Chapter 37

I know I am a little late with the update. I tried to compensate for it with a big chapter. Happy reading

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Chapter - 37

“Why is he here, Devi Maiya? All I wanted was to enjoy Jiji’s wedding. So why? And why did he inform everyone about us getting married? Calm down Khushi. You need to stay calm.” she gibbered to herself. Finally composing herself she walked out of the restroom when someone grabbed her wrist tightly and forcefully dragged her away. It only took her a split second to realize who.

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Reaching a secluded corner he pinned her to the wall making it impossible for her to leave. Trying hard to keep himself in check he asked as politely as he could muster “Is it true?”

“What?” she asked, genuinely confused.

“Don’t act smart, Khushi. Is what that man said true?” he taunted.

Silence...

The last ounce of tolerance slipping away he was getting more and more agitated. Her silence was killing him. He wanted her to say something. Say that it is all a lie. That she loved him.  “Look at me when I am talking to you Damn it! Are you ok with marrying him?” he demanded gripping her shoulders very tightly.

Hissing in pain she stared at him surprised. She never saw this side of him. She knew about his anger and even saw it before but this felt totally different. He felt different. His eyes were red, his voice harsh, his face filled with rage and hurt. Pain etched on her face she questioned “What are you doing?”

“Unbelievable! That is my question. What are you doing Khushi?” he shrilled, the sound piercing through the silent night.

A cold shiver running down her spine she gathered courage and stuttered “W... Why are you doing this? Why are.. are you asking all these questions?”

“Why!? You really don’t know?” he retorted back mockingly.

“Know what? What are you saying?” she asked bewildered.

“Wow! Seriously Khushi!? You want to do this now? Everything between us... Was it all nothing to you? And here I thought I understood you.” he asked, his voice filled with disappointment.

Khushi felt totally at loss. “Arnav please! Can you please tell me clearly? What did I do?” she entreated him oblivious to what he was asking.

“Unbelievable!! Are you for real? Are you actually this dumb or are you pretending to be one?” he said in a condescending tone

That remark hurt her feelings but she didn’t react. Her eyes cast down, she stayed mum.

“Ok. Fine. I will spell it for you if you want. I am in Love, Khushi. With you. I LOVE YOU Damn it!” he shouted, giving in to his frustration.

Khushi froze at his last words. Her eyes dancing with confusion she started mumbling to herself “He loves me? Why? How? Is this what love is? If this is love then what I have been feeling these past few days..? The reason why I want to be with him, see him? Why I feel sad when I am not close to him. Why my heart goes crazy… Is it also Lo… Oh! No!” It was like all the pieces of the puzzle in her mind were finally coming together. Her facial expressions changed in a split second from confusion to that of realization to panic. Opening her eyes wide like saucers she started blabbering in panic “No! No. No…. Hey, Devi Maiya! This can’t be. This can’t happen. How can I..? I.. I can’t. I just can’t love.” and looked at him as water pooled up in a heartbeat and ready to flow freely down her cheeks, clouding her vision.

Arnav who was bursting with rage a moment ago mellowed down straight away watching her expressions. Worried about the way she was acting and also confused by her gibberish talk asked earnestly “ Khushi, why are you behaving like this? Why do you look scared? And what do you mean by ‘you can’t love’?”

Nervously fidgeting with her fingers Khushi looked straight at him and stammered “Woh! …. Woh! I … I can’t love you.” 

His anger now returning, he spat “Do you love that man? Shyam?”

“What!? I said I can’t love anyone.”, she answered sounding troubled, her eyes dancing nervously, still not completely present here.

She looked so vulnerable and distant when she spoke that last sentence. Releasing her shoulders from his hold he cupped her face with both his palms and asked gently as he wiped the silent tears that were flowing freely “Khushi! What is the matter? What do you mean by can’t love? Why are you so agitated? Is something bothering you? You can tell me. I am here for you.” 

Meeting his gaze her expressions softened a little and she said “Woh! Woh! Mere..”(That! my) And then she suddenly stopped while her demeanor changed. That vulnerable Khushi from a moment before was no more there. Looking down she declared with a stern face “I need to go now.” Gently pushing his hands away from her face, she wiped her tears and turned to leave.

Arnav who was keenly observing her every change reacted immediately. Reaching out he held her hand tightly and pulled her towards him in a jerk making her twirl, twisting her hand to the back in the process as she came crashing into his chest. Restraining from looking at his face she tried to free herself with her other hand. But that only made his grip on her other hand which he firmly held behind her get stronger.   

“What are you doing? Let me go.”, she demanded.

“No. Not before you answer my questions.”, he said in a definite tone.

