Chapter 3
Epistle 81: A Tale of Two Cities
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23rd October, 2007:
It's been ten days without her.
Time flies by so soon, no? It just feels like yesterday when I bid her goodbye at the airport, promising to return back to her soon. But it's been ten days now since I last saw her. Since I last heard her voice. Since I last heard her laugh. Since I last saw her smile. But I guess this is what will make us stronger. Keeping away from each other for the next two years until I can return back being her equal. The distance is what will keep me strong to fight the world all by myself.
It's what will be keep me going.
Life over here has been better than I expected it to be, to be honest. The language is definitely an issue since they speak too fast and use too much of a slang when talking. But I'm getting used to it anyway. Like Ishaani had warned me, the locals here are rather racist, but they seem to subjectify Indians on the whole. Rich or poor doesn't matter really since everyone is treated the same way. And for once, my status doesn't make me feel inferior. I don't like being shepherded like a fleet of sheep like the way they seem to judge us by our colour, but since when has anyone been fair?
This is just a new kind of discrimination, that's all.
I share a room with two other Indians, who are just as useless as I could hope them to be. Apparently, the Indian mentality never changes even outside the country because Indians in general have an issue with befriending people belonging to the servant's class, I think. The Australian chaps are no better either, but atleast they still seem to treat us like human, albeit inferior ones.
But still, they somehow seem to like me because I haven't faced any problem with them so far. On the contrary, they've been rather civil with me on my face. If they have things to talk behind my back, it doesn't matter to me honestly. When you've lived through the hell that I've lived through when it comes to the abuses and the whips, this kind of feels like a child's play. We servants are made of thick exteriors.
My roommates feel jealous when I'm not ragged or bullied like they are. Well, after what I've faced, just being laughed upon or being called names isn't even insulting. I've had much, much worse. My roommates are just coming out from their spell of illusions. I've already been snapped out of it since the past eleven years.
But this is something that I can live with because this city has got loads and loads to offer! I'm done roaming quite a bit of Sydney and it's one really, really beautiful city. Both at day and at night. The rains over here are rather unpredictable though, but it's thrilling nonetheless. Ishaani would have loved this season, especially with the multi-coloured flowers. Those were always amongst her favourite things to visualize, really.
The climate, architecture and the beauty of the city is sure to bamboozle her!
But the best thing of all is the campus! The campus must be one of the most stunning things I've ever seen in my life so far! And I'm not exaggerating. Luscious gardens, Neo-Gothic structures, rich architecture and an even better faculty! They're yet to introduce two more subjects for my course next week, but so far whatever lectures I've had, they've been fun! Others find them mundane, but I think they're rather engaging and I'm learning loads. It's a little difficult to keep up with the pace of their speech and the amount of research work that we have to do, but since I'm in the habit of it already, I find it rather interesting.
Speaking of which, I've seen quite a few of the popular
places around here already. And I'll list them up for you right now before I
start listing them in my travel log book. So, here goes!
1. The Sydney Opera House:
Location: Bennelong Point, Sydney
Description: One of the world's great icons, the Sydney Opera House
is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and the star attraction on the glittering harbor.
This graceful building, shaped like shells or billowing sails, perches on a
finger of land surrounded by water. I snapped a couple of photos while gliding
by on a harbor cruise, relaxed at one of the restaurants, strolled around its
exterior, and took an organized tour of the magnificent structure, which
encompassed theaters, studios, exhibition rooms, a concert hall, and a cinema.
I also got to learn about the history and get a behind-the-scenes look at this
famous building. This is a flexible ticket that allows you to join any one of
the tours throughout the day, departing every half hour from 9am to 5pm.
2. The Harbour Bridge:
Address: 5 Cumberland St, Sydney
Description: This is city's best-known landmark prior to
construction of the Opera House. Supported by massive double piers at each end,
it was built in 1932 and remains the world's largest steel arch bridge,
connecting the harbor's north and south shores in a single curve rising 134 m
above the water. Along its length run two railway lines and eight lanes for
road traffic, the direction of which can be varied according to traffic flow.
Pedestrians can stroll across on walkways or join a guided ascent through
BridgeClimb for a breathtaking panorama of the city and harbor.
3. The Rocks:
Address: 66 Harrington St, Level 6, The Rocks, Sydney
Description: On a tongue of land protruding into Sydney
Harbour, the Rocks historic area was once home to the Gadigal aboriginal people
and later became the country's first site of European settlement. The name of
the Rocks comes from the rocky coast on the west side of Sydney Cove, where the
convicts pitched their tents. Today, more than 100 heritage sites and buildings
jostle along the narrow streets including Sydney's oldest surviving house,
Cadman's cottage, built in 1816. The Rocks Discovery Museum, which traces the
area's fascinating transformation from traditional aboriginal lands, to convict
slum, to tourist hotspot. Afterwards, I even managed to wander around the
narrow cobbled streets with their souvenir shops, restaurants, cafs, and
aboriginal and contemporary art galleries, and shop at the market stalls.
Guided tours run the gamut from aboriginal heritage walks to photographic
excursions and nighttime ghost tours.
