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Its been Four years since I had met him. The last time I met him was at Shifali's house and he had gifted a beautiful Saree that he wanted me to wear on the day of our farewell. Lil did I know that , we would be looking at separate paths from the next day. I remember lying to the family that Shefali and Swathi had gifted me the Saree . On that day I took time to look beautiful for him. Yes , just for my Sameer, but I was very nervous too because he did say that he wanted to hold my hand and that I shouldn't stop him . He has been trying to drop hints and have tried couple of times trying to hold my hands. Every time he came close , I got shy and moved away. I must say he has patience as not even once did he show his anger. All he would do is look into my face and give his charming smirk. Sometimes I feel more than being shy I moved away to see that smirk of his..and if I was lucky then I would get one of his playful winks.
On the day of farewell, he didn't turn up and later that night I came to know he had to leave to Delhi as his Nanu got a stroke. None of us had any information about his whereabouts in Delhi. And that after what seemed like eternity, Munna got a call from him. The news Munna had for me ...shattered me completely. His parents had decided that he would continue his studies in Delhi and will be staying with them. His Nanu was not in a situation to travel as the stroke left his legs parallelized . And he needed complete care for some time till he recouped well. Munna informed me that Sameer wanted me to wait for him to get back to Ahmadabad . I was ready to wait a life time for him. I could fight anyone to be his, but I didn't know how to handle the fact that he was far away from me. I was used to his presence around me. My day began with our arthi at the temple and then at school and late night phone talks. Now everything would change. I was getting frustrated. I had my exams that I need to pass too. I keep thinking how my priorities in life changed. Not that I will fail but I really didn't care if Sanjey got a mark more than me. He could have it all . All I wanted was my Sameer to be back with me. Now I regret that I didn't allow him to hold my hands, did not go with him on his bike , did not hug him when I had a very nice opportunity to do it. All the while he had respected my decision. Today I know what he might have felt when I denied that freedom because now at this very moment , I want him close to me more than he does. I want to hug him and cry on his shoulder. I want to kiss him deeply like there is no tomorrow. What do I do ??!!
He had called couple of times from Delhi , but when he heard Tayiji had doubts that I was having an affair he took a decision of sending messages thru Shefali , Munna or Pandith. He feared that my family would get me married of soon. Neither was he of the age or situation right at his home to come and ask for my hand. So , he decided we had to play it low till we meet again. Every night I keep wondering when will be that day as the tunnel I am looking at doesn't show any light at the end. I see only darkness. Even the moon and stars decided to leave me alone today.
The last time I got a message from him was 6 months back when Munna told me that his Nanu had handed over the entire Maheshwari Enterprise to him. In short his Nanu decided him to lead the business empire over his brother Rohan. I was very happy hearing it . It was like I had won a lottery. I always knew Sameer had it in him to lead and I was glad that Nanu recognized it. Along with this good news a small fear did creep in my mind. I kept thinking if , Sameer would ever be able to accept me as his spouse. But my heart advised me to be calm and to trust him as he had asked me to wait. So yes , I will trust him!! But as the time passed there was no news from him . Now logic was overtaking my heart. My brain commanded me to be prepared to accept my fear. The Sameer Maheshwari CEO marrying a librarian's daughter "Behanji Naina Agarwal !! Nah !! I knew our society was not matured to accept such a disparity and I understood his hesitance to contact me. Probably wondering how to convey it to me.
Here my life wasn't easy . Yesterday the whole family except for chacha chachi, had shouted at me when I suggested I wanted to do my masters in literature. They told me I had to get married soon as Preethi also needed to be married off. I suggested that they could get her married first but then my father created a lot of drama when I said that . They asked me if I was waiting for a Prince to come and take me away. I didn't know what to say . I was looking at the irony of life. If this question had come 6 months back probably I would have told them the truth but now ,even I was not sure if my Sameer would want me in his life. So I had to keep quiet, at least for now. Not that I am going to accept what they say.
Could I blame Sameer ?? Nope!! Because I knew when you hold such positions in society you might have to give priority to that group of people whom you rely on . I mean how would the world look at him if he married me? Even Lord Ramji had to choose his kingdom instead of his own wife Sita ji. And here we are talking about human beings. What chance did I have. One thing I decided , If not for Sameer I will not marry anyone. I had to get a job soon and move out of this place. I wanted to make his and my life easy. Munna and Pandit who always encouraged me , also didn't have answers or even words to encourage me . I could see them loosing hope in this relationship that I was trying hard to uphold.
