Epistle 100: The Last Blow

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A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D

Happy Reading! :D :D

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20th March, 2009:

That bas***d!

How dare he?! I loved him so much, I cared for him so much and he... How could Chirag do this to me?! How could he be so selfish and such a... a lying leech? I trusted him so much! I trusted him above everything, bove everyone! Made him my top priority even above Ranveer, and he... he just had to break away everything like that. But you know what? I don't even care anymore!

I cannot take this anymore! I cannot do this anymore! I'm just tired and tired of being played with like this and with all the false promises that everyone makes to me. Papa, Chirag, Ranveer... I'm just tired of everything and everyone. Everybody promises to stay right beside me and yet everyone wants to leave me at a moment's notice, not giving a damn about what I'll go through... everyone are selfish. Everyone.

I thought that I could trust Ranveer ever so blindly to not leave me alone and yet he did, especially at a time when I needed him the most. True, I was the one who sent him to accomplish his dreams, but he could always see through my facades, no? Then what happened two years ago? Did the brightness of his dream blind him so much that he couldn't see anything or anyone else? Not even my discomfort about sending him away for so long when Baa had just addled with my brains so viciously?

And Chirag... He was supposed to be madly in love with me, right? No complains, no demands and all of the same things that Ranveer would say too. Then why the complaints, why the demands? Who the hell does he think he is to tell me how to live my life and who should remain in it and who not? And how dare he accuse Ranveer of such cheap things?! That's just not my Ranveer, I know it. My Ranveer will never, ever say things like that and that's my blind faith upon him! Excuses... All excuses to abandon me when I needed him the most.

But Papa was not like that, no? Papa always stood by me. He always promised to be beside me no matter what and he was too! Then why did he do this to me? Till two years ago, I knew that the whole world could abandon me except for Ranveer and Papa... But when Ranveer did, I lost control upon my emotions. He'd never done that before and even though I knew that he didn't like it anymore than I did, he'd taken the call. It was his ambitions over me. And for the sake of my own sanity, I stuck rooted to my thought that Papa was the only one who'd never, ever leave me alone like Ranveer did.

And even he broke his promise.

Do you have any idea how suffocating it is to live like this? Knowing day after day that no matter what you do, people are just going to use you and throw you away like a puppet because you're just not good enough for them? Do you have any idea how it feels when you invest so much into people and put in your life, your blood and your soul into a relationship, trusting them with a piece of yourself only for them to trample upon it when they walk out on you?

I'm tired of doing this. I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm just tired of everything. And even though it won't take me a minute to get away as far away from this place as I want to, I don't even have the will to run anymore. I just want to turn invisible and fade away from here because nobody gives a damn to my being alive or no anyway. Maybe Ranveer does... 

Yes, I think he's the only one who does.

Ranveer and I may have a complicated equation now, but atleast he's there for me this time. I don't know what kind of sick game it is that my father and Ranveer both sought to play with me, but Ranveer's here for me now that Papa isn't and it's satiating for now. The void in my heart feels lesser whenever he is around and sometimes, things just feel like the way they were between us before. But they aren't, and we both know it. It's our thirteenth anniversary today and I doubt that he remembers. Or maybe he does but we're both too lost to think about anything worth cherishing. Not when we have such huge, gaping holes in our hearts.

And after what I did right now, certainly not.

I was in my room idly flipping through the pages of my Economics module for the final semester when a rapt door knock snapped my attention back into reality. I thought it was Ranveer and I decided on the spur of the moment to wish him about our thirteenth anniversary when I froze halfway. It wasn't Ranveer, but Chirag instead. And the look upon his face matched the intensity of seriousness in his voice.

"We need to talk," he spoke in a dead voice and I nodded my head. 

I knew that it wasn't going to be any good judging from his tone. But since he had me cornered and I'd avoided him enough that it couldn't be done anymore, I grudgingly shut my book and beckoned him inside. He quietly approached me, his eyes murky like an approaching storm as he came and sat beside me upon the edge of the bed. I propped myself up to give him a little more attention.

