SS: The Bought Wife Ch 6 Pg 16 [Completed] - Page 10

(Mature content warning)

Eleven forty nine pm. Blue ash sweater and red skinny jeans. I was holding a bouquet of peonies, cleaning the grave of a friend when I saw him in the cemetery. One year and one month flew by. He had spotted me from a far corner, his line of vision illuminating to the point of blindness. 

He seemed to have an entourage running behind him taking note of his every word. The light from the street lamps was falling straight on his hair glistening it even more under the night sky. I retreated away from the grave and began walking away from him. He ran toward me and quickly caught hold of my arm, flinging me around. Hair flying. Eye lids fluttering. Eyes meeting. Bodies struggling. 

I gasped at our nearness. My heart was beating like a war drum and his chilly expression was colder than the winter night. My thin black sweater was no match for his frost. Another minute in his grasp and my knees would give in. In fact, they were already buckling as he pulled me close to his chest looking down at me. 

His 184 cm frame against my 164 cm body made for quite the funny scene. But that thought wasn't even in my realm of consciousness at the moment. I looked like a scared rabbit caught by the neck with nowhere to go but under the butcher's axe. He signaled his posy to scatter and led me inside the back seat of his car. 

It seemed I had offended him gravely somehow but I did not know why. So I patiently waited for him to explain himself. The explanation never came. Instead, he carelessly threw me on the leather seat, my head crashing right into the side window. I immediately turned to panic mode. A little blood and his car would turn into a biohazard zone and trust me, you do not want to do that to a vintage Mercedes. 

As I was about to reach the sight of injury for an inspection he locked my wrist with his hand and caged me still underneath him. This was not good. Panic! Alert! Emergency Level XXX. All units deployed immediately! 

My mind was racing a mile a minute and romance was not in the list of thinking in my head. With a ticking time bomb like me, I have to be careful who I let into my life. If he continued any longer, there would only be disasters left in my wave. 

"How dare you?"  he roared. Out of the blue. 

I was confused to say the least. I should be the one asking this question. 

"You divorced me, you didn't have to abandon me. Your son, have you never thought of seeing him once in all these years?"

The nerve! My tears may have dried but the sadness in my heart is still fresh. You have not the slightest idea how many dolls I have petted to coax my heart into believing I was not missing my little angel. 

"You took him away from me. You made it so that I couldn't see his face. You..." I paused not because I wanted to but because he forced me. 

He charged his lips on mine and it wasn't love that I saw in his eyes. It was sheer frustration and a certain kind of hatred, so driving he was blind to my feelings. 

"If you had asked once Anika, if you had pleaded with me once, I would have let you walk back into my life. It doesn't matter if you made a mistake, tell me now and we still stand a chance". 

I felt my heart rip into shreds once, twice, then over again. It hurt too much to cry. I simply watched him move his lips over mine- warm, fragrant, supple. 

No, I could not let him go on. 

"Stop", I said. 

"Why? What is your excuse this time?"

"I don't want to get back together and I know you won't let me see my son if I don't. So, let's not waste the other's time". 

He paused, hovered over me for a second and answered, "I don't find this wasting time at all". 

"STOP. I am dirty", I yelled not knowing what else to say. 

"Atleast you know that much", he scoffed and walked out and into the driver's seat. 

He drove down an unfamiliar road to an unfamiliar forest and we finally reached a secluded villa tended to by half a dozen staff in waiting. It was already past 1 am when we arrived and the nanny had just finished putting the baby to bed. 

"Baby Rudra has now fallen asleep sir. You can feed him in three hours when he wakes up", a polite old woman informed Shivaay. 

Rudra, what a beautiful name for a beautiful child! I could still picture a faint picture of him in my head but it was getting dimmer and my heart was getting heavier with every step I took toward the villa. The Shivaay I knew would probably just torture me by dangling my baby's name in front of my face but never actually letting me see him. 

I could not handle anymore heartaches. My chest was ready to burst open. I took a few steps back. 

"What are you doing?" he looked at me unfazed. "Come inside and I will let you see him". 

And just like that, I ran madly toward the front gates. Like a crazy woman, who had just lost all sanity and any sense of reality and I dashed into the iron gates and clung to them for hope. It was a faint hope, but there was hope. It didn't matter if he was playing games, as long as there was a chance I could hold my baby in my arms, I was willing to give it a try. 

"Not so fast", he opened the doors. "I won't tell you where he is until I am satisfied with you", he said. 

I swallowed back the dryness in my throat and agreed to obey his orders. I sat meekly on the corner couch as he asked. Then, drank the two cups of grapefruit juice that he offered and waited for him to act.

