The Roles in a Marriage

This episode wasn't quite where I was expecting the story to go, but chalo I'll play along😆

Babita surprised me by actually ending up blurting the truth of the fact that she avoided HS last night cuz she isn't comfortable with the new rishte and new things take her time to adjust to. We are expected at this point to not question why she agreed to get married if she didn't feel ready to take on new rishte. Ok😆......

HS didn't question this point either....because he is in supportive husband mode who wants to overcompensate right now😆.....so very nicely, swallowing his hurt as always, he tells her it's all good ji.....take your own sweet time ji😆.....Mahaan Hanuman alert😆.  Jokes apart, it was nice that he still atleast questioned why she lied needlessly....and asked that atleast they maintain honesty b/w them if nothing else.  

Barring the line about honesty, this didn't feel like HS as his real self....this is HS placating Babita....this is the HS who can't bear Babita's tears or seeing her in pain so he suppresses all his own emotions, human feelings, reactions to constantly acquiesce to whatever she asks for......he's playing a role....rather than being himself. 

Babita then decided to do some role playing of her own as seva karne waali wife😆....which is why she served special naashta and chai to patidev as he comes back from work.....when she said, "Shaadi ke KUCH toh faayde hone chahiye" 🤣......did she realize the irony behind her own words? LOL so she is trying to compensate for the fact that she can't give him companionship, but can serve him food and bring him a towel? 😆......I guess this is the basic role expected of a wife in society? Seva hi dharm hai......and HS itne mein hi khush ho gaya😆.....

It's just funny to me.....yeh sab toh yeh dono shaadi se pehle bhi kar rahe the....she literally served him food almost every other day....khaana toh mil hi raha tha.....bas towel new hai😆.....iske liye ki shaadi dono ne? Isse achha toh inka HS style live in hi tha😆.....atleast they still talked without playacting and putting on appearances. 

LOL@ Babita telling him she's being honest with him when she tells him she will only eat with Mini.....she is still determinedly keeping him seperate from both of them in the guise of "honesty" and HS is just playing along......this appeasement strategy is also not the way to go IMO. 

And then there's Mini.....adrift in her own way. As expected, Babita guilt-tripped about what the Khuranas must be thinking of her after what she said to them....lol so she doesn't want Mini to go see them so that they don't think of Babita as a bad mom.....lol......and HS again asking that just like him, Mini also blindly agree to everything Babita asks for, anything to give her khushi.....lol

I was hoping for a proper HS-Mini convo first before the ice thaws....but yahaan toh avoid kar ke sab surface normalization mode mein aa gaye hain.....HS has turned the entire focus onto what Babita thinks, what Babita wants.....everything has become about only appeasing Babita.

Today's NB gyaan focused on a different angle....again, she is the voice of the writers....with the way she spoke of Mini internalizing her pain when HS was all upset about Babita being stressed. She took a moment to remind him that he too didn't abandon his flesh and blood despite how much pain they caused his mother, so how can he expect the same from Mini? 

The line of the epi has to be, "Rishton ko ek dusre ke khilaaf mat tol, Hanuman....pata nahin kab kaunsa palda halka pad jaaye".

HS is getting carried away in trying to appease Babita....in a sense, in his own way, he is doing what Mini used to do.....lol trying to make it about himself as some kind of sole protector of Babita against the big bad world.....and in doing so, he's measuring everyone over whether or not they give pain to Babita.....even his very own Veer Balika....that's where he's starting to lose perspective a bit....so it was good that NB reminded him. 

I'm wondering if he's again seeing his mother in Babita and trying to protect Babita because he failed to protect his mother....somewhere there is an overcompensation going on.

They are all definitely struggling in their new roles....and I still feel candid convos are needed rather than these convos that are avoiding the real issues. Until they can all feel free enough to be their real selves with each other, it's just role playing going on here. 

Precap seems like Mini is gonna try stricter measures with Babita since Babita insists on escapism....so since HS is probably sleeping out in the hall again, I guess it will be back to midnight convos for HB? 😆

Just a few more thoughts to add....

I'm not sure if it's building towards a larger point to address marital issues or this status quo is supposed to be considered in-character, but there is a disconnect in how HB are being presented in the post shaadi epis. 

Till a few days before the shaadi, both Babita and Hanuman were using words like "pyaar" and all to describe their emotions for each other......cut to two days after shaadi, suddenly "pyar" means only serving samosa chai, khaana....no mil ke baithna, mann ki baatein karna? 

When Babita says she needs time, the implication is that she needs time to adjust to intimacy.....that's understandable....but when you claim to "love" someone, how do you behave in such a polite, casual manner? There is nothing in either of their body language to indicate love right now.....love means atleast a basic level of affection towards each other....through the eyes, through body language.....HS ki aakhon mein phir bhi dikhta hai....but it's totally absent from Babita's body language. 

