How funny it is that I am considered a strong, witty and funny woman who has her life figured with a stable job and now, although not so quite stable, body. But, this wouldn't be the most far-fetched truth or reality of my life. When chaos wasn't something I could easily relate to, my life, serene on the outside, is a tumult of deep and staggering emotions and confusions from the inside. It is easy to take up the challenge of loving someone who caught your attention in the first glance. It is more besotting when that someone returns your feelings. No in exact words, but with words enough to covey that you haven't entered the terrifying field of an unrequited love affair. So, when the emotions are at all time high when everything inside screams to be with them when the very temptation of your mind and heart further tempts you by telling how eagerly they want you - you are forced to think what is stopping you?
And then, uninvited, untold the answer comes, the horrifying answer that though you have forever tried to stay someone who has an unrestricted and open mind, someone who doesn't believe in the mundane and what has been taught, someone who has a mind of her own has unsuspectingly become another oppressed who doesn't have the spine and guts to stand up for herself. She has a heart to love, she has all the emotions to feel, however, she doesn't have one thing that would truly make these things count - a will to stand.
Crying each night that you are losing that someone, who has for once made you stop thinking of what the society and the world expects of you to think, but has encouraged your heart to race and your breath to hitch with anticipation because for once you aren't thinking with the conditioned mind rather a raw heart that hasn't been yet introduced to the feeling of familiarity. You related and then you get attracted to the attitude of poles different thoughts and actions. A habit or a personality trait, the walk, the way they run their hand through their hair, the way they walk towards you or watch you with eyes that promise to retain each moment and recount to tease you or remember you when you are not around are things you fall in love with - them falling for these things is a whole different story.
So, in this mixture of society playing the villain and you the defenseless heroine of your own created circumstances, where does the eternal love or happily ever after fit in? Or does it really fit in? A love story in making or another quote that everyone in a modern love story would be able to relate to? Whatever. I desperately hope to watch the setting sun with my love, if not, then a setting sun with a memory and a bitter tinge that sometimes the villain isn't society and circumstances. The villain is you, who didn't stand up!
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