Shravan and Suman were happily married for over a year now. Marital bliss was something neither had expected when they stood in front of the registrar's office, while signing the documents that would give them the title of man and wife.
They were at such a juncture in their life where they barely spoke to each other and when they did; it was just screaming and fighting with one another, in spite of being the best of friends and deeply in love with one another. At that time, he had only said yes for the marriage because of his father's gurudakshna to Nanu despite his love for her. And she had said yes because of her debt to her uncle and aunt and also because she loved him and she thought that would be enough. But in the moment she had yes, she had forgotten the magnanimity of their problems.
They were going to have a normal marriage with all the customs and traditions, however, her insistence at having a simple wedding, brought them in front of the registrar at the family court. Their fights and all the misunderstandings kept increasing hereon, until they both, mainly Shravan, realised the truth; Him about his father and how she was forced to sacrifice her love for him and her about how much he loved her. The path was rocky and full of difficulties which they overcame with patience and their love for one another. They fought all odds to be together happily.
***************************
Suman was pregnant within eighteen months of her marriage and she was positively glowing. She had everything a girl could ask for. A husband who adored her and doted on her, a loving father-in-law and an a great extended family in Kamin Chachi and Lalaji, a great friend in Pushkar and elder brother and sister-in-law in Varun bhaiyya and Vandy bhabhiand now she was on the way to motherhood.
The day Suman came to know she was pregnant was one of the best moments for her. She was on top of the world. She had been feeling quite unwell the past week or so. Vomitting and exhaustion was constant such that she had to skip going to PCT for a few days. On seeing no improvement in spite of resting continuously, she decided to visit the doctor.
Now, she had to inform her darling husband that they were going to become parents. The feeling of excitement was one she could not describe. She was nervous and happy at the same time as she did not know how to give him the good news.
************
Shravan came home in the evening, tired from work. The work load was too much and pressure was no less. He was also very concerned for Sumo, his darling wife. She had not been keeping well for the past week. He went to their room hoping to see her resting; however, she was not there.
"Sumo, Sumo, where are you?" He called out.
"I am here Shravan. In the kitchen." He heard her voice.
Uff! His wife! She would never listen to anything he would say. He went to her deciding that today he was going to tell her off for not taking care of herself and her innocent looks and tearing eyes would have no effect on him.
"Suman, what are you doing in the kitchen? You have to be resting right now. You have been unwell for the past week, yet you are in the kitchen making Kheer! Why don't you take care of yourself? I already have so much pressure in the office, cases that are demanding my attention and here at home you do not take care of yourself. How am I going to manage work if I know you are unwell? Did you go to Arora uncle today? I should have gone with you to make sure you follow all his instructions. Wait, let me call him up and find out what is the matter." He spoke continuously without listening to her or even looking at her.
"Why are you laughing now?" Shravan asked as he looked up from his phone in which he was dialling the doctors' number. He had expected her to be glaring at him but it was quite the opposite.
Suman was laughing seeing Shravan's reaction. He was such a darling. She remembered his unsuccessful attempts at telling her off earlier. He would melt down seeing her innocent expression or her tears. She felt bad for him. He was under a lot of pressure due to the number of cases Malhotra and Associates had taken up. He was really overworking himself and added on to that was the worry of her being unwell. She went to him, to reveal the news.
"Shravan..." She took the phone from him and put it on the counter.
He looked at her questioningly, "Ok, listen to me. No interrupting me, please." She looked at him for confirmation, "If you interrupt me, I will go away from here and not talk to you. Okay?" He nodded hesitantly.
"I went to the doctor today. And yes I wish you had come, but I totally understand that you could not, so do not worry too much about it. The doctor gave me some pills and a dietary chart. I... I..." Shravan urged her to continue. She went closer to his ears and whispered, "I am pregnant, honey."
Shravan was surprised. He could not believe it. He pulled Suman in to a tight hug, muttering thank yous in her ear. When they broke apart, he pulled her in a kissed her on her forehead and thanking her for being there in his life as she brought in happiness with her.
Suman was constantly smiling and embraced him when she saw his eyes brighter than normal. They were both so happy, learning that a baby; the sign of their love was going to come soon in their lives. Their life was changing and for the better. They were nervous about being parents but had confidence and trust in each other.
