Where The Sky Meets The Earth - Featuring A Different End (COMPLETED)

Where The Sky Meets The Earth

Prologue

They say your eyes are like a mirror to your soul. You can try as hard as you want, feign to be the happiest person alive but your eyes will reveal the raging storm in your heart. Unless of course, life has played its cruel joke on you and forced you to learn how to find solace in your pain. However, looking at the screen before me, I realized that there might be an exception to this particular notion as well. The light I saw radiating from Kaju's eyes, told a different story - one that I could identify with very well as I felt the same joy when I looked through the lens of my camera for the first time. 

Kajal Neel Khurana - my wife. I remember the happiness I saw on her face the day I accepted her wholeheartedly. She was sweet, in fact, naive to be precise. At times I wondered how could someone be so pure at heart despite being mistreated her whole life. To my answer, she would simply smile and I would gaze upon her face, bewitched for she was devotion personified. But there was more to her. Apart from being an eternal optimist, she was a self-motivated individual who wanted to create her own identity.

I am not sure whether she’s aware of it or not but whenever I saw her dance, it always felt like I was looking at an entirely different person. So free! So jubilant! As if dance was her way of expressing her emotions. And as I saw her pirouette to Pari Di’s song, I felt her ecstasy as well as her affliction that being in love brought her.  “What are you waiting for? Go bring her back.” 

I looked at Dhruv and hugged him emotionally. How I wish it were that simple! Why do we hurt the ones who love us the most? I know what I said to her in a moment of fury didn’t just hurt her but shattered her from within. But Dhruv was right. I couldn’t let Kaju agonize over my actions. It's time I took accountability for my actions and corrected my mistakes. I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath, “I’m coming Kaju! Your Neel is coming for you!” 

The Broken Doll’s House

“Yes, I’ve read their clauses. Set up a meeting tomorrow. I want to discuss this project elaborately.” “Papa you are back!” An ecstatic Noor came running to the doorway. “Let me call you later… Hey, slow down!” Dev looked at his daughter amusingly. “How many times have I asked you not to hurry?” “Scold me later, now come, I’ve gotta show you something.” 

Impatient, she dragged him inside pulling his hand. Seeing his daughter’s excitement, Dev smiled inwardly. It still felt like a dream that he got the family he always dreamt of - him, Pari, Noor; all of them together! No matter how hectic his day was, every time he stepped inside his house and saw their smiling faces, his exhaustion would vanish with peace occupying its place.

“Look!” She showed him her new doll’s house. “Isn’t it pretty?” “It is. Who brought this here?” “Look closely Papa.” She said impatiently. “Wait, is it the same one that got broken last week?” “Yes! Pari fixed it.” “I should have guessed that,” Dev replied chuckling. “Explains why there are so many dolls.” “She has included our entire family here. This is us, that is Mausi and those are…” “Neel and Kaju.”

An awkward silence ensued as he gazed upon two particular figurines. Noor cursed under her breath. Even though she didn’t know the entire story, she was aware these two people shared a complicated history with her father. It always puzzled her. She could tell Dev loved them dearly yet the mere mention of them perturbed him greatly. That’s why she didn’t want to include them in the first place. But Pari being Pari didn’t pay any heed and made it a point to place them in the center of the house.

“And who is that supposed to be?” “That is…” Noor heaved a sigh in relief and continued introducing her dolls while Dev kept on looking, lost in his thought as the memories of a particular incident came flooding back... 

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I might be the textbook definition of how it feels like to be a contented man - a healthy and wealthy guy with a loving wife and an adorable kid. Having been associated with a lot of specially-abled people, time and again, I’ve marveled at their talent while also feeling grateful for being “NORMAL”. However, looking at those beautifully adorned dolls, I couldn’t decide who’s more fortunate - those of us who are blessed with a sound mind or people like Pari who know how to love truly and unconditionally despite their shortcomings?

Suddenly Neel and Kaju’s faces flashed before my eyes. It’s been a year since their separation. In this one year, not a single day has passed by when Pari didn’t lament regarding the same. Yet, every time someone talked about a complete family, she would always include her Neel Veere and Choti Dulhan in it. Perhaps because she’s unaware of the treacherous way of the heart. While here I stand, as a silent spectator to the heart-wrenching tale of two lovers who deserved better. How I wish I could go against everyone and force those two idiots to sort out their differences. Unfortunately, I can’t for I know why at times the burden imposed by our heartstrings becomes too heavy to let go. 

I still remember the day when I first met Kaju. As Neel continued to defend her, I looked into her eyes and realized apart from the visible guilt and shame, there was something else lurking behind those two pools of tears. Something so obvious that I almost prayed to be proven wrong. I didn’t want another Dev Shergill to perish under the expectations of an unwanted marriage. Little did I know, neither Kaju was me nor Neel was Chandni. With each passing day, I began to understand the reason behind her silence as I witnessed Neel’s devotion to her. 

The day I got married to Pari must have been the happiest day of my life. Unbeknownst to anyone else, another big reason behind my joy was Neel and Kaju accepted each other on the same day. A lot of people equate love to heartache. Not that I can blame them although I wish they knew when you find an understanding partner who chooses to stand by you no matter what, all that pain and suffering becomes worth it. I always knew in my heart that Neel was that partner for Kaju. So when they united, I felt everything was going to be okay. I couldn’t be more wrong.

