She is going on her college trip today and looks super excited, humming to herself, checking and rechecking her stuffs multiple times since last night.. I tried to get her to sleep and suggested to sing to her.. But she rolled her eyes and told that she would manage by herself and I needn't worry! I just destroyed everything that night by kissing her, should have known better than getting drunk and coming close to her.. She was so upset on our honeymoon when I pranked about us being intimate.. I had promised to respect her boundaries that day and couldn't even do that! And now I have lost her.. She isn't my bestfriend or partner anymore, just a stranger bound to me who has to tolerate my presence in her life!
Rishta jabardasti se shuru hua tha, itni mehnat aur waqt ke baad dost bane the, lekin meri ek harkat ne sab barbad kardia.. I just remember she looked really beautiful that day.. She was twirling around and playing with water and flowers.. If I had been in my senses, maybe we would have danced to our heart's content.. But she looked so pure and innocent and I just wanted to touch her once.. The white feather stuck on her lips was my undoing and I just couldn't stop myself.. A moment of happiness that I craved and attained has made the rest of our lives gloomy..
I wonder at night whether she feels unsafe to be in same bed with me.. I try to read her expressions when she isn't noticing my presence coz whenever we are at the same place she just tries to escape as if I disgust her.. Itna bhi bura nahi hu Meet, us din tumne bola ki maaf kardia mujhe.. To itni dur q ho gayi ho tum mujhse? Kyun mere aas paas rehne se tumhe itni taklif hoti hai? Galti ho gayi thi, dubara nahi karunga.. Please wapas aa jaao! Ajeeb sa khalipan mehsoos hota hai tumhaare bagair!
The only moments I can drink in her presence are like these when she is oblivious to mine, lost in her own happy world! The college is doing her wonders and she doesn't have to spend her every walking moment with me.. The rest of the time she just finds excuses to be with Ishu, Duggu or someone else.. I have to rely on others to know about her daily routine, her new friends, teachers and classes.. She avoids all my questions and just tells that it isn't worth my time.. But I keep on asking everyday to just hear her one-liners because that is what I am getting!
I can just hope one day we become friends again, she is able to forgive me for my fleeting lack of control, we could just hold hands and talk forever!
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