"What's wrong?" I asked and his expression remained as resolute as ever.

"Everything," he replied and I could feel my heart go cold. I'd gotten away with a lot of things this past one week and I knew that this had to happen some time. That didn't mean that I was ready for it.

"Okay, tell me. What do you want to talk about?" I asked him tensely, but all he did was grimace. We both knew what he wanted to talk about.

"Us," was all he said and I think my heart skipped a beat. 

The turmoil was beginning to form in it slowly as the barren floors of my heart were being revisited by emotions... Emotions that were too puzzling for me to decipher as everything kept swirling in a mix - my feelings for Ranveer, my love for Chirag and my resentment about Papa's death. And the three bombardments together was too much for me to take as the storm only kept getting worse and worse, nothing making sense to me anymore.

"What about us?" I asked and I was surprised that I could even choke the words out from my throat because my senses simply refused to comply. 

Chirag inched closer between us and for a maddening second I had the urge to push him away. I don't really know what's gone wrong with me... I've become paranoid and deranged and I just don't have any control upon my emotions anymore.

"Ishaani, what's going on in your mind? You haven't been yourself of late," he spoke kindly this time.

He took my hand into his own ones and rubbing circles upon the back of my palm with him thumb, just the way I liked it. But I retracted my hand out of his grip as Ranveer's image popped into my mind suddenly. Why did I do that? Chirag didn't look taken aback though as I swung my legs out from upon the bed and preferred talking to my feet.

"Well it may have escaped your notice, but my father just died. So forgive me if I haven't been myself of late," I replied bitterly, sighing.

Chirag made me turn towards him and stared at me tersely. I hadn't cried in four days now and nothing seemed to matter anymore. He pulled my chin up and made our eyes meet, while I stared at him unflinchingly. His eyes didn't captivate me for the first time in eighteen months. It was as though there was a fire of my own burning through my eyes that matched his own. 

It was my soul on fire.

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about Ranveer. Ever since he's come back, it's as though I've just faded into the background for you. You don't even care whether I'm there or no anymore!" he broke out finally, looking as though he'd run a mile by the end of it.

And yet all I could do was give him a disinterested look as though it didn't really matter. What was the matter with me? Why was I so... dead? Why didn't my heart feel anything for Chirag when he was just inches away from me when till a week ago, my heart would miss a beat every time I saw him? Why was my heart in conflict with itself? What was it trying to defy?

"He's come back home after a year and a half. What do you expect?" I shot back pointedly, hoping that he'd just leave me alone but I knew that it was too much to ask for.

"Are you sure that's all that's going on between the two of you? Do you think I'm that stupid that I can't see what's been going on off late?" he said suddenly as he stood up from the bed, suddenly looking cold. 

I shot him a disdainful look as the meaning of what he was trying to imply was evident. My mouth fell open in shock as I felt an anger such like I'd never know in my life. And yet there was something treacherous that my heart felt... 

What was it, damn it?

"What what do you think has been going on as of late?" I asked him as just as much of ice as much as his tone projected, not even realizing that I was upon my feet. Chirag looked troubled for a moment till his face hardened.

"Well, why don't you tell me? Apart from all the bedroom romance and all..." he taunted suddenly and I felt my fingers curl into fists. 

I knew what he was talking about - the night Ranveer and I fell asleep together after Papa's death. Chirag was the one who found us asleep like that in the morning and even though it was something that we hadn't spoken about till now, I knew that he was extremely sour about it.

"I've never heard anything as sick in my whole life as this, Chirag, and I've heard a lot of things. And well, if you want to know why Ranveer and I were asleep together upon my bed that night, it was because unlike you, he was there for me when I needed him the most!" I shot back in response, not bothering to lower my voice anymore as I let the storm break lose, hoping that it'd make me feel better. 

