'NO' is an Option ---Discuss

Just opening up an interesting thread of thoughts and discussion :)

"KYUN JHAT-PHAT SHAADI?"

The inspiring motto of our show  - 'Why marry in a jiffy?' through which our head-strong, smart and brave FL Mishti puts forth a request for marital courtship for a chance to get to know and understand her prospective life-partner. 

And through her journey, we are made to remember that 'NO' is an option'! For the right reasons, Mishti herself calls her rishta with Kunal off on the goddhana day. Ofcourse she took the time to contemplate how she felt about him, what affects it will have on the family and ultimately the consequences for both Kunal and herself IF they went ahead with the rishta. 

HOWEVER; my question/concern is this ---

Feel free to WATCH this scene again (as reference) :

https://www.instagram.com/p/CHZp-WehwtQ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

By the END of the track, we learn the importance of respecting and utilising the 'OPTION' of 'NO'.

BUT, even in this scene above; Mishti says "Nah kehne ki koi vaje nahi hai". The fact that when Mishti is once again feeling the pressure of saying an answer to Meenakshi (with limited marital courtship), she feels that if she doesn't have a valid reason to say 'no'. Then she will be obligated to say 'yes' even though she is still uncertain about the whole rishta. 

In the end, Mishti does voice her opinion that she is breaking off the rishta, because she doesn't think they are compatible. However even in the scene above, she still feels unconvinced by the vibe she has with Kunal, yet she feels compelled to say 'yes' to Meenakshi because she doesn't have a proper reason.

Kyu? Is it necessary for her to spell out a proper reason to say 'no', why isn't her apprehension enough to say she isn't ready? Why can't she ask for more time?

So my question/concern to you all forum waasis - 

"Why did Mishti feel the need/pressure to say 'yes' to godhhana even when she was still unsure?"

How would you handle her situation?

-Is it practical to explain your dilemma and ask for more time?

-Is it accepted for a girl to say, she is not ready for this rishta yet & doesn't feel a connection with him?

Please share your thoughts, I would love to hear what you all think and what you all would do:

😊😊

xxx

Mishti succumb to BM wishes . And there was no reason to say no but there should be a reason to say yes like love and mutual understanding which she and abir has. Now a days as well in our society parents pressure their daughter if there is a match from well respected family or if the person is earning good. A guy is measured as per his family and earning but not his thought and behavior . And the Pre-martial courtship focuses on that. And yes no is the option for everyone.

My personal experience - they always wanted some kind of reason for the "no", but my parents did accept it when I said I just wasn't comfortable. Situation was different because I was in the US meeting these guys my parents said to, and they were in India. When I met my husband, I didn't have a reason to say no but I didn't want to decide in a hurry (I guess I wanted that courtship period), but when I said I wanted some time before I said yes, my dad was mad. Had to talk him down, but had already discussed this and both of us were firm so we got a little time (not as much as I wanted, but still...). 

I think the problem is that there is a natural reluctance with the change of state, and parents don't always know when it is just that natural fear and when it is something else, so they push if there is no concrete reason to say no. Also probably why Mishti finally said yes too. Hard to know when you're waffling because you're scared, and when you're doing that because you have a reason.

How would you handle her situation?

-Is it practical to explain your dilemma and ask for more time?

-Is it accepted for a girl to say, she is not ready for this rishta yet & doesn't feel a connection with him?

1) Yes, Mishti should or could have said she needs some more time to decide and that request would be valid as she wasn’t yet sure about Kunal. She could have explained it to her family later that she was still unsure of her equation with Kunal. But she got pressured by BM’s expectant look, by remembering the society aunties’ nasty comments about Kunal carrying her out of the burning building (most ridiculous taunts I’ve ever heard when a guy rescues a girl like that where do people find gossip in that? )

Somewhere I think Abir’s words influenced her too as she didn’t understand the hidden meaning in his rhetorical question.

2) In today’s world I would think it should be acceptable if a girl says she isn’t ready for the Rishta and doesn’t feel a connection to the boy! But I don’t know how the situation is in a traditional family with backward mentality. Probably if the boy is rich and good looking, from a “good” family then the girl is supposed to jump at the proposal and say Yes. Probably her parents would be shocked if she says No to a Rishta like that. I guess nothing has really changed in last 3 decades. But in more enlightened families with modern outlook, girls do have the option to say no even if Prince Charming is the proposed groom. 

Originally posted by: lovelycolour

Mishti succumb to BM wishes . And there was no reason to say no but there should be a reason to say yes like love and mutual understanding which she and abir has. Now a days as well in our society parents pressure their daughter if there is a match from well respected family or if the person is earning good. A guy is measured as per his family and earning but not his thought and behavior . And the Pre-martial courtship focuses on that. And yes no is the option for everyone.