I made my mind that I would go to Public library and check in English news papers for Job opportunities outside Ahemdabad. Hindi News papers didn't have much of such opportunities listed in them. Now all I needed was to sneak out but didn't know what excuse I would give to go to public library which was nearly 45 mins bus travel from my house. As usual I had to wait for an opportunity.
I did get that opportunity on 21st January 1995 when the family had decided to attend a wedding outside Ahmadabad and they would return only after a day. I had to stay back as Arjun Bhaiya was to reach that night for his study leave. So, someone had to be there at home. I was jumping with joying thinking that atleast god had shown me some mercy. After they left around 9:00 in the morning , I cleaned the house and then got ready to go to Library. It was around 10 :45 when I reached the bus stop. Not many people were on the road. The next bus to city was around 11:15 . I waited for around 10 mins and then I heard my name being called "NAINA!!
I didn't have to turn to know who it was. I knew it was my Sameer, but was I ready to face him ?? Was I ready to hear , I am sorry Naina , things will not work as we thought ?? Reality is NOPE. I wasn't ready for it. But I had to , if not for me ..I had to do it for him. I reminded myself of my love for him and I decided to do this for him, for his success.
I looked at him and my heart skipped a beat. He was getting down from his bike. He was wearing black formal trousers and white shirt. Sleeves were folded till his elbows and the top button was left open. There were slight stubble on his face and his hair was as usual doing the magic. I was loosing my self in him again. But my love for him brought me back to reality and reminded me of what I need to do. As he walked towards me , I knew his eyes were literally devouring me . We were meeting after 4 years and 20 days to be precise. I played it cool as if nothing had happened between us.
"How are you Sameer? Long time..so, how is everyone at home?"
He didn't respond , rather stood facing me and said , your hairs grown long . Just the way I had always wanted it to be . but you have lost your smile Naina.
I smiled and wondered why is he making it difficult for us. He could just say and leave. He doesn't have to play this way with me . I had to get away from this mess. Yes now, my love looks like a painful mess. I had to play it his way as I didn't have any choice.
Well, nothing like that Sameer. So how come you are here ? Any new business ventures?
His expression changed at this question. I could see anger rising in him. Thankfully there was no one near us other than occasional movement of few vehicles .
Is that all you have to ask Naina. You don't have anything else to say??
I had no clue how to play his way. It was getting difficult minute by minute and I was praying for the bus to come soon. My mind said its best if he said what ever he wanted to via phone.
What else do I ask Sameer. You are here in Ahmadabad after so many years, I guess its natural for anyone to wonder why you were here. Anyways you didn't tell me . How is your grandfather?
I purposely avoided referring him as Nanu , a liberty that I had taken after our love confession and one that both him and Nanu had enjoyed listening to me saying NANU.
Really my grandfather?? And he is no one to you?? Naina you have no clue how its been for me all these years and in the past 6 months its been hell. There is so much pressure on me to perform professionally and satisfy the board members and stakeholders. I don't want them to think that Nanu was wrong in choosing me. To top it all my step dad was playing his own games to throw me out so that Rohan could take over. So you need to understand me Naina.
I do Sameer . I understand you . So how is Nanu? Hope his health is much better now.
By then I could see the bus approaching . I looked at him and said , I need to go Sameer. Nice meeting you . With that I was about to move towards the approaching bus, when he again came in front of me and said "Didn't I tell you to trust me and wait for me!! What are you upto Girl ?? What are you hiding from me ?? Why this visit to Public Library now?? I thought you wanted to do your PG. Or is it that you have someone else in your life??
Now it was my turn to get shocked. I didn't what to say . I was too numb to even respond. The bus stood right in front of us hoping that we would board the bus.
You know what Naina, if you still have affection for me and want to lead the rest of your life with me then you will choose not to get into that bus. You will ride with me on my bike. I leave the decision to you.
There he said it!! Was I happy?? Hell !! I was happy. My eyes were gearing up to vent out all that pain that I had bottled up for years, but decided to control it as there were people in bus watching us. I slowly walked towards his bike like an obedient child. Didn't even bother to think what people in the bus thought. I slowly turned back to see his expression . Yes !! That smirk was back in my life. He winked at me and followed me to where the bike was parked.