Great love doesn’t always bring people closer. It also possesses the power to destroy everything. I understood it when Kaju refused to return to Neel despite his pleadings. For a moment there I lost my ability to comprehend what was happening. The same Kaju who tolerated every form of abuse just to bring a smile to Neel’s face finally gave up on him and turned away while I had to drag him outside. Maybe it was a reflex action of a sort that I did what was necessary but the truth is, I was equally thunderstruck as Neel. The happiness of getting Pari back died down and a strange numbness settled in until Kaju came to visit me. I had never seen her so broken before. She was trembling. Even in that condition, she requested me to look after Neel in her absence. That’s when I got my answer. 

If there was anything more painful than unrequited love, it would be the constant reminder that you aren’t worthy of your beloved. No amount of love or assurance can ever really compensate for that. If it could, would Pari’s mother insist me to leave her every time there was the slightest inconvenience? I knew how much Neel loved Kaju. And I wasn’t oblivious to how Kaju was simply inviting Neel’s doom by eliminating herself from his world. Nonetheless, I couldn’t bring myself to stop her from leaving. 

That night, I saw a different side of Kaju - a rather human side that was trying to protect herself. To a drowning person, it doesn’t make any difference whether a straw is passing by or a log. He’ll catch at it anyway. Kaju was doing the same. When her unwavering trust in Neel was shattered, all she was left with was emptiness. It was devouring her. Even if she had stayed, she would have had to spend the rest of her life wondering whether Neel truly loved her or was it just another cruel twist of fate for Neel to choose her out of regret and then suffer for the rest of his life. She couldn’t do that; neither to Neel nor to herself. Instead, she decided to keep his loving memories and part ways, giving him a chance to start over. 

Would you call me a terrible person if I said a part of me wished for her prayer to be answered? Yes, I wanted Neel to move on from Kaju and start afresh. That was the only way of setting her free. I tried to persuade myself saying just as I got a second chance at happiness with Pari, sooner or later, Kaju too would find her happiness with someone else. However, there was another part of me that wanted Neel to fight for her, to prove us wrong, to reinstate her faith, to make her realize that without Kaju, there would be no Neel.

And you know what? My wishes have been granted. I have seen how Neel managed to establish himself as well as exact revenge on those who had wronged him. And I’ve been a witness to the rise of Kajal Bhatt from the ashes. Yet here we stand, stuck at a crossroads as none of us know which path to choose. I guess that’s the price of rationality - we are so convinced by each other’s reasoning that we don’t dare to choose our hearts over our minds. Otherwise, could I have turned a blind eye to Neel and Kaju's heartache and let them be?

I know I have failed them. I regret that every single day. But I’m helpless. Call it a sinner’s justification or whatever you feel appropriate but the thing is no one ever had any power over them when it came to their love, the least of all me. Theirs is a tale where love bloomed against all adversities and only they could decide their fate. I can simply hope for some divine intervention or else another beautiful doll’s house will remain broken forever…  

A Tale Of A Withered Past 

If you are asked, how does it feel when you hold ice in your fist for too long, what will be your answer? Numbness perhaps? But what about that tingling sensation of warm blood flowing to your fingertips which comes with a sense of relief once you let go? As I watched the kids in the neighborhood building a snowman, I realized I had been doing the same. I held on to a distant past for so long that I forgot I still had a bright future awaiting me. 

I always loved snowfall. Back when I was a kid, I used to get all excited at the mere mention of a trip to Manali or any other place where I got to play with snow. Funny that even as an adult, my fascination for the same hadn’t lessened a bit. I used to nag Neel about relocating to Quebec every time we discussed settling in Canada post our marriage. I don't know why but my lips curved into a wry smile recalling our moments together.

Neel! Had I ever imagined one such day would come when I wouldn’t feel any emotion hearing his name? No pain, no regret, no anger - nothing! But that’s the fact, time heals the deepest of wounds and you get on with your life. Acceptance settles in as you learn to live without the very people who once used to be the center of your universe. Unfortunately, there’s another side to reality - at times memories come flooding back and you find yourself stuck in the same loop of regret, asking yourself what could you have done differently. 

I still remember the day when I saw Kaju in Neel’s arms for the first time. Yes, we were in a hospital and she was gravely injured but the longing I saw in her eyes made me forget everything else. Who knew that spark of insecurity was about to destroy my entire world? Between the two of us, Neel was the emotional one while I was the realist. I could anticipate the eventual change in their dynamic considering his high regard for her. What I didn’t realize was I mistook his clarity as his naivety whereas my so-called practicality gave others the means to manipulate our situation to their advantage. 

I did several things which were morally questionable, in fact, despicable at certain points. Yet, I stand by those decisions for that was my way of fighting for my love. Nevertheless, my only regret is that I failed to see through Bhoomi’s deception. To be completely honest, I don’t even blame her. It’s not like she was very smart or secretive about her agenda. When I think about it, since the moment we met, all she could talk about was how shrewd Kaju was or how much she hated her, specially after the revelation of Kaju being her cousin. If only I had taken a moment and stopped victimizing myself!

Neither Kaju nor Bhoomi was responsible for what happened to me. It is said people often invite misfortune by trying too hard to avoid it. I did the same mistake. Instead of working on our relationship, I focused on eliminating Kaju from Neel’s life. My disdain for her blinded me to the extent that I didn’t even realize when I turned into this vindictive person, losing every bit of love and respect Neel had for me once upon a time. 

I know it doesn’t matter anymore but sometimes I wonder if I had stopped Neel from going to Uttarakhand that day, would we have ended up together? Apart from his playful personality, it was his compassion and sensitivity that attracted me in the first place. But when he called me and said he might have to do the unthinkable to save Kaju’s life, I became speechless. 

