Cringe warning: Mujhe pehle sahi laga. 6 baar padhne ke baad delete karne na man kiya. Lekin antar-man ke kehne par rakh liya. Read at your own risk.
(Ye pehli baar dekhar achha aur 3 4 baar firse dekhar usi cheez ka bura ban jaana mere saath hi hota hai ya....?)
~~~
It had been 3 years since the training program started. It had felt like only a few weeks had passed, until a month ago.
Karan came back in his room. It was already late hours of night. But he couldn't sleep. His mind was too occupied for sleep. He walked to his drawer and took out the diary Monami gave him.
He sat on his desk and pulled out a pen from th stand.
Taking a deep breath he began.
14 July, 2024
Aaj firse mujhe need nahi aa rahi. Pichle ek mahine se hi nahi aa rahi. Aankhen band karu, to aisi cheeze dikhti hai jo mere kisi bure sapne jaisi hai, bas fark itna ki vo sapna nahi, sach hai.
Aaj uss baat ko ek mahine ho gaya. Aur aaj bhi academy utni hi sooni-sooni lagti hai. Uss din tujhe bohot kuch batana tha- mujhe Monami se pyaar ho gaya hai mujhe. Lekin usse pehle....sab kuch...
Agar uss din se ab tak mere saath Monami nahi hoti, to pata nahi mai kya karta. Usne jaise meri jaan bacha li. Aur jo 13 June ko hua, uss sabke baad hum sabki- meri, Faizi, Siddhart....sabki himmat ban gayi.
Aur vo Siddhart. Tujhe pata hai...vo aaj tak khudko blame karta karta hai. Bolta hai ki agar har baar ki tarah teri baat sun li hoti, tere nazariye se dekha hota aur tujhe aise peeth na dikhaayi hoti to tu shayad aaj yaha hoti.
Galati uske akele ki nahi hai. Meri bhi hai. Agar tujhse ek baar baat karne ki koshish ki hoti, tujhe sahi galat na batakar pooch liya hota ki tujhe kya sahi lagta hai, to shayad tu kabhi uss din chatt pe jaati hi nahi. Agar ek baar senior nahi, dost bankar dilasa diya hota to....kabhi ye sab hota hi nahi.
Mujhe laga tha ki tujhe jaan chuka hu. Lekin uss din jab...jab Ustaadji bhaagte hue humaare paas aaye aur bataya kya hua, tab para chala ki tujhe ko kabhi samajh hi nahi paaya. Agar samajh chuka hota to tujhe chatt se kadam badhane se pehle hi rok leta.
Uss din laga ki tujhe kho diya. Jaan gale me aa gayi thi. Aur Siddhart? Vo poori tarah toot chuka tha. Aur mai jaanta hu ki vo tujhse kitna pyaar karta tha....karta hai.
Baad me pata chala ki jo hua, vo tujhe kho dene se kam nahi tha. Vo kehte hai na...jab vo karo jisse darr lagta ho, to darr hi khatam ho jaata hai....jhooth kehte hai. Tujhe to kho diya, bas yaade hi hai. Purani baate bhoolne lag gaya hu. Yaad nahi aa raha ki uss din 3 saal pehle...tune kya bola tha....aap humaari....himmat....ya hausla? Darr lag raha hai ki dheere dheere tujhe na bhool jau.
Ek hafte baad tujhse baat ki, tere amma Baapu ko bulaaya aur tu unhe pehchan bhi nahi paayi, to unke aasu dekh kar, unhe toot ta dekh kar bhi kuch nahi kar paaye.
Pehle mission pe khudse vaada kiya tha ki tujhe khudse behtar commando aur insaan banauga. Maine....mujhse vaada toot gaya.
Pehli baar teri aankho me jazbaa aur fakr nahi dekha. Bas tu hume aise dekhti rahi jaise tu hume jaanti tak nahi. Academy se tu jaankar bhi anjaana ho gayi. Tab pata chala ki shayad humne tujhe sach me kho Diya. Tu jab aati hai, toh shabd bas muh me hi reh jaate hai. Hum jo bhi bolenge, tujhe kuch samajh hi nahi aayega.
Socha nahi ki kabhi tera 'sirji' sunne ke liye kaan taras jaayenge.Tere jheengoor aaj bhi tujhe bohot miss karte hai. Tera chirkut? Aaj bhi tera intezaar karta hai. Bas ek baar pehli waali Sanju vaapas aa jaaye, bas ek baar firse tere saath chatt pe ball khelte khelte baat ho jaaye, ek baar firse gym se tere punches ki awaz aaye, ek baar firse teri atrangi dictionary sunne ko mile...mai kuch bhi dene ko taiyaar hu. Tujhe jo karna hai karke, koi kuch nahi bolega. Vo namoone Siddhart se pyaar hai na tujhe? Kar le. Kundan ji se shaadi nahi karni thi na...mat kar. Bas vaapas aa jaa.
Lekin tu ye sab kahan hi padhegi.
comment:
p_commentcount