If anything, it only riled me up even more.

"So what? You're doing the same thing to me what Ranveer did to you?" retorted Chirag, not bothering to keep his temper in check either as both of us glared daggers at each other. 

And suddenly, I felt a numbness spread upon the storm in my heart as though someone had turned off the volume. His words struck me right in the heart as I realized what he was trying to imply.

"What's the supposed to mean?" I asked, more in fear than oblivion as I knew what he was about to say.

And he said it.

"He chose his career above you and went to Sydney at a time when you needed him the most. And it may have escaped your notice but I've been the one whose been standing here with you all along, trying to pull you out from the mess that you've buried yourself in! So don't tell me that he's the one who's been beside you all along and you've just kept me on hold as some sort of time pass while you waited for him to return!" he exploded in response, and like the crack of a whip his words tore through the storm in my heart once again, announcing its wake with a thunder so loud that it made me shiver.

I realized that it had begun to thunder outside as well.

"Oh, so that's what you think about me? Well, it may have escaped your notice then that I'm your fiance, not his! And I know what you've done for me so you don't need to remind me about it either!" I replied back heatedly as words slipped away faster than I could think or try to decipher my emotions anymore. 

There were only three words that I was aware that kept flowing through my heart like a perennial river - Ranveer, Chirag and Papa... But everything else was a haze that I couldn't distinguish from anymore.

"Oh really? Because it seems that you've forgotten about my existence entirely ever since Ranveer's walked back through those doors!" rallied Chirag at the top of his voice for the first time. 

I dared to turn my face away from him, hoping that he'd just take the sign and leave before I spoke something that'd only make matter worse. When I refused to say anything, Chirag pulled my arm towards him so that we were face to face again.

"Do you even give a damn to me, Ishaani? Or was I just some kind of muse for you till Ranveer returned back?" he accused vehemently and I felt the blood drain out of myself at his words. There was something about the way he said it that felt like a slap upon my face, my heart suddenly feeling a guilt that it should not have felt in the first place.

"How- how dare you!" was I that I managed to squeak in response as he gave him a ruthless smile, knowing that his accusation had hit the mark. But the momentary triumph was distilled instantly with the same look of betrayal upon his face.

"I will dare today, Ishaani! Because enough is enough! I've been quiet and respectful of your choices, but you just can't seem to decide anything for yourself anymore!" he roared in a second accusation and this time, the response left my lips even before I'd even consciously absorbed his words.

"I seemed more than capable enough to decide that I wanted to marry you!" I shrieked back and he let out a humourless laugh.

"Are you sure you're not kidding yourself? Are you sure that you even love me, or has it just been Ranveer all along?" he accused for the third time that night and I think my heart stopped beating. 

Suddenly there were only two names that roamed in my hazed senses - Ranveer and Chirag. Both the names seemed infused with each other, the emotions around it terribly strong and yet I couldn't understand a thing. 

And it was beginning to petrify me now.

"How could you even accuse me of something like that?! He's my best friend!" I whispered quietly into the night, tearing my eyes away from Chirag's own ones that suddenly seemed to scorch me with the intensity with which the accusations blared in his life.

"And I'm your fiance, Ishaani! Not your personal gym bag to tag along whenever you're alone and to throw away whenever you've gotten what you wanted! Do you even know how it feels to be trampled and left alone like that and watch the love of your life look happier without you?!" he asked of me beseechingly as his eyes softened, tears threatening to break surface. I shut my eyes as the agony in my heart only seemed to intensify.

"Then you've got to trust me, Chirag! I love you! How many times do you want me to prove that to you now?" I begged of him, now exhausted of the conversation. Chirag put his hands upon my shoulder that sagged underneath its weight. I opened my eyes and looked at him in plea.

