Chapter 22

My Dear Readers!

Thank you so much for the wishes. I am feeling better now; the cold will need some time to heal, I guess.

So many questions & confusions over the last chapter! I felt like answering everyone but better let the next two chapters unfold it to you. You may feel this chapter incomplete without Khushi's POV but I am holding that for the next chapter. You will know why. I have replied to a very few comments randomly from Page 102 onwards. To those I could not reply, please accept my thanks and gratitude for spending your time here. It really means a lot to me. I would have replied to each of you if I could manage the time.

Since we are almost done with this story, I would like to recommend you two other stories that are close to my heart. Both the authors have unique writing style and you can feel the depth of the story and characters as you read. I really believe they deserve to be read more and also the readers deserve to read more of them. Don't let the prologue or the first chapter confuse you because the journey following that is truly magical.

Destuhnee by chander992           

without you by indi52                   

This was supposed to be the last chapter of the SS but you will get another one. And there will be an epilogue which will reveal the mystery of lemon.

"Your silence will not protect you."

                                  - Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider

22

Arnav stood rooted near the door as he watched her show her ring off to the female colleagues. Her eyes glistened as bright as the stones of the ring. Her face was beaming; she seemed happy. As she sat down, he watched her eyeing the ring fondly and caressing it, a tender smile adorning her beautiful face.

The dagger ran deeper through Arnav's heart. How could you do this, Khushi?

Arnav had needed time to get his strength back. The underground parking had become his personal hell as the painful realization had hit him hard and rough. His mind simply had been refusing to register and accept the fact that Khushi had gotten engaged. When he had finally stood up, he had been determined. He had walked into his cabin, kept his bag and then headed for Khushi's office. He would talk to her; he would ask her. How could she do this?

The hailing storm within Arnav only got stronger as he witnessed her fondling the ring. His determination slowly slipped away and the unbearable pain took over again. He turned away from the door and closed his eyes, hoping the pain would subside. Only if it did.

Arnav walked back to his office and slumped on his leather chair. He sat silently with his eyes closed, clearly and deeply sensing each sensation happening to him. His head was pounding, limbs felt limp. Somewhere around the middle of his chest was the epicenter ' shooting pain through his body, quake after quake. He had no idea something like this could ever happen to him. He had no idea how his body could burst into so much pain with no apparent physical injury. He did not try to think or reason. He let himself feel the pain and drown.

This was what he had been running away from all his life.

Gamophobia. Wasn't it what they called it? The fear of marriage. The fear of relationships. The fear of long term commitment. He had carefully instilled and pampered it in himself to save his once brutalized heart, to never let anyone hurt him again ' to never let himself hurt anyone.

And now all he felt was hurt, pain, grief .. all for a woman.

How did he let this happen to him?

The rest of the day, the employees of AR faced a ruthless ASR. They had faced his anger before but this deadly amalgam of wrath and impatience was something beyond comprehension. Something was terribly wrong in the world of Arnav Singh Raizada, everyone understood. And everyone prayed, for their own sake, that things got back in order in his life again. Soon.

Simran silently sent a prayer for Khushi as she knocked on ASR's cabin door. ASR had asked for her ' to come and meet him in his cabin before she would leave.

"Hope she survives," Simran hoped and murmured sincerely.

Arnav was restless and seething. Anger was his way of letting out; anger was his own defense mechanism. He knew he was being unreasonable but he did not know how else he could handle his vulnerability. He was fidgeting impatiently, waiting when he heard the knocks on his door. And he stiffened. Thrice in a row - short, mild, with steady breaks. It was her.

He shifted slightly in his seat, all his senses anticipating the one thing they were having difficulty to live without.

"Come in, Khushi."

She entered the room, little hesitantly, little surprised, little intimidated.

Yes, I even know how you knock. Arnav felt like shouting. Why did not she understand how much he .. ..

"Aap ne bulaya?"

"Yes. Are you leaving now?"

"Ji."

Arnav stared at her face. She was not even looking at him. She looked a bit annoyed, a bit uncomfortable. His eyes shifted and noticed her massaging the ring with her thumb. His whole body shuddered in an inexplicable emotion. How could she?

