'The pain of letting your love go can be unbearable' - Kamya Punjabi

I am an actor. I love portraying a range of emotions. I am impulsive and get under the skin of the character, to the extent that I start living it. I get lost in that so much so, that it wears me out at times.

Any incident that you remember which scares you?

Yes, once I was shooting this fire scene, and I was so engrossed that I did not notice that a fire pole was hanging right above my head ready to fall on me. The timely action of the people on the sets saved me. That was scary.

Which role have you enjoyed playing the most?

I have enjoyed most of the roles, but Sindurra is closest to my heart. It has given me the fame and recognition, I always craved for. It's amazing how much people hate me, which means I am doing something right at least. The appreciation that I get amazes me, and I can't be thankful enough for that.

Going back to Astitva days, how was it stepping into the established role of Kiran played so convincingly by Neeru Bajwa?

It was tough. Neeru had given a definite face to Kiran in Astitva, and it was a touch career choice to make. But the whole Astitva team - Varun, Ajay Sinha and most importantly Nikki Aneja, they made me feel so comfortable on the sets. Ajayji always told me that this is not a negative character, but it's someone who is in love, and you can't help choose who you fall in love with.

And how much did you identify with Kiran?

To me, she was a normal innocent girl who fell in love with the wrong man. I would always think that what was her fault? You can't choose whom you fall in love with ! I always would think why does the second woman always have to be bad! But as I said, Ajay ji would always sit with me and explain gently.

But the character did turn totally negative and bad.

Yes, that was the demand of the story. Reel life differs from real life there. In real life, decisions are not taken this easily. True that you can't choose to fall in love, afterall if you could, would you not choose the richest and the most handsome guy on the block? But in reality, much more goes into things beyond your love for a person.

Yes. My life was so similar to what Kiran's life was in Astitva. I fell in love with a married man with a daughter. But to be honest, me and Nimay ( Nimay Bali) never really dated each other as such. He was my best friend in the whole wide world. Love simply followed. I believe that more than anything else, your partner should be your best friend.

So what went wrong?

I guess I am meant to be unlucky in love. I was married before ( Kamya was married to light designer Bunty Negi), but it didn't work out. Then Nimay came into my life. I won't go into the problems he was having in his married life at that point, but we came close and fell in love. We were each other's sounding board, and shared everything. But life does not always go as planned. He had a family to go back to, and perhaps eventually ironed out the problems he had with his wife. He has a daughter, and I can't be so selfish that I hang onto something at the cost of somebody else's happiness. I still love Nimay, but more than that, I miss the friend in him. I am sure he still loves me, and misses me. But life has to move on.

Have you moved on?

Yes and no. I have gotten myself immersed in work. My work is what keeps me going. Without my work, I would have died. The pain of letting of your love go is too painful, too unbearable to describe. And man, can I feel the pain!

Are you willing to love again?

After I separated from Bunty, my husband, I had decided that I would not get into any relationship. Yet within two months I was head over heels with Nimay. Life is seldom planned. So right now, I am single, ready to mingle. Ready to fall in love again - and this time, I hope it's for keeps!

Reporter: Minnie Gupta
Author : Minnie Gupta