Lingering Moments The Untold Saga Chapter 18
IPK3 Episode 88
"I am sorry, Chandu! I promise, it will not happen again. I will control myself even if I get angry about something, I promise we shall discuss only between two of us in privacy...Now that we are in the privacy of our room, will you give me a patient hearing?"
His name came from inside of her...a word that shook through his body and throbbed between the two loving souls...
Lots depending on him, now!... to make things right, very right between them and not let some misunderstanding create a crack again in their relationship...
It had already happened from his side thinking of the baby to be hers as an unwed mother...something had gone crazy inside him...created a huge crevice in his understanding of hers...giving him a readiness to destroy her completely, commit any crime of passion!...he could not afford to let the same repeat from her side now.
This sudden stress developed between them was unknown, un-chartered territory for him...a weird trepidation gripped his mind... what if she didn't accept his explanation... what if, she could not understand it...fear curdled up his blood...
He could have made love to her and won her heart through physical pleasures; but he didn't want a fleeting victory...a hollow triumph...it was not about his male ability to master her, to tame her, to pleasure her; it was about a true relation desired by his vulnerable heart...a relation that would stay strong in face of every cloudburst or volcano in their life!
He didn't say a word... Somehow he couldn't trust them... But he trusted his heart... his heart with all his love only for her and her alone...he made his hands take all that love in them and cupped her cheeks... slowly... softly... he brushed his thumb over her lids brimming with tears threatening to roll down...Then, very softly his lips rested against her forehead...a thousand words in a single touch!... telling her much more than any words could ever tell!
She had expected words... some defence, some altercation about himself... this display of pure love caught her senses unaware...She just could not control herself...an overwhelming feeling came over her... This man is mine...whole of his is mine...I want him!...a fierce lash of possession whipping the base of her spine!........A man, a woman and a primeval emotion!
She hugged him tight ...holding onto him, not wanting to let go ever...not wanting to lose him out of her sight ever! He was a force of nature like a storm threatening and she clutched to hold him within her.
He sensed desperation in her hug... What he had wanted was trust...complete trust...total trust...absolute trust! Not leaving any chance for any kind of doubt about anything between them...he felt dangerously unmoored; as if he was slipping and sliding down a steep hill with nothing to cling to...this would not do between them... This was not supposed to be the meaning of all those vows he had taken with her.
He wrestled her away so he could stare her in the eyes. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he dipped his head to stare into her eyes. He had to be sure there was no mistrust in them. He saw her fathomless dark eyes and knew only his solid loud voice of reason could help her see him in clear light.
"Chandu... You are my katto... my very own katto gilheri ...meri swagvali Chandu!
And I don't want to ever lose you...when you shut yourself like today against me, when you simply chill off turning into ice...you don't trust me completely then...because if you trusted, you would come and fight...fight for your rights...fight to win...
And your winning is my winning, Katto! Your chilling off hurts me, Katto! It makes me lose because you accept losing when you chill off.
Learn to trust, Katto...whatever I do, Whatever I say, let your trust be unmovable...you and I are one... we are the Shiva-Shakti Ardhanareshwar, right? Then make your trust as great as Parvati mata's trust on Shiva even when he was alienated from her...
You know why I love swagvali Chandu? My Katto Gilheri? Because she had the trust in me that I cared for you... even when I kept denying again and again... You did every possible thing to prove to me that I was wrong...I had closed my heart, refused to let your memories in...Yet you kept knocking...
And you knocked real hard on my heart when you hit me with our stone...The thought that you had actually kept my stone brought Dev back...though I kept denying it with my "Whatever!" Swagvali Chandu didn't give up on me...
She kept knocking again and again with her sweet "Aapko Yaad hai na jee, Aapko parva hai na jee"(You remember, right?...you care, right?)
You reawakened Dev within me, with my trademark...the nurturing caring urge inside Dev which you saw in the rainy night when tree fell on your foot...
That was your trust ...in me and in you both... and your trust did win finally, didn't it?...and now when the love is confessed, when the care is acknowledged why do you let something...rather anything hamper that trust?"