"Ishaani... I'm not against your friendship with Ranveer... I'm not even against the fact that you choose him over me every single time... But till how long? And it's not just about now, this has been the case ever since we became friends... Do you even trust me?" he asked of me, the anger and heat for the moment replaced by the pain of what both of us were going through. And suddenly I didn't feel as uneasy in his presence as I did when he first entered the room. I simply nodded my head in response and he gave me a broken smile.

"If you would, you wouldn't have thrown me in the dark like you've been doing all these days, Ishaani..." he replied and I unconsciously retracted away from him. The moment of softness was once again replaced by the same swirl of storm that seemed to lick my insides viciously.

"I don't expect you to understand what Ranveer and I share, so drop it, okay?" I said, my voice projecting the finality I felt in terms of the conversation. I just prayed that he'd take the hint and drop it, but alas.

"I can't do that, Ishaani," he said simply and I stared at him, surprised. His features had gone hard again.

"Why not?" I asked immediately and he gave me a sour look.

"Because of Ranveer, damn it!" he exploded, looking furious for the first time since the conversation began. And even in those cold jibes wasn't there anger as much as I could see in this one.

And somehow, his anger upon Ranveer only seemed to make me angrier. Ranveer had done no sin and neither had I. We were best friends and that's all there was to it.

"What's he got to do with this now?" I asked rather rudely.

"Don't you see it, Ishaani? He's the reason why we're fighting like this!" replied Chirag, looking at me frantically as though I was taking too long to understand what he thought was the obvious. If anything, it only made me lose my temper again.

"Don't you dare pin this on him!" I shrieked and he shook his head dementedly.

"You're a naive fool, Ishaani! Don't you see what he doing to us?! He's trying to fill your head against me!" he added as an afterthought.

I knew what he was talking about - the night of Ranveer's confession where he told me that he didn't like Chirag because there was something off about it. And the memory of the night only took my back to Papa as a new explosion of emotion rained hell upon the previous two, the three explosions fighting for dominance in my heart as it only kept bleeding more and more in confusion.

"Where do you even come up with such bullshit from?" I asked, my will to fight with Chirag washed away at the sickening memory of the night my father passed away. He'd right away ripped off the band-aid and it hurt. It hurt excruciatingly!

"I heard what he said that day to you, Ishaani! When he was supposedly confessing his love to you after saying how he didn't approve of me!" he added unnecessarily and defense. The only thing I could do was scoff at him till I found my voice back again. I was getting tired now and the emotional war was taking its toll upon me.

"Oh yeah? So are you blind to how he so selflessly backed away from between the two of us, huh?" I retorted, suddenly not having a care in the world anymore. I didn't give a damn anymore.

I'd had enough!

"Do you really think that's the truth, Ishaani?" asked Chirag in barely above an audible whisper, his eyes challenging me to defy him.

"You think you know better?" I asked him in return, happy to see that he looked lost for words.

"You know what makes me sad? You think that you can live for someone your entire life and know them, but the truth is that you can't. You think that Ranveer is your friend but he isn't. And the day you see his true colour, its going to break you inside out!" he said at long last, his voice holding no mercy in it any more as the words whipped across my face like the sharpest of winds.

"Oh really? How would you know what a friendship like Ranveer and mine means when you've never had friends yourself ever?" I taunted in return and the gasp of disdain and shock that he gave out gave my heart a strange solace. 

I was happy to see the effect my words were having upon him because he was just driving me insane with the complicated emotions that my poor heart seemed to be at the core of not understanding.

"He's using you, Ishaani. And the day he's done with you, he'll leave you just the way he left when he left for Sydney and you'll be all alone and no one is going to be able to save you. Not even me," he emphasized and fell silent, his eyes speaking the rest as they forced me to relive the last eighteen months of my life in a flash.

"That's what you think," was all I told him in return as I played the last four days of my life where the only time I felt alive was when Ranveer was beside me like my shadow. Just like old times.

