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Hey my lovely Friends.. Yess I am back with yet another Twinj story.. This particular story was demanded and requested by my sweet friend KOMAL.. So yeah buddy this one is for u.. Hope I will live up to the expectation and u'l like it.. Without giving much ado let's start with the story..
Note: Plz bear with the ultimate long update..
AN UNSPOKEN GRIEF
"Haww..!! Kunj tumne dekha Angel ne Kaise yawn kia..!!" Twinkle said with admirable voice engulfed compeletly in excitement to the level she couldn't herself imagine when her preety little few days old angel opened her tiny mouth poking her concise tongue out with continuous flipping of eyelids just like twinkling of a star.. She spread out both her teeny tiny hands with slender fingers which are even less sleek than matchstick, curling them up into a loose fist..
The sight of "Their little world" lying comfortably and peacefully in those two masculine well built strong arms which meant world to her, amazed twinkle to the core.. On top of that those petit compressed movements their cutie pie was doing and her expressions left them under spell of this cute little baby..
"Aww she is so cute.. Just like me" Twinkle stated proudly knowing exactly with what she is going to be treated in return..
"Oh hello.. She is my daughter or usse ye cuteness Virasat me mili hai, to tu faltu me credit Lena band kar.. Samjhi Miss Siyappa Queen.." Kunj retiliated with equal charm in his eyes and proud in his voice..
Twinkle couldnt help but smile and adore this beautiful antic of her dear Husband and the recent new little addition to her world.. Kunj was pacing the whole area with delicately holding baby in his arms like a perfect lock.. He was swaying his arms up and down in a swing like motion in an attempt to make his angel sleep with simultaneous movements of his head.. He made faces tried to request her to sleep made different kinds of voices but nothing seemed to be working as sleep was far away from her eyes.. She was also enjoying her father's cuteness and childishness..
"Kunj Vo Aese Nahi Soyegi..?" Twinkle tried to intervene for some help..
"Tu to Aese Keh rahi jaise tune Baccho ko sulane be Badi PHD ki hui Hai.." Kunj stated being annoyed..
"Mai janti hu Kunj coz M a Mother.." She stated honestly.. Kunj was amazed at this.. For the first time he was smiling on losing an argument with Twinkle..
Twinkle gently started patting on her chest and forehead, singing a lullaby
Chandaniya chup jaana re
Chan bhar ko lukh jaana re
Neendiya aankhon mein aaye
Bitiyaa meri so jaaye..
La la la la..
It was matter of few seconds and their darling doll's vision started blurring while she started flipping her eyes.. Soon she was taken over by a deep slumber like a duvet.. Kunj stood stunned and surprised at the same time.. He tried all his tricks since last 2hrs which seemed to fail mercilessly whearas it took just 5mints for twinkle to do her magic.. Well that's why they say Mother-Child bond is unique and unimaginable..
He bend down to place baby cautiously and safely on her cradle.. She squirmed a bit, made herself comfortable and was fast asleep.. Twinj sat by side of her cradle caressing her forehead together When... When...
A horrifying sound echoed and kunj woke up with a start to realise it was His Alarm ringing violently and it was the culprit to butcher his cherished dream badly.. He rubbed his eyes which were still open in slits and rolled his hand over other half of his bed to locate his betterhalf who was nowhere to be found..
As soon as he stood up his eyes met with all those sticky posters pasted on the walls of their room with pictures of cute little babies which was meant to mark the welcome of New Member with new joy and happiness in their life.. If it would have been a day from a month ago then he would have been rejoiced with happiness and jumped with excitemed.. But..
That one uninvited unexpected and unwelcomed day turned their life upside down.. That one day marked the era of unending grief in their life.. The day that eclipsed their bliss..That one unforgettable day scarred their heart and soul in an unhealing wound.. The wound so raw so fresh even after one month.. The wound that kept on bleeding and weeping silently..
He located twinkle sitting on swing in balcony.. Curled upon herself hugging her knees and legs.. He shoved away his thoughts and faked a boldness and a smile in his face but deep down his condition was not any better.. He progressed towards her.. Twinkle was stonefaced and lost in her deep thoughts which were nothing different than Kunj's dreams.. Dreams of a new life..dreams of being complete as a women..dreams of a happier tomorrow..