Not ready to give up she tried to get away one more time putting in more force. And with as much stubbornness he tightened his grip saying “Khushi, the more you fight me the more obstinate I will be. And you will only end up getting more hurt. Let’s talk.” 

“I don’t want to. And you can’t force me like this.” she rebelled.

“I can and I will. Khushi, you know me. I always get what I want. Give in.” he explained calmly

Suddenly coming to a standstill she stopped resisting him. Her eyes welling up she glanced at him with blurred vision and requested in a pleading tone “Please! Please, Leave me. Let me go.” 

Staring into her caramel orbs he saw anguish filled in them. As much as he wanted to hold her, pinning her there in that position till he got his answers but after the sight before him, after her desperate plea he just couldn’t go on any longer. And finally, for the first time, the mighty ASR gave up. He gave in to her. Feeling helpless he let go of her hand.

Astounded by her unexpected freedom Khushi looked at him in disbelief. It was the first time he ever gave in and let her have her way. Gathering herself in no time she turned to leave when she heard his pleading tone “Don’t do this Khushi. Don’t go like this. Just say you love..” he stopped, unable to complete the sentence.

Shutting her eyes tight she tried to compose herself while fighting back her tears. Attempting to keep her voice steady she spoke calmly “You are a very good man, Mr.Raizada. You deserve all the happiness in the world. And I will pray for you to get a wonderful girl who will brighten up your life and love you unconditionally. But unfortunately, I am not that girl. I can’t give you any of those things. I don’t think we will ever meet again. I don’t want to regret later for not telling you this. Thank you for everything. THANK YOU! For loving me. Now please forget about me because I am not your destiny.” and she swiftly walked away before he could say anything leaving him completely shattered.

“What have you done? Why did you let her go? What are you doing, Arnav? Are you going to let her go? Are you going to let it end like this?” his inner voice screamed at him. “No! I can’t. I have to talk to her. I have to talk to her now. I shouldn’t have given in to her pleas but those eyes… Not now, first I have to stop her.” he muttered to himself and ran in the direction she left.

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Wiping her tears Khushi stood outside the hall looking at everyone inside. Her eyes tightly closed, she took a few moments to compose herself and shot them open with a big smile plastered on her face. Walking in she saw everyone looking at her with concern and before she could ask for the reason Shyam walked towards her saying, “Khush! Sweetheart, I just got a call that Madhumatiji is in hospital. I know you would want to go immediately, so I made the arrangements. We need to be at the airport in 2 hours.”

Panic-stricken Khushi asked “What happened? Is she ok?”

“I was told she is not serious,” he said calmly.

Payal walked to Khushi to give her support when Khushi said apologetically “Sorry Jiji. I am leaving like this.”

“No, Khushi. It’s not in your control. Yes, I wanted you to be with me when I went to Akash’s house in Delhi but I understand.  And it is not like I won’t see you again. You stay strong. She will be ok.” Payal assured her looking gloomy.

Looking at Payal’s serious face Khushi tickled her a little and as both burst into laughs Khushi said “I know Jiji. And I am perfectly fine. It is your wedding day. You should be happy.”

Entering the hall Arnav spotted Khushi laughing along with Payal. He was instantly overcome by rage thinking “How is she able to laugh like that after everything that happened between us earlier? Are all the moments between us nothing to her? Do I really mean nothing? Of course, it was nothing. It is clearly visible on her smiling face. How did I read her so wrong? I can’t believe I wanted to talk to her once again.”

Sensing his presence Khushi immediately stopped laughing. Her eyes with a mind of their own instinctively looked at him paying no heed to her requests. As their eyes met, a sharp pang went through every ounce of her body at the intensity with which his eyes devoured her. But it was not like before, those eyes were now filled with disappointment and exasperation. Pain piercing through her chest she just kept staring at him impotent to move her gaze away. 

Garima came to Khushi and tapped on her back, breaking her reverie. As she faced her, Garima asked “Khushi, is what Shyam said earlier true?”

Taken aback by the question Khushi nodded silently, failing to muster the energy to speak.  

Before she could ask more questions Naniji announced it was time for Bidai.

All through Bidai Khushi’s gaze was fixed on him. Before she used to look away from him but now all she wanted was to keep looking at him. Maybe it was because her soul realized it was leaving a piece of itself behind. Maybe because she realized this would be her last time seeing him. And contrary to her, he was not at all looking at her. That made her happy instead of sad as she would have had no courage to stare at him if he was glaring at her like before. It was almost to the end when he was about to sit in the car that their eyes met for a brief moment before he disappeared. A lonely tear escaped her eye reflecting the state of her heart. “Bye, Arnav! Have a good life” she mumbled under her breath.