"Where did you live all this while?" he asked. 

"I stayed here in Switzerland". 

"Do you know how old your son is?"

"One year and two months today. He must be a darling". 

He did not react. 

"Why did you leave?"

I couldn't lie. Not to Shivaay. When he was this close, he saw the crinkling of my nose, the nervous twitching of my eye. He could probably tell in a split second if I was bluffing. But I also could not tell the truth. So I made up a kind of half-truth. 

"To get away from you", I said.

"And you never considered your baby?"

I could not hold back my tears. "You are cruel", I said between sobs. 

"And you are not? I loved you Anika, even if I never said it out loud. Why else would fight the world to possess you? Why else would I slay your dragons before you ask? Why else would I get mad at you?  And you left me without a word, you abandoned your child".

"You did not leave me a choice. I wanted to atleast see his face every month. But you took that away from me. You hated me so much, you took my baby away from his mother. I never blamed you and yet here you are accusing me of useless stuff".

"Useless stuff? Our marriage was useless stuff?"

"Please, please, my child. Let me have one look, I beg you please. I won't ask for anything. I will disappear again. Please just this once".

"Go change your clothes. You are staying the night", he threw a pair of pajamas at me and stood facing the window. 

For a while there was no response. So I slowly went to the bathroom and changed into the night clothes. When I walked out, he was sitting on sofa, his eyes staring holes into my flesh. 

He pulled me straight into his lap and carried me princess style into, what one could only presume was, his bedroom. He slammed my body down on the hard mattress and began his angry interrogation.

"Why did you leave? For another man? Or were you expecting alimony? Um?"

"..." 

"Was my love not enough for you?"

I could do nothing more than cry. I could never conjure up this situation in my wildest dreams. He continued, "did you ever love me?"

"Forget it", he said. His face suddenly turned red as he began kissing my forehead, lips, cheeks, neck, chest, navel. His hands reached down and ripped open my bottoms into two only leaving an elastic waistband in place. He was treading into dangerous territory fast. 

I could not resist physically, I was trapped. I also could not disclose my diagnosis, I was proud (might I add, way too proud for my own good). So I tried the "I am dirty" trick. He was not falling for it twice. 

"Please if you ever loved me Shivaay, please". 

He looked up for a minute. Then, fell back on the other side of the bed. 

"I still love you damn it! I f**king hate you but I can't help love you. You just...you are infuriating". 

I simply wanted to apologize then. I know that I could have handled the situation better. Perhaps, prepared him slowly for the divorce. But even in hindsight, I would have made the same decision. There was no way in hell I was guilt-tripping a perfectly healthy red blooded man into a dangerous, practically deadly sexual relationship with me just because he married me before I was sick. And I knew he would never let me go if I told the truth. So I mentally applauded myself for making the right decision. Now more that ever, I could see the wisdom of my foresight. 

"Shivaay?" I pleaded once again. "Please, please, my baby. I will do as you say". 

"I have learned my lesson. You clearly won't", he refuted. Then, quietly led me into a nursery after ten minutes. There he was, my little Rudra sound asleep in an ivory crib. I stood over him, my fist in my mouth, afraid my cries would wake him from slumber. My tears were falling nonstop as I stared at him wide-eyed, amazed at how big he'd grown. I took out the sanitizing liquid from my necklace locket. Even though I knew I could not infect him so, I was still paranoid. Especially, with my own flesh and blood, my OCD unexpected flared up. Shivaay

watched me peculiarly but did not interrupt. I gently lifted my baby out of the cradle, afraid I might break him the process. I rested his head against my chest hoping he still remembered my heart beat. 

Little Rudra was born premature, weak and exhausted from the effects of mama's medications. He was kept in NICU incubator for a month and he only had contact with me during those days. I used to lay him on my chest for hours on end hoping to familiarize his ears with my sounds. I knew I was going to leave him soon and returning after a year and a half, it was only wishful thinking that he would remember the sound of my heart. But I still deluded myself as I watched his smile curve a little more in my embrace. 

A/N:

1. This last month (and this month) are very important ones for me personally and this forum has been my lucky charm. (Side note: I am very superstitious. I have rituals I repeat if I know they bring me luck. I can get very extreme). So, even though you don't know me, thank you for the luck.
2. The story is reaching its conclusion. Only one more chapter to go!
3. HIV is no longer a death sentence. It's similar to having heart disease or diabetes nowadays. Your life expectancy is reduced, sure. But your quality of life can be kept normal for decades on end. Therefore, a sad ending is not imminent. Relax!

Hope you enjoyed the story. Here's Donna signing off until next time :)