A Part of Her

Thank you tournesol for beta reading.

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A Part of Her

Avni complains to her colleague about bouts of fatigue and nausea she has been feeling these days. Her colleague suggests she should get a pregnancy test . Avni blushes as she thinks of Neil and about having a baby with him. She likes the idea. She imagines holding their child.

She dials the number of the clinic and takes an appointment with the doctor. She is excited about the idea of Neil and her flesh and blood growing inside her. She wants to love the baby that will become a part of her.

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Avni is pregnant. The doctor looks at her reports and then glances at her. Avni looks at her doctor anxiously. She can read people, and she reads fear and uncertainty in her doctor’s eyes. As the doctor speaks and explains to Avni, tears trickle down her cheeks. She doesn’t want the doctor to see her tears, but she cannot control them. She knows she cannot keep the baby; the baby will die inside her. Her own body is not strong enough to take care of the little one who is a part of her.

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Avni enters the bedroom to see that Neil is busy reading. He has returned from the police station for quite some time now. He looks at her.

“What took you so long? I called up at your office, and they told me you had left two hours ago?” he asks as he walks to her. She sighs and looks into his eyes. He holds her hand and pulls her closer to him.

She smiles, inhaling his fragrance, but the thought of abortion wipes away that smile. Neil wraps his arms around her waist, and she withdraws. He looks at her in confusion.

“I am pregnant,” she whispers. Neil’s brown eyes grow wide, and a beautiful smile appears on his lips. He leans in and kisses her, but she stands still, her hand clenched into a fist. He feels her stiffen and breaks the kiss.

“I can’t carry the child, Neil,” she says and breaks down. She falls to the ground as if all the strength has drained out of her. He looks at her in horror. They have always been dreaming of sharing their love with their baby. But will they have to destroy a part of them?

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The doctor looks at a teary Neil. Avni, having heard all the explanations before, doesn’t react. He holds her hand.

“You can always try again, Mr. Khanna. Avni needs to undergo a few procedures, and then she can think of conceiving,” the doctor says, trying to sound optimistic. Neil nods and holds his wife’s trembling hands.

“I’ll give you a minute.” The doctor walks away, giving the couple some privacy.

“This is my child, Neil. Our child. I cannot lose it,” Avni struggles to speak.

“The doctor said that we can try again. I don’t want you to be hurt,” Neil whispers.

“Can’t I keep the baby till it leaves us?” she asks. Neil shakes his head in a no.

“Please Avni, don’t hurt yourself,” he says, knowing how broken she is. He isn’t talking about her physical pain, but the emotional trauma they have been going through. To save Avni, they have to end a part of them.

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Avni feels the drug calm her fretting nerves and her senses going numb. She knows that in a few moments, they will carry out the procedure. But there is no going back. 

She thinks of Neil to stop thinking about the murder of a part of her.

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After the operation, Neil rushes to meet Avni. He hugs her, and they cry in each other’s arms. They will never know what their baby would have looked like after nine months. For it was dead. Why did they have to lose a part of them?