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"Goodbye, son. I hope it is not forever "
It was with those words that Oliver looked down at the computer screen. And then an empty feeling overcame him. Suddenly. Like a tide. He would never have thought he could feel the need to speak again, but he did. He wished he could stand in front of the laptop, to send video to his son, perhaps forever. And this thought made him even feel strange. Who would have thought? Who would have believed that Oliver Queen felt the need to SPEAK and to open up to someone.
Only now that 'someone' wasn't a strange, but his son.
His son.
Oliver has never dreamed of wanting to be a father. His life had been too complicated, insecure and messed up, for really having a chance to think about such a thing.
Up to a little less than a year before, he thought that he had not granted even to love someone. He knew he loved Felicity for so long, but he did not believe that he really had the opportunity to have her, at the end of everything.
But then, on the other hand he had had, and everything had changed. Not only him but his whole world, his whole outlook on life and things and people.
Up to a little less than a year ago, he had believed that eventually, he would die alone in the lair, abandoned by all the people who he had loved.
But in the end, he found himself to love and to be loved. In a few months he had learned to believe in the future and found to be a father.
Not only that, he also discovered he wanted to be a father. He discovered he wanted to be present for that creature who he barely knew, but who was his. Blood of his blood.
Perhaps, he had been the one to make him believe that he really wanted a family. And he wanted to have a family with Felicity.
Felicity ..
He was so into all that flood of thoughts and memories, he even did not notice that she was exactly in front of him, on her wheelchair. Beautiful like every time he looked at her.
But there was something else, and he knew it.
He knew that this moment would come from the first moment and perhaps he would never have admitted it, but he was afraid.
Green Arrow was afraid of a girl?
No, Oliver Queen was afraid to be on the exact point of losing the love of his life. Of losing his family.
"How long have you been here?" He asked.
"Enough. I have heard enough " she whispered back.
When their eyes met, Oliver realized. Those beautiful eyes were filled with so many emotions.. he saw there anger, disappointment, delusion and sadness..and already this was enough for him to look down. Because he knew what was coming. He'd seen it coming, over and over again. But he never thought it would hurt as much as now.
"I'm sorry Oliver, I can not do that" And a ticking on the table accompanied Felicity as she took off her engagement ring.
"Please, Felicity. I just lost my son. I can not lose you, too. I can not lose what we have and we are building "
"And what we're building exactly, Oliver?" Her tone of voice, cold as ice, made him wince.
"Look, I know you're upset right? And you have every right to be, but we could at least talk about it? You can give me a chance to explain how things are. "
"I already know. Samantha told me. I know that was her ultimatum. And I know that you had to make a decision impossible and you did what you considered fairer. And this is precisely the problem, Oliver. You have thought is right to lie to me, again. You have seen fit to keep this huge secret, again. You have seen fit to trust many people excluded me, again. And that maybe I would have accepted, once. But not now Oliver. Not now, when putting that ring on my finger twice, you promised we'd be together "for better or for worse", we could rely on each other. Because this is marriage Oliver, it's mean to rely on the person next to you, to trust enough to believe to tell even the most difficult things. Or perhaps you thought that Iwill be gone to Samantha straight to tell her I knew everything? You know that I know how to keep a secret Oliver, you know. I did it the first moment, and I would have continued to do it. I'd have continued to keep another secret for you. I would have done, and you know that I would done it. You know that I would never blamed the fact that you had a son, in your old world, in a time when the two of us we had not yet crossed. Why Oliver? Were you afraid that I .. "
"Felicity!" She started to babble , as always when she was nervous, and he knew it. He knew her and she knew him. And Oliver would have found her adorable, if the situation had been different.
"You know that this is not the case Felicity!You know that this is not about you...just I thought I was doing the right thing for him and to have at least a chance with my son. You know that there is no problem of trust between you and me, you know that's not what stopped me, so please .. "
For the first time it took her a few seconds before she could speak again "You are right..I am sorry. But I can not pretend that this has not happened. I can not pretend that, once again, you have decided to go away from your son and you have not even talked about. I understant, but I can not pretend it's all right to me. I can not pretend that all these lies and half truths are still welcome in my life, because it is not so. Not after everything that has happened "
They looked for a few moments that seemed endless, unable to avoid each other gaze. They both knew what was coming, and they also knew that it was probably the right thing. But neither of them really had the courage to do it. To make that step that would close any things they had for each other.
"I need space, Oliver. I need it. You can stay here, moreover, it is your sister's house. I will call John and ask him if I can stay with them for a while until I find another accommodation and .. " It was then that a noise interrupted them. Oliver did not get immediately what was going on, not until he saw her move slowly. Move. Really moving. Felicity simply looked at him with wide eyes and a smile that began to draw his face.
She was getting up..God, her legs were moving.
At the exact moment when she managed to get up from the chair that had accompanied her for a time that had seemed far too long, Oliver jumped up in front of her.
"You are up..Felicity, you're standing"
And her eyes filled with tears, and she throw her arms around him and hug him stronger than ever! It seemed just the right thing and the most natural thing she had ever done. It seemed to be in the right place, at home again, in his arms.
And despite everything, despite what had happened a moment before and she knew what she should do next moment, she knew deep down...her heart knew, that she would not want to live that moment with no one else but him.
She did not know how long they remained so. Simply embraced. But when she tried to break free, he tightened his grip.
"Oliver ... let me go. I have to go"
"No" his voice came clear and firm.
"Oliver, please"
He did not walk away, he continued to hold her as if his hands had the most precious treasure. And it was indeed the case. He moved his head the much needed to rest his forehead against the woman he loved.
"Do not go Felicity. Please do not go. The first thing you do after regaining the use of you legs, is not to go far from me. I could not bear it Felicty. "
He could not say it looked like a prayer, it was. He was just begging her to stay. And his breathing became heavy, and she even noticed that she had started to cry. Tears began rolling down her face, and she realized it only when he began to dry them with his lips and whisper "I'm sorry" after each kiss.
She'd only wish that time would stop. She wanted to remain there, with the man she loved, forever.
But she could not. It was not fair. It would go against everything she believed in, every principle and every value the she so fiercely guarded.
It would not be fair even for him, because even if she had made love with him, at that moment, then she would have still left...
"Tell me that this thing is unsolvable, tell me everything that has happened today has meant that you stopped loving me and I'll make you walk out that door"
It was still a whisper, a whisper on her skin while a hand was over on her back.
She pulled on his face and put her hand on his cheek, as he often did.
"You know that is not so Oliver. You know I love you, and you know I will not stop loving you even tomorrow. But I have to figure out what to do. And you know that I would like to do, right now, is to be with you, and make love with you, but what's the point? Do you think it would be simpler to let me go after that? "
He did not answer. Simply he opened his eyes, slipped his hand under her shirt and kissed her. He kissed her with everything he had, with all the love he could give her. And she let him do it, because maybe it was the last time she could have it so, and she would not wasted the moment.
When they parted for breath, she stepped back decided. And Oliver knew at that point that he could not do anything to stop her. He knew her well enough to recognize that look.
They looked one last time, and eventually Felicity turned her small shoulders and walked out of that house that was theirs, and then just picked up her pace and tried to move far enough away.
And she wept. She cried all the tears she had been holding all day.
While Oliver simply destroyed everything. Every damn thing that was around him. And when he was too tired to continue, he saw the ring resting on the table. And then he could not help but just sit and observe.
And all Star City could hear the terrible noise of Oliver's heart break down. Once again.
He felt alone...like he had not felt for a long time!
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