His voice came out indifferent.

"Ok. You can leave."

Her eyes shot up, surprised and met his icy cold eyes. Finally. Arnav took the opportunity to read her eyes, to get inside .. to get an answer. How could you, Khushi? But she averted her gaze before he could infer anything. She left without a word and in five minutes, Arnav too, left informing Simran that he was off for the day.

Arnav waited for her a few feet away from the AR building entrance. He stood leaning against the wall, half under the shade of the tree. The Delhi drizzle was drenching his favorite dark grey Brioni but he did not care. He was waiting for her. He had to know how she could do this to him... how she could do this to herself.

He stood straight and alert, as soon as he saw her coming out. She looked up to the sky and her mouth moved, perhaps complaining for the rain. She and her Devi Maiya. She placed the dupatta on her head and stepped out in the rain. Raindrops started falling on her, making her shiver slightly. She bit her lips.

Arnav lost a heartbeat.

His lemon. She was his. Only his.

She started walking briskly, her eyes searching for an auto, her face slightly tensed. She checked her wrist watch and looked up anxiously. And then she halted as her eyes fell on the man standing on the other side of the lane.

Arnav shifted slightly on his feet as her surprised eyes met his. Why did his heartbeat go faster when she was near? He crossed the lane in long strides and was by her side in no time. She was still staring at him with surprise in her eyes.

"We need to talk."

Khushi flinched slightly as his voice reached her and suddenly, the expression on her face changed. She flared.

"I have to go."

"Not before we are done talking."

Khushi tried to break free as Arnav tightly held her hand and started dragging her along with him.

"Chhodiye humein .."

She sounded startled and angry but Arnav did not bother.

"Kya kar rahe hain aap? Koi dekh lega .."

"Dekhne do."

Arnav stopped only when they had reached a little darker alley beside the AR headquarter. He shoved her against the wall, held her by her shoulders and charged her, his voice cold, grave, intense.

"Kya kar rahi ho tum?"

Khushi's face burst into a myriad of expressions. Surprise, confusion, anger, hurt.

"Kya kar rahi hun main? Let me go."

"Why? Why should I let you go?"

"Kyunki mujhe der ho rahi hai. Aur .. Gautam-ji mera intezaar kar rahe hain."

Arnav stilled, his resolve and determination all forgotten. Why was she doing this to him? How could she be so cruel? Didn't she understand him at all? Khushi, please.

"Gautam?" His voice faltered.

"Haan. Humein shopping ke liye jaana hain .."

Shopping. With Gautam. Khushi, stop it. His hands tightened on her. She flinched but her flaring eyes did not move away from his.

"How can you do this, Khushi? Kyun?"

"I don't understand what you are talking about. Kya kiya humne?"

"You, don't understand? How could you .. how can you .. you are going with him?"

"Yes I am. Why does it bother you?"

"Kyun ki .. kyun ki, Khushi .."

Arnav closed his eyes in frustration as his thoughts did not reach his voice. Because it is only me you should be with. He opened his eyes, in an earnest attempt to make her understand but Khushi cut in.

"Aur hum kiske saath kahan jaate hain, aapko isse kya faraq padta hain?"

Not again, Khushi. Arnav groaned.

"Farak padta hain, dammit .. tum jaanti ho!"

"Nahi. Mein Kuch nahi jaanti."

Don't tell me you don't know.

"Khushi.."

Arnav could not figure out what to say. Did she not understand his hurt at all? Did she not understand him at all? Arnav kept starting into her eyes with the hope she would understand. He watched her face slowly calming down, the fire reducing as a hint of exhaustion took over. Her shoulders slumped.

"I don't understand you, Arnav ji. Why are you doing this? Kya chaahte ho aap?"

"Main .. Khushi .."

Arnav stammered, most uncharacteristically as his thoughts and words jumbled up. What did he want?

"You want her, dammit," Devi Maiya squealed, "Say it, dammit. Just say it!"

But Arnav Singh Raizada's eloquence was nurtured only for acquisition, mergers and portfolios. When it came to pouring his heart out, it failed him. He kept staring at her, trying earnestly to say something sensible but all he ended up doing was muttering a frustrated "Dammit".