And no one in the story is even pointing out this disconnect....instead it's been twisted into ppl presuming Mini is a third wheel who isn't letting HB get close.....but to me, it's HB themselves who are behaving weirdly....Mini has nothing to do with this.....on a fundamental level only, there is a disconnect in body language.....unless some convo or something is put in to address this, it's going to linger as a disconnect. 

Babita has fed and served ppl all her life, so she's doing the same with HS as well but the point remains that she was doing all this before shaadi also....so how does any of this reflect "love"? Call it a duty then.....because that's how they are behaving towards each other....like polite strangers completing duty....there is no sense of a unit b/w them.....Babita tries to avoid him while he tries to overcompensate and agree with everything she says. 

Any person would ask them why they got married then.....did they just want the legal label to be able to live together in the house "legitimately"? 

Also, the way everyone moved on from the CD incident adds to the disconnect.....without resolution, is level tak normal ho gaye sab.....Babita got to retreat into her comfort zone and avoid reality again....toh it just makes you wonder where this is going. 

In the precap, Mini is throwing HB together again....but how will that change anything if Babita has already established that she wants to remain distant and HS has agreed as well? 

Even if ppl have complicated marriages, you have to show atleast some semblance of that internal struggle to keep the storyline connect going. The writers dropped that ball again today. 

Babita is being Babita... In hercall life Babita have just done seva..and even now she I am doing the same..this is the same old 18 yr babita bmwho got married... Hanita did got married earlier bit both had different kind of marriage... 

Babita thinks ki marriage ke baas u have to be all lovey dovey.. And she thought HS will also expect that but when she said the truth he did understood her so she again did what she is used to seva... Here we can see  HS spiral theory...when Babita came for the first time as tenant she offered him tea for the first time.. And after marriage also same but only difference is the equation... Then she was a tenant and now landlord and wife... 

And on her whole life if she have ever discussed her problem with anyone other than Minni is HS..i don't think she have ever spoken to any man like how she have done with HS... But at that the he was a landlord but now he is here husband so again the equation has changed this is what is making her to hesitate... 

I dint like when he asked her to sit and have pakoda with him she just denied that she will have them with Minni... At least khati nahi but baith jaati he would have felt nice... But again that what is Babita not used to and that's why she can't make such gesture to ease him... Seekh jayegi... Jaise udna seekha tha... 

For some ppl it's takes time to open up even if they love their partner.. 

Regarding Minni I feel hanita should not force her for anything... 

Originally posted by: porankisrilata

I dint like when he asked her to sit and have pakoda with him she just denied that she will have them with Minni... At least khati nahi but baith jaati he would have felt nice... But again that what is Babita not used to and that's why she can't make such gesture to ease him... Seekh jayegi... Jaise udna seekha tha... 

For some ppl it's takes time to open up even if they love their partner.. 

Regarding Minni I feel hanita should not force her for anything... 

See, I don't think that was about Babita being Babita....even though the writers are trying to chalk it up to that......Babita is emotionally stunted, repressed, bitter, many things.....but when she cares, she shows it. 

Aur ismein seekhna kya hai? Did Babita ask ki use koi sikhaaye? Did HS offer to sikhaao? Affection mann se aati hai.....you shouldn't have to be compelled to show it.....if it's in you, it will display in some form.....if she has to be told to do things for him, then the whole point is lost. 

The other point is that no one is seeing anything wrong with her behavior......HS ko bas pakode aur gur mil gaya, toh he managed to find contentment in that only.....if he or anyone is expecting ki aise hi chalne do toh automatically Babita seekh jaayegi, that's also not gonna work. 

To solve a problem, it needs to be admitted first....yahaan toh Babita ki problem ko na hi theek se diagnose kiya jaa raha hai, na hi resolve. 

And what is there to open up? She has had such long conversations with him for so long.....she was the one who first made the offer to want to marry him.....so that just doesn't connect with how she is behaving right now....no matter what kind of marriage she had before....HS was a true confidante and friend to her for so long....now she's not even giving him that much regard.  Few months back tak toh she was removing thorns from his feet......today she can't even sit in the same space as him for two minutes......

Ya toh writers clearly dikhaayein that her problem is actual intimacy....but here toh she doesn't even want to continue the basic friendship they used to have.....that's weird. 

And yes, I did not like the way HB forced Mini and basically ordered her to not go see her grandparents.....reason was also flimsy.....usually HS achhe se samjhaata tha mother-daughter ko to make them see reason....now he's just blindly agreeing with Babita on everything and expecting Mini to do the same......

And I'll just add one thing.....seekhne ke liye saamne waale insaan ko dekhna, padhna aana chahiye. 

