"You cut me open and I keep bleeding love..."
that sums today's episode up. Love is that flower which takes pride in the thorns that surround it. You cannot know love without the exquisite pain that only comes with knowing love. And what kind of pain it is. Life searing, heart wrenching. The kind that doesn't show its scars, but you bleed, everywhere.
When I first saw Maanik Malhotra, I saw a man of means and decisions. A backbone of steel that lead a band. A man who thought emotions foolish and a man who got what he wanted. Yes, he was evil and yes he was Nandini's monster Maanik. He did despicable things because his mother taught him that love doesn't exist. Neither does care. You don't get anything in return without doing something for someone. He liked being bad, he liked being hated and feared. But he was good too, and that good showed through in his love for Dhruv and his friends. He didn't parade the good inside him like other do, but he hid it, in a secret, shamed corner of his heart because he thought of it as a weakness. He hated emotions all his life. He didn't understand Nandini's pain when he broke her father's pen for the first time, or maybe he envied it, too, because he never felt that. He never had it. Can you speak a language you know not? Can you understand a number of technical instructions when you've got no idea what it is? You simply shrug. And so did he, in his own way, at her, at life.
And then slowly, steadily, like a cocoon transforms into a butterfly, his heart found wings. Those wings weren't passport to a better man. No, that betterment came out of his will to understand. His will to understand that emotions are not just a liability. They're beautiful and bonding. Those wings were the wings of no more hiding, of accepting. He accepted his love. He accepted the good inside him. Like he said, "she made him want to be.,. good," and how reluctant he was in that acceptance.
Slowly, he opened up his heart more and more to her. Slowly genuine smiles replaced his scowls, care replaced anger, and she found a home in his despicable, or maybe, not so despicable anymore heart.
And so he loved. An emotion that bloomed inside him, that made him want to love and be a better man. Except that love isn't just beautiful.
Love is ugly as well.
It makes you bleed as well.
And today he bled. Maanik Malhotra who prided himself of not being an emotional man bled a spectrum of emotions everywhere. His eyes bled. His unsaid words bled. His hands bled. And most importantly? His heart bled.
It felt like there were chains in his feet.
Like someone was pounding his heart with an old, rusty hammer with a crooked pointed edge. And he was taking it. Today when he blinked, I felt the heaviness in his lids, the pain of blinking, and the pain of breathing. That restlessness when he was in bed. Twisting and turning but finding no answer, no balm to the agony that was scalding him.
"Jitna bhi rokna chaaho you can't stop it. It's true love Maanik."
And he couldn't. Couldn't stop himself when he rushed to her house at 3.a.m in the night; couldn't stop himself when he saw her bright smile, her beautiful eyes, her innocence and the love that shone through her glowing face. When he wanted to day so much but words refuse to leave his mouth like someone had clogged his throat with a blob of acidic cotton. When he touched her hands like they were an illusion that'll dissolve any moment; like sand that slips through your hand no matter how you try.
When he looked into her eyes and knew he was not going to be in her tomorrow.
He couldn't stop himself when he threw himself in his car and brought the engine to life. He couldn't stop himself when he knew, that night, that moment, was fatal and every passing moment that was taking him away from her would become his destiny. He couldn't stop himself when he saw her in the side mirror, saw the girl who has become his world and knew that she won't be his anymore.
And he nomore could've stopped himself from running to her like she was his lifeline than we could've stopped our own hearts from bleeding for them.
And we felt his desperation.
His pain.
His silent screams echoing.
His pleads that were unheard.
We felt him.
Raw and real and gritty.
And in that moment, it was pain that dominated.
Not just any pain.
The pain of love.
Because that kind of pain? It doesn't hurt.
It makes your soul bleed.
And I watched his soul bleed red.
Today's episode was beautiful.
Maanik Malhotra, a contradiction of emotions, was beautiful.
Today he was vulnerable.
Today he ached.
And for me today their love became even stronger.
Today he saved her fireflies again.
Her hope again.
Today he swallowed another lump of ache when he saw her with Dhruv.
Today he made a sacrifice.
A sacrifice that sliced him up into ten million different pieces.
Yes he made a decision all alone.
Because, today he erred too.
And to err is human.
Every day for the last few days I'd seen blooming love.
But today I saw bleeding love.
And what can I say? Parth Samthaan you're AH-MAZ-ING! Hats off to you.
Felt like making a topic today. The emotions were too much. It's totally random, lol.
Anyway.
Rida.😳
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