************
The next six months were a whirlwind. Suman's mood swings, her cravings, the kick of the baby, thinking of the names of the baby was all that happened in their life and mattered the most to them. Of course the sex of the baby was another important topic between them, which they never seemed to agree upon. Shravan wanted a girl, his princess while Suman wanted a son, her ladla beta. Many dreams were woven for the future of the baby; the sex did not matter then. The baby seemed to have brought Shravan and Suman closer over the last six months. Shravan used to spend a lot of time at home instead of the office as it used to get tiring waking up in the middle of the night to fulfil Suman's cravings.
One such night, Suman woke up craving for dark chocolate icecream.
"Shravan," She woke her husband up. "Ice cream, dark chocolate, please?" She made an innocent face with a small smile.
"Ok, love. I will get some for you."
"Can I come with you?"
"No. It is too late. You stay here and nap, I will be back soon."
"Let me come please. We can go for a long drive as well."
Shravan finally agreed on Suman's insistence. They got dressed in warm clothes and drove off.
Suman was really happy on getting her ice cream and had it like a child. On their way back, Shravan was looking at Suman while driving, making sure she is comfortable. They were having another of their tiffs regarding the baby.
All of a sudden, "SHRAVAN!" Suman screamed at him turning the staring wheel of the car. There was a car coming from the opposite side of the road in full speed. The driver seemed drunk as he was over the speed limit. Their car swerved and got hit by the other car before it rolled over.
"ARGH!" was the last thing Shravan recalled hearing before he passed out.
************
When Shravan gained consciousness a few hours later, the first thought in his mind was Suman. What happened to her? Where was she? The last thing he remembered was her scream. He called out to the nurse standing near him and asked for Suman.
The nurse told him that she is in the next room and she is still unconscious.
As Shravan was leaving to go see his wife, the nurse spoke up, "you have lost your child, Sir."
Shravan was shocked. He had lost his baby, their baby. The guilt of not being able to protect his family was eating him. He felt responsible for the death of his unborn baby. It dawned to him that it was all his fault. Had he been paying attention on the driving rather than Suman, the accident would not have taken place, nor would they have lost their unborn child. He started crying profusely. He needed Suman. But what if she blamed him for the accident and the death of the baby? What would he do then? No! He could not face her.
After a while, Shravan decided to go see Suman. She was lying still on the bed. Never had he seen her this pale. He held her hand carefully and embraced her body while weeping and muttering "I am sorry." He considered himself to be responsible for everything. If he had been more careful. If only he had not allowed her to come. If only.
************
When Suman woke up, she was alone in the room. She recalled what happened and tears rolled her cheeks. She had a feeling whatever happened was very bad. She hoped her baby was fine; anything happening to herself was ok, as long as her baby was fine.
She screamed a cry of pain when she felt her stomach. The nurse and some family members came running in. "My baby! What happened to my baby?!"
No one could tell the young woman the tragic news. No one had the courage.
Suman was wondering why no one was answering her. In the midst of all the familiar faces, she missed that of her husband's. Where was he? Why was he not with her? She got hysterical on receiving no reply.
"Where is my baby? Why is no one answering me?"
Not being able to see her this way, Kamini Chachi went to her and while hugging her, revealed the truth. Suman broke down in loud sobs. She was uncontrollable. Seeing her in this condition, the doctor and nurses decided to inject her so that she would fall asleep. As too much stress was not good for her.
************
When Suman awoke a few hours later, she noticed that Shravan was nowhere near her. She needed him, his support. He was her strength. Why would he go away from her at this crucial point in their lives. All of a sudden, she realised that he might consider her responsible for the loss of the baby. If she had not insisted on going with him to get the ice cream, the accident would not have happened. Tears welled up in her eyes and she let them flow freely. She felt guilty. Guilty for killing her baby, even though she did not do it intentionally, she caused it to happen.
Little did she know how much her husband; the love of her life was fighting himself to run and hug her. He thought she would consider him responsible for the loss of the innocent being. Little did she know that he spent the whole time next to her while she was sleeping, holding her hand firmly. Little did she know that the same man was standing right outside her room shedding silent tears. Little did she know that the doctor had informed him that she may never be able to conceive again. The report from the doctors shattered him and what was worse was he thought she blamed him or will blame him at some point in time.
Little did they both know, that instead of considering themselves responsible, they had to face the situation together, fight it together, supporting each other.
************
A few days passed since that fateful day that changed their life. Suman came to know that she may never be able to conceive again. She was devastated. Her beautiful married life had reached a point of darkness.
In spite of living under the same roof, they were like strangers, not talking to one another at all, barely even seeing each other. Each was wallowing in the grief and guilt separately. The elders of the family had no idea of what was happening as the couple pretended that they were there for each other.