The earnestness in his voice bore testimony to his commitment to me. However, his determination to rescue her was far more evident. I am certain that even if I had forbidden him, he would have gone there anyway. He was a man of his word and no one had the power over him to change his decision. But let's just assume he did stay back. I knew his growing resentment toward me for forcing him to abandon his friend would ultimately end our relationship. 

Neel would often tell me Kaju understood him in a way no one else did. It hurt. Listening to your boyfriend appreciating another girl isn’t easy for anyone. But I get it now. It doesn’t make any difference whether she’s as conniving as I made her up in my mind or as pure as Neel perceives her to be. Her unwavering faith in him stood the test of time over and over again, forcing me to accept that the love they shared was far greater than anything I had ever known.

It's not that I have suddenly developed a soft corner for Kaju or forgiven Neel for his betrayal. They have wronged me and that’s never gonna change. However, I can’t deny my own actions worked as the catalyst for our failed relationship. And maybe Neel and I were never meant to be together. Otherwise, how do you explain him still waiting for Kaju when all I got was his indignation? 

I would be lying if I said their separation didn’t mean anything to me because it did. For quite some time I reveled in their agony until I realized I was simply deluding myself. Together or apart, they were one and nothing could change that. At the end of the day, it was me who was suffering, deserted, and alone for I chose to dwell in a fantasy that had withered away a long time ago.

But not anymore. It was time for me to move on, to break free from the shackles tying me to my past, and rediscover myself. With a smile on my face, I wiped my tears and approached the kids, "Hello there! Can I join you guys?"

In Another Life

“All set?” Neel turned his gaze away from his camera and smiled at Jaydeep. “Do you really have to go back? I mean, stay until…” “It’s not that early Papa. I came before Dussehra and now returning after celebrating Diwali. I think the more appropriate question would have been whether I’m still employed or my boss has already fired me?” “Yeah? And who’s capable enough to fill your shoes?” “That’s also true,” Neel said confidently, “However, that doesn’t give me a license to be negligent. Winter is about to start and I need to capture the magic of it. The first sight of snow in the valleys! It’ll be majestic!”

He came near Jaydeep and hugged him smilingly. “Just two more weeks. Once the assignment is completed...” “You'll find another one so that you get to be near Uttarakhand.” An awkward silence filled the room as both father and son found themselves at a loss for words. “Let me help you.” Jaydeep started to pack another bag when his eyes fell on Neel's Laptop. It had one of Kajal's photos as the wallpaper. Unknowingly he let out a sigh, prompting Neel to look in his direction. “Sorry about that.” He closed the lid immediately and looked away.

Jaydeep looked at him intently but said nothing. Just when he was about to leave the room Neel called him from behind, “Papa!” “Yes.” “I am really sorry!” As Jaydeep turned around, he found Neel sitting, lowering his head. “I know you are hurt by my decision but I have no other choice. Just as it's impossible for me to stay away from you, I can't separate myself from her either. If it's possible, please forgive me.” “I was never upset with you Neel. You should know,  I...” overwhelmed, Jaydeep left the room immediately before Neel could see his tears. 

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I still remember the day when I held Neel in my arms for the first time. After seven years of marriage when both Sonya and I gave up the hope of having a child, God blessed us with our little bundle of joy. Everyone in our family was ecstatic - my parents, Rajat Bhai, Nutan Bhabhi; even Pari was jumping in excitement having gotten another baby brother to play with. But I just stood there, bewildered, until a nurse came out and put him in my lap. 

As I looked at his face, I felt like someone had knocked the breath out of me. A tiny little human being was sleeping in my arms! And suddenly he opened his eyes, smiling as if he felt amused at my perplexity. In that moment, my life changed. I realized I had never loved anybody as much as I loved my kid. That day, I made a promise to myself, to always be there for him, to protect him from harm’s way and fill his life with love. Ironic that it’s because of my cognizant decisions today my son is living such a miserable life.

I’ve always wondered how Neel turned out to be so vastly different from me. While the thought of others exploiting his goodness kept me up at nights, I'd be lying if I said it didn't give me immense pleasure to watch him following his heart and lifting others' spirit along the way. Who knows? Maybe it's my own evil eyes that caught my son's happiness. Otherwise, how could I become the reason of his destruction?

At the very beginning of my career, I got to fight a case against a notorious criminal. Like any other enthusiastic newbie, I was focused on upholding the law and punishing the culprit. But my mentor would often laugh and say justice is highly subjective. He who is guilty in my opinion might deem himself as the savior of his story. No one could ever completely comprehend his situation or what made him take those steps. I understand it now. This entire catastrophe might not even occur had only I listened to Neel's plea that day.

He kept telling repeatedly, how all he wanted was to safeguard Kaju and ensure that she got a chance at a dignified life on her own. But all I saw was an opportunist trying to get benefitted from his naivety. I was so focused on “SAVING” my boy that it didn’t occur even occur to me to which level I had stooped when I joined hands with that wretched Phool Singh. Now when I think about it, maybe Neel and Kaju would have gone their separate ways if I hadn't put so much pressure on him back then. But then again, would it really be better for him?

I have seen what happened to Dhruv and Bhoomi's marriage. Status, education, money - everything loses its value when you start feeling suffocated by your partner. Yes, I can't deny Pavitra had been wronged. Instead of helping our kids in sorting their problems, we created a situation that further complicated their lives. If she wanted revenge, she had every reason for it. Not to mention the way Bhoomi manipulated her. But a person who blurs the line separating love from insanity so easily and gives in to vengeance, how suitable is she as a life partner?  

