Chapter 20

 

 

 

Chapter 20

 

Arnav followed Khushi and got hold of her hand before she could enter the dressing room. Completely ignoring their surroundings, he pulled her near him and turned her so that they were face to face, her hands held tightly behind her back. She glared at him but his eyes were calm and determined.

 

"Come with me. We need to talk."

 

Khushi had no intention to go with him whatsoever, let alone talk.

 

"Let me go."

 

She hissed in a low voice and squirmed.

 

"Stop squirming," his voice was calm & dangerous.

 

 Khushi still squirmed but after a few seconds, she could feel curious eyes on them. She remembered they were not alone and she stopped. She had no intention to create a drama in front of all and make whatever was between them public. Reluctantly, she eased and started to walk with Arnav as he dragged her towards the exit. Some sympathized her, some mocked – but everyone was sure she would be going home crying tonight.

 

Arnav dragged Khushi out of the venue and cornered her in a darker spot of the open parking. He merely turned to face her when she pounced on him, taking him by surprise.

 

"What do you think of yourself, Mr. Raizada?"

 

Arnav took a step back, a little flustered with the sudden attack.

 

His lemon. His tigress.

 

"Khushi .. what's wrong?"

 

"What's wrong? You are asking what's wrong? Everything is wrong. Everything starting from my working in this company is wrong. You. Me. Everything."

 

"Khushi  .."

 

"Why of all, it had to happen to me!"

 

"Khushi .."

 

"And .. you .. Mr. Raizada .."

 

Arnav stared at her finger, half-amused and half-shocked, as she kept poking him in his chest. He stepped back with each poke and stopped only when his back hit the wall.

 

"How dare you demean me like that in front of all?"

 

"Khushi .. what are you saying .."

 

"Yes, I am an average girl. You have any problem with that?"

 

Arnav slowly started to understand what was going inside that brain of hers. And his heart constricted. Why did she pick only that word? Did she not hear him tell her "beautiful" – something that he had been longing to say her for a long time? Would he ever be able say that to her? Directly in words? What she did to him .. how she made his heartbeat go faster .. how she had turned his world upside down?

 

"You are beautiful, Khushi," his heart screamed but all he could voice was her name.

 

"Khushi .."

 

He tried to touch her cheek but she flinched.

 

"I know I do not represent your society.."

 

"Khushi .. I was just trying to handle the mishap .. you know how important this show is for me .."

 

"Yes! Saving your show at the expense of my honor."

 

"Khushi!! Now you are being childish!"

 

Arnav stared at her shocked. Why was she being so sensitive? Was it because what he had told her in the afternoon? Did she understand what he did not mean? How could he make her understand..?

 

"You have no right to demean me like that, Mr. Raizada."

 

"Khushi. Trust me. I did not. I could never do that to you. Never."

 

"You already have …"

 

"Khushi .. please try to understand."

 

"I understand .. very well .."

 

Arnav heard her choke. He saw her eyes brimming up, slowly hiding the raw pain in her eyes that shook him to his core. And he could not control himself anymore.

 

He hugged her.

 

"Khushi, please trust me," his voice was earnest.

 

Khushi fought to break free but she was not his match when it came to strength. His arms tightened around her - her hands trapped between their bodies. Their hearts got nearer. Their heartbeats merged again. And she let go. She rested her head on his chest; her body shuddered with pain as tears flowed from her eyes.

 

Arnav could feel his shirt dampening, her hands clutching his jacket tightly. That familiar feeling from a time long back choked his heart – his eyes were dry but burning; it had been decades since he had cried. Perhaps he had unlearned how to cry. He could feel the movement of her body within his arms, as she cried her heart out. Her body shook, and his arms patted her.

 

"Shhh …," his voice came out in soft whispers, "It's alright, Khushi. Shhh .."

 

He let her cry. And she cried too. Until they felt, they were over with what happened a few minutes back. It was nothing, they both knew. That was just a facade to their true inner turmoil. They had other things to deal with.

 

 Khushi looked up, still holding him, still inside his arms, her chin resting on his chest.

 

"Why don't you believe in marriage, Arnav Ji?"

 

The question shook Arnav. He stared into her teary eyes – full of questions & hope, fully aware of how many questions that one question held. He closed his eyes and his arms wrapped around her tighter. He did not know what to say. It was complicated.

