College Assignment: The Fault in our Foods - A Parody

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Posted: 6 years ago



'The Fault in Our Stars' is a young adult romantic novel by John Green. The novel revolves around a sixteen-year-old cancer patient Hazel Grace Lancaster and a seventeen-year-old Augustus Waters, whose osteosarcoma made him an amputee
They meet in a support group and bond quickly. After they agree to read each other's favourite novels, Augustus feels frustrated upon finding that Hazel's favourite 'Imperial Affliction' ends without a proper ending. The duo mails the author of novel, Peter Van Houten who invites them to come to Amsterdam and ask the questions regarding the ending in person. There Augustus & Hazel confess their love for each other after a sweet romantic dinner date. Despite their physical limitations they continue to support and love each other in every way.  Heart
It is later revealed by Augustus that his the condition of his health is worse than he had earlier claimed. After returning from Amsterdam his health deteriorates and he finally dies. Disapprove
It was later revealed by Peter that Augustus was writing a sequel to 'Imperial Affliction'
So basically this is a tragic story with heart-crashing ending but we can't remain sad right?? We're blessed with beautiful teeth by God and we need to show them Wink
Hence stop shedding pearls from eyes and scroll down below to read a comic version i.e. parody of Augustus and Hazel's date!!
 We have tried our best to crack your jaw Embarrassed 
Hope you will love it...







Credits:

..BlackSwan.. | cute00ish | _TheBlackRose_ | shahsb_26  |  
 
Born2Dance | PrincessAish





Edited by ..BlackSwan.. - 6 years ago
Posted: 6 years ago


At sharp 6 PM August-Mess knocked on the door of Hair-Gel's room. 
"Ello?" She said through the door. "Meow!" he replied. Hair-Gel quickly checked her blue sleeveless moon dress. Once her scanning was done she opened the door. 


Oops! Her eyes popped out seeing him in classy yellow suit & light pink shirt attire. How dare he look better than her? 
"Hair-Gel grapes, you look delicious" he praised. August-Mess can't think of anything except food when it comes to date'.


---





When they came to street, waiting for the tram, Hair-gel shot her first question. "
The suit you wear in birthdays?" She's in love with the suit. August mess replied "no, men never wear pink in birthday parties!"
They boarded on a tram few minutes later. 


It stopped in front of the Orange restaurant after more few minutes. The hot hostess clapped seeing them. "Mr & Mrs Waters?" Our leads got the married status by just dressing fancy. Getting married is so easy! 
"I guess." Hair gel said. Obviously she's not gonna correct her. The illusion which can turn a teeny into married woman shouldn't be spoiled by truth. "Your table" hostess gestured at a table. 



"That champagne is our gift...". See, a mere illusion can help you to get free champagne and marital status. So mess & gel did happy dance in mind & settled their ass. Neither of them had tasted champagne in life. 
After having their meow-meow oath they clinked glasses quickly."It's really good.Free drinks always taste better, who doesn't know. The waiter came to advertise their gift."Do you know what Archimedes said after inventing champagne?" Huh. Do they look like encyclopedia? They shook heads. 



"He said to his fellow pack of stupids, Eureka. I'm tasting Alpha Centauri. Welcome to Amsterdam. Want to see a menu or have the chef's choice?" he said praying in mind to be ordered the latter as their chef can't cook all the things advertised in menu. Neither Mess nor Hair-Gel had any idea what they should order, all the names sounded Latin (Dutch, whatever), so they settled for the easy option
"Hmm chef's choice sounds lovely, but Hair-Gel is vegetarian." August told the waiter... literally thanking God for giving vegetarian girl, it's gonna save lot of money in future. "That's not a problem." he flashed a smile again. Both parties felt safe. 






"Awesome, can we get more of this?" August pointed at the champagne. Opportunities should be used fully as you never know when they will come again. "Of course, we have poured all the milky ways along with the suns this evening." said the waiter. 



Edited by cute00ish - 6 years ago
Posted: 6 years ago



"Oh this confetti... this year they are totally packing the city. Very annoying!" the waiter said brushing off a seed from Hair-Gel's shoulder. August-Mess felt irritated. How could a born-nature lover like him bear this? He felt good when he was talking about galaxies, now this confetti dropped them back on earth. 
"Kinda hard to believe one can find this 'annoying'" August-Mess spilled out once he left. "People always get used to beauty, though." Hair-Gel said smartly. 





"I haven't gotten used to you yet." he said to start his flattering business. Not his fault, this is another popular unwritten rule of 'Date'. There our girl was giving competition to tomatoes. "Thanks for coming to Amsterdam." "Thanks for letting me hijack your wish" "Thanks for wearing that dress which is like whoa!" Beware man; people will start eating your girlfriend's cheek instead in salad & burgers! Control now!
"Hey, how does the poem end? The one you recited in sky?" Hair-Gel frowned. Is he taking her class here? May be being impressed by the poem he'd kiss her. So she started reciting... 
"We've lingered in the large air-conditioned chambers of the sea/ By sea-girls wearing bikinis / till the stupid bouncers dragged us out!
"Those stupid bouncers ruin everything. It's better to be among stars..."August-Mess went into his dreamland again. 