"That's what I know. He's a jealous maniac, Ishaani! And I cannot have him in our lives for a minute longer! Maybe we should get married as quickly as we can, because if he stays around here any longer, he's going to break off our relationship once and for all and I don't want that," expressed Chirag, his voice now bitter. 

"Right now, you are the one sounding like a jealous maniac, to be honest," I retorted, shaking my head at him in disappointment. I thought that Chirag used to really like and appreciate Ranveer. 

It was all a lie, I see now.

"You don't know him, Ishaani! I can see who he truly is in his eyes! A back-stabbing betrayer! If only you'd now about the things he told me this morning... not just about me, that doesn't matter, but about you as well!" he begged of me to listen but all I did was give him a sympathetic look. If he thought that this much would be sufficient to turn me against Ranveer, he was direly mistaken.

"This morning, he was in his full sense and spoke a whole lot of crap, and it just took me great restraint to not slap him," said Chirag suddenly, his voice now controlled. It was as though he'd finally come upon the real purpose of the conversation when nothing else seemed to work with me.

"What did he tell you?" I asked, the incredulity in my tone only making him hiss in vexation. But he replied nonetheless.

"He told me that he saw me kiss a girl and he threatened me to spill the truth or else I'd pay hell for it," replied Chirag, his tone reflecting the chagrin that I could still see burning in his eyes.

And yet there was... something about the way his eyes looked that I did not like. There was a twinkle about them that made my heart writhe uncomfortably. A twinkle that I knew sparkled in his eyes whenever he was speaking the truth. Which part of his statement was true though, I could not say.

"Is it true? Is it true what he's saying?" I asked suddenly, snapping out from my never-ending emotional doom as I could see no answer to my question.

"How could you even ask me that?!" he shot back at me, looking scandalized. I gave him a cruel laugh that was no more pleasing to me than to him. It set my teeth upon edge.

"If he's accused you of something, he must be saying the truth," I stated simply, leaving Chirag gobsmacked.

"It's always been him above me now hasn't it?" spoke Chirag in a hollow voice after five whole minutes. I chose not to give him an answer, but the look upon my face was enough. He gave me a deadpan look as he continued further. 

"Alright, tell me one thing. If he was saying the truth, why did he come to me first instead of you? And why did threaten me to tell the truth and boast of being in love with you and how he'd do anything to have you in his life?"

"And if you're saying the truth then I don't see why it's bothering you so much. Anyone could make a mistake. Ranveer was just looking out for me," I defended and he just looked outraged now. 

My heart told me to trust Ranveer and I would. It was the only thing I could do because if I didn't trust Ranveer or have Ranveer in my life to trust anymore... I'd lose my last strand of sanity.

It was my need to trust him.

"It's not just about what he told me because I have all the evidence to say otherwise! Do you even have any idea how demented he sounded? He looked like he could have murdered me in his obsessive love for you!" roared Chirag in obstinance, my lack of faith upon him driving him crazier with every passing minute.

If he'd have told me anything else, I'd have believed him with my eyes closed. But not when it came to Ranveer because no one knew him better than I did. He'd never betray my trust or do something like that behind my back, ever. I could vouch my life upon that.

"You know what, Chirag? I feel sorry for you. If you think that's enough to break my trust from over him, you're terribly mistaken," I told him at long last when the atmosphere of the room dipped even lower than it already was, the air fraught with tension.

"So you choose to trust him over me?" he asked me, his tone now blank.

"Always," I replied in the same tone and he gave me a pitiful look.

"You'll regret trusting that servant over me," he said and my cold anger suddenly turned molten at the word 'servant'. Nobody called Ranveer a servant in front of me and walked away with it!

"What did you just call him?" I asked, my tone every bit as murderous as I felt in that moment. Oh I could have strangled Chirag with my own two hands in that minute, he disgusted me so much!

"A servant. A lying, backstabbing-" began Chirag, but I lost all my sanity in that moment, my emotions all thrown astray in a heap as everything seemed to get entangled all the more.

"SHUT UP!"

