Darsh in such business meetings immediately after his graduation. It hadn’t occurred to Darsh until years later that bringing him to such meetings had been his father’s way of making him a bit more worldly-wise, preparing him for all the future occasions when people would try to take advantage of him. Those lessons had stood him in good stead. When he had finally left the safe environment of his family’s home, he’d quickly discovered that, in his position as a business heir and prominent scientist, he was a mark for everyone.
Baba observed his son astutely developing contacts and taking key inputs. His heart swelled with pride thinking that his son had inherited his father’s business instinct and his mother’s loyal helpful nature. She was always like this, selfless in her love and her friendships. Advay had been a great friend to Darsh encouraging him to develop his scientific acumen and become a reputed researcher. Hopefully his research would help Haider, baba prayed silently in his heart. He had full confidence in his son; it was just that with Haider, his mother’s promise to her friend was involved and that left no space for any failure.
His thoughts drifted to Advay. As Darsh mentioned. Advay held baba on a high pedestal. Advay believed that Baba had helped him settle his business in London. What Advay did not know was that his own father had settled baba helping him to escape to London immediately after marriage and then getting him help from Leela maasi’s husband in his initial days.
Advay felt that same Adrenaline rush in his veins as every time he took up a challenge like this; only this time he wanted to tread extra carefully..... In no way he would support any illegal work; but how would he refuse if the work turned out to be illegal? He halted at the door, pulled his breath in, and calmed himself before entering.
It was a big hall with more than a hundred men working on computers. Big screens flashed consolidated data which changed constantly. In a Jiffy second, Advay realised it was shipping data from the port. Thomas showed him around explaining what each group of workmen were doing, how complex the whole stuff was and how business suffered because of gaps in the process. Advay would be required to bring in his intelligence for business transformation to identify the gaps and make corrections.
Advay listened intently asking for key information about the whole process, especially their enterprise resource planning. He then requested Thomas for a machine with full access to their data and systems and a remote connection to his systems back in his office. Advay applied all his logic programmes including chemical property checking based on names and trying to search if any narcotics or explosives were found in the data. At the end of the day, he confirmed no such data was found in the humongous data supplied to him, understood the process more or less completely, also noted key variables. He checked the program for the next day and confirmed the time to meet Senor Garcia, the owner!
As Darsh and baba were having dinner after completing the meeting, Darsh enquired whether Baba would stay for his concert the next day.
“No Puttar, I don’t enjoy your songs for the public. And I have important business meetings lined up in Singapore. I’ll visit Haider and proceed from there. You care to join me?”
“No Baba, if I visit him now, he’ll have questions about his health and I don’t want to give any false impression. I am waiting for his reports to come in. I am in touch with his doctors every day.” He waited for his father to nod and as he hugged him goodbye he smiled, “I have an important task to attend immediately to!”
Both father Son duo parted with a twinkle in their eyes.
Pooja was feeding Adi when her cell rang. Her face lit up the moment she checked it. Passing the spoon to Chandni to feed Adi, she rushed away picking up the call.
“Hi, Pooja. Just wanted to inform you, I’ll be spending the night at the Studio again.” Darsh was at the studio already having changed back into casuals.
“No issues, DD! Is Haider ok?”
A trace of sadness was present in Darsh’s eyes, but only for a moment. He smiled for both their sake “He is going to be OK! He has Ammi’s blessing……."
This was what she loved about Darsh! He was so humble always.... never claiming any success for himself.... rather giving credit to someone else..... and mostly it would be God or his mother. Pooja smiled at the thought.
"Have you eaten?"
That was his Pooja. Always so caring! "Of course! I did... with Baba!"
"Oh yes, Chandni did tell me about his visit. I just missed him. Is he going to be there tomorrow? I could visit him. It's been so long."
"Indeed, very long! But you can't meet him this time. He is leaving for Singapore, Typical baba... always busy" Darsh laughed; but then got serious.
You are surely coming tomorrow, right?” He sounded very unsure.
Pooja smiled comfortingly, “Of course, DD! I wouldn’t miss it ever. We will all come.”
“It’s very important that you come!” He was earnestly genuine, “For us, for you and me both.”
“Arre Baba, trust me. I’ll be there! And what are you so worried about? It’s not any life-changing event. You are so used to such public concerts.”
“One never knows, Pooja!” He cut the call.
Pooja walked back to the dinner table facing Chandni who had a questioning look on her face. Pooja assured her that it was just Darsh reaffirming that they were all coming. Miku and Chandni felt quite excited as they would be thrilled to attend Darsh’s concert. Pooja started narrating some anecdotes from the past and ultimately returned to her bedroom.
Back in her own sanctum, Pooja had to admit that she was intrigued. More than that, she couldn’t deny that she had been profoundly affected by the vulnerability and shocking lack of self-confidence that Darsh had revealed earlier. His last words were hard to ignore and impossible to forget.
"Mummaaaa...." Adi wailed out.
"What happened, bachcha?"
"I lost one more tooth."
"Oh! That's great!" Pooja smiled with all her love in her eyes, " Let's keep it under your pillow and the tooth fairy will gift you."
"But why today? We are going for Buddy's concert tomorrow and I'll have a missing tooth. Everybody will laugh."
"Nobody will laugh! When you lose a tooth, your brain gets bigger, so you're a smarter boy now." Softly she patted her son's head putting him to sleep.
She would have to find a gift and put it under his pillow before he woke up the next day. This was something Bhaiyya took care of all these days. But Bhaiyya had so many issues in his own life going on. His life was different now and Pooja could not depend on him solely. She remembered Darsh's words.... life did change after all..... without your knowing.... without your realising!!
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Wow! reached here! A hugely crucial juncture in the story!
How will Advay manage his connection with Mafia?
How will Darsh proclaim his love to Pooja?
What happens on Allahabad revenge mission?
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