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"Am I really a woman?Why was I even born if I can't even fulfill my basic responsibility? Why is God punishing me?
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These are some of the questions that haunt a woman who cannot conceive and is looked down upon by friends and family.
Women who can't have kids have had many different names and labels over the centuries.
"Barren", the most starkly horrible one comes from Middle English word 'barain' which originally refers to anything that isn't fruitful - women, animals, plants, landscapes, even thoughts.
Most women who are unable to gain pregnancy, are soon consumed with an obsession to become pregnant, as if to confirm that they are able to fulfill one of nature's roles, motherhood. Women therefore take the infertility problem personally, even where the medical condition might be attributable to the husband or man in the woman's life. Infertility is an emotional roller coaster, the hell is multiplied, by the fact that infertility is summarily a nd blindly blamed on them!
A 42 year old woman living in Mumbai still remembers the stigma of being unable to bear children for the first 13 years of her marriage. People ask a woman's name and then, How many children do you have? When the woman answers None, she says, "they don't know what they can talk to you about." She finally conceived a daughter and twin boys. With her doctor, she started a support group to help give other infertile couples the help she wished she had had. "There were a lot of emotional questions, and I needed support, and there was nobody for me."
In some developing countries, the consequences of infertility which can include ostracism, physical abuse and even suicide, are heartbreaking. "If you are infertile in some cultures, you are less than a dog", says Willem Ombelet of the Genk Institute for Fertility Technology in Belgium. Some women who are often uneducated, their only identity comes from being Mothers. "Infertility is an issue of profound human suffering rather than a pathological disorder, particularly for women", says Marcia Inhorn, Professor of Anthropology and International Affairs at Yale University. "It's a human-rights issue."
The stigma that infertile women face can infiltrate every aspect of life. They may not even be invited to weddings or other important gatherings. "People see them as having a 'bad eye' that will make you infertile, too. Infertile women are considered inauspicious", says Inhorn. Their reasoning: they could spoil it
"Often the female takes the blame even when the problem lies with the man", says Inhorn. The women often keep their husband's secret and bear the insults. In Chad, a proverb says, "A woman without children is like a tree without leaves". If a woman doesn't bear children, their husbands may leave them or take new wives with society's blessing.
Alex Jones, broadcaster and co-host of BBC's The One Show, said: "While exploring my own fertility and meeting couples experiencing fertility problems through making the documentary, I've been shocked by the amount of myths and misconceptions about fertility that contribute to a lack of awareness among both men and women. Infertility is heart breaking and I fully support anything that can be done to help educate young people about the facts to help them decide when, or if, to start a family".
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