4. The Queen Victoria Building:
Address: 455 George St, Sydney
Description: This is a high point of Sydney shopping is the
Romanesque-style Queen Victoria Building ("QVB"), linked by
underground arcades with Town Hall Station. Originally built as a market hall
between 1893 and 1898, this elegant building is crowned by a high central dome
surrounded by 20 smaller domes. After decades of neglect and even plans for
demolition, this grand sandstone building was restored to its original state in
the early eighties. Today, more than 200 high-end shops line its light-filled
galleries. It's worth a visit even for those who shun the shops, just to admire
its successful restoration as well as its beautiful stained glass windows and
mosaic floors.
5. George Street:
Description: The oldest street in Australia, George Street was
once a nameless track trodden by convicts fetching supplies of water. Today,
it's one of the city's major traffic arteries where high-rise office blocks,
shops, and historic buildings converge in an incongruous jumble. An architectural
highlight is the elegant Romanesque-style Queen Victoria Building replete with
graceful domes, stained glass windows, and high-end stores. Nearby, the Sydney
Town Hall (1869) is a major city landmark sporting a medley of architectural
styles (it's been compared to a richly decorated wedding cake). Another
architectural standout is the neo-Gothic St Andrew's Cathedral completed and
consecrated in 1868. Shoppers will find plenty of stores in the area. Designer
boutiques and jewelry stores line the Victorian-style Strand Arcade, while Pitt
Street Mall, one block east from George Street, and is one of the city's major
shopping precincts.
6. King's Cross:
Location: William St and Darlinghurst Rd, Sydney
Description: About 2 km east of the Central Business District
(CBD), Kings Cross or "The Cross," as locals call it, is Sydney's
multi-faceted red light district with an intriguing, Bohemian past. The area
was an artistic quarter around 1920, until it evolved into a popular haunt for
beatniks during the 1950s and, later, hippies. During the Vietnam War, the area
started its slow slide to depravity when large numbers of American troops came
here on "rest and recreation" leave. Despite its less than savory reputation
at night, during the day, it wears a different face. Backpackers from the many
hostels in the area huddle at hip cafes, boutique hotels beckon, and foodies
come here to dine at the trendy restaurants. Look for the large Coca-Cola
billboard, at the intersection of William Street and Darlinghurst Road, which
is often referred to as the "Gateway to The Cross".
7. The Hyde Park:
Location: Elizabeth Street, Sydney
Description: Amid all the din of the central business district,
Hyde Park is a sanctuary of sprawling lawns, shady picnic spots, flowers,
fountains, and fig trees. Like a mini Central Park, this welcome patch of
green, named after Hyde Park in London, offers prime people-watching -
especially at lunch when city workers come here to kick off their shoes. The
park's bronze Archibald Fountain (1932) commemorates Australia's alliance with
France during WWI, while the art deco Anzac War Memorial (1934), in the
southern half of the park, honours its victims. At the north end of Hyde Park,
in Queens Square, are three fine Georgian buildings, masterpieces of the
convict architect Sir Francis Greenway: the Hyde Park Barracks, St James'
Church, and the Supreme Court. Built by convict labor in 1817-19, Hyde Park
Barracks was restored to its original condition in 1975-84 and now houses a
museum on the history of Sydney portraying the lives of the first involuntary
'settlers'. On the east side of Hyde Park is the Australian Museum with the
largest natural history collection in the country.
8. The Art Gallery of NSW:
Address: Art Gallery Rd, The Domain, Sydney
Description: Surrounded by beautiful park lands, the Art Gallery
of New South Wales is one of the country's most distinguished art museums. The
building dates from 1885 and houses spacious light-filled galleries and Grand
Courts with collections ranging from works by the European masters and Asian
artists, to evocative contemporary art from around the world. The gallery also
houses one of the largest collections of aboriginal art in Australia. After
admiring all the masterpieces, art lovers can relax at the caf or restaurant,
or browse the gallery gift shop.
I'm yet to visit a lot of places yet, but this is just the beginning. There's still loads and loads of explore. But I miss Ishaani. Exploring all this with her. It was our fantasy uno and our only mutual fantasy - to travel the world. Become independent. This has been my first step out into the real world. And so far, it's been a rewarding experience. But what good is any of this without her beside me?
There hasn't gone by a day when my heart hasn't choked at the thought of her. At the thought of how she'd be able to fend off this world without me. About how she'd be able to cope without me. She's weak... she's vulnerable. She'll never admit it to anyone, not even to herself, but that doesn't change the truth. And whenever she's at her vulnerable most, I'm always frightened. Not for myself, but for her own well-being because she always makes a shell around herself, throwing herself and drowning herself into emotions that weigh her down and tax her out. She isn't adept at handling those kind of emotions.
Not a day goes by when I wonder whether my decision of coming to Sydney was the right one or no. I can see the pros and the cons, the former clearly outweighing the latter, but that doesn't mean that it makes it any easier upon me. I've left my Universe behind just so that I could bring her back a better world that could sustain the never-ending weight of the stark realities that our universe consisted of. I don't know what to do without that universe until then.