His eyes were intense, honest and their intensity touched her soul. She knew that not a single word was crafted by his brain ...it was coming from his heart.
"You need to understand my life completely the way I lived it. See it; understand it from my perspective, Chandu. It's very important for me that you understand completely.
Times weren't easy as I was growing. Nani kept telling me again and again. 'Time heals all wounds'. But it's not so, Chandu.
Dil ke jakhm bharate nahi, nasoor ban jaate hain!..."
(The wounds of heart don't heal with time; rather become a throbbing ulcer deep inside you.)
He sucked in a breath.
"With you what I had lived was life... I had been alive then. My world had Maa-baba, Miku and you. Have you ever thought why we had our code language?
Language helps a person to communicate, to include everybody. We used code language to exclude others and create our own private world. Our code language, our private hiding place; our very personal activities, our golden memories... ..be it our height measuring which I remembered in your room or your hamesha chot lagaoing(always hurting yourself) habit we both remembered.
All these elements merged beautifully together and made the rainbow of our world; a world of pure innocence! And then I lost all that ...and not the kind of losing where everything lives inside you as pleasing memories but rather, a losing where I lost the love and the innocence, both!
The conversion of Dev to Advay meant "masoomiyat aur pyaar ke liye meri jindagi mein ab koi jagah nahi hai".(There is no place for innocence and love in my life) I would not even take a puppy near me, forget any stranger... I lost my ability to trust another human being.
I grew up like that, there was just... Existence, in a world devoid of all people I loved the most. A matter of survival, but survival isn't living...
There was such big void in my life... a void that needed to be filled up with Love of Dev for his Chandu. All your memories kept coming again and again...
Memories needed to be forgotten stirred inside of me,something unwelcome and unmistakable!...I wanted to blot out the memories; I wanted to hate you with my whole and soul...
But, refusing to accept those memories, didn't resolve the sensations that plagued me, that dogged me...I wanted you; but I kept abating my needs in a string of one-night stands...
Unfortunately, nothing got abated... so I did it more and more ...sex with other women while thinking about you and you constantly...taking myself to oblivion given by physical satiation so that I could forget...I could forget how I had felt for you!
The belief I used to hold, that I could forget you if I got to know other gals, floundered soon...I wanted you... just you in a way to be mine and mine alone... to be punished for your misdoings... To be made to suffer... yet remain mine! I had to bind you to me... forever, even if, in hatred!"
"Do you realize, what happened in that one rainy night when I came in search of you... After knowing that you were completely innocent... You were life I wanted to always have...you were the living I lost long time back ...
And believe me Chandu, from then on, I have truly been living again, I can smile, I can laugh...most important I can sleep...I know now, how delightful peace is, when we sit under the skies and watch the stars disappearing.
Just because you know about my meaningless hook-ups, don't take away my living from me...don't let boundaries come in place between us...those will hinder our union of souls... Such Boundaries I will want to push against... even when I know they are perhaps right from your perspective... They are perhaps justified from your angle."
She looked into his eyes ...they were like the sea. Fathomless and deep, like the water under your feet when you're way out of your depth...A thick insurmountable emotion gripped her heart...He was bearing his soul to her, sharing his innermost heart ...
The pain in his heart seeped through her soul...She thought of his tears...how the tears must have burnt in anger...She thought of water drops dancing on hot pan...How come she had missed the tears...She had gone to his room alone at night when he sat on the ground with guitar...A very very lonely Advay as she saw in that room that night and again a few nights earlier.
She thought of how he must have literally shed Dev from his soul ...a pile on the floor perhaps...and stepped into new , bitter, untrusting Advay...Advay in complete turmoil, an exhausted and afraid Advay...
She thought of the accusations that had ghosted in his eyes turning into verbal condemnations...how he must have hated her then!...he had accused her but it had killed him inside as well...if she had broken into pieces; his anguish had torn him in fragments...The fragments she would have to join together now, slowly, with care...because they were precious... he was so precious to her!
