Adopting kids from poor countries - Page 8

Originally posted by: Aparna_BD

No you didn't hurt me Maya. But adoption and "transaction" in one sentence is hurtfull and offensive for any one touched through adoption.

I agree.

Originally posted by: Aparna_BD

 But adoption and "transaction" in one sentence is hurtfull and offensive for any one touched through adoption.

 From Thesarus, definition of the word Transact.

transact (v)

Synonyms: carry out, manage, handle, perform, execute, conclude, discharge, take care of, deal with, implement, conduct, do Aparna, I never used the word transaction with business deal and you can see the word transact can be described to express basicaly any acts as above. My original statement regarding money involved in adoption process is basicaly from an Adoptee's POV. It costs a certain amount of money if you want to adopt and there are many takers of the pie, lawyers, agencies, state filing fees etc including birth parents(for birth costs). I never said one has to pay off birth parents ridiculous amount of money in order to adopt. Nevertheless it costs adoptee substantial amount of money to bring home a baby. Most people I know do not want to go thru the costs and the lengthy legal process again the second time after adopting one baby. Aparna I have not accused you of anything personally but have been accused by you of not knowing anything about adoption and choice of words when you don't even know me but I am not hurt. Peace.

Originally posted by: Aparna_BD

Maya you may like to research that the U.S goverement helps people who are adopting by adjusting in their taxes and you end up actually only paying 50% of the total cost. Also most companies have policies that help financially with adoption. Also there are many banks that give you loan at very very low bank rates.

For your info people don't adopt because they are financially well off. There are people who are just plain middle class who adopt too because they want to extend their family through adoption.

 Again you have proved my point. One needs to have income to pay taxes  to get a tax break later!!!!

Loans have to be repaid and is not free money...

 

Firstly i won't continue this discussion again.

To lighthouse:

You made the "compensation " that is paid to the birth parents sound very important (plz refer to the words i quoted from your diffrent posts below). While i tried to explain that the money that goes for the delivery does not even go into the birth mothers pocket............one straightway settles the hospital bill !!!!!!!

From your first post you made adoption sound like a business transaction. Later you tried to say you did not mean it that by saying you meant interpretation No:3. 😕 You further said you did mean that money is exchanged and its not a "dirty word"............your changing statements had me confused as to which interpretation you mean. Tip of the day: avoid using a word that has several meanings .........many of them negative in a situation..........this way it would save you the trouble of running to a dictionary or a theasarus to point out you meant meaning no:3 and not meaning no: 1 !!!!!!!!!

Originally posted by: lighthouse

" Adoption is a transaction involving both money and kids. Both parties get what they NEED, a child or the money.

Like i said ..Birth parents get no money except assurance that their child will have a secure life.

Originally posted by: lighthouse

If by giving up one kid for adoption they can get enough money to feed the rest of the family then so be it... It is a win win situation."

Once again i repeat myself they get no "money" that will feed the family !!

Originally posted by: lighthouse

The fact that the parents who give up kids for adoption have a pressing financial need (in most cases unless it is a single unwed mother) it is normal to expect some sort of financial compensation."

It is illegal to offer, and take any compensation either in cash or even in kind to the birth parents. It can be used against a adoptive parents and even the adoption agency or the adoption lawyer in the court of law !! Because a compensation amounts to "selling / buying" of a child !!



It seems its most important to you to "prove your point" since you seem to mention every time. So go ahead and believe you proved what you wanted.


Please NOTE :I have no problem your saying adoption is expensive .............where as i have an issue with the above 3 statements you made which sounds like " birth parents are paid or compensated for giving up the child ...........which amounts to selling a child ...............which boils down to flesh trade"

Lastly i accused you of nothing...........it still remains evident you won't know as much about adoption as a adoption lawyer, adoption social worker, employee of the adoption agency or a person who had completed the adoption process. I believe you don't fall into any of the categories. I had to clear it up with you that 3 million paid by Madonna wasn't pocketed by the birth father and was given to the charity.........I had to clear that one does not exchange a child in place of money.
Edited by Aparna_BD - 17 years ago

Aparna,
Since you have made this debate into a personal issue it is best for me not to indulge into any arguments with you but I will defend the accusations you made against me.
My remarks you have quoted were made in response to when you started to talk about some parents being unfit in asking for compensation. our discussion has ranged from illegal(anywhere) to legal adoptions in the USA. I have never said that in legal adoption birth parents can ask for any amount of money they want.
Since you have refused to believe the terms transaction or compensation have any other meaning other then what you think , I had to resort to disctionary.
I would love to follow your Tip of the day except I cannot find a single noun or a verb that I can use in my day to day conversation that has only one single meaning.
As for Madonna donating $3m to charity , it is in the news that she did that to expedite in getting custody of the child. I never said she gave money to the father of the kid.
As for my lack of knowledge of adoption process knowledge as you put it, I have been involved in helping a friend and a family member adopt not too long ago and am personaly involved in adopting again but I guess that does not make me as knowledgeble as YOU are. If you say you say so it must be true.

Finaly we agree that adoption is expensive (as you say it) and adoption cost money(as I have said it) and have maintained in our entire debate.

Amen.