It was women in my growing years who told me that woman is only born to serve other's family, women are not supposed to compete, have to suppress anger and not utter a word when in pain, not challenge or argue with "authority" (usually males). It was the women who'd say males "were like this only" when males would be violent or rude or perverted. They'd talk as if we were helpless and had to bear with it or accept it as nature or fate.
Many lady teachers would scold girl students more and call them stupid, slow even at slightest mistake and even say openly that girls were mainly for marriage and household work. They'd say no matter how much we studied we'd have to ultimately end up doing "ghar ke kaam".
Women would say sons are important and carry "family name" forward and even though it is known that child carries both parents' genes, still they'd reject this notion and behave as if blood, genes, traits and whole identity of a child was derived only from father. They still say girls are only meant to be "sent" to "other" families and are "paraya dhan". At best when girls get some respect they are equated with "Lakshmi" - which is again property.
After puberty the number of girls going to play outside decreases. Many are married off after Class 12 or preferred to study arts subjects and be teachers or start some coaching class from home only.
When there is news of rape on TV shockingly it is women who say it was girl's fault or parents had given too much freedom to girls in today's times or they start to restrict their girls' movement even within the house, girls are made to feel scared and threatened. But no one steps up responsibility of teaching their boys to behave, respect women and no one checks the kind of company their boys keep, kind of media they consume. No attempt at controlling boys!
There are several dowry and domestic violence cases in which the MIL instigates husband to beat or burn the DIL.
Recent high profile rape cases had accused's mothers defending them, calling them innocent despite the accused confessing himself to have committed the crime!
In movies we had songs like "Mera pati mera devta hai", "Tum hi mere mandir, tumhi meri puja" where women is shown at feet of her husband, singing bhajans for him as if he is God.
We can write thesis on sexism in movies!
TV serials on Indian telly are as regressive as it gets. And those with a male lead who is angry, rogueish and maltreats women are insanely popular in online fandoms too as if it's "cute" to see love story of an innocent girl and a rogue of a man!
Online I came across a blog in which a woman herself was providing arguments and theories (as if it was a mission!) on how women were inferior to men, always needed to have some male authority over them (father, brother, husband, son etc.) at every stage of life and how education had "corrupted" women!
In real life too I have often come across women supporting their philandering, alcoholic sons and trashing their DILs for not supporting their laadla sons! Women are instantly blamed for bad luck if something negative happens. It is elder women themselves who want girls to bear a male child.
In customs, boys are given preference. Even in religions where equality is preached and no distinction is made between men and women, such as Sikhism, even there people discriminate a lot and more often than not it is women at the forefront!
Rarely they support their daughters, sisters, MILs, DILs, SILs. Rivalry can't be kept aside? Can't they be considerate to each other as fellow women?
My mother supports me and always motivates me. But there has been no dearth of people who told her she was wrong in her upbringing and that girls should not be focused much on career, education or their individual hobbies. They'd chide her for not sending me much to kitchen.
Even if men and women are in harmony with each other, it is other people (including women!) who point out to a man that he's giving "too much freedom" to his wife or his wife is controlling him and he does not even realise it! If a man is helpful in raising kids and household work and also helps wife in her career pursuits, he's called a puppet or a fool. Few praise him. Or he's called a stroke of luck for the woman and family. Why not encourage him and say all should be like him?
If kids make a mistake or have any flaw it is blamed totally on the mother. If kids have disagreements with father, then blame is on mother. Even if the kid spends equal time with both parents still why only mother is blamed?
Any achievement or good trait is credited to father or his family's genes. I've seen older women make faces when child's affinity to or any resemblance with mother's family is pointed out. As if child is only their son's!
Women who achieve equal or more than their husbands, often try to play down their achievements and never talk about their status. They stay behind. Stay quiet. Take any abuse or put downs from husband! Seeing this I feel that argument that women bear everything because of dependence and because man is breadwinner and hence they feel better to be silent - is hollow!
More often than not women gossip about other women who are single, divorced or widowed. A woman who is single by choice is also pitied or mocked. As if it's impossible to choose to remain single!
Just yesterday I heard of a distant relative whose own husband and biological daughter had turned against her and wanted her out of the house - that too after 21 years! What to talk of husband if own daughter also sides with father, says she wants a new mom and wants her mom to be thrown out?! (For record that lady is a very simple woman and is a housewife. Turned out that husband had an affair and now wants to throw her out, get a new woman in. All of a sudden he's saying he has problems with his wife after peaceful 21 years of marriage!).
Leave aside men. Why the hell are women not supportive and considerate towards each other? The way they often behave they seem to fuel partriarchy more than men themselves! Some of them even call partriarchy as law of nature or Will of God (even if their religion preaches equality). Some are writing books to protect sons from "today's" girls.
What's your experience? Your opinions? Don't you feel women also do nothing to help cause of women or at least make life easier for other women? Why are women too women's own enemies quite often?
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