Had time not tested Kaju’s patience enough? Yet, she chose to stand by Neel when he was at his worst and left believing he would be better off without her. I know accepting my sins wouldn’t make any difference now. The damage has already been done and three lives has been destroyed for the sake of our fake aristocracy. Perhaps this is my punishment for putting Kaju through hell that now I stand to witness Neel’s suffering. But if I have done even a single good deed my entire life, I beg to God for sparing him this agony and reunite him with the one he's pining for. 

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I was the type of person who never regretted any of his decisions. I always felt being self-aware is important but when you start getting too critical about your choices, negativity seeps in, leading to more disasters. I wish someone had told my younger self that remorse doesn’t necessarily translate into cursing your fate and drowning in misery. Sometimes accepting your fate may be your only way forward. Trouble is, that acknowledgment itself is a reminder of how horribly you have let others down and it's a burden you are fated to carry till your end. 

If only I could delude my parents with my fake smile the same way I have convinced others! At times I wish… I genuinely wish I could get back to being the old Neel just for their sake. But I’m helpless. I lost myself the day Kaju left me and moving on without her is like expecting someone to live without breathing. Breathing! I couldn't help but chuckle. Wouldn't it have been great if I had listened to her mother and stopped bothering her? Everything that happened after our Gangotri trip could have been avoided and she might actually be happy.

I know the mere thought of such is an insult to the girl who sacrificed her everything for me. Yet, every time I close my eyes, I find myself stuck at the same juncture, asking myself, why did she fall in love with me in the first place? I doubt there’s much difference between me and Phool Singh. We both loved her on our own terms and made her life miserable. At least with him by her side, she would have a respectable life in society. Whereas all I have ever given her is heartbreak and humiliation. And still, she stood by me through thick and thin until I destroyed her from within. 

Tears stung my eyes as I recalled our last meeting. When Dev Sir dragged me out of her house it wasn’t just me whose heart was broken. I might be the one yearning to be held in her embrace but she suffered even more seeing me in that condition. If she wanted, she could easily hold my hand and reclaim what was rightfully hers. Instead, she chose solitude and let go of me, believing my happiness laid somewhere else. And what did I do? I could not even assuage her fear and make her confident in our relationship just as I had failed Pavitra.  

A bit anticlimactic, isn’t it? That I feel guilty for hurting the supposed villain of my tale. But now that I have been separated from my love, I understand Pavitra’s perspective more clearly. Had she had the slightest idea about how she was degrading herself in her stubbornness, I’m sure she wouldn’t have gone down the path of destruction. Nonetheless, it hurts when I think about her descent into madness. It was way too convenient for me to pin the blame for our failed relationship on her. But was she solely responsible? Didn’t I falter enough to sow the first seed of doubt in her mind? What would have I done if the situation was reversed? 

They say your partner is like a mirror who reflects your true personality. I don’t know if it was the situation, my lack of clarity, or divine intervention that I found my soulmate in Kaju. What I do know is I committed a lot of mistakes when Pavitra and I were together that weren’t repeated in my marriage. However, if you ask me, I’d say it was because of the kind of faith Kaju had in me that enkindled me to live up to her devotion. It’s simply unfortunate that Pavitra and I never had that sort of understanding between us. She mirrored my stubbornness with her insecurity, while I grew more distant due to her constant need for reassurance and never-ending ultimatums that eventually broke us apart. 

Before she left India, I saw her at an old friend’s wedding. She seemed happy. When I looked into her eyes, I saw glimpses of the old Pavitra - sweet, funny, lost in her own world! It took me back to that moment when I had first told her about Kaju. She was shocked, scared; the fear of an uncertain future overwhelmed her conscience. Yet, she chose humanity over everything. She said she trusted me and urged me to save Kaju’s life no matter what. 

For a moment there I wanted to hug her and express my heartfelt gratitude. I wanted to apologize for taking her for granted. But then I took my steps back. When you are young and get into a relationship, you feel like it’s gonna last forever. While the truth is in reality, first love, no matter how special it is often serves as a learning experience that makes you aware of your shortcomings, and helps you become the better version of yourself.    

I know that now because I got to see an entirely different side of myself, thriving in the serenity Kaju brought into my life. And if hating me helps Pavitra achieve that, if she finally gets to move on from our bitter past and find someone who’ll love her for who she is and always put her first, I’m fine with being the bad guy in her story. Who knows? Perhaps that’s my role in the grand scheme. Neel Khurana might just be a catalyst for Kajal Bhatt and Pavitra Bhalla’s self-discovery and nothing else. 

My train of thought came to a halt when I heard my alarm ringing. It was time for me to return to the valleys. I still remember Kaju’s horrified face when I told her jokingly that I wanted to breathe my last in the lap of mother nature. The way things are going, my wish might actually come true someday.

I can imagine… lying on the limitless white with a curtain of snowflakes covering my entire frame! Wouldn’t it be great if Kaju found me that day by some miracle? At least I’d get to close my eyes with her pictures in them. It sounds almost poetic that my frozen heart would finally beat one last time before the warmth leaves my body.

I laughed at my thought and picked up my backpack. Me and my selfish thoughts! Even if I was rewarded with her presence in my final moments, my death would be the beginning of her destruction. Her guilt of deserting me will devour her and I can’t let that happen. I can’t attain my salvation at her expense.