Kunj caressed her head to break her trance of thoughts.. He got hold on something which twinkle was clutching tightly close to her heart in a bone crushing hug.. He turned it to have a look on it.. It was a table calendar with a date marked on it in a heart shaped red coloured circle.. He felt like somebody stabbed his heart and ripped it apart.. His eyes flodded with countless tears and memories..
The marked date was supposed to be their Happiest day of Life.. But not anymore.. It was the date of arrival of a new life in the world which BELONG TO THEM .. Which would have been a part of their soul.. Their hopes and dreams were connected with that date.. But now they are left with nothing but broken pieces of their shattered dreams which pierce them every now and then..
Twinkle hugged him clutching his waist and rested her head on his belly and started sobbing loudly.. [Twinkle was sitting on swing while kunj was standing in front of her] He reciprocated and hugged her holding her back.. He bent down to rest his cheek on top of her head.. They both cried together simultaneously.. Some moments passed by wordless and voiceless in uber silence.. The wetness on his cloth told him about the amount of tears she shed.. That amount was nothing in front of their loss.. Their Unspoke Grief..
Suddenly Kunj's vision drifted to an incident of 10days back which shook him to the core and made him lifeless..
FLASHBACK
One fine morning Kunj was searching for Twinkle's report file and prescription paper in order to refill her medicine box when his Eyes reached out to one folded paper kept hidden between some papers on twinkle's drawer.. His curiosity forced him to open it and see what that was..
It was a letter written by Twinkle which was dated 10days after that dreedful incident.. Even before reading it kunj could make out some spots on paper where the ink was smudged and spread that clearly told him how much she cried and shed her tears while writing this.. The letter read-
Yes.
I lost my baby.
I finally admitted those words today. Out loud. Spoken through vocal cords that I never felt move. Said by a voice that didn't sound like me. It didn't even sound human. Someone asked me how the baby was doing and I had to say it. I did well...I hid behind a mask and said "life happens, and I'm ok. Sad, but ok". That was a bold faced lie. I AM NOT OK. I don't know how to be ok. I am consumed with such an Overwhelming sadness that there aren't any words that can describe the depths of this.
I am also guilty. That "EMBRYO" became my child the moment I saw the two lines on that test. I fell in love. I dreamed of me and peanut walking through the park. I dreamed of peanuts first day of school. i was in love with my child. I couldn't wait to start showing. I couldn't wait to say "I'm due ______". I couldn't wait to see who our child looked like...My Sadoo yet Handsome hubby or it goes on typical Taneja roots or some crazy combo of both. I couldn't wait to breast feed. I couldn't wait to give birth.
It was my responsibility to nurture and protect my child and I failed at it. I failed my future son or daughter.
I'm told to move on. That It's all going to be ok. That I will forget and have a wonderful pregnancy the next time. I'm told that I shouldn't think about it any longer. How the hell can I do that??? I loved my child. I loved that 6 week size of a pea fetus that should have been 13 weeks at the time I lost it. I would have done ANYTHING to protect it. I thought I did it all right. I got my blood sugars under control immediately, I ate right, took my insulin 100% the way I was supposed to for the first time in years. I took the vitamins. Went to the doctors immediately. I rested. I loved. I planned. I prayed. It didn't work. Somewhere along the way I messed up. What did I do to deserve to loose this baby and what did I do that was so bad that this baby had to pay with his or her life before it began...literally?
I know that I will never have an answer. I will never forget the feeling that I had when I saw blood on the toilet paper that wednesday afternoon. I know I'll never forget the look of the "tissue" as I passed it. Ill never forget the heartbreak I felt as I flushed. Ill never forget the feeling of despair I felt when the doctors confirmed for the last time that no heartbeat was present and that no development had come in more than 2 weeks. Ill never forget the first sonogram. Ill never forget the amazing excitement or simultaneous fear as I peed on that stick and waited 3 minutes. Ill never forget the look on my significant others face when he realized what the plus sign meant. Ill never forget the first time I looked in the mirror and said I'm going to be a mommy. Ill never forget every tear that fell down my face, both tears of joy and sorrow. I know that one day I will be ok. I know one day I will forgive myself. I know that today isn't that day. I know that i will have a beautiful family one day and that my children will help me move past this loss.