She could not trust words either...Same as him, she opted for action rather than words. She took his hand in both her hands softly, lovingly ...
And then pressed her lips on his fisted palm with all her love, her trust, her assurance to him coming through her lips...love had always been there yet there was something more between them now, a closeness that hadn't been there before...
"I have marked you, Dev!"
she reached up...something that always thrilled her, the fact that he was so much taller...wound her arms around his neck...
Slowly, she opened his shirt with her mouth baring his massive chest with just the right smattering of hair across the pecs... She pressed her lips on his heart,
"I have marked your heart. You have always been mine and you'll be mine till eternity and I'll be yours beyond that eternity."
So much love in that one touch of hers; that Dev was overwhelmed...he lost his control held on himself till now and cupped her face to kiss her passionately, deeply...his whole world tuned to just this one woman...a sense of homecoming in him...
The centre of his world that just happened to be where his lips met hers in that moment...his kiss masterful yet teasing, nourishing , holding...She opened her mouth, almost moaning in the sheer delight of his kiss...breathless desire tumbled through her...fire and ice racing down her spine...Her skin was on fire, her insides soft, her bones melting...he tasted so good, so warm, so familiar...
The pressure of his lips increased ...the taste of the woman he had pined for long gruelling sixteen years, the woman who had waited for him for sixteen years...He had burned for her every second of the day and every tortuous minute of his interminable nights ... His Want ... Not just a physical but rather an all consuming need ... He had always wanted her like this...as his ... His own ... With him ... in his sights ... Tied to him ...both possessed by each other, body, soul and mind.
Finally they broke gasping for breath...a visible effort from both to regain control, to catch breath even as they were drowning together...he had to battle to control himself and not give in to the urge to lead her to their bed, their private secluded world and ravish her...both were in a mutual state of sexual frustration.
"Chandu, is there anything more doubting your heart?"
he asked her gently. In his heart, it was equally or rather more important for him to have their relationship absolutely happy with complete trust ;as blistering hot their chemistry was.
"Dev...even earlier doubts were not about you... they are all more about me...
It's just that you are such magnificent male pulchritude...and to add to that your gorgeous eyes which are windows to your honest soul...I am hugely proud of you...and so very possessive of you that I will perhaps always be a little insecure...and it's good that way between us...keeps us thrilled, right?"
Her smile had the Chandu swag. Dev threw his head back and laughed... the world suddenly lighted up bright for her.
"Dev, I want to know about how you amassed so much wealth? You have this house, house in London and then you purchased the haveli(Mansion) for a whooping price...that much money at such young age...and Dev,..." She hesitated.
"Ask me, Chandu... ask openly...don't keep anything in your heart..."He urged her.
"How did you have passports with different names?"
"The passports are very much on your mind, aren't they?" He smiled at her... She nodded sheepishly.
He joshed her, "What do you think? ...tumhe kya lagata hai? Kuchh na kuchh to socha hoga ki why is your hubby wealthy?"
(What do you think? Some thoughts must have crossed your mind, too)
"You worked very hard, day and night, set up the business empire ...that's what Pooja didi had told me,"She said sheepishly once again.
"Well, partly yes! After life having mercilessly robbed me of everything, I shut myself from the heartlessness of this world...I worked hard, worked relentlessly trusting only my brain power...All my patents gave me good money at a very young age...I did everything that needed to be done." he paused.
She sensed his discomfort, his slight hesitation. To give him courage, she placed her hand on his shoulder and asked him softly, "Meaning? Tell me everything Dev. I want to know."
"I always do what is right in that moment. Some rights seem wrong from else's point of view but they are needed to be done...Nobody becomes rich by complete honest deals, one has to play one's cards correctly...those are called business tactics..."
"And why the different passports?"
"Given to me by those countries to keep my identity hidden. I supported them in their nuclear defense programmes. If it was known that ASR was coming to the country, there would be media involved. It's not allowed for security reasons. Anonymity has to be maintained. So I travelled under different ambiguous names."