It doesn’t matter whether our paths cross again or not. The fact that I was loved by Kajal would be enough for me. Nevertheless, if I were granted a wish, I would ask for another life where my foolishness wouldn’t eclipse her happiness, where our devotion wouldn’t be measured against the backdrop of our social status, a world where the sky will finally meet the earth… 

The Lost Dewdrop

What is the price of love? I asked myself for the millionth time as I watched Kaju disappear into the dark mist. At this point, this shouldn’t have come as a surprise that she would leave for Gangotri despite her frail condition. Still, the mother in me couldn’t help but wish for a miracle. For how long do I have to see my little girl stuck in this endless cycle of misery, punishing herself for something she had no control over? 

I wonder if it would have been better had I listened to her that day and walked out of Neel’s residence instead of forcing their marriage. Either way, she would be doomed. I realized it long ago when I saw her determination to save his life even if it came at the expense of hers. A village full of people ready to kill an innocent girl in the name of tradition and honor and the only promise she took from Satyakam Ji was to keep Neel out of this mess.  

Neel! How I despised that boy for he was everything I wanted to protect Kaju from. But I forgot, in our pursuit to shield our loved ones from the shadow of our dark pasts, very often we turn a blind eye to the obvious. I failed to distinguish his sincerity from what I perceived as flamboyance and kept doubting his motives while he continued to defend my child, sometimes by going against his own. 

Isn’t it funny how people coming from different spheres of life have only prejudice in common? Just as Neel’s parents always considered Kaju to be an opportunist, the same way I never acknowledged his loyalty toward my daughter. And two young people who dared to rise above the boundary set by the society eventually lost their way to the arrogance and false pride of the so-called elite. 

Sometimes I wish Neel was half as despicable as I had made him in my mind. At least that way I could blame him for Kaju’s suffering and try and coerce her into moving on in her life. But knowing how far he has gone to seek her forgiveness, how do I hold on to his one unintentional mistake and ignore his heartache? And how do I confront Kaju about her stance when I know the reason behind her conflicting emotions? If the choice was really that simple, would these two have waited this long despite knowing how much they loved each other? 

Theirs is a story that reminds me of a dewdrop on a blade of grass. Just as the lush is essential for containing the drop of water in its lap, Neel became her support when Kaju needed someone by her side. And when the time came, she chose his happiness over her own in the same way a dewdrop nourishes the green before it evaporates at the touch of the first ray of the sun. I know I can’t go against the law of nature. However, as a witness to the agonizing tale of two lovers who deserved better, I pray to Mahadev for that lost dewdrop so it can finally find its way back to the parched land in the form of rain and reunite with the one it belongs to…

His Broken Nest And A Story Of Heartbreak

How well do we know ourselves? Looking at the family portrait of a contented man whose shell of a person I have become, I felt the question has never been more obvious. Three pairs of eyes that stared back at me filled my heart with an inexplicable warmth yet the urge to break the frame to pieces became too hard to suppress. When did I become such a vengeful person? Or was I always like that? Is it simply because of the convenience of my ways or something else that I never had to face my inner darkness before?  

I still remember the first time I met Chhavi. The spark in her big hazel eyes was the first thing that caught my notice. She was hesitant; an awkward silence prevailed between us, but there was something different about her. Something mysterious that I fell for her instantly. Twenty-five years of marriage and never had I felt differently until I found her screaming at Kaju, blaming Pallavi for ruining her life as I felt my world crumbling around me. 

We never had that typical filmy romance between us. Hailing from a traditional family, I had only experienced love in its domestic form. Together we built our small nest and when Bhoomi was born, I felt Mahadev blessed me with everything I had wished for. Perhaps that’s why it took me so long to realize that the love I had always seen in her eyes was for someone else. 

I am not sure what hurts more - the fact that I could not be the partner my wife could confide in with anything or the awareness of how I failed to take Surya’s place in her life despite giving my all to our relationship. The only thing I’m certain about is she shouldn’t have passed down her jealousy to our daughter. 

I know it’s not fair to blame Chhavi for Bhoomi’s downfall. I’m equally responsible for spoiling our child with too much pampering. Otherwise, how did the famous social worker Satyakam Rawat’s only daughter grow up to be an ungrateful, insensitive brat? But I guess my wounded male ego overpowered the concerned father in me and instead of rebuking Bhoomi, I proceeded with punishing Chhavi by pinning the entire blame on her upbringing and walked out on them. 

Funny, isn’t it? That at my core I was a typical chauvinistic guy who couldn’t bear to accept someone else as the love of his wife’s life. And the easiest way to cloak that ugliness was to wear a mask of progressiveness as I did when I chose to support Kaju over Bhoomi, ignoring Chhavi’s pleadings. But if that’s all there is, why does it hurt so much when I see Chhavi in pain? How did I end up at Pallavi’s doorstep, looking for some justification as to why all of our lives got entangled this way? 

A wry smile appeared on my face recalling how a chance encounter with Neel that day saved me from a lifetime of embarrassment while I took my steps backward. Kaju would often say she didn’t love Neel simply because he was her husband; she worshipped him for his pure heart and helpful nature, and it didn’t make any difference whether they were together or apart. At times I felt pity for her whereas the rest of the time I felt enraged, believing she was living in a delusion and wasting her life the same way I did until Neel changed my perspective ones and for all. His devotion towards Kaju made me realize why did she love him so much. 

