||_Years Longing- An AkDha OS_||

This day is also an 'Ordinary Day' like all the days passed. There are clouds in the sky but there aren't ominous or foreboding . Even if i was completely paranoid , i could see no reason to stay at home and hide from the world , or run away. There was no such chance , i shouldn't be afraid of the world. After all , after all these years of pain and troubles I've learnt that running isn't a solution anyways. As if i'm slightly paranoid , so i went to school and got on with my day. 

Sometimes the past just bites you in the ass at four '0' clock on a Thursday afternoon .

I had just finished setting up my experiment to run over night and took the elevator up to my office to grab my coat and head home. The thing about elevators is such an awkward conversation that tends to occur. I've tried forgetting it sometimes , though but still i can't erase that memory ! So , fortunately i've found headphones as my great companions while i'm in the elevators , whether music is playing or not.

Leaning against the elevator wall , i wait politely as the car unloads on the third floor . Finally disembarking . I look up at my shared office door and I feel the blood drain from my face. There he was , all six feet eight inches of him leaning against the cream - colored cement wall. He has filled out since i had last seen him . His muscles visible under his black leather jacket where once used to be just skin and bones. His brown eyes search mines out and a half smile emerges on his face. In this utter shockness i can only come up with one lonely word !

'No' I murmured hoarsely , my legs shaking . I slowly walked past him into the open office towards my desk.

'Hey Jo' he calls out , his voice deep and gravelly. 

'No no no . Not happening.' i snapped back and continued walking faster , grabbed my coat off the back of the chair of my desk .I waved 'Good-Bye' to the other member of my shared office before reaching out for my bag. I turned around and right passed him , struggling to shove my other arm into the sleeve of the coat. 

Walking briskly i head into the stairwell. My high heels making sound on each tap of my foot. 'f**k' i thought ! The echoes of my footsteps are joined by another's and i know he's following me. Suddenly i'm yanked backward by my right arm and spun around to look at that only face who has haunted me for years. 

'Where the hell do you think you are going , huh ?' he asks  , frustration seeping in his voice. Bringing his other arm to my left shoulder to keep me Still against the wall , he looks straightly in my eyes ; as if he's drinking me in. The force of his stare hits me so hardly in my heart , i can hear the sound of blood draining in my ears. 'I've found you after years and now...You run away at first glance?' his face giving away many expressions at once , then he's all bold.

'I'm relocating myself' I replied quickly , trying to keep my tone light. 'My first instinct was to run and book a plane ticket to Vancouver and never come back . However , i sort of need to stay here to get my degree. So , i'm going to find some place to yell at you without people thinking i'm crazy !' 

'You are a crazy person !' He smiles cum smirks at me while loosening his grip on me. I slid away from him , carefully ignoring the curious glances of the students walking by. 

I looked back at him. I couldn't help and emitted a sigh at him. Memories of time gone by fly through my head and I quickly turn away . Buttoning up my coat , my eyes focused on the dirt streaked floor . 'I am what you made me !' 

'I was an idiot !' the remorse in his tone evaded my defense  Don't look at him. Don't let that voice manipulate you. Don't let those eyes rule you. Don't remember what happened . I walked down the stairs , counting my steps as we descent. Trying to push away all the other 'Thoughts' and 'Feelings' . 

I finally succumb to the impulse to say what we both were thinking exactly. I muttered softly towards the ground. 'You were something much worse !'

'Jo' he whispered quietly. 

'Save it !' i snapped , he was continuously using me with that nickname he used to call me before 'Jo' . I paused briefly and looked at his lanky form and said 'Follow me or not ! whatever' and i rolled my eyes in exasperation. 

I walked down the stairs to the parking lot and reached where i parked my car this morning. His footsteps continued following me , i can see his shadow clearly in the late afternoon sun. He had no problem following me. He therefore , kept following me.

Finally we reached there , i unlocked the door and sat on the driver's seat. I stared resolutely at the steering wheel . Seconds later i watch him squash himself on the passenger seat. I focused on his knees and how they flexed easily 'God Damn it !' i yelled inside my heart .

'I think you're mistaken again , and you think my hate wouldn't make you go away and leave me f**king alone !'  i said , breaking the unnerving silence between the two of us in the car. My anger and frustration was clearly seeping in my voice. And in my actions.

