This is a one-part-only fan fiction based on Kasturi. This is not a work in progress, so this one part is the entire story – I guess it's like a short story! The whole thing happens over several months. It's just to suggest something a little different from what happened in the show, and to highlight certain things from different POV than what was shown to us. I am trying to explore some of the shades and dimensions of RaKa that weren't shown to us in the show. 🙂
We are going back in time to around March 2008. Bikram Raichand has exposed himself to Kasturi. She comes back to India to save Robbie, and Robbie hates her. Eventually he disrespects her in front of her parents (with that fake ad video). We are at that moment. And my story is a suggestion of how things could have happened after that instead of what we had.
Oh, and one more thing. In this version, Kasturi does not – and never has –
called Robbie or Raunak "sir." 😆 Another thing is different is Kasturi's
character. When she was married to Raunak, she wasn't just like a bakra who
listened to everything he said 
, but she was more smart, shrewd, stronger, and fought with him and challenged him and stuff. 😀
Hope you guys like it!
-arti
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DARD KA RISHTA
A short story based on Kasturi
Kasturi ran out into a park, sobbing in humiliation. She sat down on a bench, crying. Because it was dark out, and because the moonlight shone upon her face, her tears took on a sparkle. The ironic beauty of her tears had no witnesses. The only witness walked up to her coldly, a gusty breeze rushing past his well-defined shoulders. Her body went cold with the awareness that he was around her. He, who had made her life a living hell. He, who had deceived her, pretended to marry and love her, who had made her unknowingly dance according to his tunes for the past few months. Raunak Singhania sat next to her.
"Well, well, looks like your love Robbie needs more convincing that you still aren't taking revenge on him," he quietly exclaimed, almost whispering into her ear. She shuddered with anger. He continued.
"Why don't you go back to that party and tell him you really, really love him, and that you're so sorry about nearly killing him, making a mockery of his love for you, and ruining his life?" He chuckled. He then sat back on his bench, relaxing his torso. He looked up at the sky wondering why he didn't feel as happy as he thought he would be. Robbie was miserable, and even his Kasturi couldn't help him. This is what Raunak wanted all along. But somehow, somewhere, there was something thin, something inadequate in all this vaunting talk he was giving Kasturi at the moment. He wanted to brag even more, he wanted to say more piercing things to her. But he didn't.
She kept crying. He glanced at her, almost bored. Or so he told himself. It didn't bother him to see her cry. What bothered him was her indifference to him. That she ignored him completely. He began to talk, to say something to gain her attention, but decided to stop. He coldly got up and walked away.
Kasturi cried not because she was shrouded in misery, not because she was yet again misunderstood, not because she saw her Babuji's eyes downcast with embarrassment at the party. Not even because she was rejected first by Raunak, whom she had showered with love, whose so-called death had shattered her, and then rejected and insulted now by Robbie. She cried because she realized how hope had left her life. It was a significant moment, she realized, because she couldn't bring the word 'hope' back into her vocabulary. Her heart hung with a weight that would never go away, she was sure. And who could understand? Who would understand the complexities of her emotion?
Kaushalya joined Kasturi and
sat next to her.
"There you are! I've been
looking for you everywhere. Babuji just went home after I convinced him I'll
bring you with me."
Her father. The mention of
his name made her cry even harder. She had unwittingly caused his embarrassment
today.
"Listen, Kasturi, don't cry.
You won't cry after tonight. Your Babuji and I trust you completely, and we
know you would never do something like that. Not everything one sees can be
trusted, knowing someone has some value too," Kaushalya said profoundly.
Kasturi considered this for a moment. What could she take from her mother's wisdom? Should she trust that Raunak is really good? Or that he died and Bikram is an imposter? Should she trust that Robbie, for once in his life, has gotten out of thinking about himself, and truly cares for her underneath all the anger he has for her now? What could she trust that she can't see, and what did she know to believe in? The answer came quietly, from the walls of her own head, but it came with a deafening force. Nothing. Nothing, nothing at all.