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On reaching the Sinha’s mansion Shyam reminded Khushi that they only have an hour left now and to pack her bags fast. Silently nodding her head she walked towards her room when one of the servants came to her and informed “Didi! A package came in your name. I left it in your room.”

Thanking him she rushed to her room. Unwrapping the box, she fell in love with it the moment she laid her eyes on it. “Hey, Devi Maiya! It looks great. The online picture didn’t do it the right justice. But… but what should I do with it? I wanted to give it to him but now after everything that happened today. Can I? No Khushi. You have to. This is the least you can do to thank him for everything he did for you. And also in a way, an apology for hurting him.” Thinking long and hard, she finally decided what to do. Grabbing a pen and paper she quickly wrote something on the piece of paper. Placing the present along with the paper in a box she called the servant and requested him to post it tomorrow without telling anyone. 

Walking out of the house Khushi said her final goodbyes to Garima and Sashi and then disappeared into the night with Shyam with a heavy heart.

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Back at the guest house, everyone gathered together for a quick coffee before dispersing for the night. “What time is our flight to Delhi?” Manorama questioned.

“Tomorrow at 3 p.m. We need to be there by 2’0 clock.” Akash replied.

Stretching her legs, Anjali asked “Payal, I couldn’t help being curious. Who is Madumatiji? Khushi looked quite upset earlier.”  

Arnav who was busily typing something in his laptop to calm his pent-up anger immediately became attentive as he wondered, “What is Di talking about?”

“Madhumatiji used to work as a house help at Khushi’s place since the time her parents were alive. But a few years after Khushi’s parent’s death she was diagnosed with cancer and as if that was not enough her kidneys failed later on. She doesn’t work at her place anymore but Khushi considers her as a family and takes care of her dialysis and other medical expenses.”

“Oh! She really must mean a lot to Khushi. No wonder she is leaving immediately.” Anjali said 

“What are Di and Payal talking about? She looked happy when I saw her with Payal. And who is leaving?  Khushi? When?” he thought, confused.

“She is such a sweet child. Did you notice how she was smiling for Payal even though she was suffering? She was considerate of our feelings even in that situation. Not everyone can do that? Nani stated lovingly.

“She has been like this since young. She always held other people’s happiness before hers. And sometimes she even got hurt by people who misused her kindness. But that didn’t change her. In fact, she has become even more considerate now that it worries me.” Payal said, feeling proud of her little Khushi. Suddenly looking at the clock she added “I better give her a call before she boards the flight.” and rushed away.

Everything falling into place Arnav finally understood why Khushi was laughing earlier. Mentally smacking his head he thought “How did I make a mistake in understanding her? And now I lost my chance to talk to her, to know what actually is in her heart.” As his thoughts roamed free, it suddenly occurred to him that she was leaving tonight and that he may not see her again any time soon. Without further delay, he stood up in a jolt, grabbed his keys, and briskly walked to the door, intending to meet her. Right when he was about to step out, he heard Payal informing everyone “She reached the airport. They will board in a few minutes.” 

That one sentence drained him of his energy. “You have lost your chance, Arnav. And now you may never see her again”, he told himself, feeling miserable.

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It has been 5 days since that heart-wrenching day. Now back in Delhi as always Arnav buried himself in work. But it was different though. His heart and mind were in perfect harmony. But he was not in control of either except his body. His body would be in a meeting but his mind would be busy replaying that day. The more he tried to forget about her the more he remembered. Every time he tried to convince himself that she doesn’t matter to him, his heart would ache even more. And the solitude he enjoyed previously was now feeling like a curse to him. 

Every detail of that day engraved in his memory he played back each and every word she said for the infinite time and sighed, still not able to figure out the meaning of her words ‘I can’t love’. Whether she meant she can’t love him because she loves someone else. Or if she can’t love anyone else as she is to be engaged. Or if she just never loved him the way he did. That mere thought of her not feeling for him what he feels for her made him melancholy. None of the above explanations he deduced brought her to him and it broke his heart to pieces. Feeling completely lost he glanced at the red blotch clearly prominent on his palm. The only thing she left with him, to keep reminding him of her. But reminding is only required when one forgets something. And he was not able to forget anything about her even though he desperately wanted to. Those memories and this mark were the only things he had of her.

**Knock Knock**

“ASR, there is a package on your name” Aman interrupted walking in.

“For me? To the office? Fine, leave it there.” he replied disinterestedly.

“Actually it was sent to the Lucknow office. But since you returned back they forwarded it here.”, he explained   

That caught Arnav’s interest. “Who would send me something to the office? That too to Lucknow?” he spoke his thoughts as he looked at the big box before him.

“Also, I wanted to remind you about Oberoi’s business party coming up in two days. It’s in Mumbai. Do you want me to book your ticket?”