As he started the bike , for the first time I decided not to hold back my feelings for him. I held his shoulders and sat behind him. Not like the way I sit with my dad on his scooter. I placed my legs on either side of bike and then I did something that surprised the hell out of us .. Yes!! as the bike gained the speed, I slowly moved my hand from his shoulders and slide around his waist and held him close to me. Then I rested my forehead on his back. All those emotions which were held back was slowly showing its way thru my eyes. I kissed his back and rested my face on his back. Few tears which managed to escape my eyes slightly dampened his pristine white shirt. We never spoke anything during that ride. In fact there was nothing to speak as we knew what we wanted from each other. I never asked where he was taking me or what we are going to do. All I knew is ,at that point in time I wanted him just for myself !! With in 15 mins we reached his house. He held my hand as he unlocked the door.
The house was dusty and needed a lot of cleaning. He literally dragged me to his room and then left my hands. To my surprise his room was neat as if some one has been using this room. I gave him a questioning look to which he said,I landed yesterday night so got some time to clean up my room.
Saying this he came closer to me and asked "So, Naina Agarwal what were you upto?? Did you not trust me ?? Do you recognize that sweater lying on the bed, its been my partner for past 4 years and 20 days.
He didn't wait for me to answer and I understood he knew what I was upto. So I kept quiet. He moved to the bed took that sweater , folded it neatly and kept it safe in the cupboard.
Then came close to me, but this time I didn't move back . I stood still as I wanted him more than he wanted me. He slowly he caressed my hands and pulled me close to him . I happily crashed on to his chest and then nothing could stop those emotions that were buried with in us. We were crying like kids hugging each other. My head rested on his chest and his head slightly on mine. We had no idea how long we were there in that position hugging each other. Without breaking away from him , I slowly tilted my head and looked into his eyes and said "I MISSED YOU SAMEER
"I KNOW, I MISSED YOU TOO
Our lips were inches apart and our emotions were already out in open. I knew I would give in to anything he asked for. But my Sameer remembered every small wish of mine. I had told him once that our first intimate kiss as a couple should be on our first night. Hence, he decided not to go for it, instead he looked into my eyes and gave a lingering kiss on my forehead and said ,"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!! LOVE YOU NAINA. LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!"
PS : I love to write , especially when I am very stressed. But not even once those writings saw the day light as I was never comfortable to share my writings with anyone. But with this group of friends, I know I wont be teased for my writing...so here we go...something on Sameer and Naina...
On the day of farewell, he didn't turn up and later that night I came to know he had to leave to Delhi as his Nanu got a stroke. None of us had any information about his whereabouts in Delhi. And that after what seemed like eternity, Munna got a call from him. The news Munna had for me ...shattered me completely. His parents had decided that he would continue his studies in Delhi and will be staying with them. His Nanu was not in a situation to travel as the stroke left his legs parallelized . And he needed complete care for some time till he recouped well. Munna informed me that Sameer wanted me to wait for him to get back to Ahmadabad . I was ready to wait a life time for him. I could fight anyone to be his, but I didn't know how to handle the fact that he was far away from me. I was used to his presence around me. My day began with our arthi at the temple and then at school and late night phone talks. Now everything would change. I was getting frustrated. I had my exams that I need to pass too. I keep thinking how my priorities in life changed. Not that I will fail but I really didn't care if Sanjey got a mark more than me. He could have it all . All I wanted was my Sameer to be back with me. Now I regret that I didn't allow him to hold my hands, did not go with him on his bike , did not hug him when I had a very nice opportunity to do it. All the while he had respected my decision. Today I know what he might have felt when I denied that freedom because now at this very moment , I want him close to me more than he does. I want to hug him and cry on his shoulder. I want to kiss him deeply like there is no tomorrow. What do I do ??!!
He had called couple of times from Delhi , but when he heard Tayiji had doubts that I was having an affair he took a decision of sending messages thru Shefali , Munna or Pandith. He feared that my family would get me married of soon. Neither was he of the age or situation right at his home to come and ask for my hand. So , he decided we had to play it low till we meet again. Every night I keep wondering when will be that day as the tunnel I am looking at doesn't show any light at the end. I see only darkness. Even the moon and stars decided to leave me alone today.