Thanks for replying

@Bold: that's a beautiful way to counteract this issue👏 "There should be a reason to say yes"

Glad this show did highlight this notion that saying 'no' whether it be from the girl or boys side should be equally respected as an option. 

Originally posted by: angelfire78

My personal experience - they always wanted some kind of reason for the "no", but my parents did accept it when I said I just wasn't comfortable. Situation was different because I was in the US meeting these guys my parents said to, and they were in India. When I met my husband, I didn't have a reason to say no but I didn't want to decide in a hurry (I guess I wanted that courtship period), but when I said I wanted some time before I said yes, my dad was mad. Had to talk him down, but had already discussed this and both of us were firm so we got a little time (not as much as I wanted, but still...). 

I think the problem is that there is a natural reluctance with the change of state, and parents don't always know when it is just that natural fear and when it is something else, so they push if there is no concrete reason to say no. Also probably why Mishti finally said yes too. Hard to know when you're waffling because you're scared, and when you're doing that because you have a reason.

Hi daya😊 thanks for replying n sharing your experience too.

Kudos to your supporting parents👏

Yes, I totally understand that uncertainty and fear to make a decision. A very strange and tricky situation to be in. I feel it is very important for you to feel comfortable with yourself, your decision and your vibe with the partner, and without that feeling of comfort, it's not easy nor right to make a decision, like you said in a hurry. 

I know the show eventually highlighted the idea that 'no' is an option even if it is declared by the girl, it should be respected. But I do wish they also gave more importance in the courtship phase, to actually giving Mishti and Kunal a better chance and more time to make a more informed decision, rather than everything going in haste (but i guess real life mein, nothing ever goes in the pace you expect or want it to, so we have to keep up😆)

Originally posted by: pallavi25

How would you handle her situation?

-Is it practical to explain your dilemma and ask for more time?

-Is it accepted for a girl to say, she is not ready for this rishta yet & doesn't feel a connection with him?

1) Yes, Mishti should or could have said she needs some more time to decide and that request would be valid as she wasn’t yet sure about Kunal. She could have explained it to her family later that she was still unsure of her equation with Kunal. But she got pressured by BM’s expectant look, by remembering the society aunties’ nasty comments about Kunal carrying her out of the burning building (most ridiculous taunts I’ve ever heard when a guy rescues a girl like that where do people find gossip in that? )

Somewhere I think Abir’s words influenced her too as she didn’t understand the hidden meaning in his rhetorical question.

2) In today’s world I would think it should be acceptable if a girl says she isn’t ready for the Rishta and doesn’t feel a connection to the boy! But I don’t know how the situation is in a traditional family with backward mentality. Probably if the boy is rich and good looking, from a “good” family then the girl is supposed to jump at the proposal and say Yes. Probably her parents would be shocked if she says No to a Rishta like that. I guess nothing has really changed in last 3 decades. But in more enlightened families with modern outlook, girls do have the option to say no even if Prince Charming is the proposed groom. 

Morning Pallavi😊

Thanks for replying with your thoughts.

1. Yes I completely agree, Mishti has always felt the pressure and need to fulfil expectations because of her inferiority complex and insecurity of letting BM and BP down. I wish she really did take extra time to come to a proper decision, kyunki she was still so confused, unsure and stressed on her godhana day, that is not a nice feeling on such a special day of your life. 

2. Absolutely agree👍🏼

So my question/concern to you all forum waasis - 

"Why did Mishti feel the need/pressure to say 'yes' to godhhana even when she was still unsure?"

Haven't reached here in our recent re-watch but if i remember it was becuase she had already taken a lot of time and kunal had clearly said he doesn't need more time. Also, abir said to her that there is no reason to say no. maybe thats why.

How would you handle her situation?

-Is it practical to explain your dilemma and ask for more time?

Yes, why won't it be? But it has to be reasonable. It will be unfair to hold a guy and his family just because you need 'more time'. there has to be a valid reason and sensible amount of time.

-Is it accepted for a girl to say, she is not ready for this rishta yet & doesn't feel a connection with him?

I think a girl can definitely say she is not ready for a rishta yet, but the reason that there is 'no connection', is hard to buy. And i am talking about real life. A couple years ago my cousin sister was at this stage and she got a chance to meet guys (they didn't call it courtship) but our family and the familes of few boys she met were liberal enough to allow that. However, whenever it didnt work, the reasons expected were boy's bad character,if he's a liar, if the guy is a die-hard drunkard or has no career plans. Seldom it was about their thoughts not matching too. But I dont think, a reason like 'no connection' would ever be bought by either sides. So yeah, i think you can't call off a rishta for a reason like that. just my opinion.