 

"I .. just don't .."

 

Khushi stared deeper, as he opened his eyes - troubled & aching.

 

"Will you ever?"

 

Arnav wished he could say "yes". He wished he could promise her something – something that would wipe the tears from her eyes forever. But he could not. He could not lie.

 

He wiped the tears off her face with his knuckles.

 

"I don't think so."

 

They stood like that for how long they did not know, staring into each other's eyes, warming up into each other's embrace. It was not desire, it was not dancing blood cells, it was not butterflies in the stomach. It was sheer peace and pain.

 

Their eyes spoke which their mouth could never give words to. And they both acknowledged it.

 

Almost at the same minute, Arnav's hands started to ease around her and she started to move away.

 

Their conversation was over.

 

As Khushi stood a few feet apart and wiped the tearstains off her face, Arnav again felt the cold grapple of the now familiar feeling of fear. The way she was cautiously keeping the distance made him feel empty.

 

"Since you have always known it, you should have been within your limits, Arnav ji."

 

Her voice rang in his ears.

 

"Don't do that again."

 

Desperately, he extended his right hand towards her.

 

"Come with me."

 

Khushi glanced at his hand and sighed.

 

"Thank you, Arnav Ji. But I can't. I have to go."

 

Arnav became wary.

 

"Go?"

 

"Yes, I have to attend a wedding. You were right. This is how an average Indian woman dresses for a party."

 

Arnav flinched.

 

"Khushi .. You know what I meant .. "

 

"Arnav Ji! I am sorry. I was just joking. I know what you were trying to do. And to be honest, you did not say anything wrong. That perfectly set the mood for the bridals and also you saved the show which I had almost ruined. I am sorry you missed the most important part of the show. You should go back now."

 

Arnav reluctantly withdrew his hand, the feeling of emptiness swallowing him deeper.

 

"Bahaut bolti ho tum."

 

Khushi smiled slightly as he murmured distractedly.

 

"You are not mad at me, are you?"

 

"Why should I be?"

 

"For ruining your show?"

 

"I am sure you did not do it willingly, did you?"

 

Khushi smiled.

 

"I won't dare."

 

Even Arnav smiled.

 

"It is fine now. So no point discussing."

 

They stood silently for a few seconds until Khushi decided it was time they went their ways.

 

"You should go now, Arnav Ji. And I am getting late too."

 

"I am dropping you."

 

"No way! The show is not over yet. Everyone is waiting for you."

 

Arnav hid a sigh. She was right. He really could not afford to leave right now.

 

"Let me arrange a car for you."

 

"Thanks, Arnav Ji but really there is no need. I have taken auto all my life. Don't spoil me."

 

Arnav's fist tightened. Damn he wanted to spoil her. In every way he could. Would she allow him? Would he allow him himself?

 

"Besides, everyone is busy," Khushi added in attempt to assure him more.

 

Arnav did not insist further. He knew her enough by now. She would not listen. Why could not she stay?

 

"You really have to go?"

 

Khushi stared into his eyes. It sounded more like a plea than a question. Her fists tightened.

 

 "Yes. I have to."

 

Arnav nodded almost invisibly. And Khushi 's lips curved into a smile that did not reach her eyes. As she turned, Arnav took a deep breath and smelled her in. He would have her within him; this would help him last the evening.

 

He stood there and watched her until she disappeared into the darkness. And then he sighed. Finally.

 

Lavanya's words rang in his ears.

 

A woman always wants surety, certainty...

 

"I cannot give you that, Khushi," he murmured.

 

He closed his eyes, not wanting to showcase his vulnerability for one second.

 

"I am not your type, too."

 

Devi Maiya sighed. Only if his heartrending murmurs reached Khushi's ears. He was a man who needed to be heard; he was a man who needed someone to understand his silence.

 

They both went their ways and passed the rest of the evening among people – pretending to be their normal self. One laughed her heart out being her natural chirpy self, the other posed measured smile keeping his well-exercised indifferent demeanour intact. Both felt the same desolate & silent inside.

 

The fashion show ended successfully. The wedding ended on a happy note.

 

And the two came back home with their anguished heart. Neither the success nor the festivity could lessen the pain of their heart.

 

The night was long for both of them; sleep came only as their body gave up – dreams far away.