Kasturi and Kaushalya walked home in silence that night. The Chawla house and its members also silenced themselves appropriately. The pain Kasturi had been through with Raunak's deceit, and then Robbie's tamasha tonight, was known to all, and it was too much for anyone to bear. That night, even Alka chachi shed an unlikely tear for Kasturi. Alka closed her eyes tightly, demanding divine justice from above.
A few days later…
Raunak stood in front of his new office's window. It was late, and it was thundering outside. From his window, he could glimpse the occasional strikes of lightening, so he stood there in silence. He opened the window so he could hear the thunder better. The deep red curtains were too heavy to move because of the wind, so they just stood unfazed. The deep-red unmoving curtains, the brown walls of his office, and the black furniture all held an intensity that was reflective of their owner's emotional composition.
Yes, Raunak had always been a deeply intense man. As a child, he grew up with a particular kind of loneliness, and he had harboured an intense and secret distaste for everything related to Robbie Sabharwal. Except for Robbie's sister Shivani. Shivani was too weak to stand up to anything on her own, and she submitted to every wish of Raunak's to give herself a false sense of security that Raunak loved her. And he did. But they both knew it wasn't a passionate love. Raunak knew that Shivani needed him, and he knew that she would do anything he wanted. It was almost as if she was a child, and he was compensating for all the lack of attention she had as a child because Robbie was her brother. And wasn't that also true about him? Didn't Shivani also compensate for the lack of attention he received? He wouldn't admit this to himself. That their relationship was hollow, the equivalent of a playground deal struck between two kids who hated the classroom bully and therefore conspired together.
This hollowness was not unnoticeable. In fact, because it became so large and produced gaping holes in their interactions, Shivani became increasingly threatened by Kasturi. After all, Raunak had pretended to be her husband for many months -- he had seduced Kasturi, won her trust, and surely as all these things transpired, something must have happened between the two. Raunak and Shivani got into many fights. He accused her of being insecure as usual, he promised he loved her and not anyone else. He would assure her that Kasturi was nothing but a pawn to him, and he would let Shivani fall asleep in his arms, cradling her all night. Those nights when he told Kasturi he was out of town on a business trip. Somewhere deep down, Shivani suspected that he did this out of mere guilt and less out of love for her, but she didn't explore this possibility further.
In all those months when Raunak pretended to be Kasturi's husband, he would sometimes purposely guard himself against falling for her. This, he never admitted to himself. Not to this day. There were some things better left unsaid. Some emotions better left unexpressed. So these emotions froze in his eye, mixing with the years of pain they already held.
Within a month or so of being married to Raunak, Kasturi became aware of the jealousy Raunak harboured for Robbie. But contrary to his expectations, she did not hate him for this. She tried to get to the bottom of his pain. She tried to get him to move beyond jealously. She had been trying to banish the child in Raunak, and extending a hand to the grown-man inside to fully emerge. She had challenged him on many occasions, but she understood his pain. After all, she had also been hurt by Robbie's over-inflated ego. But she had moved beyond it, and she wanted Raunak to as well.
Kasturi had expressed her love to him not just by being sweet to him or telling him she loved her, but by challenging him. By communicating with him beyond the exterior, by trying to understand his emotions, his motivations, his pain. And what's more, she wanted him to move past some of these things, to truly heal. It's not revenge that heals, after all. But Kasturi herself had become blind to this, hadn't she? When she had plotted revenge against Robbie. Kasturi had proved herself human after all.
Raunak took a deep breath as he considered this. It was too much to consider. He didn't know the meaning of all these things, and he didn't want to think about them. He felt Shivani's arms encircle his chest from the back. He hadn't noticed her entrance into the office. It mildly surprised him that he no longer really noticed her. He shrugged off the thick blanket of complex emotions and reflections that had previously descended upon him. He knew nobody else would be thinking that deeply about everything that had transpired.
Nobody except for Kasturi.