HS's hurt shows clearly on his face each time she shuns him....even if she is too scared to open up, the writers should atleast show a LITTLE moment of discomfort on her face for hurting him, even if she can't help her reactions.....but even that isn't taken care of. 

With the jhumka incident, there was atleast some level of follow up in the story....they showed that HS himself was avoiding her for a bit until Mini cajoled him to come back.....but this time, Babita's behavior is getting a total free pass from HS and he's not shown even thinking a little about how Babita is behaving....

If they are back in landlord-renter mode, they might as well call each other that....why the farce of pretending they are husband-wife? lol 

Oh and I’ve been finding this weird since yesterday but precap reminded me again....Babita seems to feel no sense of awkwardness ki what would her daughter think about the state of this marriage when she sees her mom still sleeping upstairs with her 😕

Or is she just presuming that Mini would be happy as long as her Babes is with her and not care about how this shaadi goes? 😕😆

Even for the usual levels of childishness the writers try to dump on Babita, this is quite the stretch. Whatever Babita feels on her own level about needing time, why make such a spectacle out of it in front of your grown daughter? Instead of managing it between herself and HS, now Babita has made it a public thing. 

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Oh and I’ve been finding this weird since yesterday but precap reminded me again....Babita seems to feel no sense of awkwardness ki what would her daughter think about the state of this marriage when she sees her mom still sleeping upstairs with her 😕

Or is she just presuming that Mini would be happy as long as her Babes is with her and not care about how this shaadi goes? 😕😆

Even for the usual levels of childishness the writers try to dump on Babita, this is quite the stretch. Whatever Babita feels on her own level about needing time, why make such a spectacle out of it in front of your grown daughter? Instead of managing it between herself and HS, now Babita has made it a public thing. 

This is what I don't understand either. Babita can need all the time in the world, but why is she getting Minnie involved in all this by sleeping with her. Thats quite awkward for Minnie as well. She's 17, obviously she knows what marriage entails, and to see her newly married mom sleep with her, she sure knows somethings up. Babita should keep this just between her and HS. Ek hi bed mein sojate toh kya farak padna hai... its not like HS is gonna touch her or anything if she doesn't wanna be touched . They are both adults and can control themselves lol. Maintain a safe distance and sleep in the same damn bed. Agar yeh nahi karenge toh how will they form that comfort level. 

P.S. I am glad Minnie kicked her out of her room 😆

Edited by LoveInAutumn26 - 4 years ago

Come to think of it, how is Babita able to even resist when she has such a hot man? Ab yese kabtak paisi rehna hai 🤣

Edited by LoveInAutumn26 - 4 years ago

Originally posted by: LoveInAutumn26

Also, how is Babita able to even resist when she has such a hot man? Ab yese kabtak paisi rehna hai 🤣

This is a million dollar question..For all their so called realistic approach this is the most unrealistic thing I find in the show. How , I mean how is it possible  to be not affected by him? 

            I understand all her  fears but  how do you ignore/ resist your own physical needs? Even rishi/ muni could not do it. 

HS  clearly shows attraction in his body language,  and affection in eyes. He is just waiting for her consent. But Babitha's body language and eyes neither show attraction nor affection for him . Then why on earth she decided to marry him?  .

                

Originally posted by: porankisrilata

Babita is being Babita... In hercall life Babita have just done seva..and even now she I am doing the same..this is the same old 18 yr babita bmwho got married... Hanita did got married earlier bit both had different kind of marriage... 

Babita thinks ki marriage ke baas u have to be all lovey dovey.. And she thought HS will also expect that but when she said the truth he did understood her so she again did what she is used to seva... Here we can see  HS spiral theory...when Babita came for the first time as tenant she offered him tea for the first time.. And after marriage also same but only difference is the equation... Then she was a tenant and now landlord and wife... 

And on her whole life if she have ever discussed her problem with anyone other than Minni is HS..i don't think she have ever spoken to any man like how she have done with HS... But at that the he was a landlord but now he is here husband so again the equation has changed this is what is making her to hesitate... 

I dint like when he asked her to sit and have pakoda with him she just denied that she will have them with Minni... At least khati nahi but baith jaati he would have felt nice... But again that what is Babita not used to and that's why she can't make such gesture to ease him... Seekh jayegi... Jaise udna seekha tha... 

For some ppl it's takes time to open up even if they love their partner.. 

Regarding Minni I feel hanita should not force her for anything... 

@bold This is what I was talking about yesterday in other thread.  What I find weird about Babitha's behaviour is  she doesn't even follow basic rules of conversation  while interacting with HS. Surely she has learnt how to interact respectfully without hurting someone's  feelings being a businesswoman.  Ab yeh basic manners kaun sikha sakta hai aapko?