"The truth hurts, doesn't it? Because you know that deep down what I'm saying is true!" shot back Chirag instantly, not caring about my outburst for the first time that evening as he looked unperturbed by my rage or my incapacity to feel nothing but rage.

"I know that I regret being in love with you right now," I admitted harshly but it didn't seem to have an impact upon him anymore. He just shot me a bitter look.

"If you regret it so much, there's no point holding on to it much longer now, is there? If you can't trust me, then I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. I should have known that Ranveer was not the one in between us all along, I was. So alright, if this is what you want-" he began and I gasped, knowing what he was about to do. So I beat him to it.

"You think you're going to play noble with me by calling this off because you're coming on between me and Ranveer? You know what, if you weren't such an insecure bas***d, you'd have trusted me more to know that when I love, I love fully and wholly without compromise," I defended my honour with passion, but all he did was laugh at me mirthlessly.

"Have you been loving me only? Or have you been imagining Ranveer all those times in place of me whenever you told me those words of love and all those eyelocks and those embraces?" he accused for the fourth time and I didn't bother keeping my language civil anymore.

"You son of a bitch!"

"You will regret your trust upon the servant, Ishaani. You can give them their life but it's in their nature to betray you and break your trust. That's their mentality," he remarked darkly, and my willingness to sap the life out of him only intensified as the turmoil in my heart grew darker and darker, everything turning black.

"And I now know your mentality by the way you are talking today about Ranveer. Those were all sweet words just to get me to love you now, weren't they? Just like all those hypocrites that form the society!" I accused in return, and all he did was shake his head, suddenly looking concerned. The sudden switch startled me.

"I just wish that you'd open your eyes and see the truth. I love you, Ishaani, and I just want to watch out for you," he said in a voice much softer than his previously harsher tone, but it had no effect upon me. 

The damage was done. I didn't want to see him. Ever again.

"Get out of my room. Now. And take this along with you as well," I exclaimed as I took off the ring from upon my finger and slammed it into his palm. He stared at the ring for a couple of minutes before he chuckled to himself.

"What's so funny?" I asked, astounded and irked by his reaction, wondering why he was still shamelessly standing in the room. He looked up at me and I felt the darkness consume my heart as it fell cold and unfeeling against my chest.

"You're not good enough. And you fear that nobody can ever love you for who you truly are because you're not good enough. You fear that people will exploit you and leave you broken once they're done with you and will abandon you forever. It's why everyone leaves you - your father, Harshad Uncle, Ranveer..." he trailed off, looking at me curiously.

And all I did was stare at him in shock as my world went dark, the demons of my biggest fear suddenly guffawing at me in triumph as I felt them pitch forks into my heart and create holes that only seemed to bleed harder and harder, my breathing constricted. Only one person ever knew this... There was no way in the world that Chirag could know about it. Only one person... 

But no, it couldn't be.

"Wh- who- How did you-" I stuttered opening my eyes, gasping as though I'd just emerged from underneath the water. The lights in the room dazzled my sight of Chirag, who looked a little worried.

"Ranveer," he said in a montonous voice that held no emotion.

"No, he couldn't... he wouldn't..." I whispered, more to myself than to him even though the twinkle still persisted in his eyes that meant that he was speaking the truth. 

And yet I trusted Ranveer more than myself to know that he'd never, ever do that. Not at any cost. Not even if he'd have to die for it. He'd never betray me like that. Just the thought of it seemed to shatter my heart into pieces... My heart weakly begged of me to trust Ranveer as my life depended upon it.

"I'm no mind-reader, Ishaani. And even you know that. So tell me, Ishaani... If he didn't tell me this, how do you think I'd know about it?" he asked him silently, letting another lapse of silence fall upon the two of us at the clock chimed nine.

"No... No... You're lying... Ranveer would never do that to me... He'd never sell me out like that," I told him at long last as my mind refused to cope anymore, my soul blemished and my heart tired.