I’ve seen Jaydeep Ji’s remorse for ruining Neel’s life and I have been a witness to Pallavi’s apprehension regarding Kaju’s choices. Nevertheless, I know it in my heart that one day they’ll reunite. And it’s because of their love and unwavering faith in each other that I the courage to be hopeful again. I wish… I genuinely wish Surya returned someday so that Pallavi and Chhavi got some closure. An idiot, a wannabe martyr or a condescending son of a bitch - call me whatever you want. But before I close my eyes forever, I want to see her genuine smile. I want her to be free from her lifelong burdens and find happiness. Who knows, maybe that’ll finally teach Bhoomi the importance of love and sacrifice. Until then, I guess I’m stuck with this beautiful mirage of a perfect family that I used to consider my reality once upon a time…

Her Aching Heart - A Graveyard Of Memories

“May Mahadev keep you happy!” I smiled at the older lady and stepped outside the temple, rubbing my hands since I just gave her my shawl. It wasn't long before I started to feel the bites of the winter air on my skin. “Hold on Kaju, a couple more hours and you’ll...” Suddenly I felt like laughing at my foolishness. The weird creature we humans were! More than often, we willingly choose our destruction. However, when it came to facing the consequences of those choices, we liked to project ourselves as tragic heroes of some epic tale just so we could escape reality. Otherwise, what good did this self-inflicted pain do me, or anyone else for that matter? I bet even the valleys had gotten sick of my daily masochistic ritual by now. But I had no other choice. Every inch of this trailway was laced with his memories and I couldn't for the life of me resist the call of the mountains for this was where our story began. I closed my eyes and his face floated before me, “Neel Ji!” 

How long had it been? Days, months, or a lifetime? It felt like yesterday when he came with Dev Bhai and I… A lone tear escaped my eye as I recalled our last conversation. Having been brought up by a single parent, I realized very early in my life that I had a long road ahead. I could either sulk or brace myself for the inevitable. I chose the latter. I learned to be content with whatever little I had and tried to find happiness in the smallest things. Nevertheless, I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel lonely. I always wondered whether the world was full of people like Phool Singh or if there was someone somewhere around the corner whose mind wasn’t conditioned into bowing to social norms, who might actually know the difference between right and wrong. Neel Ji was the answer to all my questions. He came to my life like a breeze of fresh air and swept me off my feet. Perhaps that’s why I got swayed away and became greedy. I sought acceptance from those whose heart was filled with hatred and lost the man who loved me unconditionally. 

Yes, he did love me, in a way I never imagined was possible. I might have been ill-treated my entire life but along the way, my path crossed with generous individuals. While their affection made me feel seen, the accompanying pity always reminded me of my status. With Neel Ji it was different. Like the meaning of his name, his love had the vastness of the sky. His magnanimity was such that I felt my inhibitions washing away in his company. I guess that’s why when he held my hand in front of my villagers for the first time my rationality took a backseat and I accepted him as my husband with all my heart until reality slapped me in the face.  

For the longest time, I tried to persuade myself that I misinterpreted his compassion for his adoration since that’s what my heart desired. And yet, the more I tried to distance myself from him, the more I was drawn to him. He wasn’t one to categorize relationships under the parameters set by society. He believed in giving them his all. Even when he had no obligation regarding my well-being, he prioritized me over everyone and everything. We had our ups and downs but he never let his ego blind him. He was the kind of person who would swallow his pride for others’ betterment. Then how could he leave my hand in the crowd? 

He came to my rescue every single time, giving me the benefit of the doubt that maybe there was a reason behind my outbursts. The more I pushed him away, the tighter his embrace became. However, there was a sense of liberation in it. In front of him, I never had to hide my feelings or put on a brave face. I knew I could bare my soul to him, revealing what I was too afraid to face myself but he would pick up the pieces and mend my broken heart without any judgment. Never did I realize when had he found that missing part of him in me that he had been searching for forever and fallen in love with me. 

To this day, I find myself questioning what would have happened if I hadn’t gone to meet Mr. Bhalla that day. What Neel Ji said in a fit of rage hurt me tremendously but I knew that was the exact opposite of how he felt about me. He would often say that rather than running after something dictated by others and trying to find meaning in it one should follow his heart. I believed him. Somewhere deep down, I always knew what we shared was more than friendship. Even when it was purely platonic between us, the warmth and assurance we found in each other were far more superior to any other form of love I had ever known and I was content with it as that was all I had ever wished for - immersing myself in his devotion, no matter the consequences. And yet, when he said our marriage might be the biggest mistake of his life, I felt like my world had crumbled around me.  

I knew in my heart that Neel Ji was capable enough to carve a niche for himself. But knowing Mr. Bhalla’s influence, I couldn’t risk taking a chance and jeopardizing his future. I know I was wrong to take that decision on his behalf. But love makes you do the unthinkable. The man who begged me never to leave his side as I was his “PEACE”, I deserted him for I knew how poverty and failure could taint the purest of souls. I would rather choose his loving memories than see him suffering and blaming our relationship for his failure. So I walked out of our marriage, convincing myself that he would be better off without me. 

Ironic, isn’t it? The one who shielded me from the world and received one blow after another, I parted from him believing he deserved a partner who would complement him in every way and help him achieve new heights of success. It didn’t matter if he saw his reflection in me. I couldn’t become the mirror that would only reflect his shortcomings. I still don’t have an answer to what made me so certain about our impending doom. Maybe it’s because I always feared one day I’d have to pay the price for breaking Pavitra Ji’s heart with our separation. Or it could be my deep-rooted insecurity about our vast differences that he reaffirmed unknowingly. All I know is I wasn’t nearly as great as he presumed me to be. I did choose myself over him after all. Otherwise, I couldn’t have shattered his heart into a million pieces and requested Dev Bhai to take him away when he came looking for me.