The last time I got a message from him was 6 months back when Munna told me that his Nanu had handed over the entire Maheshwari Enterprise to him. In short his Nanu decided him to lead the business empire over his brother Rohan. I was very happy hearing it . It was like I had won a lottery. I always knew Sameer had it in him to lead and I was glad that Nanu recognized it. Along with this good news a small fear did creep in my mind. I kept thinking if , Sameer would ever be able to accept me as his spouse. But my heart advised me to be calm and to trust him as he had asked me to wait. So yes , I will trust him!! But as the time passed there was no news from him . Now logic was overtaking my heart. My brain commanded me to be prepared to accept my fear. The Sameer Maheshwari CEO marrying a librarian's daughter "Behanji Naina Agarwal !! Nah !! I knew our society was not matured to accept such a disparity and I understood his hesitance to contact me. Probably wondering how to convey it to me.
Here my life wasn't easy . Yesterday the whole family except for chacha chachi, had shouted at me when I suggested I wanted to do my masters in literature. They told me I had to get married soon as Preethi also needed to be married off. I suggested that they could get her married first but then my father created a lot of drama when I said that . They asked me if I was waiting for a Prince to come and take me away. I didn't know what to say . I was looking at the irony of life. If this question had come 6 months back probably I would have told them the truth but now ,even I was not sure if my Sameer would want me in his life. So I had to keep quiet, at least for now. Not that I am going to accept what they say.
Could I blame Sameer ?? Nope!! Because I knew when you hold such positions in society you might have to give priority to that group of people whom you rely on . I mean how would the world look at him if he married me? Even Lord Ramji had to choose his kingdom instead of his own wife Sita ji. And here we are talking about human beings. What chance did I have. One thing I decided , If not for Sameer I will not marry anyone. I had to get a job soon and move out of this place. I wanted to make his and my life easy. Munna and Pandit who always encouraged me , also didn't have answers or even words to encourage me . I could see them loosing hope in this relationship that I was trying hard to uphold.
I made my mind that I would go to Public library and check in English news papers for Job opportunities outside Ahemdabad. Hindi News papers didn't have much of such opportunities listed in them. Now all I needed was to sneak out but didn't know what excuse I would give to go to public library which was nearly 45 mins bus travel from my house. As usual I had to wait for an opportunity.
I did get that opportunity on 21st January 1995 when the family had decided to attend a wedding outside Ahmadabad and they would return only after a day. I had to stay back as Arjun Bhaiya was to reach that night for his study leave. So, someone had to be there at home. I was jumping with joying thinking that atleast god had shown me some mercy. After they left around 9:00 in the morning , I cleaned the house and then got ready to go to Library. It was around 10 :45 when I reached the bus stop. Not many people were on the road. The next bus to city was around 11:15 . I waited for around 10 mins and then I heard my name being called "NAINA!!
I didn't have to turn to know who it was. I knew it was my Sameer, but was I ready to face him ?? Was I ready to hear , I am sorry Naina , things will not work as we thought ?? Reality is NOPE. I wasn't ready for it. But I had to , if not for me ..I had to do it for him. I reminded myself of my love for him and I decided to do this for him, for his success.
I looked at him and my heart skipped a beat. He was getting down from his bike. He was wearing black formal trousers and white shirt. Sleeves were folded till his elbows and the top button was left open. There were slight stubble on his face and his hair was as usual doing the magic. I was loosing my self in him again. But my love for him brought me back to reality and reminded me of what I need to do. As he walked towards me , I knew his eyes were literally devouring me . We were meeting after 4 years and 20 days to be precise. I played it cool as if nothing had happened between us.
"How are you Sameer? Long time..so, how is everyone at home?"
He didn't respond , rather stood facing me and said , your hairs grown long . Just the way I had always wanted it to be . but you have lost your smile Naina.
I smiled and wondered why is he making it difficult for us. He could just say and leave. He doesn't have to play this way with me . I had to get away from this mess. Yes now, my love looks like a painful mess. I had to play it his way as I didn't have any choice.
Well, nothing like that Sameer. So how come you are here ? Any new business ventures?
His expression changed at this question. I could see anger rising in him. Thankfully there was no one near us other than occasional movement of few vehicles .
Is that all you have to ask Naina. You don't have anything else to say??
