SECRETS AND CELEBRATION
It was a lazy Sunday morning, at least for Ram . All he wanted to do was relax with his wife, but wife apparently had better plans which irked him. Priya was on a cleaning spree much to Ram’s dismay.
Priya was moving to and fro in front of the almirah, arranging and rearranging her books and clothes. Her movements were so rapid that it made Ram giddy.
“Priya, why do you want to waste your precious Sunday in cleaning? Just call Tarun and he would do it for you.”
"You promised me that we will watch ‘Maine Pyaar Kiya ’ together today."
“Mr. Kapoor, point number one , what makes you think that while my limbs are intact I will let anyone else run my errands? You better stop depending on Tarun for your basics.”
“Point number two, Priya never forgets her promises , we are going to watch your favorite Aman and Suman at evening . My whole day would be ruined if I start it with a romantic movie. So let me continue with my cleaning. Yeah?”
“ Excuse me Mrs. Kapoor ? How many times do I have to tell you it’s Prem and Suman and not Aman or Shanti or the infinite wrong names you been telling since we planned this. You continue your cleaning Ma’am ,better than having to hear wrong names of my favorite movie couple.”
“ Good decision Mr. Kapoor .”
Ram pretended to flap through a business magazine, but his eyes vacuously followed his gorgeous wife every few seconds once.
Her hair was tied in a tight bun, for she wanted no trouble while cleaning and this made Ram’s hands itch. He could barely concentrate on his magazine. It was with great difficulty he was managing to resist his temptation to untie her scary bun and run his hands through her silky hair. But that would mean she would take her infamous Chandi Roop and he couldn’t risk the cancellation of their movie date. So he helplessly continued his pretense of reading.
Suddenly Ram saw Priya take out something lustrous and look at it with pride and little melancholy in eyes.
She saw it for few seconds, rubbed it with her dusting cloth and carefully put it on the bed. Ram kept his magazine aside and crawled towards the end of the bed.
“Oh my god. That’s such a beautiful trophy Priya!! Do you mind me taking a closer look at it?”
Priya was startled by his sudden excited tone. “Yeah sure Mr. Kapoor. But you have hundreds of awards and accomplishments, what is this trophy in front of that?”
“Why are you so harsh on yourself Priya. Don’t you dare undermine my wife’s achievements. I haven’t given you that rights. Got it?”
Priya blushed a little. Ram was always generous with words and compliments and she had a tough time catching them.
“Do you have more of them in hiding?”
“Yeah, I do”. Priya pointed towards the lowest rack in her side of the almirah.
Ram hunched his lower body while still seated on the bed to get a glimpse of Priya’s secret treasure.
Priya panicked seeing his weird posture.
“You will sprain your back Mr. Kapoor. Why do you have to be so mischievous like a little child?”
“You sit back and I’ll get them.”
Priya sat on the floor, removed few Kurtas and took out her trophies and medals one by one.
Ram gaped at the sight before him. There were about 50 glittering trophies and medals . Instead of ostentatiously displaying them, she had hidden them far away from the world , in the darkest corner of the almirah, hidden behind clothes and books.
Ram hopped from his bed and picked few of them in bewilderment.
“Who in the right mind will hide them so mercilessly Priya? "
“ What ? I am merciless? Leave it. You won’t understand. Who cares were they are kept anyway?”
“I care Priya. I do. Your success is mine too and I want to bask in it’s glory. It is my rights. So please don’t stop me and if you think I won’t understand then make me understand till you succeed. I want to know what makes you hide them?”
Priya knew he won’t budge till she relents. But how will she explain this to him?
Seeing her becoming uncomfortable, Ram felt a little guilty.
“ I am sorry Priya, if I crossed the line. I didn’t mean to put you in a spot. Is it related to your bad memories of past? It’s ok if you’re not ok sharing it with me."
“ I don’t know how to explain Mr. Kapoor. But these are not just trophies . They are a part of my ego, my self worth, a part of me. I don’t want anybody to break it, I don’t want the cruel world to cast its evil eyes on them."
"I want to protect it ,safeguard it.”