 

The next day was not any easier. It was Sunday and it felt like ages to both of them .. that they have been apart  for a day. Both dreaded the next day for different reasons. One did not know how to face him, and the other did not know how she would come around. One could not figure out how to stay away, and the other could not figure out if to stay away.

 

Monday morning came with a difference in Shantivan. The whole Raizada family watched in awe as the most routine person of the family did not even sip his coffee and had hardly anything going past his throat. His dark circles were evident and he was looking old for his age. Unlike other morning, he was completely inattentive of his surroundings and even his monosyllable replies could not be heard.

 

Anjali frowned wondering what again happened to her little brother. He had seemed quite ok last week and as far as she was aware, the show was a success. Akash had told her about the mishap, about some AR employee falling in his arms and how brilliantly Chotey tackled it. Was the incident still bothering him? Was the girl at firing squad today? Anjali felt bad for the girl.

 

"Chotey."

 

She asked tentatively.

 

"Yes, Di?"

Arnav replied without looking at her as he took his bag from Hari Prakash.

 

"Akash told me that the show was a success."

 

"Yes, Di."

 

"Congratulations, Chotey."

 

"Thanks, Di."

 

"Akash also told me that some accident happened .. some girl fell .. and you caught her .."

 

Anjali watched her brother freeze. She was not sure what it was but his body language seemed very unfamiliar to her. And then his brother looked up. The very next instant, she knew, he was not angry. But there was something altogether different in his countenance. He seemed intense, grave.. a bit brooding?

 

"I just wanted to say, Chotey .. I mean .. be easy on her .. "

 

Anjali watched her brother closing his restless eyes. When he looked at her again, he was back to his regular self. Unreadable.

 

"It was an accident, Di. It was not her fault."

 

Anjali stared at him as if he had grown two horns. Not her fault? Since when had he learnt to let go of mistakes? Then she concluded, perhaps he had already lashed out on her.

 

"Did you scold her a lot?'

 

Anajali could clearly see frustration rising in his eyes.

 

"No, Di. Can I go now?"

 

Anjali blinked. He did not scold her?

 

"Haan Chotey.  Go. Tum theek to hona?"

 

Anjali noticed the torrent of emotions suddenly inundating his impassive face and then subsiding as quickly as it came.

 

"Yes, Di. I am fine."

 

Anjali could not get herself to believe his words. Was this the first time he took some time before concluding he was fine? She watched him leave and she could not ignore the nagging feeling inside her.

 

She suddenly remembered how he had snatched the packet away from her the previous day when she had showed it to him and asked why those multi-colored sequins were in his pocket. Hari Prakash found those in the pocket of his jacket and gave to her before sending his clothes to laundry. Yes, he owned a fashion house. But since when he had started to carry around sequins in his pocket? And what was that possessiveness that stiffened his body language? What was going inside that brain of his?

 

There was definitely something not right in Chotey's world. She had a feeling.

 

"Stop feeling and do something," Devi Maiya scowled, "Why do I have to do everything?"

 

Devi Maiya followed Arnav as he got into his car, leaving Anjali baffled & busy. She could read his fear and she smiled. Fear comes from many things .. and it also comes from love.

 

Arnav knew with their conversation last night many things ended between them. As much as he was aware that it was the most sensible thing that could have been, he wished it were something else.

 

As he drove towards the office, his fear started to deepen – his fear of not having her there, at the crossroad, waiting for him. After what they had talked and what they had not, there was hardly any possibility that Khushi would want to interact with him anymore, let alone riding in his car. He knew this was the best for both of them but for the first time in his life, Arnav wished not for the best. He wished she would still wait for him .. He was hopeless and still he could not hate himself for that.

 

As he went nearer the crossroad, his heartbeat started to race .. faster. The iron-nerve Arnav Singh Raizada tightened his hold on the steering wheel to deal with the palpitation. He knew it .. she was not there. And he could not even glance at the familiar spot where she always stood and waited for him. He dreaded the moment he would see the empty space .. he dreaded he would not be able to take it.

 

He passed the signal and took a deep breath. It was the moment of truth and he had to see. He made his decision and he should face the consequence. He closed his eyes and finally turned his gaze towards the familiar spot, trying not to hope but failing miserably.

 

And his eyes brightened instantly, his heart beat calmed down, his nerves hyper active again.

 

His lemon.

 

She was there.

 

After everything, she was still standing there.

 

For him.

 

Waiting.