My answers in blue above 😊

Most relevant question..!

1) Unsure Mishti..!

Yeah..all events starting from namans blackmailing , holi party fiasco and the accident scenario did panic BM and her fear was projecting out in the form of securing Mishti''s life by marrying her off to a person she thought was capable of warding off Naman..

She even wanted Mishti to forgo her demand for courtship..

All this definitely pressurised Mishti to succumb into her BM's wishes..

Her hesitation was clearly based on the lack of communication she had with Kunal and the ease of communication she had with Abir.. even though she couldn't pinpoint that at that point.

As Pallu said it's ridiculous for ppl to gossip if a guy saves a girl from the fire..

Imagine Abir doing that ..

Rishtha swap again..🤣

2)

Yeah..in every cases it should be done taking time ...and often hasty marriages run into lots of troubles due to mu's..

Of course meeting in person with the intented might be discouraged by certain orthodox families but now there are many ways to get to know a person.. of course online persona will be different from offline persona...still if there is any red flags it can be spotted..

It's a general phenomenon that once  the talks of alliance begins girls parents are putting themselves under immense pressure and that is projected to their kids ...

3) I feel one should take time to know a person and it's okay to say No at goddhana , after goddhana, before marriage and after marriage too..😆if you have genuine reasons.

-Is it practical to explain your dilemma and ask for more time?

-Is it accepted for a girl to say, she is not ready for this rishta yet & doesn't feel a connection with him?

Hola nandu🤗 bang on ! **is it an obligation to say yes if we don't have a reason to say no ?** well ..the lines are quite blurry here ....

interesting topic and discussions going on here ...chalo let me also give my 2 cents 😆

First I start with mishti's thing here , I find the whole kunal's rishta for mishti thing extremely stupid and out of logic to begin with 🤣 

1. Forget marriage , I wouldn't even say yes to a guy whose family just rejected my sister and instead chose me ...are we sisters some commodities or local trains haan  ke ek pasand nahi aayi toh aap dusri le lo 😆 This very insulting gesture by meenu was enough for mishti to say no  ..she should have said no .. for herself and for kuhu ....simple as that !

2. Coming to BM thinking  mishti should get married to a guy who can be a bodyguard to her and save her from naman 🤣🤣 she thought its kunal who saved mish and got desperate ...first of all BM ji , you don't even share naman's truth with rajvanshs and then expect  mishti's would be husband to save her 24*7 ....#RipLogics 🤣 Also if you want to save your daughter...please teach her some self defense or rather arrange a security for her , file a police complaint against naman and sort it out yourself...why to expect your daughter to get married for all the mess to be cleaned  

Yes mishti wasn't sure about kunal but since she didn't have anything concrete against him , she went for a yes...

 ..also I feel mishti didn't really give any concrete thought too , it was after chasma incident she started noticing the red flags and by the GD time , she made her decision....too late par theek hai ladki ne sahi decision toh le liya for herself and for kunal ...and if I correctly remember kunal was also ready to break off the rishta...the bottom line here being both of them  were not ready for a relationship and it was very clear they were not interested in each other at all and were just doing all this because of family and societal pressures 😆 Varna phone toh hai na unke pass ..jaanna hota toh phone pe batein karte.   agar date spoil hui toh  😆 Instead ....one was  spending time and taking advices from abir and other one appearing to be more  relaxed with kuhu 😆 the urge to know each other and spend time with each other comes from within and mish- nal clearly had no urge to know each other 😆 Thodi bohot koshish kar lete the out of formality 😆

So coming to your main question here , no , there is nothing wrong in  explaining your dilemma and buying some more time , however since families also get involved here and it's not a simple girl boy meet and date stuff 😆 so one has to also specify the amount of time and you just can't keep the other one hanging and waiting for a long time too ! 

And yes if the girl comes up with a feeling that she dosent feel the connection and it's not gonna work for whatever reasons then her opinions has to be heard n accepted... the acceptance comes easy for some 😳 And extremely difficult for some 

Rishta talks are always sensitive and come with a *handle with care * caution 😃

And if I personally mention 😆 Rishta talks are going on in my house...I know bohot papad belne padte hai to convince my parents that your definition  of a *good * guy is not fitting in my dictionary and hence it's a no from my side 😆 Although I feel if its just left to me , I wouldn't be 100% sure anyday 😆😆  but overall I am quite lucky to have understanding family for the most part so no issues 😆