I also know that I will NEVER forget the love I feel for my first unborn "angel baby"
*End of Letter*
It was not like Kunj was not aware of Twinkle's grief and her ache but this written words broke his heart into zillion pieces.. He thought he was miscalculating the intensity of impact on Twinkle's soul.. His condition was not any better but he couldn't figure out the proper words to express..
From that day he promised himself to take extra care of Twinkle and protect her like his baby.. If at this point she was engulfed in her loss then there will be no return.. He never tried to ease her pain as that was impossible he always tried to inculcate a little HOPE of a better tommorow inside her..
*End Of Flashback*
Hours passed by faster than a blink.. Kunj stood motionless in the same posture hugging Twinkle as if his muscles paralysed and refused to move.. His body fatigue was like an ant in front of his elephantine heartache.. Even the tears started betraying and dried up inside their red swollen smudged eyes.. Yet Kunj didn't move and made his grip tighter around her shoulder silently conveying his message to her heart saying "M Always There For U Twinkle..!"
10days went after reading Twinkle's letter but still Kunj never mentioned this to her.. It was not like he couldn't gather courage to talk but he chose to be Mum.. He chose to give her, HER space.. He knew it was only Twinkle who felt the liitle one and actually lived with her.. They were tied with string that was special and unbreakable.. And At any point of the day HER grief was far more than HIS..
After a while Kunj scooped up Twinkle in his arms and brought her inside the room.. He gently placed her on Bed and covered her with duvet.. He made himself comfortable beside her in a side hugging way and paced his hand along the length of her arm ever so tenderly.. Twinkle's head automatically found its shelter on his chest..
"Kunj Hamare sath hi aesa Q hua..? Kaunse Gunah ki Hume itni Badi saza mili kunj..? " She asked bluntly in a shaky voice..
"Tujhe pata hai Twinkle Babaji ke Pass bhi Acche logo ki Shortage hai Islie vo hamari dunia se aache logo ko apne pass bula lete hai.. Our Baby was Special thus God Chose HER.." Kunj exclaimed with a heavy salted tear burning down its track embracing his cheek..
"Par tu Fikar Mat kar Babaji ke pass Sare Accounts hote hai.. Srf unke Pass hisab ka aesa system hota hai jisme balance sheet kabi tally ni hoti.. Qki Vo jitna lete hai na Usse kahi jda dete hai.. But only one condition is Applied i.e. PATIENCE.. Humko bhi sahi waqt aane ka Wait karna Hoga.." Kunj tried to be hopeful.. Twinkle thought he actually made sense..
"Shayad tum Sahi keh rahe ho Kunj.." She said almost in a whisper with heavy heart..
"But Hum Aese Rote Nahi Reh Sakte Twinkle.. We need to Keep up Our HOPES that too with a smile.. Tu khud Soch Hamri Angel ko kitna bura lagta hoga hame Aese dekh ke.. " Kunj couldn't think of any better way to make her feel better..
Twinkle just hummed at this..
"How can we forget those 3months of Gladness and cheerfulness our Little doll gave us.. Haa..?? We'll always Remember Her as a Sweet and Happy memory.. Not by shedding tears.. She'l always be in our Hearts As "OUR BABY JOY" our first baby.." By saying this Kunj finally struck the correct chords inside Twinkle which was well needed to comfort her..
"OUR BABY JOY..!!" twinkle repeated those words with an ultimate smile.. The one Kunj was dying for since a month..
Finally a seed of "HOPE" sprouted in Her Fertile heart.. Hope for a little dream to be fulfilled .. Hope for another Surprise.. Hope for two liitle footsteps or may be four, if Kunj's theory to be trusted, to bless their life..
But she knew She is already A MOTHER to an unborn little life and she felt blessed to be the One..