When I left Delhi, I made it up in my mind that eventually Neel Ji would get over me and find happiness with someone else. No wonder weaving an illusion is far easier than facing your conscience. But when has life ever been so predictable? Despite my rejection, Neel Ji never stopped fighting for what was right. He was determined to bring an end to Mr. Bhalla's terror and with his father's help, eventually, he succeeded in his pursuit. Turned out, Mr. Bhalla had a long history of malpractice and Neel Ji worked day and night to gather enough evidence against him. He had already made it clear to Pavitra Ji that he would never go back to her. On top of that, the growing enmity between the two families forced her to accept the truth and she relocated to London with her parents. 

Although it came as a bit of a surprise, I knew Papa Ji would do anything for Neel Ji’s happiness even if that meant supporting me indirectly. Such is a parent’s love for his child that surpasses everything else. What I didn’t anticipate was the implication of the truth on Dhruv Bhai and Bhoomi Di's relationship. Once everyone got to know about Bhoomi Di’s involvement with Pavitra Ji, they withdrew their support and Dhruv Bhai declared that he didn't want to live with her anymore. Unsurprisingly, all hell broke loose and Chhavi Maasi Maa blamed me and Ija for everything. That's when I got to know what happened in my absence.

One would assume everything got better after that whereas in reality the knotted strings of our relationships got entangled even more.  I was in touch with Pari Di and Dev Bhai this whole time. Knowing what another round of heartbreak would do to us, Dev Bhai never asked me anything about Neel Ji. But Pari Di being her usual innocent self never forgot to scold me for breaking her Neel Veere’s heart. During one such conversation, she blurted out about Neel Ji taking on an assignment in Uttarkashi just so he could be near me. 

My Ija used to say that in every relationship there is one person who loves the other more. It might sound romantic on paper but the truth is too much love often becomes a burden on the soul without reciprocation. I never fully understood what she meant until I met Neel Ji. Sometimes I wondered why did he love me so much! He told me once that the day I'd find my path, he would step aside and watch me thrive from afar without ever imposing him or his decisions on me if that’s what I wanted. Despite everything that’s happened between us, he remained true to his words. He kept watching over me without any expectations. I knew all I had to do was call him once and he would come running back, forgiving all my atrocities. But after everything I had put him through, I simply didn’t have it in me to look into his eyes and seek forgiveness. 

I still think about the day when we first met. When I looked on helplessly, realizing my end was near, he came out of nowhere and saved my life. I guess that's why I keep coming back to these valleys. Just as I never had to say anything but he always heard my silent cries, I believe one day my prayers will reach him and I'll find him here, wearing his brightest smile. And if not… The burble of the stream interrupted my thoughts when I realized I had reached my destination. The beautiful blue lying before me brought a smile to my face as I recalled the time when he had promised me an eternity of friendship. I closed my eyes in prayer and asked Mahadev to let me see Neel Ji one last time before I breathed my last when a familiar voice took my breath away, “Tathastu! Hum Tumhare Saath Hain Balike!” “Neel Ji!”  

Meet Me On The Horizon

What’s the parameter that differentiates reality from imagination? Looking at the person standing in front of her, Kajal felt desperate to know the answer. The warmth and peace that began to overwhelm her conscience could point to only one direction, right? She walked towards him and touched his face with shaking hands. It wasn’t a dream! He truly had come! “Didn’t I promise you that whenever you’ll think of me, you’ll always find me standing by your side?” Neel said smiling. Tears started rolling down her eyes and before she knew it, she found herself hugging him while the latter stroked her hair gently. “What took you so long?” “The climax. After all, there’s a reason why heroes enter at the very last moment.” He wiped her tears and shook his head in a reassuring way. 

“Why do you like to tease me so much?” “Just so I can get you out of this 24/7 savior mode of yours and help you relax.” He caressed her face lovingly. “Why Neel Ji?” “What why?” “Why did you come back?” “Because I love you!” He asserted with absolute certainty. “Still? After everything I put you through? “Once upon a time, a great woman told me that we may not have any control over how others feel about us but we can choose to be loving and forgiving. I was simply following her advice.” “Neel Ji…” “Some questions don’t have an answer because that’s just the way it is. It might seem cruel, you may get angry about it but you have no other option than accepting it because it’s destiny, as you are mine. I can’t stop loving you even if I want to. I tried, believe me, I wanted to destroy everything that reminded me of you but I couldn’t. It just doesn’t work that way.” Although Neel tried to sound casual, the pain in his eyes didn’t escape Kajal’s notice.

“The day you refused to come home with me, I… It kind of sent me into a frenzy. Through thick and thin, whenever I needed a friend or the support of my wife, you were always there for me. I guess that’s why I couldn’t comprehend how that one grave but unintentional mistake took its toll on our relationship. I used to stay up all night, alone, dejected, going through your letter a thousand times so that I got some sort of clue regarding where had I gone wrong, what could I have possibly done to change your mind. At times I got really mad at you. I’ve lost count of how many times I wanted to tear your letter to shreds but I couldn't. It’s kind of a funny story, you know. On one hand, I found comfort in your writing as you said you would love me till your last breath. While on the other hand, I felt anguished that despite knowing everything you chose to stay aloof to my suffering.”

“I am sorry!” She cried out. “I never wanted to hurt you Neel Ji. But I was scared. I thought…” “Hey, look at me.” He tilted her chin and made her face him. “It wasn’t your fault that I was such an idiot.” He took her hands in his and continued, “I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that it never occurred to me how my words affected you. I stood by you when it was convenient for me but the moment the road became rocky, I lashed out. I was a privileged individual Kaju. Yes, I didn’t want Papa’s help in establishing my career but I had the assurance that if I fell, I had my parents, my brother, my friends to help me through it. You had no one. You had to land on your feet all on your own. And look at the irony, instead of applauding you for that, we always belittled your roots and made you feel unworthy of me.” He looked down to hide his tears. 

