Hanita OS: Maryada

Maryada

The sound of a motorcycle revving jolted Babita.

She knew hey were merely words that were hurled at her but they pierced through her as if they were a sharp object. How many times must she be a target of such vicious assaults before she could get a chance to live in peace and happiness? Or at the very least have the comfort of knowing that her integrity won't be questioned in a despicable manner.

Paraya mard? Since when had Hanuman begun to see himself as a paraya mard in their life? Or was it just her life? After all he did proclaim himself as being Minnie's father tonight. Was that the only relationship that he valued? Being Minnie's father? Did she mean nothing to him?

Babita didn't even try to stop the tears from spilling over when Hanuman's next words hit her. Control na hota kya aap se? Control? All Babita has done is control herself. She has controlled the whirlwind of emotions that he stirred inside of her. She has controlled her actions so that she didn't give the society a reason to talk nonsensical things about her relationship with him. She has controlled her desires from spilling over so that she doesn't embarrass him by mistaking his intentions.

Besides, who was he to question her about having a lack of control. Where was this resistance when he had grabbed her wrist and pulled her down to make the clay pots? Where were his boundaries when he had invaded her personal space by touching her hands or her cheek?

Babita sighed with a shaky breath as memories of that night swam before her. The cool breeze had carried the faint scents of their desires. They hadn't acknowledged it with words but they both knew it was there. The hunger for more than what they already had. To somehow extend their relationship beyond that of a landlord-tenant. To go beyond the boundaries that are set between two close friends. Or at least that's what Babita had come to want.

She knew she was the one who pulled away first. She was the one who refused to meet Hanuman's advances but at the time it was what she had felt right. That night, when he had ignited the same fire within her that he had in his own heart, it was a wholly foreign feeling. She had never experienced such warmth and heat before. Definitely not with Ashok and definitely not by a strange man she may have encountered once or twice.

Paraya mard. Babita squeezed her eyes. How can he say that after everything they had all been through? If he was a paraya mard, Babita would have never let him get so close to them. If he was a paraya mard, she would have never cried before him or approached him during late in the night for advice. She for sure wouldn't have made his favorite meals or have been so concerned about his well being. Paraya mard.

Babita scrunched her nose and hugged her knees tighter. Fine, if he wanted to label himself as that then so be it. But what was the need to point fingers on her character? Maryada mein raho? As if she hadn't been hearing enough of that from before, now she had to hear it from him too. And what boundaries did she even cross? All she did was ask him if he was okay. Was that a crime? If it was, what was wrong about that? It was an innocent enough question that anyone can ask. A teacher can ask a student, a parent can ask a child, a friend can ask another and so can a tenant to their landlord. What was so shameful about that question that he had to imply that she was crossing her lines?

Hot tears ran heavily down her cheeks. She dug her nails into her arms as she tried to banish the horrible memories that were running through her mind. It was almost like it was Ashok who had been standing before her and saying those venomous words. Spitting out his hate and anger without a regard of how she might feel upon hearing them. Babita had never imagined Hanuman would ever say something equally as hurtful as Ashok. She had always posited the two men as being diametrically opposite to each other. While Ashok had been selfish, hateful, and full of greed and lust, Hanuman had been selfless, loving, generous and pure.

Pure... that's the only word that came to mind whenever she thought of him. A ray of golden sunshine who was constantly smiling and exuding the same positivity to everyone he encounters. It's a wonder really. His job as a police inspector undoubtedly exposed him to the worst side of humans on a daily basis. Yet, he has the utmost faith in the power of one's will. Life is made entirely out of choices. How we react, act, think, or behave is entirely dependent on the individual. If we can choose to do bad, then we can also choose to do good.

Babita wiped her tears. She wasn't going to cry over him nor for him anymore. What was it that he said that day? Don't play the victim card. So she won't. She won't be a victim of his unbridled anger anymore. There's clearly something bothering him. Otherwise why else would he lash out like that? If by chance, his words were spoken from the heart, then fine. Either way, she will have the matter cleared out. She will find out once and for all what exactly he wants from her. Does he want to be known only as Minnie's father and her landlord? Okay. She has no problem with that. But she wants to hear it from his mouth.

With that determination propelling her, she got up from her diwan and approached the stairs. She halted when she saw Minnie sitting downstairs with Hanuman instead. They were hunched over with a red file in hand, their faces covered in tense wrinkles and wet tears.

Babita stepped back. She put her determination on the back burner and hid herself. Now wouldn't be the right time to intervene. She feared she would make things worse not only between her and Hanuman but between herself and Minnie too.

She took another peek at her daughter. What Hanuman did to her was wrong. She will never deny that. But he's also doing right by her daughter on many different levels. Minnie has finally gotten the father she had always been yearning for. It wouldn't be right to taint the image Minnie had created for her Hanuman Uncle. Yes, it was important for Babita to confront Hanuman about his behavior but it'll have to be done at a later time. For now, she'll leave the two alone to make their bond strong.