The End
Phew..!! So that was it..
I hope u guys like it..
I kno I am being sadist but if u really cry After reading this then I won As a Writer.. Feel free to tell me how u like it..
Love
Riya
Note: Plz bear with the ultimate long update..
"Haww..!! Kunj tumne dekha Angel ne Kaise yawn kia..!!" Twinkle said with admirable voice engulfed compeletly in excitement to the level she couldn't herself imagine when her preety little few days old angel opened her tiny mouth poking her concise tongue out with continuous flipping of eyelids just like twinkling of a star.. She spread out both her teeny tiny hands with slender fingers which are even less sleek than matchstick, curling them up into a loose fist..
The sight of "Their little world" lying comfortably and peacefully in those two masculine well built strong arms which meant world to her, amazed twinkle to the core.. On top of that those petit compressed movements their cutie pie was doing and her expressions left them under spell of this cute little baby..
"Aww she is so cute.. Just like me" Twinkle stated proudly knowing exactly with what she is going to be treated in return..
"Oh hello.. She is my daughter or usse ye cuteness Virasat me mili hai, to tu faltu me credit Lena band kar.. Samjhi Miss Siyappa Queen.." Kunj retiliated with equal charm in his eyes and proud in his voice..
Twinkle couldnt help but smile and adore this beautiful antic of her dear Husband and the recent new little addition to her world.. Kunj was pacing the whole area with delicately holding baby in his arms like a perfect lock.. He was swaying his arms up and down in a swing like motion in an attempt to make his angel sleep with simultaneous movements of his head.. He made faces tried to request her to sleep made different kinds of voices but nothing seemed to be working as sleep was far away from her eyes.. She was also enjoying her father's cuteness and childishness..
"Kunj Vo Aese Nahi Soyegi..?" Twinkle tried to intervene for some help..
"Tu to Aese Keh rahi jaise tune Baccho ko sulane be Badi PHD ki hui Hai.." Kunj stated being annoyed..
"Mai janti hu Kunj coz M a Mother.." She stated honestly.. Kunj was amazed at this.. For the first time he was smiling on losing an argument with Twinkle..
Twinkle gently started patting on her chest and forehead, singing a lullaby
Chandaniya chup jaana re
Chan bhar ko lukh jaana re
Neendiya aankhon mein aaye
Bitiyaa meri so jaaye..
La la la la..
It was matter of few seconds and their darling doll's vision started blurring while she started flipping her eyes.. Soon she was taken over by a deep slumber like a duvet.. Kunj stood stunned and surprised at the same time.. He tried all his tricks since last 2hrs which seemed to fail mercilessly whearas it took just 5mints for twinkle to do her magic.. Well that's why they say Mother-Child bond is unique and unimaginable..
He bend down to place baby cautiously and safely on her cradle.. She squirmed a bit, made herself comfortable and was fast asleep.. Twinj sat by side of her cradle caressing her forehead together When... When...
A horrifying sound echoed and kunj woke up with a start to realise it was His Alarm ringing violently and it was the culprit to butcher his cherished dream badly.. He rubbed his eyes which were still open in slits and rolled his hand over other half of his bed to locate his betterhalf who was nowhere to be found..
As soon as he stood up his eyes met with all those sticky posters pasted on the walls of their room with pictures of cute little babies which was meant to mark the welcome of New Member with new joy and happiness in their life.. If it would have been a day from a month ago then he would have been rejoiced with happiness and jumped with excitemed.. But..
That one uninvited unexpected and unwelcomed day turned their life upside down.. That one day marked the era of unending grief in their life.. The day that eclipsed their bliss..That one unforgettable day scarred their heart and soul in an unhealing wound.. The wound so raw so fresh even after one month.. The wound that kept on bleeding and weeping silently..
He located twinkle sitting on swing in balcony.. Curled upon herself hugging her knees and legs.. He shoved away his thoughts and faked a boldness and a smile in his face but deep down his condition was not any better.. He progressed towards her.. Twinkle was stonefaced and lost in her deep thoughts which were nothing different than Kunj's dreams.. Dreams of a new life..dreams of being complete as a women..dreams of a happier tomorrow..
