Asking for some personal advise. - Page 2

Originally posted by: AwaamKiJaan

Parents don't force me but they would still suffer taunts from relatives which would make me feel guilty. 

My friends and cousins... older, younger and even of my age have got or are getting confirmed. So yeah...it is a pressure, not direct but in an indirect way it is. 

Well that's where I differ then. All my life I've been critical of God and religion. Getting confirmed would make feel like an opportunist and a hypocrite. And I would care even if nobody does. Like I would loose respect for myself if I do it. 

If I were in your place, I would put my family's happiness above mine and for their sake get done with the ritual.

I would have to answer to my conscience later - you are right. But I would tell myself that I chose to prioritize my family's well-being and mental peace over my ego. And I can live with that.

Originally posted by: AwaamKiJaan

Parents don't force me but they would still suffer taunts from relatives which would make me feel guilty. 

My friends and cousins... older, younger and even of my age have got or are getting confirmed. So yeah...it is a pressure, not direct but in an indirect way it is. 

Well that's where I differ then. All my life I've been critical of God and religion. Getting confirmed would make feel like an opportunist and a hypocrite. And I would care even if nobody does. Like I would loose respect for myself if I do it. 

Then do u really think ur life will be more easier with guilt conscience , no self respect , being hypocrite n opportunist in ur own words . if ur parents are understanding , sit with them n tell ur decision n they will support , don’t worry about unnecessary things like relatives taunts , guilt trip by them etc…

Originally posted by: AwaamKiJaan

It would be necessary when I would have to get married. 

There are somethings we have to do just for the sake of it and to save our family from brickbats.....There is a ritual in Hindu marriage called Kanyadaan....where the parents hand over their girl to the groom....I asked my Dad not to do Kanyadaan....because I was not his property that could give as a daan to anyone....so he said that the marriage won't be considered complete without it...and I said...then I won't get married and he said that people will say that since you are educated and having a good job....people will blame us that we are not getting you married because we want to keep your money....so that was it.....I loved my parents too much to let them hear anything just because I didn't believe in a ritual...Kanyadaan personally meant nothing to me...but I still went through it...does it make me a hypocrite...I don't think so...and even if it does....I would prefer to be called a hypocrite rather than getting my parents hurt....just my 2 cents on this situation.....for me no ritual in the world is more important than the people I love...For me more important is what I believe in my heart...

Originally posted by: AwaamKiJaan

I belong to a Christian family but I don't "really" believe in God and it's been years I've went to Church. 

I just don't buy their ideologies and teachings. Ideally I shouldn't take confirmation, because if I take it then it means I'm confirming my faith in God, Jesus and the holy spirit. 

Something which I obviously lack, but I live in a community where taking confirmation is a ritual. Those who have never been to church also take it. My family wants me to take it but they are not really forcing me to do so. 

So I'm not in a pressure. But still I feel like a hypocrite when I have to fill the mandatory religion column while filling up any form. I don't know if I'm even ready to openly call myself an atheist. Living in India, you always have to associate to a religion to belong in a society. 

Usually people take Confirmation in their teenage years and I don't want to tell my real age. Par baat yahi hain ki meri umar ab dhal rahi hain.

So it's time for me to take a decision. Should I take confirmation even if I lack faith? Do you think it's right? I don't think it's right but my life would be much more easier if I pretend to be a religious person even if I'm not.

U think you should. 

U don't want your family to suffer or ur kids to suffer cos of ur beliefs.

Secondly would U be buried in cementry if u discard the rituals.

I'm RC..so aware of all the ritual.  I'm not a church goer(im lazy) as such but I do believe in God. 

I think you should ask yourself if you dislike that community or actively want to leave that community. If the answer is no, do the confirmation and forget about it. You should be kinder to yourself! Taking confirmation wouldn’t make you a hypocrite. Everyday we do things because it’s expected or it makes other people happy etc we might not do if it were just up to us. I don’t think that makes us all hypocrites - it’s absolutely necessary to be part of society. Hypocrisy to me is more when your motivation is wrong and selfish and you judge others harshly for what you do whenever it suits you. This doesn’t sound like that to me. 

I think maybe I am missing something about benefits or protections for Christians in India? If so I also wouldn’t judge yourself harshly about that either if that is not what’s really motivating you to take confirmation. If you know that is not the main reason but rather for the sake of your family, your future marriage and children’s place in society then I say swallow your pride and do it. 

just take the confirmation and make your life easy even if u dont fully believe or follow thats ur personal choice 

I am a Hindu. I visit temples during the festivals but when I see the idols, they just look like some statues to me but still I fold my hands and pray in front of them because I feel there's nothing wrong in doing that. On Ganesh Chaturthi I do fasting even though I don't have that love and devotion for God but still I fast because I think it would be good for my health. There are lot of things that we have to do even if we don't feel like doing if there's nothing wrong in doing them.

If u think the confirmation will benefit u in some way u take it even if u don't believe in God. U do it for yourself and ur parents.  That's my suggestion. 

Thank you everyone for your feedback.❤️

This is a really difficult decision for me. 

I understand that we do some rituals in our daily life even if we don't believe in it, to be a part of the society. 

But this ritual of confirmation is about me accepting my faith in God. If I do it half-heartedly then I would also feel like I'm disrespecting it. Because the ritual itself is not bad or regressive. It's supposed to have a meaning behind it. 

I don't think I deserve to take it, but as some people said, there are are some things we have to do for the sake of our family and myself.

I don't want to get confirmed to take any Christian privileges from government. I don't think there are any special privileges only for Christians provided by government, and if there are any I don't know about it. 

Originally posted by: Lord_Voldemort

Your family isn't forcing you, so why bother? 

But if you believe it would make your life easier, you can do it even if you don't believe in it. Who cares!

Not really an analogy, but let me give an example. 

I don't believe in standing up for the national anthem. If it's playing on TV, I would continue laying on the couch and not move an inch. But if it's playing in a cinema hall, I feel compelled to stand up because I don't want to attract unwanted attention. Does that make me a hypocrite? May be. Do I care? Not really.

@bold.. it’s illegal I guess, you don’t have an option 😆

Though as far as I have read the law is ambiguous…