I had updated it on wattpad last week, didn't realize I missed to do so here. Leave a comment or 2 you guys, it would help me know your thoughts :)
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Flashback continued – October 2014
Khushi was discharged from the hospital the next day, after the doctor had monitored her health overnight and given a green signal for her discharge. He also gave them instructions especially about Khushi's health in coming days and then suggested them to avoid getting pregnant for at least 3 months. He of course did not miss that the couple in front of him was hardly in a state to register his words. They were still trying to get in terms with what just happened within a span of 10 days! He could only feel sorry for their loss.
For the first 2 days post the incident, Arnav and Khushi didn't speak a word to each other. They were together alright, in the same room, the same house but not there with their hearts! They were with each other, no doubt, but only physically. Arnav was taking care of her meal timings, her medicine timings and so on while she too didn't throw any tantrums to take medicines this time but this was being done mutely.
If at all, their conversations were reduced to monosyllables or bare minimum sentences.
Arnav had completely shut himself from the outer world, even from Khushi. He was cursing himself for their loss, he was guilty of making her cry that night, for not being able to maturely handle their pregnancy news, for not being able to take it with tenderness that she needed, that their baby needed. If he did that, then probably they would still have their baby with them..and this guilt made him go into a shell, most comfortable thing to do in case of such difficulties!
He had seen her cry and seen Nani, Mami, her amma and buaji console her, had seen her jiji try to cheer her up. It was like she was everyone's priority, and rightfully so. But amidst all this, it was him who would stand afar and didn't know what to do. He wanted to console her too but words were never his forte. And then, there was this other thing that this was his loss as well... just that he didn't go through it physically like she did.
He wanted to tell her that he was really ready to welcome their baby. He was really ready to bear with all tantrums she would throw as she carried his child in the safety of her womb, he really was excited to pamper the mother of his child as well as the child...And then when she brings the baby and he will hold it, he was going to announce to the whole world that he was a proud dad!
But there was no child now.
For a brief moment in between, he also got angry at her, for not taking care of their baby. If only she wasn't being so careless about her health then maybe their baby would have been here....
--*--
Khushi had been an emotional mess. She was having so many thoughts, so many what-ifs, so many regrets but she didn't know how to verbalize them. For the first time ever, the ever-talkative khushi had gone silent.
For whole 3 days, she had seen everyone do their bit to make her feel better, Nani and mami had shared innumerable anecdotes of women they knew of who had similar stories, who had miscarried in their first trimester for so many medical reasons while her amma and buaji were telling stories of her own childhood to cheer her up. Her jiji used to chat with her every evening about most mundane things to bring out the old, cheerful Khushi.
Probably for the first time ever, Khushi was everyone's first priority, everyone's center of attention and concern. Even Anjali had been trying to motivate her to move on from the pain...
It was however her husband, her Arnavji that she was missing. No, not physically because he was there with her every second in these 3 days, he was taking care of her, but silently. He worked round the clock ensuring that she was having her food and meds on time, that she was taking rest, that if she woke in between at night he would caress her head so she went back to sleep. It was his heart that was not with her. He had shunned her and she desperately wanted her access back.
She wanted to share her guilt, her regret of not being able to take care of their baby. She wanted to tell him she was really looking forward to being a mother to their baby, the little laad governor like he had said. She wanted to tell him that she was going to make him run around the city to fulfil her cravings. She wanted to tell him that she had even overcome the fear of childbirth and labor pain...and when she finally delivers, she was going to cry and he was not allowed to tease her for her tears then..those would be tears of joy of having their child...
But there was no child now..
And with that came anger. How could he ignore her like this? How could he be so heartless at such a moment? Did he blame her for losing their baby so much that he had turned his face away? Didn't he too fail to realize their happiness earlier? Was he happy now?
--*--
It was the 3rd day after her discharge from hospital when Khushi stepped in their bedroom in search of Arnav. It was almost 10pm. She had spent sometime with nani after dinner, but nothing was able to calm her. She needed him, and if he was not able to reach her, she will go to him. With that determination, she marched towards him. He was at the poolside staring at night sky like every night these days.
She stood besides him and once again, silence engulfed her. Her initial determination to break the ice slowly disappearing, she was once again feeling like not saying a word and let them be as it is. They stood there like that, him staring at the sky while she looking at the calm water in the swimming pool. Minutes went by and finally she felt tired and decided to go inside and lie down.
Just as she turned, she heard him whisper,
"Which one do you think is our baby?" he asked without turning to look at her
Arnav had obviously known she was standing besides him. He never needed his eyes to tell him about her arrival or her presence around him. His heartbeat did that job fine. But he was not in a mood to say something. To be honest, he was at loss of words and he had hoped she would make a conversation. He had even felt relieved that she had taken the first step.
But when he sensed she had dropped her plans to make a talk, he couldn't help but ask,
"Which one do you think is our baby?" he asked indicating the stars and he was looking for their baby in them. She had once told him about this theory that every person who leaves this world resides in a star...he was trying to locate their baby in there but needed her help.
"pata nahi. Bohot baadal hain aajkal yaha(I don't know. It is too cloudy these days.)" She answered realistically, yet they both knew her words had deeper meaning.
"He or She got angry on me, Khushi. That's why she left." he said turning to her, and Khushi gasped when she saw how defeated her husband looked. That moment, Khushi once again realized if there was anyone in this world her husband would open his heart to, it is her
"aapse kyun naraz hone laga aapka baby? ghussa toh woh humse hain, humne uske nakhre jo nahi uthaye thik se, khayal nahi rakha (why would your baby be upset with you? Our baby was upset with me that I didn't handle their tantrums, didnt take care)"
And with that her laad governor hugged her and finally they both cried for the first time since that day, since the day they were informed of losing their baby.
"It was not unwanted Khushi. I DID NOT mean anything I said that night, please tell her na? Tum toh jaanti ho na, I never mean anything I say in spur of the moment? It was the same stupid habit of mine. I did not regret getting us pregnant, our baby..was unplanned, NEVER unwanted."
"I know. Our baby was never unwanted Arnavji, it was just surprise, a very pleasant surprise that both of us were really expecting and look what happened, our baby paid for my clumsiness. I am sorry." she confessed and he pulled a little away from the hug to look at her. If they were having this conversation, better get everything done and discussed with so they got a proper closure.
"I had thought so too you know? But then I thought if it was someone who had been harsh to the news of her arrival, it was I. I said so many stupid things, while I should have been over the moon with this news." his confession made her smile a little
"and for that, I was angry at you too. I was already so scared with what was happening and then you too were being your laad governor self with me." she said sadly
"I know and I am so sorry. But I promise you Khushi, we will have our baby with us one day and I will love you both so much that you will forget this time of our lives." he pulled her back in his arms and they both closed their eyes making a wish despite not seeing a shooting star...
And slowly the clouds started clearing, making way for a starry night! A few stars started twinkling and blessing the couple standing there in each other's embrace.
--*--
A/N – Like they said, it was unplanned but never unwanted. I have nothing more to say...emotionally drained.
Next chapter onwards, we'll have flashbacks of Chiku's and twins' births :)
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