I had no clue how to play his way. It was getting difficult minute by minute and I was praying for the bus to come soon. My mind said its best if he said what ever he wanted to via phone.
What else do I ask Sameer. You are here in Ahmadabad after so many years, I guess its natural for anyone to wonder why you were here. Anyways you didn't tell me . How is your grandfather?
I purposely avoided referring him as Nanu , a liberty that I had taken after our love confession and one that both him and Nanu had enjoyed listening to me saying NANU.
Really my grandfather?? And he is no one to you?? Naina you have no clue how its been for me all these years and in the past 6 months its been hell. There is so much pressure on me to perform professionally and satisfy the board members and stakeholders. I don't want them to think that Nanu was wrong in choosing me. To top it all my step dad was playing his own games to throw me out so that Rohan could take over. So you need to understand me Naina.
I do Sameer . I understand you . So how is Nanu? Hope his health is much better now.
By then I could see the bus approaching . I looked at him and said , I need to go Sameer. Nice meeting you . With that I was about to move towards the approaching bus, when he again came in front of me and said "Didn't I tell you to trust me and wait for me!! What are you upto Girl ?? What are you hiding from me ?? Why this visit to Public Library now?? I thought you wanted to do your PG. Or is it that you have someone else in your life??
Now it was my turn to get shocked. I didn't what to say . I was too numb to even respond. The bus stood right in front of us hoping that we would board the bus.
You know what Naina, if you still have affection for me and want to lead the rest of your life with me then you will choose not to get into that bus. You will ride with me on my bike. I leave the decision to you.
There he said it!! Was I happy?? Hell !! I was happy. My eyes were gearing up to vent out all that pain that I had bottled up for years, but decided to control it as there were people in bus watching us. I slowly walked towards his bike like an obedient child. Didn't even bother to think what people in the bus thought. I slowly turned back to see his expression . Yes !! That smirk was back in my life. He winked at me and followed me to where the bike was parked.
As he started the bike , for the first time I decided not to hold back my feelings for him. I held his shoulders and sat behind him. Not like the way I sit with my dad on his scooter. I placed my legs on either side of bike and then I did something that surprised the hell out of us .. Yes!! as the bike gained the speed, I slowly moved my hand from his shoulders and slide around his waist and held him close to me. Then I rested my forehead on his back. All those emotions which were held back was slowly showing its way thru my eyes. I kissed his back and rested my face on his back. Few tears which managed to escape my eyes slightly dampened his pristine white shirt. We never spoke anything during that ride. In fact there was nothing to speak as we knew what we wanted from each other. I never asked where he was taking me or what we are going to do. All I knew is ,at that point in time I wanted him just for myself !! With in 15 mins we reached his house. He held my hand as he unlocked the door.
The house was dusty and needed a lot of cleaning. He literally dragged me to his room and then left my hands. To my surprise his room was neat as if some one has been using this room. I gave him a questioning look to which he said,I landed yesterday night so got some time to clean up my room.
Saying this he came closer to me and asked "So, Naina Agarwal what were you upto?? Did you not trust me ?? Do you recognize that sweater lying on the bed, its been my partner for past 4 years and 20 days.
He didn't wait for me to answer and I understood he knew what I was upto. So I kept quiet. He moved to the bed took that sweater , folded it neatly and kept it safe in the cupboard.
Then came close to me, but this time I didn't move back . I stood still as I wanted him more than he wanted me. He slowly he caressed my hands and pulled me close to him . I happily crashed on to his chest and then nothing could stop those emotions that were buried with in us. We were crying like kids hugging each other. My head rested on his chest and his head slightly on mine. We had no idea how long we were there in that position hugging each other. Without breaking away from him , I slowly tilted my head and looked into his eyes and said "I MISSED YOU SAMEER
"I KNOW, I MISSED YOU TOO
Our lips were inches apart and our emotions were already out in open. I knew I would give in to anything he asked for. But my Sameer remembered every small wish of mine. I had told him once that our first intimate kiss as a couple should be on our first night. Hence, he decided not to go for it, instead he looked into my eyes and gave a lingering kiss on my forehead and said ,"YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!! LOVE YOU NAINA. LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!"
PS : I love to write , especially when I am very stressed. But not even once those writings saw the day light as I was never comfortable to share my writings with anyone. But with this group of friends, I know I wont be teased for my writing...so here we go...something on Sameer and Naina...
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