Kunj caressed her head to break her trance of thoughts.. He got hold on something which twinkle was clutching tightly close to her heart in a bone crushing hug.. He turned it to have a look on it.. It was a table calendar with a date marked on it in a heart shaped red coloured circle.. He felt like somebody stabbed his heart and ripped it apart.. His eyes flodded with countless tears and memories..
The marked date was supposed to be their Happiest day of Life.. But not anymore.. It was the date of arrival of a new life in the world which BELONG TO THEM .. Which would have been a part of their soul.. Their hopes and dreams were connected with that date.. But now they are left with nothing but broken pieces of their shattered dreams which pierce them every now and then..
Twinkle hugged him clutching his waist and rested her head on his belly and started sobbing loudly.. [Twinkle was sitting on swing while kunj was standing in front of her] He reciprocated and hugged her holding her back.. He bent down to rest his cheek on top of her head.. They both cried together simultaneously.. Some moments passed by wordless and voiceless in uber silence.. The wetness on his cloth told him about the amount of tears she shed.. That amount was nothing in front of their loss.. Their Unspoke Grief..
Suddenly Kunj's vision drifted to an incident of 10days back which shook him to the core and made him lifeless..
One fine morning Kunj was searching for Twinkle's report file and prescription paper in order to refill her medicine box when his Eyes reached out to one folded paper kept hidden between some papers on twinkle's drawer.. His curiosity forced him to open it and see what that was..
It was a letter written by Twinkle which was dated 10days after that dreedful incident.. Even before reading it kunj could make out some spots on paper where the ink was smudged and spread that clearly told him how much she cried and shed her tears while writing this.. The letter read-
Yes.
I lost my baby.
I finally admitted those words today. Out loud. Spoken through vocal cords that I never felt move. Said by a voice that didn't sound like me. It didn't even sound human. Someone asked me how the baby was doing and I had to say it. I did well...I hid behind a mask and said "life happens, and I'm ok. Sad, but ok". That was a bold faced lie. I AM NOT OK. I don't know how to be ok. I am consumed with such an Overwhelming sadness that there aren't any words that can describe the depths of this.
I am also guilty. That "EMBRYO" became my child the moment I saw the two lines on that test. I fell in love. I dreamed of me and peanut walking through the park. I dreamed of peanuts first day of school. i was in love with my child. I couldn't wait to start showing. I couldn't wait to say "I'm due ______". I couldn't wait to see who our child looked like...My Sadoo yet Handsome hubby or it goes on typical Taneja roots or some crazy combo of both. I couldn't wait to breast feed. I couldn't wait to give birth.
It was my responsibility to nurture and protect my child and I failed at it. I failed my future son or daughter.
I'm told to move on. That It's all going to be ok. That I will forget and have a wonderful pregnancy the next time. I'm told that I shouldn't think about it any longer. How the hell can I do that??? I loved my child. I loved that 6 week size of a pea fetus that should have been 13 weeks at the time I lost it. I would have done ANYTHING to protect it. I thought I did it all right. I got my blood sugars under control immediately, I ate right, took my insulin 100% the way I was supposed to for the first time in years. I took the vitamins. Went to the doctors immediately. I rested. I loved. I planned. I prayed. It didn't work. Somewhere along the way I messed up. What did I do to deserve to loose this baby and what did I do that was so bad that this baby had to pay with his or her life before it began...literally?
I know that I will never have an answer. I will never forget the feeling that I had when I saw blood on the toilet paper that wednesday afternoon. I know I'll never forget the look of the "tissue" as I passed it. Ill never forget the heartbreak I felt as I flushed. Ill never forget the feeling of despair I felt when the doctors confirmed for the last time that no heartbeat was present and that no development had come in more than 2 weeks. Ill never forget the first sonogram. Ill never forget the amazing excitement or simultaneous fear as I peed on that stick and waited 3 minutes. Ill never forget the look on my significant others face when he realized what the plus sign meant. Ill never forget the first time I looked in the mirror and said I'm going to be a mommy. Ill never forget every tear that fell down my face, both tears of joy and sorrow. I know that one day I will be ok. I know one day I will forgive myself. I know that today isn't that day. I know that i will have a beautiful family one day and that my children will help me move past this loss.