It had been three months since she had seen Raunak. In fact, she hadn't even seen him on that night in the park bench. She had wilfully ignored him. Kasturi was still pained by the thought of the love she had felt, believed in, and fought the world for, being utterly empty. There was no love, because to him it was all a pretense. Kasturi couldn't calculate the possibility that someone could be that cold. It wasn't possible, she told herself. Somewhere, deep down, he must know… he must know. Kasturi always considered Raunak intelligent, emotionally intense, articulate, and suddenly none of these words began to make sense to her. She knew she could no longer describe him. He had become an enigma to her, and one couldn't use such descriptions for someone who was an utter mystery. But did that make all their time together a lie, she asked herself.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the old woman sitting next to her on the bus, who had begun snoring at this point. Kasturi wryly cast a casual smile. At the old woman's indifference to her surroundings, and at life itself. She was determined to explore her every inner resource to fight this pain. She would not let it defeat her. But first, before she could move on, she knew she owed Robbie an apology. She wrote letters that she didn't send, she picked up the phone only to hang up at the last second. Today, she would see him in person.
Kasturi walked timidly towards Robbie's door. She was in his office. She knocked to enter. He knew she was coming. He looked at her with forced contempt as she entered.
She tried to politely smile, but quickly stopped as she realized the inappropriateness. She sat down even though he didn't ask her to sit down. She began to talk:
"I'm sorry, Robbie. There's so much I've been meaning to tell you, and I don't know where to start except by apologizing. I am sorry for all the pain I've caused you, and for insulting your emotions during the time we were together. I am sorry I pretended to love you. The truth is that I never did. I loved Raunak, and all these conspiracies made me think you killed him… that was the root of it all, and it was completely wrong, I know. Even if it had been true, it was wrong what I did, but I had gone weak, and it is this same weakness that made me stop after seeing you in pain. I guess that's the thing, I was too absorbed in all the pain Raunak felt as a child, growing up around you, all of that stuff… and I couldn't see past that. And somewhere in there, my own selfish thoughts of how you betrayed me and all that got in there. I am so embarrassed to say that due to a mere misunderstanding, I embraced a whole storm of emotions that led to my emotional collapse, which is the only explanation I have for why I hurt you the way I did."
She looked up at him. She had been talking for a few minutes. She had cried. She told herself she wouldn't, but she couldn't help it. And she didn't care. This man deserved her honesty, and if she had to cry when she was being honest, then so be it.
He looked slightly shaken. She wasn't telling him anything he didn't already know, but to see her break down like this and admit her bare humanness, her emotional vulnerabilities, broke him a little. He knew she was in pain inside, and he knew she still loved Raunak. The truth of her convictions had unsettled his anger over the past couple of months. There was an honest fire in Kasturi's every past action towards him that he almost wanted to cherish them, even though they had hurt him. And it wasn't like all she had done was hurt him. There was some tenderness between them, and Kasturi was beginning to fall in love with him again. And she had also helped him. And it wasn't her fault he had gone into a coma. He had tried to do worse to Raunak when he thought Raunak betrayed him, so he could understand her pain.
But Robbie stayed quiet. He was afraid that if he'd open his mouth, he'd tell her he loved her. That he'd want to hold her. He stayed quiet because he knew that would hurt her. He knew there was no more room for him in her heart. Raunak's coming back, in combination with Robbie pushing her away, had changed everything. Suddenly, Robbie felt surprised at these inner thoughts. He must be changing, he concluded. For once, he wasn't thinking about himself.
Finally, he managed to utter a few words:
"It's okay, Kasturi. We all did some stupid things. Raunak, me, you. All three of us. And I think out of the three of us, you are the least culpable in everything that has happened… It… wasn't your fault. I mean to say, I understand. I do."
Kasturi sighed. She mildly freed herself from reproach for treating Robbie so badly. His forgiveness made her feel a little lighter. He could sense this from across the desk. He felt lighter, too. Some of the tension in the room had dissipated.
* * *
At Chawla house, Kasturi and Alka Chachi were embroiled in one of their usual arguments. A collective sigh emerged from the lips of everyone around. Alka had started once again to bug Kasturi. And Kasturi, as usual, gave fiery replies. Things would escalate at least into the next half an hour.
Just then, Robbie's number flashed on Kasturi's cell phone.
"Okay, okay, Chachi, now let it go, I have a call." She walked into her room and picked up the call. Ever since two weeks ago, when Kasturi made the trip to Robbie's office to apologize, they had been on friendly terms, being courteous to each other. There were still too many open wounds for a proper friendship to blossom, but nobody wanted to rush things.
