The credit for the title goes my Nikki. Thanks Niks 😘
Sanjana sat on the terrace alone. It was her getaway spot. Karan always called her the strongest one among them, yet at this point, she wasn't feeling strong. Like not at all. When it was just her father standing between her and her dreams, it was fine. She managed the situation by getting engaged to Kundan ji.
She didn't want to marry Kundan ji. Even talking to him felt like a task, but for her, her duty was her first priority and for that, she was ready to sacrifice even her own self. However everything changed in the past few days. It was that chirkoot who changed everything for her. When she talked to him on the phone, she felt as if she were talking to a close friend who understood her. Talking to him didn't feel tough. It felt natural. But who knew he would land up here in the academy? That's when it all started.
He sent her gifts which made her feel special. She really hated that dress, but the fact that Kundan ji would buy her a pretty dress made her feel special. Then came the earrings. Then the invitation for the date.
Sanjana had never been asked out on a date before and it made her feel both special and nervous. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she liked who she saw. Stunning of course, but also someone who had hopes. The date, the gifts, they all made her feel as if she had hopes of being happy in the future. Hope that she could be both loved and in love.
However, those hopes were dashed the minute she read Kundan ji's card. How could she ever fall in love with a man who was so misogynistic? In her village, everyone was misogynistic and she didn't know guys could be otherwise till she met Karan and Faizi. They showed her what a real man was supposed to be, and Kundan ji wasn't it.
The next minute, Sid entered and Sanjana just lost it. All the happiness and hopes she's felt a few minutes back were all a lie. Sid was a deceiver, and not only that, he was cheating on her roommate because of her. This thought made her feel so terrible, and so incredibly guilty for feeling special a few minutes ago that she almost choked the life out of him.
Karan understood her pain and punished Sid his way. When Monami revealed they weren't engaged, Sanjana's hatred for him dropped down a bar. He wasn't a cheater but he was someone who made a joke out of everything. She tried to hate him, but then Monami just made her feel guilty for locking him up. Looking at him at that condition made her feel bad and she asked him to leave for his own good, but he stayed like a chirkoot.
She felt guilty when she saw him so severely dehydrated. Even more so, when she saw him collapse. Monami thought she was just feeling guilty, but she didn't know how breathless she was seeing him that way. This happened because of her and she couldn't help but wonder if she'd overreacted. Guilt and confusion were coursing through her vein. But she sighed in relief when he gained consciousness. She thanked God that he was alive.
But her relief was short-lived. Batra sir was disappointed with them. Then Karan got suspended. Guilt was literally choking her. She wanted to cry and shout but she couldn't. She didn't have enough air in her lungs to do that. Everything was happening right in front of her eyes and she couldn't do anything.
Sid had the audacity to come and talk to her in this condition. How could she think of love or for that matter, even herself when Karan was getting suspended. It was all because of him. And because of her. Perhaps she didn't even deserve happiness.
She wasn't strong. The truth was she was scared. Terrified. She was about to lose her friend, her mentor, her entire support system. And the whole thing was her fault.
At that moment Sid walked to the terrace and sat beside her. Sanjana was shocked to see him.
"Chirkoot? Tu gayo nahi?" Sanjana asked.
"Tum itni upset ho toh main tumhe chodke kaise jaa sakta hu." Sid smiled.
"Je sab teri wajah se ho raho hai. Na tu aata aur na Karan Sirji ko suspension milto. Hum teri tarah nahi hai. Sirf khud ka nahi sochte. Je academy, humari duty humara dharm ho. Karan Sirji humari wajah se suspend hoyo aur woh Rawat Sirji ne hume bana rakha hai enquiry ka assistant. Dimaag kaam na kar raho. Itni gandi waali feeling aa raho. Pachtawa ho raho hai. Woh humare liye kiye yeh sab. Aur iske chakkar mein woh suspend hogo. Agar Sirji ne sachhi apni wardi kho di toh hum kabho ke laane sheeshe mein khud ki shakal na dekh payenge." Sanjana broke down.
"Sanju, isme tumhari galti nahi thi. Sab meri galti thi. Trust me, Karan ko kuch nahi hoga." Sid said.
"Promise?" Sanjana asked.
"Sid G ka promise."
Sanjana wiped her tears and smiled. She leaned a little bit towards Sid but he was gone. It was just her imagination, but somehow she just felt a sense of relief wash over her.
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