Beauty is not superficial, it is within. Indians need to give it a thought.
India - considered to be the land of diversity, traditions and culture. It is known for its historical existence. It is known for the great figures that this country has given to the world. But most people are not aware of the kind of mentality people have here. It is not about India but it is about the people - Indians (most of them for that matter). This is my own story and the truth that I have been living with, since sixteen years.
I was born as a normal girl to my parents, who was adorable and cute, as I know from the pictures of my childhood. My parents have done everything to get me the best of everything that I have ever wanted so far in life. But that does not make me a spoilt child, instead I have known how they have managed to get us these things even in their times of adversities, without even letting us realize that for a moment. Since childhood I had a passion for dance and still continue to pursue it as my hobby.
I was happy and content with whatever I had in life. I felt my life was a picture-perfect since a very young age. Until, one day my mom observed a white spot on my nose (when I was just 8). She thought it was something minor and would go away with a simple ointment treatment. But one ointment turned into hundreds of doctor appointments, packs of tablets, syrups and ointments, in no time. This skin disease is called vitiligo/leucoderma, where you have white spots on your skin. This occurs when the substance called melanin does not get produced in the skin and hence the brown color of your skin starts turning white. Since then the race to get cured has been on.
At that tender age you don't even understand these things. Just do as your mom asks you to do, because she wants you to get better for some reasons you cannot comprehend then. Just because I am an Indian girl the pain of this gets doubled for my parents because looks are of primary concern everywhere in India. My first flight travel was when I was in my II standard, but this was not for fun it was to be done all by myself to go to Mumbai to see some doctor there. My grandfather was already there and since our family was not so well off back then, dad could not afford two tickets to send my mom along. This was just the beginning of the never-ending run.
Weeks passed by, turning into months and then into years. Anywhere I used to go people would give suggestions and advices to mom- do this, do that etc. I could feel it but back then ignorance was bliss for me. Treatments that I have been through were not a torture but have left scars on me apart from these already-existing spots on my skin. Sitting under the sun after applying lotion for hours made my skin tone get darker with each day. A wrong treatment from a doctor made my body swell and then immediately stopping the treatment got me back to normal but leaving stretch marks all over my body. Different doctors used steroids to make the treatment work. Yes all this was when I was just a teenager.
These treatments never bothered me as much as the people's reaction, when they looked at me, did. I wonder if I ever caught someone's attention genuinely. Even if I was just walking among the crowd, I wonder if they wanted to get to know the real me or just be sympathetic. The people in metro/bus would stare at me continuously as if I was an alien. What is so wrong about it! I do not have it by choice! I love kids but it feels pathetic when children get scared of me just because of how I look. But I understand completely that they do not understand, but what about adults? What about people in my school? What about guys and girls in my college? Though I have always been very lucky to have the set of friends I have had in life. But others' reaction to this thing has been lowering my self-esteem for years. No one understands how it feels to be like this, live with this every day. It is not that it is just in regards to the male section of the society. I have had wonderful guy friends and have had relationships too. But it is also about how females treat you, because you look weird and hence must be dumb. But I believe I am a much better person than most of those "beautiful" girls.
I have been one of the favorite kids in my family and had been loved enough among friends. So I had decided to walk out of the comfort zone and experience the real world for once in life. I decided to pursue Engineering but not in my own city. This was the first time I was going to experience co-education. And yes this was an eye-opener of how people really think of girls like me. If I would not have been the topper of my branch I don't think anyone would have even bothered to talk to me the same way as they did! But that is not what I had wanted. I have always craved for people to like me for the kind of person I am and not judge me by looking at me! There were some nights I would weep covering my face with the pillow, till I could not breathe, for this thing and keep blaming God for it. Never wanted to talk to mom about how I felt because I knew if she knew how I felt, she would blame herself that she could not do enough and feel more depressed about it. But as everyone says everything happens for the good and no one can be perfect. This is God's imperfection touch to me!
Now I have been abroad for a year pursuing my Masters in an esteemed university. People here embrace this thing so well that I cannot express. This place and people here have made me feel the most beautiful ever. Here when I travel in train/bus, I receive a warm smile instead of a stern glare. The number of compliments I have received here for my looks have outnumbered the ones I received in last 24 years back in India. I just think one thing why can't people back in India break the definition of good looks! It is not about how you look or what complexion you got, it is about what lies within you and how beautiful you look within. Now I am independent, fearless and bold. In a way these spots have made me stand out everywhere and made me what I am today! I don't care if I get married or not because marriage is not the end of life! Because a compromised marriage due to this is a big NO! There is much more to life - YOLO (You Live Only Once). Anyone who is in a similar boat, I urge don't get taken aback from people around you. Get up and get a life just like other "beautiful" people around you have. This is no factor to make you feel dejected in life. :)
But there is one thing in my life that I would want to thank God for - He has given me this but at the same time he has given me the strength to fight against it, to cope up with different reactions I receive. That is what I pray for everyday that no matter what He decides for me, He should give me enough strength whatsoever. Yes and He has answered to my prayers till date.
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