“Did your Dad break any of it Priya?” asked Ram in a firm heavy voice.
Priya nodded her head in disappointment.
“You know Mr. Kapoor , I couldn’t see through his intensions. I was too innocent back then. I remember running home with a silver medal for story telling competition. All I wanted was his attention and validation, but he lost his temper on seeing my medal. I couldn’t quite understand what made him so angry that he broke my medal. I kept on crying and asked Maa about it. She said , Dad was in a bad mood that’s all and emphasized I should not take it to my heart.
But to take things lightly and ignore is not me. The vision of him breaking my medal kept on haunting me in my dreams. I concluded that he thinks I am good for nothing because I couldn’t probably grab the first position. So I channelized all my energy to win a gold medal in the next declamation competition. I did accomplish that, but it was stupid of me to expect a different reaction from him. He not only broke my first gold medal but created a havoc in the house using such abusive words against Maa and all of us that it still sends a shiver across my spine."
"It took me some time to understand, but when I managed to do that, it was all very vivid. He wasn’t upset because he expected me to do better in life, but he was angry because he did not want me to do good in life."
"I thought he disliked me but he actually loathed me, my failures would boost and please his male ego while my success would hurt it."
“When I finally accepted this reality, after having run away from it for the longest time, I was shattered. I now knew that no matter what I do , I would never get his affection , I would never be his pride.”
"Even after Maa and him got separated and he would come home occasionally, if he ever spotted my medal outside, he will on the pretext of taking a closer look at it, deliberately break it and feign as if it was a mere accident. Maa would sometimes buy that it was unintentional, but I knew how low he could fall, just to hurt me."
“But you know what Mr. Kapoor, the good thing about this was ,the more he hurt me, the stronger I became and the better I did in my life, the pain he gave us, made me more articulate with my words, gave a meaning to my life, power to my speech”.
“ I think that’s why I chose to take up literature. There was so much hurt and pain in me that it used to effortlessly ooze out in the form of words. Language and literature came naturally to me.”
“I was pretty good in all subjects , but literature appealed my soul. I would sit alone and laugh and mock at the fantasies and romantics, tragedy felt an extension of my own pain, 'Et tu Brute' felt very very personal to me ” .
“ Mark Antony’s speech inspired me in ways that I cannot express. I used to climb on my bed , roll a notebook as a microphone and imagine me addressing the Romans . I still remember every word of that speech.”
“I don’t think there is a single debate or a declamation or an extempore or a story telling competition that I ever lost” after the realization of who my father actually was.
"His abuses ignited such a spark, a burning fire in my heart, to become independent, self-sufficient, so strong and confident that I would never ever need a man. I will never have go through what my Maa went through."
Ram looked at her with such adoration and respect. If there was someone who was a living example of simple living and high thinking it was his wife. Half of the world, his own family would never take Priya seriously. She would come across as stoic , rude middle class girl. Nothing special ,very ordinary. But the strength , courage and fortitude she held within, Ram knew ,understood and respected it like nobody else.
“Come on Priya, let me do the right justice to these poor trophies!!”
“ What do you want to do with them ?"asked Priya anxiously .
“You trust me right ?”
“ Of course I do .”
“Then just tag along .“
Ram took up a big tray, asked Priya to neatly fold a cloth and place it over it.
Priya obeyed his instructions. He then carefully kept all her medals and trophies in the tray. He held the tray firmly in one hand, and gently took Priya’s hand in his other hand, and scurried towards the living room.
He took her before a giant size showcase , the center of attraction of their living room.
He opened the showcase which was filled with his infinite business awards, certificates and honors.
“ Mr. Kapoor, please don’t ...”
“ Why not Priya ?”
“ Mr. Kapoor , you don’t have to.. I mean this is your.. “
“ This is our showcase Priya. These are our achievements. There is no boundary that this is mine and this is yours. Give me the rights to flaunt before the world, that how freaking proud I am to be your husband, how proud I am of your success ”.
Priya’s eyes were moist by now. When had a man ever said that he was proud of her? When was it that anyone made her feel proud of her achievements, when was it that somebody celebrated her victory as their own?