And finally silence took over as both of them stood staring at each other, their minds in a state of hurt and confusion, trying to understand the other but perhaps in vain.

Could silence really speak a thousand words? Could silence really convey the untold?

Arnav's hands on her loosened as he watched her intently. Why could not he read her? He wanted her with him. But he also wanted her .. happy. Was she happy moving on? Was she happy walking away from him?

"Tum .. Khush ho?"

Arnav stared at her with earnest hope, waiting for a reply. She couldn't be happy.

Khushi blinked as a response to his sincere question.

"Haan. Khush hun. Bahaut Khush hain hum. Do you have any doubt?"

Did he? Arnav took his hands off her and stepped aside, his eyes still boring into hers. He .. did not understand her anymore. He .. did not understand himself.

"I believe you." He muttered.

And he walked away. In long strides, not turning back even once.

It broke him, it shattered him, it burned him. But he kept walking away, knowing the source of "life".. of his life.. was standing there alone, drenching in rain. He felt selfish walking away like that but he had crossed his threshold. He could not face her like that. Not anymore. When she did not understand him ' when she thought she was happy .. it was probably for the best he walked away.

After many years, Arnav drove to his place of solitude. A dead end on the outskirt of the city. The last time he had been there was when his sister had been traumatized over her nastily broken marriage. Drowning in his own whirlpool of agony, that painful memory seemed like a distant past to Arnav.

Arnav stood leaning against his white SUV witnessing the Delhi drizzle turning into a torrential downpour, drenching him from head to toe, still not washing away his turmoil and sufferings.

How could she move on just like that?

How could she not understand his anguish?

Arnav closed his eyes hoping it would all go away. He would have prayed if he had believed in God.

How could he let her affect him like that?

Why could he not tell her what he wanted?

Devi Maiya sighed. It was his own battle now. More than anything else, it was his battle against himself, against his self-created demons.

Anjali watched her brother coming home late at night, fully drenched. He responded only with his blood shot, blank eyes as she enquired and then walked away. Her concern rose as he remained dangerously calm and silent even when she went to his room with haldi milk. Neither pampering nor probing worked on him.

"Di, I am fine."

He shut her out and went into the bathroom leaving her even more concerned.

Next morning Arnav flew to Mumbai under the pretext of business emergency.

Even though he thoroughly drowned himself in deals, meetings and business dinner, his restlessness did not subside. He knew he was running away but he had resolved to not let her get to him anymore. He had controlled with great effort his urge to call Aman or Lavanya to know how Khushi was. If she could move on, so could he. Just like that.

But his plans were not longer his, when it came to Khushi.

Arnav had to blatantly admit that it was a mistake to come to Mumbai like that. Running away had only worsened things for him. Not being able to see her, not knowing what she had been doing ' was driving him crazy. He had tried his best on the first day, but since the time he had been alone in his plush hotel room at night, her thoughts had again taken over. A good morning jog following the sleepless night, or even a good, lengthy shower did not help. He could feel her smell fading away with each passing minute and his anxiety reached its peak.

No amount of work or money could trade off for what she gave to him.

Arnav took the late evening flight and returned to Delhi only the next day. He felt like going straight to AR but he knew it was already too late. She must have left. He requested Mohan, his chauffeur to take him straight to Shantivan. All he wanted to do was sleep so that the morning came faster. All he wanted was to see her. If nothing else.

Anjali watched her brother striding straight to his room without meeting any of the family members. Not even her.

Anjali sighed. Arnav was not only her younger brother, he was somewhat like her son. She had been taking care of him, bringing him up since she had been 18 and he only a troubled teenager of 14. She knew his every ins and outs. She knew when he was happy, when he was troubled. And now what she was witnessing, was not something she had seen him going through ever. At least not since he had grown up into a man.

What was troubling him so much?

Anjali followed her brother to his room, limping. He was sitting on his green recliner facing the pool by his room. His back towards the door. Unlike other times, he could not sense her in the room. He sat still, his jacket lying carelessly beside him, his bag dumped on the floor.