"Then it's time you opened your eyes and saw who you're trusting. It's time you opened your eyes and saw the demon hidden in the facade. Because I'm certainly not the one who boasted at the top of his voice that he'd do anything to make you his own, no matter what price he'd have to pay for it and no matter who he'd have to get out of the way for it," added Chirag, now looking serious.

"He said that?" I asked, unable to believe a word of what Chirag was telling me. 

And yet there was that twinkle that I couldn't ignore. Who was I supposed to believe - him or Ranveer? The one who was supposed to be the love of my life or the one who was my best friend?

"If you don't believe me, you can ask him as well. He must probably be around her somewhere. I'm sure he'll not lie to you being the Prefect Perfect or whatever the heck it is that he's supposed to be," added Chirag snarkily and the disdain in his voice snapped me out of my dilemma. 

The choice was made.

"You know what? We're done. So before I actually get you thrown out of her with as much humiliation as I can rain down upon you, leave," I warned, hoping that he'd take the hint and leave once and for all.

Chirag didn't bother saying anything as he left the room in silence, slamming the door hard enough behind him that conveyed whatever his words couldn't. And all I could do was fall upon the bed tiredly, my mind too shocked and tired to even try deciphering things anymore. There was an uneasiness about the things he'd told me that I knew he couldn't know because those were things only Ranveer knew and that made me doubt my judgment about trusting him so blindly. And even though my heart squirmed with a strange anxiety, it kept begging of me to keep that faith in Ranveer.

Ranveer always told me to listen to my heart. So I will listen to it. I will listen to my heart tonight.

And to hell with whatever Chirag said! My Ranveer can never say things like that! But what if... no! I can't... I won't think that! Ranveer would never say that to him, period. Chirag... he must be bluffing. Yes, that must be it! That lying, two-faced git. I'd die if Ranveer ever did anything like that... My trust upon him will kill me with the impact if it ever breaks... No, ofocurse not! I'm being stupid! Chirag's just trying to play with my head. Ranveer didn't say anything like that. I'm sure of it, I guess. I guess? Oh my God, why is my mind just not letting me believe what my heart wants to?!

Stop it! It's killing me, all the senseless battles!

And yet for some odd reason, in spite of all my anxieties and griefs, my heart isn't sorry about calling it off with Chirag and I don't know why. I do love him terribly, and yet there's no grief. Just a calm that I cannot place. The ring off of my finger feels like a relief, as though it was something binding me down to something I didn't want to be bound to in the first place. And its funny because Ranveer's ring never made me feel that way. Maybe Papa was right - we rushed into the engagement too quickly. Maybe we needed more time.

I don't know what it is that went wrong but I guess Ranveer will have the answers to all of my questions. He always does. He's on the terrace right now, star-gazing and a little drunk too, I guess, since this is our usual time. I'll even wish him for our thirteenth anniversary today because its something we deserve to celebrate and cherish amidst all the loss. Yes... Papa would want us to cherish today. We've only ever had each other in these thirteen years to count upon and irrespective of whatever happened two years ago, he's always been there for me like a pillar.

Hopefully it's not too late to wish him, though. I mean, the day hasn't come to an end still, right? We've still got three hours till it's the next day. If time permits I'll even try completing that painting for Ranveer... Yes, I'll do that. I'll do that... He'll feel happy too, about it. I'll show him all of my paintings. He's the only person I trust now. My best friend. My only friend. If I don't do this for him, who else is there to do all this for? Yes... I'll do it for him! Because I... well... because he means the world to me! 

Yes, that's a better way of phrasing it.

I have a feeling that this night will be a turning point for the two of us after all. Maybe this night is what we need to war against our demons and emerge victorious. Maybe this night is what we need to become the people who Papa wanted us to be all along.

Maybe it's time to walk through the night one last time.

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Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D

Next chapter:
Interlude 19

LadyMeringue2016-12-11 23:22:01