"You mean to say, you made nuclear missiles for them?" Chandni was in anguish.
"Not completely but yes my mathematical formulae were very much important for building the missiles."
"But that's destruction, Dev...Countries fight wars with nuclear missiles and innocent people are killed." Chandni was torn with the thought of her husband being involved in other people's death.
"What's the matter with you, Chandu? Life is neither simple nor innocent like how you think...Destruction is part of life...Why are you so averse to it?
Did Krishna not do destruction in Mahabharat... Have you not imbibed his Geeta philosophy to do what is right, what is required at the moment!...
Even with you, when I believed you were in the wrong, I was out to destroy you... And I would not feel guilty about it, had you been in wrong truly."
She realized where he was coming from... Certain things are just needed to be done in life...and yes he would have destroyed her completely after what was done to him...But he hadn't... somewhere in his heart he had wanted her to be innocent, believed her to be innocent.
"I love you, Dev" her hand slid to his chest. "I trust you, completely!"
"And do you know, what that means?"
"What?" She felt suddenly naive.
"When I am in love, that means I want to have you always as my wife, that I want to sleep by your side, to make love with you every night, to share your hopes and fears, to hear you laugh, to hold you when you cry, to have children and grow old together..."
He leaned close, one hand cupping her cheek, the other reaching where his fingers could tangle in her hair. He bent close enough to touch her ear lobe with the tip of his tongue. His breath tickled her neck, and then his lips were pressed there with full knowledge of her sensitivity, making her gasp at the tantalizing sensation.
He pulled her closer and she melted against him, sighing with the pleasure summoned up by his male power, unable to resist the way her body responded to his. She called out his name, "Dev... But it only came as a whimper as his mouth came down on hers, She closed her eyes and felt her own lips part to accept him, felt him slide inside her, felt the urge to melt against him, hold him close, hold him dear.
He traced a path across her jaw, He trailed his lips down to where it joined her neck and bit at her soft skin gently, ruthlessly targeting all of her sensitive spots, one by one, until the tension in her form dissolved completely and she shuddered against him.
She could lose control from his kisses alone. When she whimpered with pleasure, he laughed softly and showed her no mercy at all. Teasing the seam of her lips again with his tongue until she parted them for him, he plundered her mouth, tasting and greedily possessing as he mimicked the act they both craved.
She groaned softly with need. If she'd been hungry for him before he kissed her, she was ravenous now. Drowning in her Chandan scent, he rasped his stubble lightly against her neck until she exhaled on a soft cry.
"I'm going to kiss you, touch you, and pleasure you, until you come so hard, so many times, I'll have to carry you to bed because your legs won't hold you." He murmured against her lips and looked at her.
The words ran over Chandu's flesh like warm, melting caramel...the exact caramel of his eyes...She shivered as the desire in his eyes heated a path down her back, sensitizing every nerve ending in her body.
His fingers shifted lower... sexily sliding down her curves, exploring, sampling, moulding her into a mass of trembling urgency. In no time, he'd taken her from pleasure to sizzling need. She could feel his body through their clothes, hard and firm.
He clamped his hands on her hips and pulled her into his body, relishing that first contact that never failed to fire up his nerve endings. She longed to feel more of him. All of him... her lips parted as she panted out her pleasure...
He lifted her taking her to the mirror to witness her own pleasure exactly as promised by him... She wrapped her lithe limbs around him...He pressed his body against hers until her softness yielded to his hard steel and allowed his presence writhe inside her.
The air pulsed with love between them, love that truly did not need words any more. It was a presence, writhing inside of her, around them, through him. It surrounded them, demanding total surrender.
The atmosphere in the room crackled with desire...
Just one incident yet so much of bridging the gaps......between Dev and Chandu ......and also us as fans wanting a real story.......the passports were shown but reason was never shown in the show.... hope you gals like the reasoning!
Hey people! Keep reading to enjoy yourself and keep commenting to get me motivated.
Chapter 19 onwards (reached 54 currently)Edited by Loving2Missing2 - 9 months ago
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