“You know I don’t attend such parties, Aman. Don’t bother me with such questions,” he replied frustrated.

“Sorry ASR. I was only trying to confirm one last time. I brought the party guestlist like always.”

“Great! You may go.”, he ordered.

Nodding Aman stepped out of the cabin lost in thought “I never understand this habit of Boss. If he is not attending the parties, why does he ask for the guestlist? Is he trying to keep tabs on who is working for/with whom? I don’t think I will ever understand how his planning works.”

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Entering his cabin Arnav collapsed into his chair, completely worn out. He didn’t understand why he was getting exhausted pretty easily these days. Little did he know that it was due to the emotional baggage he was carrying with him which was nibbling away his energy quickly. Attempting to keep a check on his distorted thoughts he leaned back trying to rest and closed his eyes. But that silence, that stillness only paved the way for more chaos inside him. Sitting straight in a jerk he opened his eyes wide, frustrated. “What happened to me? Why am I not able to get her out of my mind? It’s not like I never saw a girl more beautiful than her.  You have to move on, Arnav. How can she be more important than your work? You don’t even know if you will ever see her again. You confessed and she declined. End of story. Now it is time to suck it up, erase her from your memory completely, and get on with your life."

Exhaling deeply his eyes danced around in frustration when his gaze landed on the package lying in a corner. “Oh! I totally forgot about it” he muttered, moving towards it. Opening the box his eyes fell on a Bright Blue color suit carefully tucked in. “What the? Is this a joke? Who would send me a suit? That to such bright color? Everyone who knows me knows I never wear such color? Is it really for me?” he said surprised as he checked the package label to be sure. Confirming that it was indeed addressed to him, he pulled it out wondering if it was some kind of bad prank from one of his siblings. Promptly a paper slid down from the suit. Picking it up he opened to see what it was and immediately stepped into a daze.

Hi Arnavji!

The Suit is for you. I brought this for you to give as a parting gift but nothing went as I planned that day. To be honest, I don’t have any idea about suits nor did I have enough time to learn about them. I know it is not much but I hope it is to your liking. I always saw you wear dark color suits, so bought a bright one as everyone needs some color in their life. This one is to compensate for your suit I messed up during Mehendi. But I am not going to pay back the hospital bill as it would mean insulting your goodwill and kindness.  I don’t want to make that mistake. One thing I can definitely do is sincerely tell you one more time “THANK YOU!” not just for the hospital but for every single time you helped me and for all the wonderful memories. Our time together was short but it was nothing less than a fairytale. It was never my intention to hurt you. I am truly sorry for everything. Please find someone who can make you happy. I will pray to my Devi Maiya to help you find your true love. Hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me and also to forget about me. Let us not meet again. 

- Khushi.

PS: I don’t know your size so I went ahead with a standard size. 

Reading through the letter he didn’t know what to make of it or how to react? “What was she thinking, sending this to me? And what’s with this letter? She calls her time with me a fairytale and wonderful memories but also tells me to move on? Is this just gratitude and nothing else?” he pondered, confused. “Don’t think too much Arnav. Whatever she means it doesn’t matter now. You are not going to meet her again and she is about to get married to someone else.” his sane self said trying to be rational. Infuriated he shoved the suit back in the box along with her letter and murmured “That’s right! I don’t care. Nothing matters anymore. There is no way for me to meet her, so there is no point in thinking.” as he crashed back into his seat.

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Khushi entered the party hall with Shyam feeling very nervous. Shyam looked at her and said “I know this is your first time at a party but can you try not to be so obvious about it. Your face is dripping with nervousness. Now pull yourself together and do as I say. Remember I will do the talking, you are just here as a prop. Think of it as a practice for all the parties we will host at our wedding. No unnecessary talking and behave properly. I don’t want any mistakes. Get it?” 

Khushi silently nodded in agreement.

Leading her to a group of people, Shyam introduced Khushi to Mr.Oberoi. 

“Finally! It is a pleasure to meet you, Ms.Gupta. I have been wanting to meet you for a long time but your uncle keeps you hidden from all of us.” he said excitedly.

“Namaste!” she murmured with her eyes cast down not completely looking at him.

“Don’t exaggerate, Mr.Oberoi. All my dad wants is to keep her safe. You know he is more protective and concerned for her than me, his own son.” Shyam said laughing. 

“Yeah! Of course! We all know. I was just joking. Let me introduce everyone to you.” Mr.Oberoi said, turning to the group.

Every time Khushi repeated the same ‘Namaste’ in the same lifeless way as he moved from one person to the other. She had no interest in knowing any of them. All she wanted was for it to end so that she can go home. And it was then she heard Mr.Oberoi say “And this is Mr.Arnav Singh Raizada.”

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- Hope

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