'Wow ! I'm amazed ! Its a quote , right ? Oh my ! You still have the quote-copying-fever baby !' he whispered softly. 'Baby' oh god ! i think i'm going to go crazy. I'm having massive different ideas of avoiding him. Firstly like , run off the car like mad. Or i could squash my head on the steering wheel and kill myself and finish this all. Oh but wait ! the hell , why the hell do i need to kill myself ? that so because of him ? 'No freaking way' i told myself. 

'I remember , not that i want to. It's just. I've known you since we were seven. Seven and stupid' i muttered. Now finally , when he's here , i've got my own time of my own speech of my freaked out emotions . My feelings. 'Before i went full on nerds and you didn't do drugs..'  i said out , reminding him how cool we were when we were small..and after that. He just spoiled our lives. f**k ! Yeah it's rightly said . Childhood is the best part of life. 

'For God's sake. Trust me. I'm clean now. I haven't touched any of that shit since that day Jo' he said quietly. I could feel pinch of emotions through his eyes. Though it's been years , but still i could read him . Read his eyes. And i knew it. Knew that he's not lying. Knew that He's honest. 

'What do you want Jalal ?' my voice rising in anger. I turned towards him. I'm not accepting an apology or even an admission. I don't know. I'm not expecting anything from him. All i knew was that Jalaluddin Mohammad Akbar is back ,  and he just scared the shit out of me and haunted me again...Yet Again ! His memories and his God damn face never stopped haunting me these years and now he's here himself. The biggest fear.

He looks at me. Deep in my eyes. Like he's searching something. Something i've hidden. Or something i'm trying to hide. Like something he deserves. Something which he think is His's. Then he sigh 'I had a revelation!' he said.

I raise an eyebrow at him 'A revelation..that made you track me now..after years of separation ? Years of not been in any kind of any communication?'  I roared. Loudly. I hope i made him feel how hurted i am. He broke my heart. I wish i can make him feel. Really Guilty ! For what he did. For messing around with me. 

He looks at me with deep intensity. His eyes locked with mines. have come to a revelation that... I'm in love with you ' Oh my god ! and i was taken a back. Bit shaken by his revelation. oh my !

'f**k.'  i replied. Rolling my eyes in anger , in frustration. It feels like i'm a sucker and i'm been punched on the gut . Five years ago. I would've done anything. Really anything to hear those words. Infact , i did everything i could do to make him utter out those words. And now he's saying this. I can't lef him win again. This time , i'm not going to let him play with me. No ! A f**king no for Christ's sake !

'No , it's not ! It's a fact' he said , i could see sweats on his forehead. Sweat of what ? Uh i don't care. He reached out for my hand , but i instantly pulled away. 'Just don't ' i glared him , angrily. His touch send million of sparks inside my body and i tried to ignore it and make him look like i'm all well. Yeah. Like he doesn't affect me. but he really does . 'I finally came in terms to this reality , and i think you ought to know this.' he said , i could feel a pinch of emotions in his eyes. Oh , boy.

'When you love someone you dont trash them. You don't f**k them and leave before they wake up. Oh you don't ' i shouted , spitting out my anger on him. I don't want to a emotional wreck , yet again ! 

'Yes i do... I do love you. It just somehow turned ..that i fell in love with you Jo' he said. Sounding unnerved. oh HE should !

'No. you dont hav a f**kin right to come to me after 5 years of absolute silence. 5 years of no contact..and come and tell me that you..' i banged my fist on the steering wheel and continued ' That you are f**king in love with me !' the banging hurted me , but the pain was nothing compared to the pain i was feeling internally. 'And my name is Jodha.. not Jo' i said icily.

'Please.. c'mon..' 

I interrupted before he could say 'No. i'm not finished yet' i hit him with my anger. All the anger coming out of that night , that i wanted to shout on him..tell me.. let him know how i felt. what i felt ! FREAKING NO LISTENING TODAY . TODAY I'D BE SPEAKING AND HE'D BE LISTENING . this was the only mantra in my mind now. 

'Yeah i was a girl. A bit too crazy, got drunk up and messed a little bit. And trusted you so much. Yeah' i flew my hands in air , in frustration , in anger. 'I've always been messed  when it came to you Jalal.. Yeah.. whatever it was. You couldn't know the feeling when you woke up half naked. You're totally clueless of what happened the night before. And you're in some kind of serious pain. Yeah..' i gave him a killer look. Like i wanted to crush him under my feet , NOW !