Oh, how I miss Ishaani! Her essence, her scent, her smile, the sparkle of her eyes... everything that is just her. Everything that just makes it worth living for. Everything that makes me want to leave all of this and run back to her and pull her into my arms, and never ever let her go again. I don't want this reality without her even though I'm killing myself just for her. And every minute away from her makes me realize how... incompetent I'm without her. How incomplete I'm without her. How... lost, I'm without her.
And this is what pulls me up again. No. If I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I'd have to drink away the next two years of my life like a bitter medicine. It was for the greater good. Not just for mine, but Ishaani's as well. I have to succeed for the two of us. I have to die repeatedly each day for the two of us. Just so that we can ultimately survive in this power-hungry and money-driven world. Just so that I can give the two of us a better future even though everything was on chance. Everything was upon destiny.
But that doesn't mean that I won't try. I won't give up without a fight. I've never learnt what it was like to give up. And now is no different. Ranveer Vaghela may have been a lot of things to the world, but the one thing he wasn't was a quitter. I'll fight life head on, just like always. I'll give everything I have to conquer what I've set out to win. And so all that I can focus upon right now is my dream. My goal. My destination.
And at the end of it all, my horizon.
Ishaani.
23rd October, 2007:
It's been ten days without him.
Wow, time flies by so quickly, isn't it? Just feels like yesterday when we said goodbye... But well, in spite of it feeling like yesterday, every second of his departure has weighed itself upon me. It's a different world without him and his warm embrace. And yet, it's been going better than I expected it to go so far. I don't know why that's so. Maybe it's either because I've been keeping myself too engrossed with my hobbies, or else the world has tamed down a little with respect to me. And so far, it's a relief.
Or maybe it's because I've created a relief for myself.
I've been doing a lot of painting recently. Art has always been something that I've been mental behind, especially ever since Ranveer made that portrait for me. I don't know what it is about that painting that I love so much, but it changed my life that night. Because for the first time, I realized the power of art. Not just any power, but the extraordinary capability that art had to let the human emotions bleed away into colours. There's even the piano that I so adore playing, but there's something different about painting.
And so, in the last ten days, I've found a new source of distraction - painting. Just colours and strokes blended above the emotions and feelings that pour upon the canvas. But they aren't just random abstracts. No. They're not. They're paintings of myself and Ranveer from several of the pictures that I have of the two of us together right from the time we met eleven years ago. And just like that, I decided. I'd paint our life upon the canvas. Picture by picture, colour by colour, emotion by emotion. I'd depict our story through paintings.
Our untold stories, through paintings.
So far, I've finished seven paintings already. Papa was surprised by the speed and accuracy with which I've been painting, because having seven concise paintings with just the finishing touches remaining is not all that easy. It's rather difficult and many would cite it impossible too. But that's the passion that art infuses within you. Once you start, there's no stopping. Once you begin to bleed, there's no stemming. Once you begin pouring your emotions out on the white canvas, there's no turning back. Once you begin narrating your intimate stories, your soul is on paper. In a blend of colours.
It's an addiction, Papa tells me. Once you begin to express, you cannot stop. Not until you've emptied yourself of all your emotions. He's worried that I might be taking this too far because I'm crawling into a shell in the form of artistry after Ranveer's departure. But this is what keeps me sane. This is what makes me feel alive. Feeling these emotions course through me as I give them colour of a lifeless sheet of paper. This is what gives me the strength to see through the day when I let the strokes write my destiny for the next day.
This is what gives me the strength to cope against the gaping void that's Ranveer. To fill in the empty space of where his smile would create an explosion of the liveliest emotions within myself. This is what fills in the loneliness and makes me feel whole... complete... secure in his embrace. In the memories of his embrace. Ranveer always tells me that emotions should never be repressed; they should be let to flow in any form. And especially for a person like me who is never able to bear pain for the sake of others.
And yet for his happiness, I did the same thing.
I don't know whether what I did was wise. But I did it nonetheless. And now, there's no looking back. All that I can do is pick up the pieces of my shattered bubble of oblivion and use to them create a shield for myself. Maybe I can protect myself from all those emotions then that tingle within my heart every time my mind crosses over to Ranveer or whenever the loneliness starts to seep in.
It's difficult, living with these emotions that threaten to break you every single moment, knowing that you cannot give up because there is no option to give up. It's only a fight with yourself every single day as you have to be stronger and stronger, taking every ounce of energy it takes to emerge victorious against yourself and your demons. And art is my weapon. My only strand of sanity to pull through this "sacrifice" that I so nobly made. There was nothing noble about a sacrifice because the cost that is to be paid is often not worth it at all in the end.
But the world still cannot know that Ishaani Parekh can be weak. Vulnerable. No, that is only for me to bear. That is only for me to fight. This is my darkness, and only I can overcome it. And Ranveer has left behind the weapon for me to use. Art. Years ago, he found life in the birth of a myriad of colours when he'd have rather preferred the simple colour of death. Now, it's my turn to carry forward the legacy and find life amidst the same myriad of colours.
How I crave return back into my small world of the oblivion and security that only his embrace could provide... Back to the shelter of my shield, my invisible benefactor.
And at the end of it all, my horizon.
Ranveer.
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 82
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