“I have been wrong Kaju, on so many different levels. I did like Pavitra. And I knew what our marriage meant to you. I was there when you bared your heart to Satyakam Uncle. But instead of clarifying my stance, I ended up complicating both of your lives. I just assumed Pavitra would understand everything and expected you to forget whatever happened between us. I didn’t fall out of love with Pavitra because you came between us. It happened due to the communication gap between us. If Pavitra was wrong to come under Bhoomi’s influence then I too was equally responsible for giving an outsider the scope to manipulate the situation. Now when I think about it I feel ashamed.” “Neel Ji…”  

“Even when I didn’t have any romantic feelings for you, I always knew we shared something special. The way you understood me without me ever having to tell you about my feelings and supported me in my decisions, the way you accepted not only me but every single person I held dear as your own, I simply couldn’t picture my life without you in it. I became selfish, to the extent that I ignored how you were getting perished under the burden of my expectations and how deeply problematic it was to expect Pavitra to accept I was more attached to you than I could ever be with her.” “I admit the situation was complicated. But you weren’t the only one to blame. We all had our share of mistakes.” “Probably. But that doesn’t exempt me from repeating the same mistakes with you.” “What are you talking about!” 

“You made me feel so secure in our relationship that I completely overlooked how hard you were trying to come out of your trauma. I might have saved your life but my indecision, my foolishness… I can’t even begin to understand how excruciating it must have been for you to stay calm and have such unwavering faith in me. One way or another, I ended up with the one I longed for and moved on. I never took a moment to sit down and come clean to you about my feelings. Except for our relationship status and perhaps my cognizant acceptance of your importance in my life, nothing really changed between us. What chance did we have when all I’ve ever done was reaffirm your fear over and over again?” 

“It doesn’t matter Neel Ji. At the end of the day, I was the one who gave up on our marriage without giving you a chance to explain yourself.” “And you had every reason to do that. I went on and on about how important you were to me, which to be honest wasn’t much different from what I had said or done before. If you felt I returned out of obligation, or that I still loved you as a friend, and with time I’d get over you, I couldn’t blame you for that. It was my responsibility to make you confident in our relationship and I failed at that, spectacularly.” “At least you tried. What did I do? I thought signing those divorce papers must have been the hardest thing I ever had to do but when I pushed you away it felt like…” She couldn’t complete her sentence and burst into tears while he tried to comfort her. 

“I had a choice. I could hold your hand and fight against all odds. Instead, I gave into my fear and chose a lifetime of misery for both of us.” “Why are you so insistent on making it your fault?” “Because it is my fault. You deserve better than me Neel Ji. You deserve someone who will always choose you over herself.” “And I have found her.”  He cupped her face and made her face him, “It’s you! It has always been you! I know how you’ve spent this last year. I may not have revealed myself but I was there with you every step of the way. I saw you crying yourself to sleep and then picking up your pieces every morning. I witnessed the joy you found in your dance and then saw you shattering. I wanted to come back a long time ago. But before that, I had to fix what I had broken.” His voice choked, reminiscing the horror. 

“I wish I could turn back time and go back to where we started, be the man you dreamed of being together with. I know I can’t change what happened in the past but at least let me try to build a better future and make up for the lost time.”  “I’m not…” “I know you have concerns. I don’t blame you for that. All I’m asking is another chance. Please! Let me be a part of your life!” “I can't do that.” His face turned pale at her reply. “I can't you be a part of my life because you are my life! I love you Neel Ji!” She put her arms around him and pulled him into her embrace. “As I love you Kajal Bhatt!” 

“Bhatt?” “I don't want to force my identity on you. I want people to recognize you for your talent, not just as my wife.” “Fair enough. But I want both.” She said assertively. “Neither do I want to let go of my roots, nor can I separate my identity from the one who taught me how to live. The world will have to acknowledge both. I'll make sure it does. That's a promise from Kajal Bhatt Khurana.” “Kajal Bhatt Khurana! I like that very much!” He lifted her up and twirled around in excitement. “Slow down!” “I’m sorry!” He put her down and smiled shyly. 

“So, what now?” “A lot of things actually. First, we have to inform the family members and find a common ground so…” Neel continued talking about his to-do list while Kajal looked at him adoringly. “Wouldn’t it be fun? Living with both sides of our family?” “Yes. But seeing the glimmer in your eyes, I can’t help but feel there’s more to your excitement than our evenly allocated time.” “Aren’t you the best!” He hugged her excitedly. “Ever since I was a kid, I always imagined myself settling down in the mountains someday. I admired their spirit for they taught me how to be enormous yet grounded despite their enormity. Never had I imagined one day I would find my home in its lap - you! No matter how tired one gets, home is where one finds his happiness. And today I give you my word, no matter how long it takes, no matter how difficult the path becomes, I will always find my way back to you!”

With tears in her eyes, she nodded at him and pressed her horsehead against his. He was right. People often gave the metaphor of the sky and the earth to imply how they were doomed to remain separated forever. Little did they know, it was their destiny to meet at the end of the horizon, creating the most beautiful sight of all.  And as she lay in his arms, feeling his heart racing at her touch, she knew she was ready for their new chapter to begin, with more love and more understanding as a brand new future was awaiting them…

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