'I'm sorry.. I know .. i just f**ked up.. but the time..i .. we f**ked up.. i knew that i'm not the right person. I dont deserve you and just...' he stopped. He was wrecked too inside. His face showing up many emotions at a time. He was hurt too. But not hurt like me. He left me. He regret it. He hurt me. He regrets it. 

'The hell...' I said 'You took my virginity..damnit' i shouted. The anger of the real thing came out at last ! He broke me truly that day. 

'You were leaving Jo.. and the thought of you going away..just..'

'Leaving ? Yeah leaving ? that was it ? I was moving to college which was just an hour's drove away from you ! ' i exclaimed. 'And then i had to go too.. move out.. and i couldn't break the news to you. You seemed so happy for moving on to Your .. and i just didn't wanted to hurt you.' He said. I couldn't hold on any more. the tension between us increasing more and more .  Tears flooded my eyes when i felt a pair of hands cupping my cheek and brush my tears off. I loved it. Loved his touch. but then jerked him away. 

'You knew..how much i love you.. and do now too..'  i threw my face in my hand and cried my heart out loud. My sobs echoing in the car .. 'Shh..' he whispered and kissed my neck . 'Don't f**king don't . Don't cry , baby' he said , rubbing my back. I was feeling emotionally broken. But he still.. had the power to gather my mess. Like he did years back. I was so stupid before that anyone could've easily used me. But then he came in my life. I felt good on relishing that moment i met him.

'You were too good for me' He whispered

'That is a total piece of shit ' i replied bitterly. 

'You're so god damn beautiful.' he told me

'Says the prom king.' i somewhere , made the both of us laughed a bit !

'Uh.. you just..'

'Five years is a long time.. such a long time..' i said 

'It took me five years to because someone who could worth you.!' he said 

'Dude ! stop sounding like a girl' i tried distracting him.

'Do you remember when we were in 8th grade and got struck in the elevator ?' he asks , a beautiful smirk playing on his lips. 

'Yeah and then i had my first kiss ? I've been ignoring you and you couldn't gulp that down !' i blutled out !

'My first..' i added.

'Of course , i've taken many firsts from you.' he winked , and i knew exactly what he meant .

'And i want to talk all firsts till the eternity too..' he said , he's some kind of serious now.

'i've left all the drugs.. smoking..and moved into Chelsea , and i didn't missed anything such. But i missed you..' he said , honestly. A hint of emotional smile playing on his lips and his eyes so deeply lost in me.

'I'm so sorry..' and he added.

I crashed my body to his body , and hugged him tighter. 'I love you still..' i said , 'I know you do.' he said kissing my hairs. I breathed him in. The small Jalal-ish scent of him coming. 

So finally , after 5 years of separation.We're together. And he changed himself. For me. For good. It's like a fairy tale. He's my prince. And my prince is back. I'm happy beyond imagination today, finally happy days are back for me. I'm happy. Very happy. Satisfied. With him. IN his arms. The only man i've ever desired for. Is here. Back. For me. And he's in love with me. Like i am with him. Its truly magical. A dream. A beautiful dream.

He broke the hug and crushed his lips o'er mines and kissed me with full capture. And dominated over me. He bit on my lower lip , making me moan and i threw my hands in his hairs and playing with them and tucked them tightly. Showing him how much he was pleasing me. Then he kissed my neck. i writhed under his touch and moaned loudly.

'Let me make your first now..' he said and winked up at me.

'What ?' i got confused.

'Our first climax.. here in car' he said , taking my  shirt in his grip and rolling it above my head ' I can't wait for it.' he said with utter excitement .

I couldn't wait too. 5 years is hell of a lot of time. And each day i've died for him , for his touch and today i couldn't wait for him to be inside me. I f**king want him inside me. rocking me , and dominating over me. Want my Jalal inside me. I want to moan his name when i come. And i want his tongue strolling inside my mouth when he's thrusting . I want him fast and rough . I want him every way i can get him. I want to please him. I want to touch every f**king part of his gorgeous body. 'I love you , Jalal..' i said. Nibbing on his neck. 'Me too..' he said , kissing my ear.