The waiter arrived with two more bottles of champagne, which was actually pineapple juice with Pepsi & margarita... it was his good luck that these idiots were lost in galaxies and had never tasted champagne in life. Well the fake champagne was accompanied by special "Arabian-white-lilies-with-a-lavender-infusion". They named it this long so that one forgets it after going out of restaurant & can't google it here as using phones in restaurant is prohibited. After chewing first bite for long August-mess remarked "it's amazing." Hair-gel thought to mirror him. Well, as they were sure that the blah blah dish is costly so they go back to their free champagne campaign. 
---
The food started to bore them soon, their conversation devolved further into fragmented celebrations of its dullness: "I want this dragon carrot nonsense to become a person so I can take it to a concentration camp and electrocute it." "Sweet-pea sorbet, I wanna pee on your face."


---


After green garlic lettuce with sweet potatoes, the waiter said, "
Dessert next. Wanna have more stars first?" Hair-gel nodded. "Mmm," she said after the waiter left, looking at the table which was full unlike their belly, which was empty. August-mess stared down the canal while Hair-gel grumpily stared at him. The guy had eyes to admire the beauty of nature but not of her. How can he forget that he's sitting in front of Miss Indiana! Hair-gel wanted them to be flirting & smooching comfortably, like they were on the couch together back home, but Amsterdam was bigger flirt. She felt it was conspiring to steal her boyfriend.
"So it's your dating suit?" Hair-Gel asked suddenly. 
"Nope, it's the wedding one. Dating one was torn by Carolina. Are you wearing your dating dress?"
"Nope. Bought it for my future baby shower."




His eyes flashed like a bulb suddenly, "Did you say we're on date?"
Hair gel looked away, feeling annoyed. "Don't you know?"
You're old enough to learn that by yourself man. Now stop screwing things up. His stomach was begging them to stuff something edible. It was dreaming of succulently rich crme surrounded by passion fruit. It was sending signals to brain & kept all the connecting nerves so busy that heart couldn't utter a word. Still the waiter didn't show up.
Out of nowhere, he asked, "Do you prefer sucking more than nibbling?" Hair-Gel was baffled. What's he talking about, kiss or dish?
"I think both. For different case one should go in different way," she answered gulping. He smirked. "You're a confused soul."
"I know. What about you?"
"That's quite dreamy," he said, looking at the other half of restaurant, hoping to see the waiter's face.
"May be sucking first then nibbling the rest inch by inch is perfect," he continued. "Seriously, poking the red with teeth is heavenly."
"No," she gasped. "Well, maybe we can't go so far as for now?"
"Why not," he said, filled with confidence. "You don't need to be in heaven, riding unicorns, playing harps & live in a mansion made of clouds. But yes. I believe in Timing with a capital T."
"Really?" Hair-gel asked, blushing. She had always believed that August-mess is old-fashioned, frankly, kinda awkward. But now he seemed exotic.
"Yeah," he said huskily. "I guess first that line of creme should be sucked out. The real red flesh would rise beneath it. That's the passion fruit, I think"




Hair-Gel batted her lids twice to know where his imagination going. Crme must be her lipstick & real red flesh... OMG! She blushed profusely.
"You're so passionate."
"Sure, I'm always passionate. But, I mean, not to sound greedy, but I believe humans have energies, and I believe in the conservation of energies. No, it's not related to Einstein's theory. If you don't live a life eating great desserts in a greater manner, you've gotta at least die a death eating greater poisons feeling the warmth of it, you know? And I fear that I'll get neither dessert nor poison that means anything."
"What?" she gawked at him. "You're talking about dessert? All this time whatever you said was about dessert?"
"Everyone has to satisfy tummy first."
"Not everyone," she groaned, unable to disguise her annoyance. "How did Caroline, your last girlfriend break up? Was she the one who tore your dating shirt?"






"Ohh yah..." he nodded dejectedly. "She did it at our last date when I was teaching her how to eat hot chocolate...it was dripping down her lips! I was hell disgusted when she said she had thought this messy dripping will turn me on! What an expectation! Then we got into fight and she tore my shirt and left!" his face fell but soon lit up. "Good she did... I got to buy a new shirt and got you, new date!" he giggled showing his yellowish teeth. 
"I won't mind to do that now," she threatened him.
"Oh, I wouldn't mind either, Hair-Gel Grapes. It would be a privilege to have my shirt torn by you."




Edited by _TheBlackRose_ - 6 years ago
Posted: 6 years ago




So Hair-Gel and August-Mess's first date ermm... Well, at least they tasted champagne for the first time, though fake (Shh... It's a secret)Wink, and August-Mess got a taste of all that exotic food Wink Hair-Gel also enjoyed... Well, sort of WinkLOL


Here we conclude our attempt at tickling out your laughter. Hope we succeeded and you enjoyed!!Their first date is over, and now let there be many more (better) ones! Erm, if possible LOL






Edited by Born2Dance - 6 years ago
Posted: 6 years ago
It is a great read!! very interesting!
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