She couldn’t bring herself to give any excuse to stop Ram from doing what he was.
Shubham came back after a party and was baffled to see Ram keeping a ‘Best Teacher Award’ trophy next to his trophy.
“Bhaii. What is wrong with you? You have never let any of us even touch that majestic trophy in the topmost rack. You have never kept any of your own medals next to it. It has always been standing there alone as the king of trophies. Today you are keeping an ordinary trophy next to it ? Seriously bhai, best teacher trophy ? It is looking so weird and out of place."
Priya felt a little embarrassed. The class difference between Sood's and Kapoor's will forever be impossible to bridge. She and her family will always be looked down by the Kapoor's. She will always be a misfit in this family. An unwanted misfit outsider, that is what she was to these smug people. She sometimes wondered how come Ram and Shubham shared the same genes.
She let out a sigh. “ Shubham is right Mr. Kapoor!!”.
Ram didn’t even let her complete her sentence. “ Don’t you dare disrespect teachers and their profession Shubhhu, whatever I am today is because of Dad’s teachings and my teachers. Do you get that? Priya is my wife, everything that is mine is hers too. Is that too difficult to understand?"
“ Whatever ..” smirked Shubham and left.
“Mr. Kapoor, what was Shubham saying, you have never let anyone touch that topmost trophy?"
“Yeah, it’s not a piece of metal Priya, it’s a piece of my heart.”
“ Is it related to Dad?”
“How do you know”? asked Ram .
“ Your eyes sparkle and gleam differently when it is about our Dad Mr. Kapoor."
Ram’s heart skipped a beat, whenever Priya said ‘Our Dad’. Priya was the only person with whom he talked about Dad. She would never exploit his weakness for his father, nor judge his sensitivity and vulnerability. His chest always felt lighter after sharing his memories with Priya. Priya used to listen to his stories with so much inquisitiveness, and gradually his Dad was no longer a stranger for Priya. Priya felt she had known him forever.
“ Dad, gave this to me when I lost the first competition I participated. It was an interschool fancy dress competition. I was dressed up as some famous business man. Dad was sitting in the audience. I just wanted to make him feel proud of me. But as I stood in front of the mighty attentive audience, my legs felt weak and wobbly. I could hardly introduce my name and I almost forgot whom I am dressed up as. Everything around went dark, I think I passed out, for I have no memory of what happened after that. When I woke up, I was in my Dad’s safe arms."
"He kissed my forehead and carried me proudly on his shoulders. He got me my favorite cup cakes and said he was so proud of me."
"I asked him nervously if I disappointed him?"
"He laughed loudly and said , I was a special child, a gifted one. Nothing can ever make him feel disappointed about me. He kept me on such a high pedestal Priya ,that it scared me."
"Had he been angry or upset ,it would have been better, but the fact that he was still proud of me made me guilty.”
"I could barely sleep that night. When I woke up, Dad had kept this trophy next to me, with a beautiful hand written note."
“Do you want to see it Priya?"
Priya's eyes twinkled with excitement. “You still have it ?”
Ram picked up that trophy and from underneath produced a note.
“You know Priya, every time I feel a little nervous before an important deal, I come here and stealthily take out this note and read it, all my nervousness gets vanished. I just confidently crack deals worth crores in just few minutes, because I feel the warmth of Dad’s blessing over my head”.
Priya smelled the note, what an earthy musty old room fragrance it had. She always loved the smell of old papers.
“ The paper was embellished with gorgeous neat handwriting , probably written with a fountain pen”.
The note read-
Dear Ram,
I am proud of the courage you showed by stepping out of your comfort zone and attempt something new.
It can be intimidating, but the adrenaline rush you felt , is the fun and thrill of life..
Today you dressed up as a business man and fumbled on stage, but tomorrow you may become so big, that people may dress up as you and imitate this very incident. You never know...
Life is all about breaking the shackles that bind you, and liberating yourself to a higher self.
This trophy is for that courage. Never let this incident limit your capabilities. Never be afraid of being vulnerable. It is only after failures that success tastes even sweeter. Remember that , you are not defeated when you fall. You are defeated when you refuse to stand up.