Where was he lost?

"Chotey?"

"Hmmm."

His voice came from a distant land.

"Kya hua .."

She enquired softly.

"She is not happy, Di. I have seen it. There was no happiness in those eyes."

Anjali stilled. She is not happy. Who was Chotey talking about?

"Bechain hai. Khush nahi hai toh shaadi kyun kar rahi hai. Aisa faisla le liya ki usko baad me pachhtana padega. Khush nahi hai toh sagai kyun ki? Kis ne kaha tha haan kehne ke liye? Kisi ne zabardasti ki thi kya? Jisse pyaar nahi karti, jis ke saath reh nahi sakti, uske saath  poori zindagi kaise bitayegi? Aur mein ' mein ..."

Anjali stood frozen as her brain registered the dazed words from her brother's mouth. She had no idea who he was talking about, but she knew this much that her brother was in pain. And she could feel something beneath that pain - something that soothed her concern with a subtle happiness even when her brother was suffering.

This was it. She knew it. She knew her Chotey had finally come around.

"Aur tum kya, Chotey?"

Arnav did not respond to her soft query. She slowly walked up to him and rested her hand on his shoulder. He flinched. He turned his face quickly to see her - his face seemed lost as his trance broke.

"Di .. aap .."

"Haan, Chotey. You were saying something?"

"Huh?"

Arnav tried to recall what he had been saying and he could faintly remember what he had been thinking. Had he said those things aloud? Had his Di heard anything?

"Nothing, Di. Bas .. yun hi .."

Arnav quickly stood up and headed for the washroom, not willing to have the conversation. But Anjali stopped him.

"Chotey. Can I tell you something?"

"Kya, Di?"

"You will meet many people in life. But if you come across someone who means all the more than everyone else, it is not wise to let that person go.  You can live with her memories only or you can try building new memories with her. Up to you."

"Di .. I don't know what you are talking about."

"Neither do I, Chotey. But if you think someone is not happy being away from you and you are not happy about it too, why are you letting her go away? Just remember one thing always, Chotey.. Jab faisla dimag se nahi, dil se liya jaata hai na, toh sab achcha hota hai."

Arnav stood still with his hands fisted as Anjali kissed his forehead and walked away.

New memories.

Dimag. Dil.

Had he not tried? But had he tried enough? Should he try again? More?

A small smile crept on Devi Maiya's face after a long time. Anjali had done it. If she could not get through Arnav's thickhead, no one ever could.

Next day Arnav started for AR still replaying in his mind the words his Di had told him the previous night. He was in two minds but with every passing minute, his urge to try again intensified. He was not really expecting her to be waiting for him at the crossroad. At least not after his last two days' unannounced absence. It still pricked him when his eyes fell on the empty spot. Of course, she was not there. The emptiness crept into his heart and his feet pushed harder on the accelerator. He had to go to AR fast. Now.

As soon as he reached office, he called Lavanya to enquire about Khushi somehow.

"Lavanya .."

"How could you do this, ASR?"

Lavanya's contemptuous response startled Arnav. She had never talked to him like that. No one in AR would dare talk to him like that. How dare she?

"Lavanya!"

"Don't shout, ASR. How could you .. how could you mess this up? I saw .. I thought .. you liked her. What did you say to her?"

She was talking about Khushi. Arnav's heart sank. His mouth dried.

"Lavanya .."

"Why did she decide to marry so suddenly? Tell me?"

Lavanya snapped.

"Lavanya. I need to talk to Khushi. Can you send her to my cabin?"

"No, I can't. Because she is not here."

She is not here. Panic slowly started to creep its way in.

"Where is she?"

"She has taken leave. She won't be back before the week after the next. ASR, there still is time. You can still fix this '"

Lavanya's voice slowly muted as a voice from the past rang louder in his ears.

".. when my wedding will take place, I will need long leave .. wedding preparations and then .. may be .. woh .. going away for some time."

 The phone fell from his hand as he stood frozen.

No.

Khushi.

Reviewed By: Dipu (bs_deeps) & ritz (iritz)

Credit: Dipu (bs_deeps)

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