"Kasturi? I have some bad
news."
"What is it Robbie?"
"Shivani… Shivani died. Last
night. They're saying she overdosed on sleeping pills. We don't know if it's a
suicide… here at home, everyone insists Raunak murdered her. I don't know what
to think, or what to do."
Silence.
"Kasturi? Are you there?
Hello?"
And then slowly. "Yes…
Murder?"
"I don't know, to be
honest."
"No, it can't be, Raunak
can't…." And then, quickly reproaching herself mentally, she added, "Robbie,
I'm really sorry about Shivani. This must be hard on you."
To say that Shivani and
Robbie had a strained relationship was an understatement. They weren't on
speaking terms. Now that she was no more, Robbie was bound to feel guilty for
the way things had been.
They got off the phone in a few minutes. Kasturi's heart was beating faster. She felt the ground give way as she went dizzy for a second. She fell onto her bed and closed her eyes. Raunak? Murder? It can't be. But then, who's to say… I never thought him to be capable of betraying me either.
Raunak stood in the shower, trying to bathe off all the insecurities and guilt that still clung to him.
Shivani's suicide over two months ago had come as a shock to everyone. For weeks, there were conflicts between the Sabharwals and Raunak. Even his parents had gone against him. They told him that they were already ashamed of him for what he did to Kasturi, but would now disown him completely. Everyone blamed Raunak for Shivani's death. They had done a post-mortem, even initially arrested him, until it was proved beyond a doubt that there was no foul play. It was a clear case of suicide. Raunak and Shivani had gotten into an argument, where Shivani realized he no longer loved her. Not being able to deal with the emptiness of her life, she overdosed on sleeping pills. Shivani's long-time psychiatrist confirmed that she always had a suicidal disposition, and had in the past emotionally blackmailed Raunak into doing particular things. Shivani's emotional illnesses were no secret from the families. The truth slowly began to emerge that Shivani had held Raunak emotionally hostage to her wishes. It was she who goaded him into turning his jealousy over Robbie into full-fledged hate. Like a self-serving addiction, Shivani had developed conspiracies to keep Raunak close only to herself. A truly sad life, and an even more sad death. Now, after all this drama, the Sabharwals and Singhanias were finally ready to mourn her death in proper fashion, so they held a funeral in their home.
Raunak was asked to come. Maybe they felt that after everything they had put him through, he deserved some hospitality. Raunak had often heard of sayings about something being burnt in fire and then coming out pure. He felt a little like that. All of the guilt he had over not loving Shivani were slowly being burnt out, washed off. He knew it would take more time, but he was healing. And hatred for Robbie was no longer the driving force in his life. He found he more or less didn't care about Robbie. He was repentant about Kasturi. He couldn't apologize to her. He was too ashamed to confront her. Would she be there today, he wondered.
* * *
Mid-way through the prayers at the funeral, Kasturi briefly glanced at Raunak. He was sitting next to Nandini Singhania, but he looked so alone. She saw the loneliness and pain in his eyes. Like always, those eyes spoke to Kasturi. They spoke the truth. Suddenly she had an epiphany. She recalled the times when Raunak's eyes would falter, those were the times he had lied to her. And then the times those eyes had not faltered, when they bore deep into her own. He had loved her. He had to have loved her. In that moment of awareness, she took this truth and guarded it, as if cradling it within her dupatta. A tear of vindication fell from her eye. She knew.
Suddenly, Raunak felt something stir deep inside him. It felt as if the only window in his dark and lonely existence opened up. He had the strange urge to turn to the right. And when he did, his eyes met Kasturi's moist eyes. Her lips trembled with affection as she recognized what was in his eyes. After years, all the pain that remained frozen in his eyes flowed as tears, purifying his very soul. He kept his eyes fixed on hers. He couldn't let go. And he wouldn't. Never again. They didn't need to say anything. They didn't need to hold each other. Their eyes had communicated a most significant, unassailable awareness of their love for each other..Jatin is hot, hot, hot!!
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