It seems that a lot of people are unhappy with the way the character of Anupamaa is shaping up. Apparently, just because we live in a modern society it must follow from that everyone should be able to speak up and out loud in challenging situations like faced by Anupamaa. I am sorry, but this is nonsense.
First of all, Anupamaa is almost a middle-aged woman who perhaps had gotten married earlier than she intended. She left her education and pursued a family life. All of this has most likely happened at a time when women did not feel they could cross the threshold for their household, pursue a career, raise their voice against their husband and so on. Just because these women live to see a different world brought on by modernity, it does not mean that these women can suddenly feel that they can discard their entire lived experience. It is not easy to forgo years of believing and behaving in a particular way. There is a saying - old habits die hard. Even though as a human being we are constantly in change and becoming, this is not always clear to us. It can take years for many of us to become a different person, especially if we have spent years and years being in a particular way. Remember, behavioural psychology says if you repeat something long enough you can condition yourself just like a lab rat. Anupamaa maybe, to put in Hindi terms, “Adat se majboor”. But this is only my interpretation of her. Another point to consider is that the show has indeed been created and represented in modern time, but the story is of a woman connected to her past. Certainly, the past is no more and we ought to focus on our present. We all know how difficult this can be. It’s hard to forget a lot of aspect of our existence - some things we cannot forget like we can’t forget the colour blue. Like Anupamaa, there are still so many women out there that face similar struggles. There are still millions of women in Asia who do not even make a sound in their own home. Absolutely no one here can come forward and say that Anupamaa is a reality of the past and not now. It is still a reality, at least for me. At the face of facts like women today speak up, they pursue a career along with many other things, I will not put down women of the past still living in the present nor call them a loser for not being like women today.
I read elsewhere that Anupamaa’s lack of courage to stand up for herself ranks her as a loser. This is truly harsh. For whoever said that just because you do not stand up for yourself you do not know your value. I have been bullied all throughout my primary and secondary school and even after leaving high school 10 years behind, to date I still get people shouting abuses to me on the street. Yes, I can stand up for myself if I want. Then, I am sure we have all noticed that when one dog barks at another all it gets is the same. It is not always important to give someone the taste of their own medicine. Also, it is up to the individual to deem what seems best to them in a given situation. Most of you cannot digest that Anupamaa’s kids shout at her and this is disrespectful. Once again, I am sorry. But is there anyone here who has absolutely never ever spoken to their parents in a disrespectful manner? I will not lie. I am guilty and I will not be surprised if you are too. Every parent has their own way of dealing with their relationship with their child. Choosing to not retaliate does not make her a loser. She will know when her children need a slap, so far that moment hasn’t come for her. Some people have said that it is so illogical and nonsense that her kids are embarrassed of her. As kids there are many things we children feel embarrassed about our parents. Particularly those of us who live in western societies with parents still in touch with their culture entirely. My mum has eaten Paan (betel nut) all her life and she continues to do so and she eats it no matter where she is. When I was younger, I had moments where people made fun of me and my mother because of it. Frankly, it did make me feel bad. Of course, as I got older I realised that I was young and that I only ended up feeling this way because I’m in a country far away from Bangladesh where it is all normal. If I can feel this way in England, then someone can feel this way in India. Kids do feel embarrassed by their parents and a lot of kids are open about it with their parents. But this does not mean when the time comes that the same child will not serve its parents their due. Further, there are so many horrific stories we hear of nowadays about parents and children. It is far more worse for a parent to be kicked out of their home than hearing that their children is a little embarrassed that they are not modern enough.
I have noticed over the years that as a human being we are always in a hurry, be it when we are conversing, travelling, working and etc. When Anupamaa is being told off by these various people, I don’t see her as being a coward. I see her as this person truly absorbing what is being said. She is busy listening and acknowledging her own feeling in that moment, why should she focus on fighting a battle. The damage is already done, she has already been insulted. Her standing up for herself will not change how she feels or has already felt.
I have a lot more to say, but I will save some of my thoughts for a later post. But I do want to say this...
As we can always see that Anupamaa may not hold a degree or a career, but she is educated when it comes to cooking, running a household, maintaining relationships, etc. She does not know how to speak English entirely, but she knows Hindi and Gujarati. She is aware that times have changed since she got married and is accepting. She does speak up when she wants to and it is not loud. She does show courage to go against others when she feels it is reasonable to do so. Anupamaa is an aware, conscious, being who is capable of making her own judgements. She is a lady who was perhaps a victim of culture that led her to being married before she could realise her potentiality. None of us can deny the sweet, open-minded, encouraging, loving person Anupamaa is. She does not be loud nor does she need to slap her kids to establish her worth. We can still see that Anupamaa has potential and because we live in a modern society, she actually has a chance to live a totality of possibilities. All of us need to grow to face life head-on and this growth never happens overnight. How can we then expect Anupamaa to? It may only be a TV show, but you have to imagine that Anupamaa is a real character. Real people don’t suddenly go from being shy and docile to being the complete opposite. It takes time.
Patience is a virtue and I think Anupamaa knows this. She is not like many of us quick to judge and decide there and then.
To finish off, Anupamaa is not a loser. You just cannot digest the fact that women like Anupamaa is still a reality of our time today.
Thank you for reading.
The Philosopher.
comment:
p_commentcount