I also know that I will NEVER forget the love I feel for my first unborn "angel baby"
*End of Letter*
It was not like Kunj was not aware of Twinkle's grief and her ache but this written words broke his heart into zillion pieces.. He thought he was miscalculating the intensity of impact on Twinkle's soul.. His condition was not any better but he couldn't figure out the proper words to express..
From that day he promised himself to take extra care of Twinkle and protect her like his baby.. If at this point she was engulfed in her loss then there will be no return.. He never tried to ease her pain as that was impossible he always tried to inculcate a little HOPE of a better tommorow inside her..
Hours passed by faster than a blink.. Kunj stood motionless in the same posture hugging Twinkle as if his muscles paralysed and refused to move.. His body fatigue was like an ant in front of his elephantine heartache.. Even the tears started betraying and dried up inside their red swollen smudged eyes.. Yet Kunj didn't move and made his grip tighter around her shoulder silently conveying his message to her heart saying "M Always There For U Twinkle..!"
10days went after reading Twinkle's letter but still Kunj never mentioned this to her.. It was not like he couldn't gather courage to talk but he chose to be Mum.. He chose to give her, HER space.. He knew it was only Twinkle who felt the liitle one and actually lived with her.. They were tied with string that was special and unbreakable.. And At any point of the day HER grief was far more than HIS..
After a while Kunj scooped up Twinkle in his arms and brought her inside the room.. He gently placed her on Bed and covered her with duvet.. He made himself comfortable beside her in a side hugging way and paced his hand along the length of her arm ever so tenderly.. Twinkle's head automatically found its shelter on his chest..
"Kunj Hamare sath hi aesa Q hua..? Kaunse Gunah ki Hume itni Badi saza mili kunj..? " She asked bluntly in a shaky voice..
"Tujhe pata hai Twinkle Babaji ke Pass bhi Acche logo ki Shortage hai Islie vo hamari dunia se aache logo ko apne pass bula lete hai.. Our Baby was Special thus God Chose HER.." Kunj exclaimed with a heavy salted tear burning down its track embracing his cheek..
"Par tu Fikar Mat kar Babaji ke pass Sare Accounts hote hai.. Srf unke Pass hisab ka aesa system hota hai jisme balance sheet kabi tally ni hoti.. Qki Vo jitna lete hai na Usse kahi jda dete hai.. But only one condition is Applied i.e. PATIENCE.. Humko bhi sahi waqt aane ka Wait karna Hoga.." Kunj tried to be hopeful.. Twinkle thought he actually made sense..
"Shayad tum Sahi keh rahe ho Kunj.." She said almost in a whisper with heavy heart..
"But Hum Aese Rote Nahi Reh Sakte Twinkle.. We need to Keep up Our HOPES that too with a smile.. Tu khud Soch Hamri Angel ko kitna bura lagta hoga hame Aese dekh ke.. " Kunj couldn't think of any better way to make her feel better..
Twinkle just hummed at this..
"How can we forget those 3months of Gladness and cheerfulness our Little doll gave us.. Haa..?? We'll always Remember Her as a Sweet and Happy memory.. Not by shedding tears.. She'l always be in our Hearts As "OUR BABY JOY" our first baby.." By saying this Kunj finally struck the correct chords inside Twinkle which was well needed to comfort her..
"OUR BABY JOY..!!" twinkle repeated those words with an ultimate smile.. The one Kunj was dying for since a month..
Finally a seed of "HOPE" sprouted in Her Fertile heart.. Hope for a little dream to be fulfilled .. Hope for another Surprise.. Hope for two liitle footsteps or may be four, if Kunj's theory to be trusted, to bless their life..
But she knew She is already A MOTHER to an unborn little life and she felt blessed to be the One..
The End
Phew..!! So that was it..
I hope u guys like it..
I kno I am being sadist but if u really cry After reading this then I won As a Writer.. Feel free to tell me how u like it..
Love
Riya
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