How they longed to be there for the other, support one another was clearly evident in their small actions. Shravan would stay by Suman's side when she was asleep, holding her hand, begging for her forgiveness and Suman would talk to Shravan's photo crying to him, apologising furiously. If only they would have talked to each other, they would have been able to deal with the situation better and stronger.
************
They had had enough. A few days of spending apart, not talking to each other was extremely frustrating for them. They missed talking to the other, holding each other, hugging each other. They missed each other's support which was what they needed the most at the moment. They were mourning yet separately. They were together yet apart. And they decided something needed to be done about the situation. The baby was bringing them closer, then how could they drift apart after its loss? They needed each other the most at this point.
Both of them decided to confront each other. There was no other way the problem could be sorted. Shravan walked to their bedroom, while Suman was leaving it when they almost bumped inn to each other. They looked at each other and in to their eyes and all they could see were their own emotions reflecting in the other pair of eyes.
"Shrav..."
"Sumo.."
They both spoke up at the same time.
"I am..."
"Sorry?"
Shravan ended up completing what Suman started to say. That was all she needed before she embraced him in a tight hug and started crying. He held her tightly and sobbed along with her. This was what they needed after the pain they were enduring. Both apologised to each other for what they felt they had done wrong. They both felt really guilty for the loss of the child.
After a while, Shravan and Suman were sitting at the foot of the bed, holding each other's hands tightly, with Shravan's arm around Suman's shoulder who was leaning on Shravan, hugging. She was crying silently. When Shravan realised this, he held her tighter asking her what was wrong. He turned her around so that he could face her.
"Love, tell me what is wrong? You know I cannot bear to see you this way."
"Shravan, Shravan I may never be able to become a mother again." She sobbed. "I lost my baby, our baby and now I may never have the chance to give birth to our baby, the sign of our love."
It killed Shravan seeing her this way. She had been bearing all this pain all alone for all this while just because he was scared to talk to her? It killed him to know that they may never be able to become parents; that the sign of their love may never come in to the world. It mattered to him. He had wanted children, always had, ever since he fell for this stunning woman. But she mattered more. Her support did. Her love did. And he had to convince her that she mattered the most to him. Because if he knew her well enough, she would be having insecurities and doubts regarding their relationship and she would ask him to leave her. But he could never do that. He loved her too much to let go of her.
Suman's state of mind was frantic. She was going crazy with worry. She may never be able to become a mother; however, Shravan could become a father. Why should she let him suffer because of her state? Placing a stone on her heart, with great courage, she turned to look at him and say the next few words that she had never thought she would ever say.
"Get married again Shravan."
It was like a slap on his face. He knew she would say it, he had expected it; he knew her too well to not predict something like this. But this soon? The woman sitting in front of him had changed. She was no longer the crazy, demanding and selfish teenager he had fallen for. Neither was she the strong independent woman he had grown to love after his return from the UK.
This woman was somebody else. She had a firm look on her face although her eyes spoke something else. He could only imagine how she must have said those words to him. He cupped her face and gazed in to her eyes before saying,
"No! I can never do that Sumo! I LOVE YOU! I know why you are doing this! But I am sorry, I will never do this! I am responsible for this. If only I had been more careful while driving. If only I had refused to let you come along with me." She shook her head refusing him to go further. She did not blame him at all for what happened. And she did not want him to feel guilty for it.
"No Shravan, it is not your fault..."
"If it is not my fault, then it is not yours either Suman. Sumo, I understand, love. I know how much you are hurting right now. I know how much you wanted to have this baby, our baby. I will not get married to someone just so that I can get children. Yes, I wanted children, but I wanted them with you. Sumo, if this has happened to us, God must have planned something better for us, love. He will give us the strength to bear it and to fight it. Ok?"
He enveloped her in to a tight hug, stroking her back so that she could release all the pent-up emotions.
"We will go to the best doctors and get you treated. The doctor said that you may not be able to conceive, means we have chances. We will get the best treatment. And if, God forbid, it does not work, then there are so many children in the world who are without parents. We will adopt a child. And give him the life we would have given our baby. Ok? There is always a way out, love. Always."
Suman looked at her husband and gave him a small smile. His support really meant a lot to her. She had yearned for it since the day she had woken up at the hospital. He gave her the strength to fight against the worst situations. She thanked the Almighty for blessing her with such a husband.
"I love you," She whispered.
"I love you too. Always have, always will." He said before kissing her on the forehead and wiping away her tears.
Please Like and Comment. Your comments will be much appreciated.
comment:
p_commentcount