Also remember that Dad is always with you and is always proud of you.
Just keep in mind, it is not always an eloquent tongue that matters, but a patient heart that listens.
Patience and love you have in abundance , this is what makes you special my child, and you can conquer the world with this. Trust me on this.
With lots of love,
Dad
Priya couldn’t control her tears on reading this letter. She had an eloquent tongue and Ram had a patient heart. They complemented each other so well.
She didn't know about the world, but it was Ram's patience ,the abundant love in his heart for everybody, even a stranger that won her over.
“ I wish Dad was alive Ram.. She buried her face on his chest and sobbed ”.
“ He is with us Priya and you know what ,he is so proud of his daughter-in-law.” declared Ram while caressing her head.
Priya broke the hug and looked at him innocently like a little girl. “ Really ??”
This was the exact look that would make Ram weak on his knees.
“ Yes, Priya , you would have been the apple of his eyes”.
“Mr. Kapoor , can I ask you something ?”
“ Go ahead.. I am all ears.”
“ You never let even Shubhu or Shivi touch this trophy, what makes you share this space with my ordinary trophy ?"
“ Shubhu and Shivi will never be able to look at this trophy beyond it’s blingy appearance. So I never bothered to share my memories with them. Anyway they think I am an old soul, you know Shubham even calls me a fossil.”
“ A fossil ..??? “ giggled Priya wiping her tears.
“ Yeah, a fossil. I have heard him call me that a couple of times."
“I never kept another trophy or medal next to this one because none could match the purity of this trophy."
“But your Best Teacher Award is not an ordinary trophy Priya, it is a testimony of your fortitude, courage, will power amidst all adversities. The dignity with which you have lived your life is everything my Dad wrote in that note and it is my honor to share this space with you. “
“Just look at these trophies together, it seems my trophy has been forever waiting for your trophy’s company.”
Priya had to admit, the trophies did look good together.
“ Yeah, they do look good together Mr. Kapoor.”
“Just like us, right Priya ?"
Priya blushed.
“ Don’t worry Priya, your medals are safe here and you with me. No one can dare to harm either.”
“I know Mr. Kapoor.” declared Priya confidently.
“ Chalo then. Let’s go out for lunch.”
“ Why??”
“We are going to celebrate our secrets Priya. You shared yours and I shared mine. Let us celebrate our achievements together. Your medals need to be celebrated. Life has been unfair to you , and you to these poor trophies. Let me do some justice.”
Priya smiled. Ram always found reasons to be happy and celebrate. His positivity and child like glee was so attractive and healing. How can Priya not succumb to his innocence?
“ Ok. Chalo let’s get ready quickly , otherwise we will not be able to see your Om and Shanti wala movie.”
“ Oh god Priya !! Prem and Suman it is . Do you get that ??"
“ Ha Ha !! Whatever, they all sound the same to me."
Priya rushed towards their room to change and get ready leaving behind a fuming Ram who was struggling to catch up with her speed.
“Is this dress ok? “enquired Priya after having changed.
“ Beautiful..” declared Ram.
“ Just one thing more. He took her near the mirror and untied her bun and let her silky smooth hair fall across her shoulders. His hands were itching since morning to do it.”
“ Kisi ki nazar na lage “ he mumbled softly.
Priya blushed yet again . That soft husky tone always sent butterflies across her stomach.
“ Chale?? Or else we will get late to that Prem and Anjali..”
“STOOP!! I said stop it. I can’t have you murder their names brutally. You are making fun of them now but I challenge you , you are going to love the movie.”
“ We’ll see.”
“ Yeah, we will. Now come on. He took Priya’s arms in his and declared confidently ,If you don’t like the movie my name isn’t Ram Kapoor.”
“ Hasn’t it already changed to Ram Tissue Kapoor long back?”, Priya gave a wicked smile.
“ You are so mean Priya. Anyway I can always come up with a better name. Huh !!”
With this they left for their lunch date, hand in hand ,bickering all through the way ,as if they have been married forever.
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